nymets86

Yes, very good feeling waking up this morning. Had a good time last night and only missed out on the after party. At previous weddings, that's when I've gotten blacked out and people in general get hammered. Don't feel like I missed out on anything missing just that part of the night. Getting ready for a jog now, then watch the end of the French Open finals, then fly back to NY. I've had to fly home so many times from weekends away with friends (I go away with family a lot and have always stayed sober in those cases) with horrible hangovers and just a head full of shameful/embarassing thoughts.

Calicofish

Hello Ready:

Oh, I've struggled just like everyone else, I just choose not to write about every time I've had a thought about a drink. I know what the solution is - not to pick up. Dee wrote a very interesting post back in 2010 in regards to the 5 reasons people use to drink again. Everyone, who has picked up drinking again, on this board has used them, multiple times.

I cannot drink. I've tried and I always wind up in the same place.

When the thought of a drink enters my mind (and it does) I use AVRT and say - "you don't drink". It goes away. Eventually, that urge will become less and less, just like it did when I quit smoking. Yes, we are surrounded by alcohol and yes many people drink. For me - I just had to realize that "I" cannot drink, not even one. It was the same for smoking - I could never have just one, or even a puff. I've surrounded myself with people now, who while enjoy the occasional drink, do not drink to excess. Most of them only have 1 drink and then stop. The only difference between them and me is that I just don't have that one drink. We also are not up until the wee hours of the morning. I like getting up in the morning sober. Every morning when I open my eyes I am thankful that I'm sober and can face the day.

Anyway - last night when I wrote in my journal I realized that I'm happy. It's been many years.

CF

ReadyOrNot123

Calico, my reference was to the other people who were leaving with a half bottle of wine, not that you were finding it easy.

Mets, have a good flight! And stay vigilant this week too, you've worked so hard preparing for this onslaught of social activities that you should be prepared for the feeling you need a "reward" for getting through them so well.

nymets86

Ready, you hit the nail on the head. I was thinking about that a lot on my jog. I'm in a financial services sales role, so summer is my slow season by far. And while I'm doing summer school, it's just a more laid back set of classes I'm taking this summer. I kinda caught myself from thinking "hey, you know you can do everything sober, so why not let loose a few nights and then just get back on track of things go wrong?"

Next weekend I do NOT have sober plans. I'll be going to the mets game with friends and that's where I slipped last time. This time, I just need to remember how many good sober games I've been to this year (6) and how crappy I felt for ruining my sober streak at one game.

After next weekend, however, I have sober hiking plans for Father's Day and then sober plans for both the last weekend of June and the 4th of July.

The AV really is relentless.

Trees39

Torn, thanks for telling us. Come on, we can do it. I faltered at 103 days, day 14 tomorrow.

Let us know how you are feeling.

nymets86

Torn, how was the rest of your weekend? I'm hoping that you were able to pour out what was left and cut your losses. Please check in and let us know how you are doing.

As for me, flight home yesterday just felt good. I'm so used to the trip home from a wedding or bachelor party being one of extreme anxiety over what might have happened the night before and dealing with a crippling hangover. I'm one of the few people out there that loves airports/train stations, airplanes/trains and flying/riding a train. It all fascinates me and I love typing in aircraft registration number into google and learning when the plane was built and where it's been recently. But coming home riddled with anxiety, a splitting headache and intense nausea makes the train/bus/flight home from a wedding unbearable. When I got home last night after a long trip home from the airport due to transit delays in NJ (flew into Newark), I unpacked completely and did my laundry before getting a good night's sleep. After previous weddings/bachelor parties, I'd get home and immediately crawl under the covers. Now I'm up bright and early again and heading to the gym to use the ellipical to get a workout in.

I'm really trying to remind myself how great this feels. The moments of awkwardness at the wedding where I felt bad being single were fleeting and I could deflect by just telling people I was super excited about my July trip to Europe. At Sunday brunch, I had my head held high having completed a morning jog and watched the French Open. All my friends there looked somewhat hungover, but not in that bad of shape since from what I can tell since they can control their intake, but no one else had seen the fantastic match or toured the part of the city I had in my jog. Had I been drinking, probably better than 50/50 I'd have blacked out and been embarrassed as heck at the brunch that I'd run into someone that I'd offended.

So, things are good on my end for the most part. As my diet/excersize plan and sober plan both are working, I'm gaining some much-needed self confidence that can only help when I do try dating again (either with the woman at my office that I have good chemistry with, or if I try the online dating again).

Happy Monday everyone! Let's have a sober and productive workweek.

ReadyOrNot123

Great update Mets. The positivity is fantastic. I was thinking today too, that I feel good (mentally and emotionally). I am simply another person when drinking. Riddled with anxiety, functioning at a much lower level, not really aware of much around me. I'm glad to be off that hamster wheel.

Torn, let us know how you're doing.

ReadyOrNot123

Hello. Nothing much to report today. No news is good news, right? Even work has evened itself out a bit, which is always temporary but I'll take it. I have a week off at the end of June, not a single plan made yet, but I haven't had any time off since last October other than a day here or there (and only one of those so far this year) so I'm just looking forward to some down time. I can make those plans as it gets closer. The nice thing about living in this area is that it's fairly close to a lot of things that are good for day trips, Cape Cod, Newport, etc. Boston too of course, and I may coordinate a Sox game for my niece and nephew...but have to work around their schedules so we'll see.

Anyway, just a quick check in. Hope everyone is doing well.

Dee74

I hope you're doing ok too, Torn.

D

nymets86

Hey everyone, just checking in. Been surprisingly craving-free this week, despite ample opportunity to drink since my boss is out this week and coming in a little late wouldn't be a big deal. Fortunately, I had class tonight and missed watching the Mets get no-hit. Wouldn't have led me to drink, but happy to have missed it nonetheless.

Wrapping up Day 48 and very confident about tomorrow/Thursday, but a bit nervous about this weekend as I'll be in NYC for the first time over a weekend since April. That was a weekend I had a birthday party that I had to white knuckle a bit. My AV is saying "you've been so good, just let yourself have fun." I'm going to just keep reminding myself that despite my April slip up, I still haven't drank in 16-consecutive weekends, and I don't want to break that streak, especially with sober plans the subsequent 3 weekends.

Oddly, it seemed like the back-to-back weddings were so daunting that the willpower was stronger.

Anyway, one day at a time and today is a sober day. Watching the 2nd half of the Cavs/Warriors in bed and then will be up bright and early for a workout. My belt is really loosening and I'm close to going in one notch on the belt, which is a good feeling.

Torn/60, we haven't heard from you two in awhile, I hope you're both alright.

ReadyOrNot123

Mets I thought of you when I saw the no-hit on the news this morning. I'm not interested enough in the Cavs/Warriors to watch the games, but I've been following along - right now I'm rooting for Cleveland, always like an underdog. LeBron and underdog in the same sentence? Well anyway....

I'm at my kitchen table having my coffee and kicking off the day before I transition into my upstairs office (WFH today obviously), and the temperature is nice, the birds are chirping, the flowers I just got yesterday look pretty (although I need to clean the pollen off the deck ASAP), my task list for the day is packed but manageable, and I find myself quite content. It's a good feeling.

Mets, you've come a long way since April so I doubt the knuckles will be as white as they were then. Pulling for you!

Trees39

Hi all, I was in a certain type of medication lately that caused weird side effects. My av had been going a little crazy over last month and I couldn't figure out why. I've now stop taking the drug. I realised it was creating the same feelings like booze instead my mind and body.

Even flu medicine that you get over the counter was giving me weird withdrawal dreams.

Thought I'd share because you really have to be on your toes at all times.

Trees39

Hi to Torn and 60.

ReadyOrNot123

Hi Trees, that AV is a sneaky bugger. Hopefully now that you've stopped with the medication it has calmed down.

I am eating like a pig. I do have a sweet tooth, but this is ridiculous. Other than that, things are good. It's unbelievable how tired I am by Thursday night though. I can't wait to sleep in this weekend.

Thinking of all of you.

nymets86

Things are all good here. A Thursday night with sports on and I didn't have any cravings. I'm still staying vigilant, but very nice not having to battle the AV all day.

My diet is going well right now, and I've been kicking my @$$ at the gym or running in the park every morning. I've been taking a no-doz in the morning to give me extra energy and while I don't permanently want to be taking caffeine pills, It's really helping me get the motivation to run/do the elliptical and then lowering my appetite throughout the day.

Tomorrow will present some hazards. I've been invited to a work happy hour and then have tickets to the mets game. Currently, I'm planning to just skip the happy hour and meet my friends at the mets game close to first pitch. I don't think they are planning to hit the bar beforehand at the stadium, but I'm not sure.

Either way, I'm 100% confident I can navigate the night and stay sober. I'm not however, 100% certain that I won't have that flip switch and decide I want to drink. I just need to keep reminding myself how horrible Saturday will be if I drink tomorrow night. Hard to explain exactly how it feels to know with certainty I can get through it sober, but not be totally certain I will stick to that. It's different than a few weeks ago where some social situations seemed impossible to attend and be sober. I've conquered that, which is progress.

Woot! Mets just won in the bottom of the 9th. Time to flip on the NBA finals and get some sleep.

tornrealization

Hi Febbers. I let three days go drinking at night before stopping again, followed by feeling sick. I'm back on track, day 3, and jogging today went well.

I could've posted, gone to AA, looked at my journal, old posts, but I didn't use my tools. I did feel ill enough for long enough to snap back to it. It is strange, but not new to me, how easy habits can come back.

I know I've had this problem over n over and posting on the boards, makes it crazy embarrassing and repetitive. So I am fine, sober again, but I'm not sure what I want to do, but I want to stop documenting my downfalls on these boards as well.

NYMets, delayed congrats on getting through the weddings!

Dee74

I'd look at what you were doing for your recovery and think about what more could you add torn?

what could you do to make access to the tools you need even easier?

what happens to you so you don't want to access your tools? can you find a way to deal with that?

D

nymets86

Torn, glad to have you back.

Obviously not good news that you had a 3-day relapse, but dust yourself off and get right back to working on sobriety. Don't let it spiral out of control!

Dee74

have a great weekend everyone

D

ReadyOrNot123

Hi Torn, I think we've all gone down the relapsing road multiple times. Is there anything else to do but keep trying? Good for you doing so quickly. I'm glad you're back. Out of curiosity, what was your husband's reaction to your drinking?

Mets I get that completely. Good luck tonight.

All good here.