Dee74

My definition of 'fun stuff' expanded considerably after a while Mets. I'm having the time of my life these days - no alcohol required

D

ReadyOrNot123

Hello all. Another Monday in the books, and it's over so that's good. Nothing all that noteworthy from here. I did have a very strong and unexpected craving driving home, I passed a liquor store that had one of those big signs in front advertising a certain brand of wine that I don't even really like. I could taste it though, and my mouth started to water. So weird how that happens, out of the blue and so strongly. Fortunately it passed just as quickly.

So onward. Have a good week all.

nymets86

Ready, good job beating that craving. I've found for me that cravings definitely bit late afternoon/early evening. I know if I can make it until 8 or so, then I can just tell myself it's too late to start drinking since if I start then, I'll be way hungover the next morning. So that 5-8 period is the hardest.

Anyway, I'm now just a few days away from my brother's bachelor party. I've already told him that I won't be joining him and his friends at the beach on Saturday, but would be touring some historical sites and then meeting up for dinner. He obviously said that was completely fine.

The thing I'm most nervous about right now is the fact that I've now been through situations with my brother and my friends where I've been around booze and I haven't felt much peer pressure. A simple "I'm not drinking tonight" or "my allergies are killing me," works totally fine and nobody offers me anything. However, I don't know my brother's friends all that well and my concern is that they might apply more peer pressure. I'm not sure why that would be the case, and likely it won't happen. But my mind keeps thinking it's going to be non-stop pressure to drink from my brother's friends and it's making me very nervous.

My exit strategy is ultimately to go back to my hotel room. I am planning to say that my allergy meds and weight loss plans are keeping me from drinking and all in all, I think I'll be OK. But I can't lie that I'm very nervous about the whole weekend and really wish it were happening at a later time when I'm more comfortable with my sobriety.

ReadyOrNot123

Where is the party - more curious about the historical sites. I love doing that kind of thing (freely admit, that came later in life).

Honestly, I can't imagine much worse than a bachelor party where you are the only sober person by the end. Hopefully there will be some other relatively sober attendees, I think you said your brother doesn't drink a lot but he is the star of the show, so to speak. I think you're right to fortify yourself as much as possible - it sounds like a challenge. However, if they are simply acquaintances, then who cares what they say. Think it through - they pressure you into drinking, you drink, what has happened? You drank, and they don't give it one iota's worth of thought ever again in their whole lives. Unless you do something noteworthy (and likely not in a good way), and it's an anecdote, and one that makes going to the wedding excruciating.

Happy Tuesday everyone. I wake up on Tuesdays and almost always think back to the Tuesday I joined here. Cleaning up (figuratively and literally) from the days before and feeling awful (figuratively and literally). So glad it's behind me, and taking it one day at a time....

nymets86

Ready, thanks for that. I know I'm being irrational in thinking that they'll care. And you are 100% right that the ONLY way people will remember is if I do something so stupid that it becomes the butt of all the jokes.

It's really just coming down to the idea that the unknown is a bit scary. Like I've been tested around friends, coworkers and family since really trying to get serious in February, but going out of town with my brother and then a bunch of acquaintances will be a lot different. Ultimately, I don't really care if they don't even notice I'm there, haha. Just do the planned dinners and golf outing, skip the day at the beach and the bars. I just can't seem to shake the idea that they'll be all in party mode and apply peer pressure and then rather than fight it, I'll just give in and try to moderate.

nymets86

So I just posted this in the One Year & Under thread, but wanted to share with the Febbers too. So sorry for those of you reading both threads and seeing this twice, but it was a very close call for me.

.................................................. .................

Day 21 for me and still just 1 night of drinking since Feb 18th. I had a SERIOUS craving last night. I went as far as to buy chasers at the grocery store once I got off the subway after class. Then I was headed to the liquor store and kept thinking of HALT and realized I was extremely hungry (didn't have dinner and it was after 9pm), very tired (I've been getting up super early and working out) and somewhat lonely (being single really eats at me and then I don't have a roommate, so I was going home once again to an empty apartment). I was missing the angry component, but 3 of 4 for HALT. I took a few deep breaths while standing across the street from one of the several liquor stores in my neighborhood and just put my head down and walked to my apartment.

That wasn't the end of it though. I know one of the liquor stores in walking distance to my apartment is open until 11 and I just stood around in my kitchen debating what to do.

My AV was convincing me that I'm not an alcohol since I've only drank once since Feb 18th and that night nothing bad happened. Then I knew I didn't need to be at work early today and that I'd worked out 5 mornings in a row and didn't need to get in a workout today. Then with the bachelor party coming up, I was thinking "well, I don't want to get drunk at that and make an arse of myself, so I might as well get drunk tonight when nobody will see it."

I'm not quite sure why I didn't leave my apt and go buy vodka, but I didn't. I guess it's cuz I kept thinking it was just a HALT craving and that even though I didn't need to be in to work early today, working at all while hungover sux. Basically, just played the tape forward.

So, it's now about 8:30 and I've done some laundry and vacuuming and gotten in a morning workout for the 6th day in a row. Extremely happy I didn't listen to my AV and give in to that craving. Today will be a much better day because of that decision I made last night.

ReadyOrNot123

Great job Mets! That was one loud AV. Way to reason it through and make a really good decision. You know better, you know you're an alcoholic.

How do you feel today? Do you think it's passed, or will you be fighting it tonight again? Either way, preparation is the key.

nymets86

I felt great this morning. Woke up bright and early, got chores done (though upset I screwed up my washing machine a bit by overloading it), went for a jog and am feeling good at work.

Right now, not feeling any cravings, but Rangers game 7 is tonight, so I know there will be temptations as I've already been invited out to watch it. I know that I can go out and do club soda, but kinda hesitant to go that route after what happened last night.

At the same time, I know I'll feel lonely watching that game at my apartment alone.

Right now, just focusing on getting through the workday

Dee74

I think feeling lonely is probably the lesser of two evils for now mets?

D

nymets86

Yeah, I'm gonna stay home tonight and watch. I think a week ago, I would have trusted myself to go and enjoy and just have club soda, but not feeling as confident right now, so just going to be a night in.

60andbeyond

Great job NYMets. I did the same thing - bargaining that I don't have any big meetings to worry about tomorrow so I can go into work hungover. Hey I can also go into work NOT hungover.

I'm not enjoying the feelings I have tonight after a really tough day of pretty much everything going wrong - I always would've masked these feelings before with alcohol. It hurts. I'm telling myself that we are human and sometimes we hurt. It's okay. There are things in life we won't like. It just sucks. But tomorrow will suck less. Hopefully. It always gets better ... no need to compound the hurt with the hangover nonsense.

I enjoy having my heart beat normally thank you very much.

nymets86

Yeah, this not hungover thing is fantastic, isn't it?

No matter how bad things seem, nothing is worse than the double whammy of the mental anguish and physical pain of a hangover.

Definitely going to keep that in mind this weekend. I feel like I have a good sober plan, but a three day bachelor party is going to be tough. I've thought of backing out, but it's my brothers bachelor party and I'm going to be the best man at the wedding this fall and yeah, I feel I need to go. I know I don't need to stay out after dinner and hit the bars and strip clubs.

nymets86

So I texted my brother this morning and just said that my allergies were still real bad and that "alcohol and allergy meds are a bad combo, so not ideal for the bachelor party." (My allergies aren't really bothering me anymore)

I didn't have the guts to tell him I'm trying to quit for good, but really wanted to try to set the stage for this weekend when I do not want to drink since I'll be out of town without an exit strategy other than just going back to my hotel room, which is being shared with others.

He replied with: Worry about having fun, whether that includes boozing or not shouldn't make a difference.

So, right now, I'm feeling a HUGE sense of relief. My brother isn't a big drinker (I've seen him wasted maybe twice in his life), but I know at least two of his friends are. I certainly don't know them well enough to know if they have a problem with booze, but I just know that they're big drinkers. I think having put it out there already with my brother that I'm not drinking will now make it a lot easier on me.

I was dreading going, but now feeing quite a bit better. My plan is to go to the dinners and then maybe go for one or two club sodas at the bars after dinner, then back to the hotel.

For the day drinking at the beach, I'm planning to do sightseeing and arrive very late (maybe 3PM) and watch the third period of the Rangers game at the beach bar. I figure by then, they'll all have had enough booze to not even notice I'm not drinking.

ReadyOrNot123

Guys must be different. I can't imagine a bunch of women making that big of a fuss about who's boozing. Even in my heyday, I might ask the question but if someone isn't drinking, then that's their call. When you boil it all down, most people only care about themselves, not so concerned about others. Hell, I built a career around it (Ready or Not's Relationship Management 101 - keep them talking about themselves). Anyway, I'm glad to hear you've got a solid plan in place Mets.

60 good to hear from you. I really hope tomorrow is a better day.

All is well here, just home from a long day but my meetings were pretty good and there were no flat-out catastrophes, so can't complain. And tomorrow's Friday so the end is in sight. I worry that I'm wishing my life away, but until I can quit this job, it is what it is.

Have a good night.

tornrealization

NYMets, you are right that they will have drinks and not notice you aren't. If they do and pressure you, even if you leave, they'll move on and it won't be a big deal. I think as drinkers we get this illusion they are having a blast, picking on us the whole time(nerd!) , and reality is once you're gone, they move on to wherever the drink takes them next, or event, etc.

Then the next day the "You missed out Man!" Crap might start, again another illusion. I missed out making a butt of myself, or watching u make a butt of yourself, etc. They look and feel good? I remember faking how awesome and fine I was after a party night, another illusion.

I like how you are setting up expectations and exit plans. When the worry creeps in about peer pressure, just know the moment is fleeting. Easier said than done.

I absolutely have girlfriends who like to have a tipsy girl night, some pressure but the adult in them takes over. Early 20s is harder, but by 30s while still younger (i vote it is) people have seen addiction or have it and the pressure lifts.

I'm bogged down with school, and so posting less than I'd like, but I wanted to wish you a good time.

Dee74

depends on the guys tho - if I'm around mates who only know me as a drinker, there'll be some peer pressure (not that I've put myself in that situation often)...mostly people really don't care.

I've had people say it's different for young men,. but I didn't start drinking until 25, most of my friends then were not heavy drinkers and no one forced me into it

D

60andbeyond

It was a better day. It always gets better, right? And the nice part is that I didn't give in so I was able to feel better physically and mentally. Phew. Rough week.

Dee74

good to hear 60

D

nymets86

60, sorry to hear you had a rough week, but great job staying sober!

Torn/Dee, I'm 29, so I feel like I'm a bit of a crossroads with peer pressure from my friends. I have noticed slowly but surely they all seem to drink less and be more in control. Through Feb 18th, I was more and more the drunkest person at a given event. The peer pressure I've faced while out since then has been extremely limited. You are right, my fear of the peer pressure is a lot more than it actually is. While there is still some, it's not like anybody is forcing me to drink, it's more just a playful "common dude, have one!" I think it's well intentioned, but since they don't know I'm trying to quit and I'm using excuses, I'm sort of opening myself up to that. Again, I've never gotten pressured to the point of it being remotely uncomfortable. My hope is to get more and more sober time under my belt, and then I'll feel OK telling my friends I'm now a non-drinker.

As far as this weekend goes, again, there's this fear of the unknown of how my brother's friends will be. I know my brother won't pressure me at all, but I just don't know his friends all that well.

I know that making an arse of myself will feel 10x worse than possibly getting viewed as being a bit lame. I can totally deal with them thinking I'm lame, haha. Sorta like Zach Galifinakis' character in the hangover, I'll be the one person at the party that's there cuz of family ties, not that I'm friends with all of them.

My flight is at 1:30. I'm up early and about to go for a workout. We have a late dinner scheduled tonight at our destination and my plan for tonight is to go the hotel right after dinner, or maybe after one or two club sodas at a bar afterwards. Going to play that by ear.

Dee74

have a good sober weekend mets
D