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Class of February 2015 Part 3

Old 06-04-2015, 01:30 AM
  # 381 (permalink)  
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Guys I drank a half glass of wine at dinner 10 days ago after tasting food in champagne.

I really wanted to do it. It felt risky and like I was having fun. I also accepted a glass of wine. I wanted to fit in. My 103 days sober seemed like more of a burden than an accomplishment.

Av started about 5 days before that. I had 3 encounters with friends separately and all 3 were drinking. 2 encouraged me to join in and I resisted.

But when I went out with work i drank. I wanted to be part of the crowd enjoying the night. None of them knew I wasn't drinking.

I took a sip of the wine and I didn't like it and I didn't finished the glass. The cravings are now back, it feels like week 1 again.

Positives are I didn't get drunk, I'm back to day 10 now but I'm proud I didn't get drunk.

I just gotta learn from it.
I'm a classic people pleaser, I'm learning to do what's right for me.

Hope you are all doing well. I'm gonna check out the May group and think about joining in there to keep focused
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Old 06-04-2015, 03:07 AM
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Trees, good job on stopping when you did and getting right back to sobriety. Your situation sounds similar to what happened to me on Day 63 when I just decided to drink rather than offer up any excuses and really focus on sobriety. Like you said, I did want to drink too, especially after I got the first one in me, and then I didn't stop until I was definitely buzzed. Stop short of getting hammered though.

I'm now back on Day 43, so will be my 105th sober day in the last 106.
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Old 06-04-2015, 04:11 AM
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welcome back Trees

D
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Old 06-04-2015, 04:48 PM
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Hi Trees, good for you getting right back into it. I think you should be proud - I wouldn't have stopped at a half a glass, so that's definitely a positive. I've never been entirely sure how I feel about the day count. I guess it's a good way to mark progress in a concrete way, but the fact is that you've been sober for closing in on 4 months, despite the blemish. Keep it up!

All is well here. Looking forward to the weekend. Have a good weekend all.
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Old 06-04-2015, 07:13 PM
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Well, I'm all packed for my 2nd wedding in two weekends, which came close on the heels of a bachelor party out of town earlier in May.

I figure if I can get thru this gauntlet, I can get through anything. I've packed lots of workout gear and am planning on telling my friends I'm on a diet. It's mostly people I see regularly, but it's a destination wedding, so out of town and I'll be flying there. I'm sharing a room with people I know will be drinking, but also brought extra doses of my ambien prescription so I'll definitely be able to sleep.

I'm really trying to go in with a positive mindset that I'll have fun and stay sober, but it's going to be drinking all Friday/Saturday and I really hate weddings since it makes me feel self concious about being single and I also hate dancing. I know I can go do some sightseeing as there's lots to see where I'm going and last time I was there was for a bachelor party two years ago and I was hammered most of the trip.

I know I can get through this sober and know that flight home Sunday will be 10 times better hangover free. I'm just a bit nervous about being around so many people that know me as a drinker. It's not like the bachelor party where I could easily bail as the younger brother that was sort of just tagging along.
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Old 06-05-2015, 12:42 AM
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Hey Mets have a great wedding. Disappear every now and again if you can. No one ever notices at weddings. Pity you can't get your own room for privacy and space away from the drinkers.
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Old 06-05-2015, 03:13 AM
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Yeah, good thing with smart phones is I can just disappear and come read here, or just read other stuff online. I'm actually not too worried about the hotel room....I think it's just my AV giving me a reason why it's fine to drink..."hey, others at the wedding will be drunk and others in your room will be drunk, so you can drink too!"

My plan for tonight is to just make it clear I'm on a diet and want to get up early and go for a run. My group of friends is planning to do a bit of bar hopping. I can probably leave that at any time since it's not the wedding and a lot of my friends don't arrive until tomorrow anyway.

At the wedding itself, I plan to say the same diet thing, but further that I have to do an AM conference call with my group mates for my project in summer school. That's partially true, but I'll say it anyway. If I feel I can't take the pressure anymore, then I'll just head back to the hotel room and get some sleep. I know I'll never be embarrassed about bailing early. It might not feel great and maybe one or two people will wonder where I went, but getting drunk and causing a scene (or not knowing if I caused one), would be a lot worse.

So, off for a jog right now, then the airport.
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Old 06-05-2015, 06:10 AM
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Good luck Mets! "Gauntlet" is a great word for this latest stretch. You've done well so far, I bet you do well this weekend too. Let your friends see the new you. The sooner they do, the sooner it gets more natural that you're NOT the one who's always trashed. In 10 years you certainly won't be the only one, you'll be the one who figured it out earliest.

Today is a really pretty day, not terribly warm though but getting better. I have no desire to drink, the AV has been remarkably quiet.

Happy Friday all.
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Old 06-05-2015, 10:57 PM
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Heading to bed now 100% sober. Went to dinner, a bar and the casino with friends and didn't drink a drop and had a good time.

Tomorrow is a new day and the wedding itself. I know the temptation will be there and need to approach it like I did this night.
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Old 06-06-2015, 02:33 AM
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Well done Mets! Really want you to stay sober, you've worked hard for it. Keep going strong.
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Old 06-06-2015, 05:35 AM
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Thanks trees. I'm now up bright and early and about ready to leave for a jog, though I've been working out so much lately and I walked at least 5 miles yesterday exploring this city and just going from event to event that I'm pretty darn sore already. Also, it's hotter than he!! where I am, at least compared to what I'm used to, even early in the morning. So my jog today might be very slow and chopped off, but much rather it be cuz I've been overdoing jogs recently rather than because I have a crippling hangover.

I need to keep in mind all day how I'm feeling right now. Absolutely zero embarrassment over what I did last night, even after saying something to the groom that I shouldn't have. He's clearly nervous about everything going right today, and I said something dumb about how something went very wrong at the wedding I was at last weekend where a bridesmaid stole the show during the ceremony and sort of put a blemish on an otherwise beautiful ceremony. I meant it to be like "nothing as bad as what I saw happen last week will go wrong for you," but I think it just came across as suggesting that something easily could go wrong today. Anyway, it's a lot easier to move on from that knowing I was sober when I said it.

I have sober plans all day leading up to the wedding and then some people already know I'm trying to lose weight and am avoiding liquid calories. I'd imagine there will be some peer pressure, but I know I can be strong and just decline the drinks. And if things start feeling bad, I know I can come back to my room and sleep or just go back to the casino, maybe even by myself, and get through the night alcohol free.
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Old 06-06-2015, 05:36 AM
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Thanks trees. I'm now up bright and early and about ready to leave for a jog, though I've been working out so much lately and I walked at least 5 miles yesterday exploring this city and just going from event to event that I'm pretty darn sore already. Also, it's hotter than he!! where I am, at least compared to what I'm used to, even early in the morning. So my jog today might be very slow and chopped off, but much rather it be cuz I've been overdoing jogs recently rather than because I have a crippling hangover.

I need to keep in mind all day how I'm feeling right now. Absolutely zero embarrassment over what I did last night, even after saying something to the groom that I shouldn't have. He's clearly nervous about everything going right today, and I said something dumb about how something went very wrong at the wedding I was at last weekend where a bridesmaid stole the show during the ceremony and sort of put a blemish on an otherwise beautiful ceremony. I meant it to be like "nothing as bad as what I saw happen last week will go wrong for you," but I think it just came across as suggesting that something easily could go wrong today. Anyway, it's a lot easier to move on from that knowing I was sober when I said it.

I have sober plans all day leading up to the wedding and then some people already know I'm trying to lose weight and am avoiding liquid calories. I'd imagine there will be some peer pressure, but I know I can be strong and just decline the drinks. And if things start feeling bad, I know I can come back to my room and sleep or just go back to the casino, maybe even by myself, and get through the night alcohol free.
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Old 06-06-2015, 06:08 AM
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Great job Mets! I love hearing that you did well and it was fun, not torture. Thinking of you today.
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Old 06-06-2015, 08:00 AM
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Oops. Sorry for that double post earlier.

I'm feeling very confident about tonight right now. Just got back from a very tiring run and in a sense, I want so avoid the liquid calories just as much as I want to avoid being drunk. My concern is that I'll just feel very self concious about being single and self concious about my irrational fear of dancing. It's the most socially awkward thing for me and there's always a couples dance or something that I won't be part of. Plan to just go to the bathroom during that. For the other more upbeat stuff, I might just need to get over myself and get on the dance floor. I've done it while drunk plenty and nobody has mocked me, so seems to be about a 0.001% chance I'll get made fun of for my bad dancing while sober.
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Old 06-06-2015, 03:20 PM
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Dance away! If you and your friends are anything like me and mine, there are about 25% that are good dancers. The rest are varying degrees of not so good dancers. I think the same amount of fun is had by all dancers though.

Today is a good day - the weather is nice (it really makes a difference in my mood) and I'm puttering after a morning at my favorite store - the Container Store - where I spend far too much money buying things I hope will help me organize my life and things. They have absolutely everything! We had a nice lunch, stopped for some ice cream, did some stuff in the yard, and just generally enjoyed the day. I don't think of drinking all that often, but Facebook is a bit of a curse, some friends are in Key West and here come the pictures of the fruity drinks which I love. Oh well, I'm not in Key West and I don't have any fruity drinks here so that's that.

Good mojo to Mets at his wedding, and to everyone else on this lovely Saturday.
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Old 06-06-2015, 06:25 PM
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I don't know what to say tonight except I failed at being sober. I thought the 90-100 days mark would be easy but it wasn't.

My brother called and excited he proposed to his girlfriend and now they are engaged, that is awesome.

I personally bought a bottle and now I have to live with it.

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Old 06-06-2015, 07:06 PM
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Today was the last performance of the play. It was bitter sweet. I have had such a wonderful time playing my character and making new friends. It was such a wonderful experience and I know it helped me stay sober. Tonight was the cast and crew party and there was plenty of alcohol, but I had no problem. And what I did notice is that no one drank to excess and many left with wine bottles that were more than half full. No one was drunk - not even tipsy. A couple of us brought our guitars and I had a super time jamming. The greatest thing was - I could remember words and chords and didn't sound half bad (compared to last year when I was just a drunken mess trying to sing/play).

I don't make excuses for not drinking - I just say I don't drink. No one cares. If some ask, I just say I've had enough and it wasn't doing me any favours.

103 days - tomorrow I start a new play and new lines to memorize.
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Old 06-06-2015, 07:51 PM
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Calico, that is awesome, you must be proud. It really is surprising how there really just is no struggle for many/most people isn't it?

Torn, I'm sorry to hear about your bottle. Do you know what about your brother's excitement led you to drink? I guess the enemy (so to speak) can be behind any door at all. What a fragile thing sobriety is.
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Old 06-06-2015, 07:52 PM
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Torn, sorry to hear that you drank, but at least you came on here. Start again tomorrow. The sober time you had isn't gone, it's just been interrupted.

Calico, sounds like. You are doing well. Are there more plays you can do in the future?

The wedding I'm at is wrapping up. Haven't had a drop to drink and while at times I've felt a bit out of place and awkward, it's more because I'm single and embarrassed about that and not about my decision to stay sober and be worried that people think I'm being lame or a party pooper or something.

Tomorrow morning will be a good morning because I haven't had anything to drink tonight.
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Old 06-07-2015, 05:52 AM
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Great job Mets! So pleased to hear it, and you must be relieved.
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