nymets86

Well, I thought about buying a beer while on my way to the seats. Was thinking "I won't get drunk since I never do when at baseball games, it's always after the game, and I can sleep in tomorrow anyway."

Got that thought out of my head pretty quickly. Here comes first pitch.

nymets86

5th inning now and feeling good. I'm surprised at how the craving/desire to drink tonight was a lot stronger than at either of the weddings the last two weekends.

With that said, I didn't really come close to drinking and I'm very glad to be 100% sober enjoying the game knowing that I can get home, relax, stay up late watching junk TV and sleep in tomorrow.

ReadyOrNot123

I haven't checked the scores yet today, but I hope your Mets won. My Sox had a historically bad game last night. Ugh. More on topic, good to hear you did well! I guess the moral of this story is to stay ever vigilant, and keep your eye on the prize. Which you are doing, so keep it up.

It's the weekend, yay! I have no plans to speak of, but am still showered, dressed and ready for what comes. I hope everyone has a sober and content Saturday.

tornrealization

I'm losing my mind. There is a very self centered mean person on my final class project and that's not why I drink. So mean, we've given up.

I just feel like I'm not making it on multiple fronts. I need this class to end, my new boss is like leaving, and I'm back to weekend drinks which aren't good.

I don't like documenting my failures on this web, but I guess I do cause I don't have friends to talk to. Sad story I suppose.

nymets86

Torn, sorry to hear that you are struggling. I can't tell if you are drinking now, or meant by weekends that you drank last night. Either way, be good to yourself tonight and make it a sober Sunday. We both know that the class project won't end any better if you drink and things won't improve at work.

Hang in there

Dee74

You've had some really long stretches of sobriety.
You've kicked ass with your studies.

Those are just the things I've noted about you here from your posts.

You're not a failure, but I understand the mindset.

Being a '**** up' makes it easier for you to drink, cos everythings messed up, people suck and who gives a crap right?.

Stop it - seriously, Torn. send the AV on a long walk
Get back to where I know you want to be

D

ReadyOrNot123

Hi Torn, I agree with the others (big surprise). You've got a lot going for you. Drinking makes everything harder. The mean person won't get nice because you drink, for example. Put the drink down, take a nice long walk or hike, and climb back on that horse. You can do this, and we will help where we can (if you can't spill your failures on a website teeming with people who have the same affliction and are trying to help each other succeed, then I'm not terribly sure what the point of the site is). Thinking of you.

ReadyOrNot123

Good morning everyone. What a beautiful morning. I'm not sure what I will do today, no plans. My nephew graduated high school yesterday - they are in the Midwest so I wasn't able to go but my brother "live-texted" everything to me so I felt like I was almost there! This generation gets a bum rap if my nieces and nephews and their friends are any indication. Good kids, excellent students, good work ethics all of them. What's that got to do with plans? I need to scrapbook these graduations and may do that today, or maybe read, or maybe just watch movies. I do like an unstructured day - I much prefer shopping but I've sworn off buying clothes or shoes for the month so that's out. I think I have found that I just transfer my addictions - no food? shop. no booze? eat. no booze or food? shop. no shopping? eat. So right now I'm eating. Not drinking though, going on 4 months, so at least there's that.

I hope this day is a sober one for you all. One day at a time.

nymets86

Sounds like a good day Ready. I took it easy on myself yesterday and despite the nice weather, stayed in all day and caught up on sleep and junk TV. Between work, school, weddings and bachelor parties, I've just been all over. Also going hiking for Father's Day next weekend and will be out of town.

Today I did a 7.5-mile run and can really feel my fitness getting better. It's really a roller coaster for me though. I've run a marathon and two half marathons, so I'm still well above my weights when I ran those. I'm hoping that this diet combined with lack of alcohol will really help me keep the weight off. I know that while actively drinking, I can lose weight, but it doesn't stay off long. My workout routine now has nothing hampering it and I'm not wasting several thousand calories a week on booze. In fact, other than Gatorade here and there, I have had zero liquid calories in the last month. Juice/ginger ale I love, but are a waste of calories too.

So yeah, beautiful day in NYC today and despite a weekend where I didn't do much, I'm feeling pretty good. A bit lonely I suppose, but that's a lot better than trying to piece together what happened when I was blacked out after a night of "being social."

Weekend #17 of sobriety for me. I would be approaching 4-months, but I had my slip up. I'm still pretty content with 17 weekends in a row though, as that's when most of the negatives of my drinking would happen and this is the longest such streak I've had since I started drinking at age 16, so 13 years ago.

ReadyOrNot123

Sleeping and junk TV, what a luxury! Congrats on weekend 17. It's a significant accomplishment, especially since you have certainly been in situations that have tested your resolve.

All good today.

ReadyOrNot123

Happy Tuesday! I really have nothing much to add today, but I've found an accountability in posting and reading here that I wanted to acknowledge. I have read some other posts about people who have started drinking after some pretty long chunks of time, and it has really illustrated how tenuous all this is. I've had a good stretch these past few weeks where I'm feeling good, and I don't want to backslide. I don't feel like I'm in imminent danger of it, but wanted to acknowledge it "out loud" so to speak.

I hope everyone is doing well today.

nymets86

Ready, things are good here too. Really skating by with zero cravings and a weekend of hiking coming up. I've really taken alcohol off the table as an option at night and it's made my sleep better.

I have been having too much caffeine to get me enough energy to run/hit the gym every morning, but I'll trade too much caffeine for too much alcohol any day.

I'm really starting to notice stress reducing too. I hadn't realized how much I'd been planning around early morning meetings on Fridays, knowing I'd be so hungover.

So yeah, things are good, but it's still very much one day at a time for me. I feel extremely confident in my weekend plans through the 4th of July, but after that, the dog days of summer will bring happy hours and other temptations. So just like I did when the bachelor party and two weddings were looming, I'm focusing on the present. I'll worry about those other things when they are on the immediate horizon.

I'm very excited to step on the scale next Thursday (I can't check the scale daily without going nuts). Weight is flying off right now. Tons of exersice, eating much smaller portions and replacing some of my junk food habit with pineapple and grapes, my two favorite fruits. I still hate veggies, and at 29, I'm a big boy and nobody can force me to eat them. Key for me is no cheese (addicted as badly as alcohol) and smaller portions. Hoping to be down 15-20 pounds total by next Thursday and then be well positioned to hit my target weight by mid-July.

ReadyOrNot123

Good for you Mets! I'm heading to the Doctor's on Friday and unfortunately the scale won't be kind. I tend to eat like I drink - either I'm "good", or not. I eat mostly good, healthy things, but a lot of them. So portion control and I need to be much better acquainted.

It's amazing, isn't it? Forget about the shame and emotional stuff, even the headaches related to a hangover. The lethargy, the inability to truly contribute, to just do the minimum....I don't miss that. I'm not saying I'm a fireball, for sure, and I would rather NOT go to my job if the choice were there, but at least I'm giving things an honest effort.

Out of the contemplative, it's a gorgeous day here, cool, breezy sunny but not yet humid. I am less than three days away from a very much needed vacation. I can't wait to do very little for a solid week, although ironically I will be three blocks away from work for at least one of the days because I have some research to do on a project and so will devote at least one day to it. I rarely go into the city for anything other than going to and from work, so I'm actually looking forward to it. Maybe two days if I get jazzed about what I'm doing (it's genealogy related, one of my hobbies). It was hilarious, husband asked if I wanted him to come in with me and I said yes - his face FELL! lol, guess not everyone thinks a day in a library is awesome. Just kidding!

So back to work. Happy Wednesday.

nymets86

Ready, enjoy that much deserved vacation!

All is good here. I got up at 4:15AM yesterday to make sure I could get a jog in before leaving NYC for a meeting in Philadelphia at 10AM where I had to give a presentation and then do a Q&A. If I hadn't had class Tuesday night, I'd have gone to Philly the night before. As is, being 100% sober made that wake up only a little painful and it felt great getting that super early work out in and then still making Amtrak with time to spare.

The meeting went well and the client replied to my boss, my boss's boss, and my boss's boss's boss saying that I was "the best guest speaker" she's had come speak to her team.

As I guess could be expected, I got back to my office in New York around 3 and worked for 2 hours and that email came in during that time, my head got inflated and I got a craving. My boss is out today, I have no class now for a few weeks (possibly more as the syllabus I got for the next summer class I signed up for looks boring and a waste of time, so might just take the rest of summer off). So the craving was pretty strong to just get hammered last night. I didn't do any one thing specifically, but I rode it out by walking around the office at 5, rather than heading to the liquor store or calling friends about happy hour, and helped one of our newer employees for about an hour on something he was struggling with. Then I took the subway home and went to the grocery store and spent about an hour walking around trying to pick out some healthier food choices that I'd actually eat (as I mentioned, I just can't do veggies). So now I have a fridge full of Greek yogurt, pineapple, grapes, hummus, pita chips, lean cuisine, frozen fruit ice Popsicles and protein bars. Finally got home at 8 and by then, the craving was gone. I watched the mets game then until it got to them being down 8-0 and shut it off, got in bed and put on Netflix until falling asleep around 11.

Now awake, hangover free and going to get in a workout before heading in to work. Then tomorrow, I'm heading out of town to meet up with my dad and brother for Father's Day and we have a 15-mile hike planned for Saturday to celebrate Father's Day (better forecast than Sunday, so jumping the gun). This weekend will mark my 18th in a row of sobriety. Never thought this was possible.

Torn, how are things with you? Is that class presentation over? Have things improved at work? I hope you are doing well and were able to get your sober legs back.

ReadyOrNot123

What a great update Mets! Sucks that good feedback turns into a cause for concern, but turning it into all positives is real growth. A virtual pat on the back for you my friend. Enjoy the hike and the weekend with your family.

Busy day here, I went to the doctor, yes I gained a few pounds but it wasn't as bad as I feared - and I'm completely healthy. I have the battery of follow up appointments that come along with these appointments - mammogram, dermatologist, etc., but nothing out of the ordinary.

TGIF!

Soberwolf

Have a nice weekend guys

ReadyOrNot123

What a nice Saturday. I got some flowers for the deck, we went to a nice riverside outdoor café for lunch and now I'm settling in for some US Open golf and Red Sox baseball. I'm officially on vacation, although I'll have to log on for a couple of things if they crop up this week - I hate that, but sometimes there is no choice.

Mets, I hope the hike was fun.

nymets86

Ready, enjoy the vacation! Hopefully not too many issues at work.

The hike was fantastic. Beautiful weather. Nice cool morning and was sunny all day and warmed up, but not too hot where I was sweating up a storm. I've never done 15-miles hiking in a day before and now I know why, ha ha, my feet are toast. But wow, it was awesome and had a really good time.

ReadyOrNot123

Glad to hear you had a good day. Today is a washout, at least here, so good choice to move it to Saturday. 15 miles on level ground sounds like a lot to me, never mind hiking it!

I don't see much happening here today, a lazy rainy Sunday, will probably watch a movie or two. I'm looking forward to it.

nymets86

Happy Monday everyone. All is good here. Getting ready to hit the gym after taking a day off yesterday from working out to give my body a rest after the super long hike.

Things are going well, but getting home last night and watching the golf, I did feel a strong sense of loneliness. That feeling is sticking around a bit this morning. I think it's because I was with family all weekend and then came home to an empty apartment and I have no class this week. I'll be with family next weekend, but this week I need to do something about the boredom/loneliness. I've really gotten into a good habit of AM workouts, but maybe tomorrow I'll move it to the afternoon. I also have some jigsaw puzzles to work on and some catching up on TV. I'm actually looking forward to going into work this morning simply to be around people and share some pictures I have from the hike. I know a few of the pics from the hike I really like since I can see how much thinner I am. However , when I didn't have my jacket on, you can still see my gut poking through my shirt a little, so I have work to do!

I hope all is well with everyone. Ready, hopefully you get to sleep in and don't get bothered by work.

60/torn, hope to hear from you two soon!