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Class of February 2015 Part 3

Old 05-05-2015, 06:45 AM
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Good morning fellow Febbies - glad it's Tuesday. Sorry about your allergies Mets. I bet this year is going to be bad for them - mine are mild but they've been acting up more than usual already.

I remember this guy I had a crush from high school - just after we graduated, so we were probably all of 19 - he was drinking a coke or something while the rest of us were drinking beer - and he was a major partier so it looked weird. When asked, he said, if I can only have one or two, why bother. We didn't get it then, but I sure do now. I can only wonder where he is now, long since lost track of him.

Anyway, have a great day all.
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:33 PM
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Having one or two, What Is The Point!! Really!!!

I can't do it. It's just torture having that little. It was like that from the start. I have the faulty wiring. NYMets you remind me of me last year. Wrapping my head around never ever again, and well it still creeps in. I just have to be real, drinking almost always ends up in blackout, so gotta say no. No for today, no for this week. Sometimes I say no for this year. I avoid thinking about no forever and ever cause that's too much thinking.

New boss isn't interested in learning what we do, but is handing out lots of new micro manage rules. Breaking my heart. We wanted to show him what we do, he said basically I don't care. Seems like we were forced under him, some fun stuff. Who moved my cheese?!

Rough class starting, 5-10page paper due already next week, I'm like NOOOOO. Usually that's the big project. This class? The one week assignment. Final project will be over 50 pages, icky. But then I'm done!

I feel stressed out still. Even with exercise. Urges suck, but are fleeting.

Sounds like a handful of us still going strong. Happy Sober Tuesday Febbers!
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:55 PM
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Hope you can find some downtime to relax Torn

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Old 05-06-2015, 04:11 AM
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Ready, that's pretty amazing at 19 that guy knew that! Wow. I started blacking out pretty regularly at that age and now it's 10 years later and I'm struggling to get sober. Really wish I would have had that kind of perspective when I was that young.

Torn, I'm working full time and takings radiate-level classes part time like you. I obsess over my GPA and had an exam in a half-credit course last night that I don't think went well. During the exam, I thought about drinking afterwards, but suppressed the urge when I had some clarity afterwards. I'm right there with you on how stressful work/school is. I don't have the same issue as a bad boss like you, but do feel like I contribute more to my team at work than I get paid for, which is frustrating. I get all kinds of recognition for doing good work, helping others understand complicated tasks and going the extra mile to finish stuff up on weekends or late at night, but it's not translating to higher pay. Don't get me wrong, I make very good money, but making 15% more than someone I do 75% more work than (I'm in sales and can see everyone else's sales numbers) is frustrating.

Anyway, allergies bad again today, so took two Claritin and the bad symptoms are subsiding. About to head to the gym, which is a good stress relief and will hopefully translate to some lost pounds. My diet is still pretty awful, but I'm getting my workout routine down pretty good.

And yeah, one day, one week, one month at a time is about as far ahead as I can reasonably think/plan ahead. It's just too daunting and I think counterproductive to think longer. I now am on Day 14 and 76 of the last 77. As those numbers grow, I get more and more motivated.

Well, off to the gym
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Old 05-06-2015, 06:15 AM
  # 285 (permalink)  
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Good morning, just a brief check in. Torn and Mets both of you - I could never have gone to school while working full time. You should both be impressed with yourselves. I remember early on taking just one class at night because I thought it would help me understand some of what I was doing - it didn't, and it was torture. I vowed at that time that I would never have "homework" in my to-do list again.

I think there are some facts of life, and with work there are lots of them - including the fact that others sometimes skate by doing less, (if not less in work, less in productivity/efficiency). I saw an awful lot of those people get weeded out in the shitstorm that was the economy of 2008 (and going through to this day, despite what you read in the papers). Another is that there are sucky bosses out there, lots of them. So many of them! I had one that was so bad (eventually out-right fired) that I wound up making an appointment with the mental health clinic, walk in and there was a coworker in the waiting room. Embarrassing for both of us, to say the least.

Well I am procrastinating again, definitely a weakness of mine. My Wednesday self analysis is that I'm doing pretty well, already looking forward to the weekend even though I don't have any plans.

Have a good Wednesday all.
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Old 05-06-2015, 09:52 PM
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I had a spot of good news today, the paper was thrown out. Professor said that was crazy too much work. I do have to meet with my senior project team a lot. We picked Saturdays, Tuesdays, class is Wed. The syllabus says 20 hours a week, but I figure this is senior project soon yea.

Thanks for sharing NYMets. It's good to here someone else who is doing all this and working on sobriety.

Ready yep, bad bosses everywhere. I hear my new one is good. I think once we shake out it'll be ok. I think he's just as overwhelmed with the change, therefore didn't want to see what we do yet. Tomorrow we meet again. So I really need to calm down. Changes, right? It's his boss , the yeller, I'm more worried about, but that hasn't happened yet either.

NYMets, can you use those numbers to negotiate a better raise?
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Old 05-06-2015, 09:55 PM
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Dee, I think in two months, relax time, no school. And enough sober time to celebrate without intense cravings? I hope so!
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Old 05-06-2015, 10:02 PM
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me too
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Old 05-07-2015, 04:39 AM
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Torn, glad to hear the professor came to his/her senses and threw out the assignment.

I have used my good performance negotiate a raise, but it's never as much as I hope for, in part because I don't have much leverage. I really like my boss and I know she goes to her management to fight for a higher raise for all of us, but it's just big company politics. There's no real incentive to give me a huge raise unless I threaten to leave the company. So even though I really like my job, I'm always on the lookout for openings at similar companies simply so I can get an offer and use that to leverage my current employer into a bigger raise.

I had some cravings yesterday. My spring courses are over and while I start summer classes next week, I do now have a week with no homework, and last night was filled with good sporting events and I didn't have to be in to work early. That would have been a prime night in my old days to just get hammered. Instead, I got home and just came on here and read a bunch of threads. I didn't post anything, but read a lot. Thought about how lousy today would be if I had a hangover and dug deep and just rode out the craving. It passed by 7PM and then I settled in and watched everything sober. Happy the Mets got a win, but more upset that the Rangers lost since that was a huge playoff game they needed to win and not a terribly important game for the mets. Anyway, I'm happy with the way that I handled the craving and used that piece of advice from an article Dee posted about not beating myself up simply for having the craving.

While I wish there'd never be another craving, that's just not possible and I can't control having a craving. I can control whether or not I act on the craving and last night I didn't act on it, so I'll mark that down as a win.

I have good sober plans this weekend and next week will be busy starting my summer class. So I'm feeling confident. Next week I do really need to refocus on the upcoming bachelor party for my brother though
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Old 05-07-2015, 04:37 PM
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Hello all. Nothing much new here. I'm looking forward to the end of the work day tomorrow. I've been awfully tired this week, today is no exception. Hope you all have a good night.
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Old 05-08-2015, 08:16 AM
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Good morning all, and TGIF.
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Old 05-08-2015, 09:41 AM
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Yes, TGIF. No homework this weekend, so will be nice and relaxing. Going to be up at my parents house for Mother's Day, so no real temptations there either, which will increase my ability to relax.

Next week got buckle down and get ready for the Bachelor Party on the 15th/16th/17th
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Old 05-08-2015, 12:58 PM
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Sounds like a lovely weekend Mets.

I am clock-watching at the moment. I would not call this my most productive week of work (not the least productive either though). One more hour and it's time to call it a workday.
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Old 05-08-2015, 05:55 PM
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I'm not really productive at work given that my morale has been shot. With all the changes, my job has changed. It's like getting a new job and not asking for it. So I get stuff that needs to be done. I could write a novel about the injustice of it all but how boring for everyone.

So I'm struggling with new class. Always - need to come up with an idea to make a business plan. Well I really don't care to ever start a business, own a business, buy a business or be a boss. It's not for me. I also lack a passion for any kind of hobby, sport, craft, books, games, nothing. I like things - like this and that, but I don't concentrate on anything. So when I keep reading advice, pick something your passionate about - I'm like NOTHING! HAHA! How can I make money off that? Oh I don't care -- can't write a paper about not caring.

So it's group and I hope someone with a passionate idea happens and I'll do the research/numbers. Now that I'm good at. Structure. I need structure.

I'm not cravings tonight but I'm feeling bored. I had a health screen today, my numbers are amazing still. Thankyou getting healthy and sober. Blood pressure is still on low side, but OK. I'm confident it was drinking. I don't feel worried about stroking while on a walk now. I will when I'm older, but not during hangovers.

I feel like I have nothing but stress to look forward too. I can't think of ideas for the senior project, meeting the group tomorrow. I've been brainstorming over a week and doing internet searches. Nothing.

Then I have to do classwork every Sat. So Friday nights are like, yes, escape from whatever crap is going on at work right now, but a different craps for school.

I keep thinking and I quit drinking now? Honestly not as much as I thought I would. Seems to creep in on the ride home, but then I get home, it's gone. I know it won't help. I won't get inspired, or think work is magically OK. I'll probably just worry more, get sick and then have crappy mornings and forgetful nights.

Sorry - I talk a lot sometimes in these posts. Ok, well happy sober Friday! I hope to report that someone did have a magic idea tomorrow, if not, we 4 are stuck in a room together, and that MUST be done. So I can start the stuff I know how to do, research, get numbers and get cracking and not feel so lost.
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Old 05-08-2015, 10:00 PM
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day 80 here. Bad week for me! I almost gave in so many times. I'm really missing my escape. I hope that if I just keep on it will get better. It's getting harder to see why I'm doing this.
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Old 05-09-2015, 12:35 AM
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Try and get some balance back 60 - designate some 'you time' ?

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Old 05-09-2015, 04:32 AM
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Torn, a lot of the projects I have for school are group projects too. I think it adds a nice dynamic. When I'm feeling particularly motivated, I'll take on a huge chunk of the project and then bask in the praise of the other people in the group. Conversely, if it's something I don't understand or don't feel like doing, I'll free ride and play a game of chicken waiting for someone else to do it. I definitely feel my anxiety running high when that happens since I feel like I'm letting the group down and that someone will get mad at me, but honestly, sometimes I just need that.

Also, I've told myself the same thing a few times about "why did I quit now?" For me, I know the answer is that on Feb 19th I got completely obliterated on a WEEKNIGHT and woke up in the hospital and missed work due to drinking for the first time in my life. That was really pretty scary as I'd previously been only binging like that on weekends and on weeknights, had "controlled binges" where I drank early enough that I'd get to work on time.

60, sorry to hear it was a bad week, but you made it through it sober, and that's what's most important
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Old 05-09-2015, 06:22 AM
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Torn, I like your posts, they give a nice picture of where you are, and as I was reading I thought "wow, if I was going through all this I definitely would be struggling with wanting to drink". And it sounds like you did, but have a good handle on putting it into perspective, and you are still sober, so keep it up. The bonus is the good health - it's always good to get good news and know that your work is paying off.

60, 80 days is so good. As far as I'm concerned, this stretch of sobriety is tough - yes it's getting more habitual to be non-drinking, but drinking is still the first line of coping defense thinking. Not sure if I'm explaining myself well. Years ago I quit for 6 years, and I never thought of drinking, ever. I look forward to that again, but it's not here yet.

Mets, hope you are having fun at your parents.

Nothing much on the docket today, I have a couple of things on my to-do list, but otherwise have no plans. I elected not to go visit my mom for mother's day - when she had all her faculties she never really cared for it, thought it was a manufactured holiday - so I sent a card and will see her in a couple of weeks at my niece's graduation.

I have a brief thought that I should head to the liquor store once the work day was over, then immediately remembered that was how my last binge started. No thanks.

Have a good day all.
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Old 05-10-2015, 05:42 AM
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Good Sunday morning, it's cloudy but we are promised a nice warm day. I'm feeling quite lazy, but it's only 8:30 so hopefully I will get more energy as it gets later. I had an enjoyable day yesterday, went out for a specific kind of photo album and came home without it, but with shoes, shorts and a tshirt. Summer is coming after all.

Have a good day.
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Old 05-10-2015, 06:44 AM
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Ready, I think it's much better "feeling lazy" than feeling hungover!

I'm capping off my 12th-consecutive sober weekend. This was a relatively easy one. I'm at my parents and wanted to catch up with some friends I grew up with. Grabbed a late lunch with them yesterday vs going out to the bars last night, which would have been my normal plan. Was totally fine catching up at lunch. I think over the 2.5 hours we were out, they each had maybe 2 or 3 beers. While I might have kept that pace had I been drinking beer rather than just water, like I had, I know my default setting is to drink a lot faster.

Anyway, I do still feel somewhat like I'm missing out on fun stuff since I'm not going out to the bars while I heard all my friends in NYC were doing that last night and my friends here were doing the same while I was at my parents house watching TV. I know that had in the end, this is for the better, but it's definitely a challenge. I LOVE this feeling of being up early and hangover-free on a Sunday, but I don't want to cut off too much of my social life.
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