Blogs


Notices

Class of February 2015 Part 3

Old 04-21-2015, 05:33 AM
  # 221 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 543
Torn, I haven't been in school for quite some time, but you brought me back. I hated papers. I completely relate to the procrastination, I do that all the time in work, in fact I have probably a half dozen things that shouldn't still by on my to-do list, would take a couple of hours to bat them out, but still they remain. Maybe I'll do one of them today, that would be a nice accomplishment.

I never knew it was called an Irish Exit but I used to do that all the time, drunk or sober.

Happy Tuesday all!
ReadyOrNot123 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to ReadyOrNot123 For This Useful Post:
60andbeyond (04-23-2015), Dee74 (04-22-2015), nymets86 (04-22-2015), tornrealization (04-21-2015)
Old 04-22-2015, 06:26 AM
  # 222 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 543
Good morning folks.

Nothing much to report here. I am staying the course. I feel good, have finally started to make some progress on that 25 pounds I gained since I hit my goal weight about a year and a half ago (they are right, while dieting is tough, maintaining it is hard too. Harder? not sure about that, but definitely very difficult). I've been walking a lot, hitting my 10,000 steps almost every day for the last couple of weeks, which I'm sure is one reason why I'm seeing some progress. I hate to exercise, but walking is doable for me, and the fitbit to track everything is great. I'm feeling leveled out on the not drinking thing. I get that I can't drink, and in my head I don't drink. That doesn't keep the AV from stepping out of the shadows every so often, but he hasn't made an appearance in several days, so I'm overall pretty content. Work sucks, but it always has and always will - it does keep a roof over my head etc., so it's kind of necessary. And some days, like yesterday, it was actually quite pleasant, so I try to keep those days in mind.

I hope everyone has a good day.
ReadyOrNot123 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to ReadyOrNot123 For This Useful Post:
60andbeyond (04-23-2015), Dee74 (04-22-2015), nymets86 (04-22-2015), tornrealization (04-22-2015)
Old 04-22-2015, 07:36 AM
  # 223 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
I feel the same way about keeping weight off. When I hit my goal, I always feel fantastic for a few weeks, then it slowly but surely creeps back on. Part of my problem is that I simply hate veggies. So I can't force myself to eat them. I really need to focus on portion control, which is a pretty similar problem I had to drinking too much (can never stop after I've started eating until I've finished everything in front of me).

My cravings this week, unlike last week, are non-existent, but this party on the upcoming weekend is causing me a ton of angst. My AV keeps saying that it's Ok to drink just one night. Ugh
nymets86 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to nymets86 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-22-2015), tornrealization (04-22-2015)
Old 04-22-2015, 08:19 AM
  # 224 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 543
I love veggies. I love everything, pretty much. I don't have an "off" switch, so portion control is difficult for me. I don't understand having one of anything (drinks included) - if one is good two is better, etc. etc. Other than exercise of course!!

You're going to have a good time this weekend, sounds like the party will be a lot of fun. I would wager you're going to wake up the next day feeling good about yourself and hangover free. You've got this.
ReadyOrNot123 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ReadyOrNot123 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-22-2015), nymets86 (04-22-2015), tornrealization (04-22-2015)
Old 04-22-2015, 08:22 PM
  # 225 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Arg! Mets won 10 in a row, but the rain delay to start the game cost me my streak of drinkless days.

One of my closest friends has been working in Manhattan for years, but is switching to Newark, so since he already lives in New Jersey, means I'll see him a lot less.

Monday was his last day at his old job and I skipped the "going away" party, which was really mostly a joke since he's just on the other side of the river, but since I missed that, I suggested we go to the Mets game tonight. I've been to three games already and had no problems at all staying completely sober. But tonight, there was a rain delay and the bar at the stadium was the only real place to go and stay dry while waiting it out. I should have ordered a club soda, but in a one-on-one setting, it just seemed too awkward and I ordered a beer. I drank the whole thing and had two more while the game was going on (waiter service at our seats).

Game ended an hour ago and the buzz has worn off. I'm just extremely mad with myself. Skipping the event Monday wasn't easy and I've spent so much energy worrying about this Saturday, that I didn't really plan for a rain delay at the game tonight being an issue. I know that's no excuse and I easily could have gotten something else.

With that said. I'm going to get some sleep now. I'll wake up tomorrow back at Day 1. A much better Day 1 than my last one where I woke up in a hospital bed, but bad nonetheless.
nymets86 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to nymets86 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-23-2015)
Old 04-22-2015, 08:25 PM
  # 226 (permalink)  
01-14-2019
 
tornrealization's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 830
I use a fitbit too! I'm also trying to hit 10,000k steps a day and I work a desk job.

Today sucked. My boss was fired. Politically the position was eliminated. Then we got shoved into not just new boss, but new division. The rest of team stayed and just got new boss, a person they work with. So much dramas. People in our cubes, messing out phones, computers. We liked our boss. Things are worrisome. New boss might be ok, but His boss is a huge source of potential problems. He's wanted us for years, blames us for his staffs bad resolutions numbers. An angry, irate shouter man, who rather shout than learn.

I wanted to cry, throw up, just ugh. I wrote 1/3 of paper. Found a post teacher giving us till tomorrow. Gave bad marks for not being clear on deadlines. Hoping that I don't have to deal with him down the road in regards, but I kept evidence of the advised due dates. Garbage paper, just need 1/2 the points.

I wanted booze today. Last night I smelled it on hubby ans he was acting like drinking, I asked, he said no. I thought maybe I imagined it , but this morning, said, I still think u were drinking. I get looking for it when he leaves, find nothing. I get message at work, yes, he did, he hid it, he's sorry he lied. I'm like its fine.

In bed now. Glad I didn't drink. Got the easy way quit drinking book.

NyMets, in additional to practicing your exit plan, visualize not drinking, and getting up sober. Also think about just watching other people. After a few drinks, they stop. The ones who don't , watch how they act sound.

So the book tries to change from felling deprived to free from poison. I'm hardly in the book yet, but it is tue. Freedom from poison.

Time for bed.
tornrealization is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to tornrealization For This Useful Post:
60andbeyond (04-23-2015), Dee74 (04-23-2015), nymets86 (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 05:15 AM
  # 227 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
torn, sorry to hear about that situation at work. As for your paper, I think you should just get it done and hand it in. I similarly prefer tests to papers since I feel I better at tests and it's just less time consuming. On some papers, just bite the bullet and hand in something.

This morning I'm really refocusing on this weekend (and the upcoming bachelor party and pair of weddings). While I'm furious about last night and being back at Day 1, I know I can't undo the bad decision that I made yesterday. The thing that eating at me about yesterday is that I just opted to drink so easily. I was basically tired of coming up with reasons of why I wasn't drinking and rather than do it again, I stupidly just gave in and made the decision to drink. And then instead of stopping at 1, kept ordering more. Again, good thing is I didn't get wasted and wake up in a hospital. I wanted to come right back on here as last summer when I got 30 days, I drank once (similarly to last night it was in moderation), but never came back here and then just went right back to my drinking ways.

So while I'm back at Day 1, I do feel that the 62 sober days was still good progress and that I can't let last night ruin my resolve to quit. This quitting thing is really hard and I can't make it harder on myself by labeling it a complete and utter failure to be back at Day 1
nymets86 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to nymets86 For This Useful Post:
60andbeyond (04-23-2015), Dee74 (04-23-2015), tornrealization (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 05:48 AM
  # 228 (permalink)  
Catch and Release
 
Calicofish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Crazy Canuck
Posts: 379
Sorry to read about your drinking last night NYmets. Have you ever heard of the method Rational Recovery? If not, perhaps doing the crash course on the website might help you. You can google it for the course, also if you go to the secular forum here, you can read about Fresh Start's posts on AVRT (addictive voice recognition techniques).

Torn -I have an app installed on my phone (Stepwalk) that measures my steps, graphs them and calculates calories burned. I also use my Nintendo Wii for exercise and it has a "personal trainer". My little icon or Mii is a tubby thing and when I step onto the balance board it will tell me "you are overweight". But, it also encourages me to keep trying. I think I might have a lost a few pounds, but nothing much. I'm trying not to dwell on that and just keep chugging along and making little changes day to day.

I had a date last night. I can't even remember the last time I had a date. Fortunately, this man doesn't drink so there was no worries about that. It was a pleasant evening, complete with him bringing me chocolates and flowers. I was anxious and I am not sure how I want to proceed. It's been over 30 years and I feel more awkward than when I was a teenager.

Coming up to 2 months sober.
Calicofish is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Calicofish For This Useful Post:
60andbeyond (04-23-2015), Dee74 (04-23-2015), tornrealization (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 02:28 PM
  # 229 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 188,528
Blog Entries: 1
noone wants to beat you up mets. I think you need to go back to basics with your recovery plan tho?

try and build one that specifically addresses the areas you have trouble with?

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
60andbeyond (04-23-2015), tornrealization (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 03:50 PM
  # 230 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Thanks Dee.

It's obviously frustrating doing well and then messing up. I know that I really need to focus on the present, rather than my constant planning for future events. I think the bad cravings I had last week were in part because I'd drained myself mentally thinking about stuff that's over a month away.

I'm also trying to convince myself that there was a silver lining last night in that it helped me identify a gap in my recovery plan and that it didn't spin out control. Similarly, I'm complete sober tonight and not headed toward a full blown relapse lasting several months. I feel like over the last few months I've learned a lot about staying sober and also realized that I don't have to be a social outcast when I'm sober.

So, I'm keeping my chin up and moving on.
nymets86 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to nymets86 For This Useful Post:
60andbeyond (04-23-2015), Dee74 (04-23-2015), tornrealization (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 04:51 PM
  # 231 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 543
Calico, a date, how fun! And he sounds like a real gentleman.

Torn, the unrest in the corporate world is so draining. I used to work for a yeller. It took YEARS with the next guy to realize the other shoe actually wasn't going to drop. I literally didn't know how to deal with a boss that wasn't out of control, nasty and abusive. Now I've gotten used to the other way around, and I'm certain I wouldn't last 10 minutes with the old guard again. I feel for you.

Mets, I thought of you on my way home after hearing the Mets had won 11 straight, it's an exciting stretch. I'm sorry to hear you drank, and I hope you are able to stay the course through the weekend's party. It happens.

In fact, I needed some steps (damn fitbit) so I went for a walk around the block after I got off the train tonight - right past a liquor store I used to go to at night, and in a few incredibly pathetic occasions, in the morning. Sometimes it blows my mind how bad I got. It's like it was a complete stranger.

I have another 250 steps to hit 10k, so all for now. I absolutely had to have some chocolate today, so there is no avoiding this.

Have a good night all.
ReadyOrNot123 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to ReadyOrNot123 For This Useful Post:
60andbeyond (04-23-2015), Dee74 (04-23-2015), nymets86 (04-24-2015), tornrealization (04-23-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 07:49 PM
  # 232 (permalink)  
01-14-2019
 
tornrealization's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 830
I'm sorry NYMets. I'm glad you came right back. The worry that you'll be missing out without drinking at the upcoming social events does seem to be taking its toll. Please keep updating us on how you're doing.

I finished my paper. In other words, turned in something I don't like. I think that it's better than a zero. I have skipped out on papers and projects I don't like if I think I can still pull off passing. I wasn't like this with my Bachelor's. I really feel worn out. I really am glad it's over and 1 class left. Now I wait for the final grades . . .eek.

Calico we have the Wii Fit and never ever used it. It's collecting dust under our tv stand. Maybe I should get that guy out. My Mii is also pudgey haha! That sounds like you had a nice date. That's great that you enjoyed it sober too!

Ready - I did work for a yelling/abusive - co-worker (who thought he was my boss) for like 3 years. People at work noticing I'm edgy with the news and it really boils down to that I just absolutely can't stomach that ever again. I left that job without notice and I'm still upset thinking about it. So we met with your new immediate boss and he talked to us and how he wasn't given much notice about getting us and stuff. He's going to try and be our 'buffer' but he dropped the yeller's name and idocrancies issues a few times in the meeting that I know this will have problems. I'm fine if he is a good buffer. If not - I graduate in two months, have fixed my career path working 5 years in one place (after the immediate resignation of the last professional job due to said yeller) and figure -

I KNOW the signs now. Instead of being brainwashed that I can't do a better job -and I should be thankful for what I have (last abuser's manipulation) - I will see the flags and leave gracefully instead of emotional override.

In other words, this lady is updating her resume. It's good practice anyways.

8 weeks today! 57 days. Getting odd cravings - mostly habit related. My stress has my AV screaming but I remember my list - you will blackout. What does that help? Nothing. So I'm going to read my stop drinking book tonight and relax. I know at the 90-100 day mark there should be a brain change that helps with this.
tornrealization is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to tornrealization For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-23-2015), ReadyOrNot123 (04-24-2015)
Old 04-23-2015, 07:49 PM
  # 233 (permalink)  
Member
 
60andbeyond's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 207
ReadyOrNot for whatever this week was I must have chocolate week. I still want chocolate!

Day 65 today and wow I still can't believe it's been that long (yet not at all that long). I'm feeling bored. Although I don't believe in boredom. I feel like if you have a brain you should never be bored. BUT.. I am sort of in the same old routine every day and am looking for ways to mix it up. Every day the same. Get up, go to work, workout, go to sleep. Repeat. :-\ Some moments I think life is just too dull without the instant fun alcohol created - yay funny how I block all the bad stuff out when I think that!

Anyway ... just having a blah day and I guess I should be feeling proud that I didn't get drunk. But I'm feeling pretty blah about everything. I think I just need to see or do something different and of course stay sober in the process.

Nymets - I'm sorry but I'm also proud of you for all that you have done. You are self aware and doing a great job. It could very easily have been me! Great job refocusing and not going into the abyss again. Stay strong!
60andbeyond is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to 60andbeyond For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-23-2015), nymets86 (04-24-2015), ReadyOrNot123 (04-24-2015), tornrealization (04-24-2015)
Old 04-24-2015, 05:34 AM
  # 234 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
60, thanks for the kind words and sorry to hear you are struggling with boredom. Unfortunately for me, the drinking episode on Wednesday strengthened my resolve. Last night I got home from work at 6PM and had nothing to do all night. The mets had played a day game, the Rangers were off, and I didn't have much homework. If I hadn't screwed up and made the dumb decision to drink on Wednesday, I might have chosen to drink last night to erase the boredom.

But you know what? The boredom wasn't that bad. I found two YouTube channels that I found interesting (vsauce and veritasium) and educational and just watched a few hours of both, then went to bed early and set my alarm ahead by an hour since I plan on working out tonight rather than this morning.

So, all in all, I'm feeling a lot better today. Obviously bummed to be back on Day 2, but also relieved in a way that I didn't let a drinking episode devolve in to a full on relapse. To be honest, I was never one to like drinking on consecutive nights, but since I wasn't hungover yesterday, it would have been common for me to drink when I got home as early as 6PM.

Happy Friday everyone!
nymets86 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to nymets86 For This Useful Post:
ReadyOrNot123 (04-24-2015), tornrealization (04-24-2015)
Old 04-24-2015, 05:37 AM
  # 235 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Oh, and I forgot to mention.....I plan to keep posting on this thread even though Feb 18th is no longer my last day with a drink. I still consider Feb 19th the day I decided to get sober, so despite April 23rd now being Day 1, I feel more in common with you guys than the April group that has just made the sober decision. Hopefully it's cool with you that I stick around!
nymets86 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to nymets86 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-24-2015), ReadyOrNot123 (04-24-2015), tornrealization (04-24-2015)
Old 04-24-2015, 05:50 AM
  # 236 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 543
I'd miss you Mets, so stick around. And good job on getting right back at it.

Torn, good for you on the 8 weeks! And following through on the paper, even though you weren't feeling it. I hope the job situation doesn't become as bad as it seems to be heading towards. But that's what the continuing education is helping you with - creating options.

Calico, I get the blah - I feel it plenty. Yesterday I was in a bit of a funk also, although it was a more fun than usual work day - some of the guys brought in their kids for the annual Bring your sons and daughters (used to be only daughters) to work day. These kids were so awesome, one in particular. He was so sad to leave, said it was the best day of his life (he's 5). I asked another girl (she's 7) what her favorite part of the day was and she couldn't decide - All of it! They were a lot of fun.

TGIF folks, and hoping for a good sober day.
ReadyOrNot123 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ReadyOrNot123 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-24-2015), nymets86 (04-24-2015), tornrealization (04-24-2015)
Old 04-24-2015, 06:22 AM
  # 237 (permalink)  
Almost 700 years sober
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 66,890
Blog Entries: 4
Have a nice relaxing sober friday Februarians
Soberwolf is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Soberwolf For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-24-2015), nymets86 (04-24-2015), tornrealization (04-24-2015)
Old 04-24-2015, 05:43 PM
  # 238 (permalink)  
01-14-2019
 
tornrealization's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 830
NYMets, my original class was Feb, 2014. There have been people who succeeded, those who didn't so much and post (me!), those who disappeared completely. I think sticking with a class that knows you is a good choice even with slips and relapses.

I started here again because an entire year went by and the 2014 thread is still alive, but I was starting over counting days and early sobriety issues while others where at 1 year sober marks, had way different sober stages. I still care about them and they happy I keep trying.

Also ever hear of string the days together? So like yes, you are on day 2, but you've strung together 64 days sober.

I know the Friday urges will pass, but whine. I knew hubby would be home late, sooooo. . . .blackouts blackouts blackouts. Fine, I went straight home. In 2008 I had months of sobriety, I remember weekends easing up but I abused Mountain Dew ha. I. Sober. I'm not liking my resolve being tested lately however.

This weekend, we are hiking. Even if it's raining. So have a sober weekend everyone!
tornrealization is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to tornrealization For This Useful Post:
60andbeyond (04-24-2015), Dee74 (04-24-2015), nymets86 (04-24-2015)
Old 04-24-2015, 06:06 PM
  # 239 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Yeah, torn, I do feel a ton different than my last Day 2. That day 2 I was still feeling the effects of a brutal hangover and dealing with crippling anxiety about not knowing how I wound up in the hospital.

While I'm certainly not happy about Wednesday, I got home and was coherent enough to post here. So yeah, I'm basically feeling it as a much different Day 2 since it was proceeded by 62 days of sobriety. I'm basically looking back over the last few months with just one blip, as opposed to like 10 nights like Wednesday night and 5 horrific black outs.
nymets86 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to nymets86 For This Useful Post:
60andbeyond (04-24-2015), Dee74 (04-24-2015), tornrealization (04-25-2015)
Old 04-24-2015, 10:22 PM
  # 240 (permalink)  
Member
 
60andbeyond's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 207
Good work, NyMets. Glad to see you still on here.

Awful day for me but somehow I am still sober. Truly just a crap day. Hopefully the weekend gets better. I could really just use a break from being so focused all the time.
60andbeyond is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to 60andbeyond For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-24-2015), nymets86 (04-25-2015), tornrealization (04-25-2015)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:47 PM.