LonelyShadow

I'll keep it brief today -

- Rang the anxiety counsellors and left a message, they will get back to me soon.

- Been reading Allen Carr's book, finding it fascinating so far, very helpful.

- Doing a free Personal Training regime for my sister who wants to get in shape for a friend's wedding

Day 7, feeling good. Still moving forward, still climbing that mountain.

Peace and strength all

Saskia

LS, sounds good :-)

SoberLeigh

Agreed.

Very nice thing that you are doing for your sister - so LS style.

LonelyShadow

Thank you Sas and SL

Babs1234

hi everyone !!
Doing better today---gosh I had a bad day yesterday---really feeling sorry for myself and I wanted to drink really bad. woke up sober and happy---I guess I needed a attitude adjustment,--Hope everyone is well.
hugs
Babs

SoberLeigh

Hugs to you, too, Babs. Good to hear that today is a better day.

Gilmer

Glad you didn't break down and drink yesterday, Babs! You develop more strength every day!

Babs1234

thanks guys---it makes my day ---just hearing cheers from you.

love ya
Babs

Saskia

Babs, so great that you made it through yesterday!

gleefan

Babs - I had a pretty bad day yesterday, too. I found myself stuck inside my own head, feeling sorry for myself, and low. Nothing I did eased the pain and I realized that nothing would. I just had to wait it out, ask my higher power for some clarity and do the next right thing.

I can tell you that wasn't laying in bed for an hour past my alarm or sitting on the couch all day. It was getting up, exercising, packing a healthy lunch. It was getting in the car, going to work, smiling, and doing my job the best I could. It took a while, but eventually the fog lifted.

To the newcomers - I can tell you a year ago I just would have sat there in a daze. Not drinking was the best I could do then. At the time that was enough. I think that the improvements in my brain functioning in sobriety make it easier to get motivated.

LS - Great job attending to your recovery and finding constructive ways to spend your day, like helping your sister.

BF - Keep up the good work!

Saskia, Dee, Van - thanks for the kind words yesterday.

Sobriety isn't always easy and it doesn't always feel good, but it works.

Babs1234

thank you Glee---that explains exactly how my day was.
Babs

p.s. tonight I have a crabby husband---ugh---it too will pass---ha ha

LonelyShadow

Just wanted to check in today, feeling full of energy and ready to get right back on track.

I made the appointment to see the anxiety/depression counsellor, hopefully she will have some useful input on anything that might support me.

I was considering raising the possibility of PTSD with her as well, for those of you who don't know I used to work as 'Support' in a "Social, Emotional and Behavioural" school (Ages 11-16) and was subjected to violence and very disturbing/upsetting situations daily. I wasn't entirely sure on the clinical definition of PTSD I assumed it was only something soldier's returning from war had, but I looked it up and I think there might be something in it.

I'll see what the professional says Appointment is Monday.

As for today I'm getting my Drill Seargeant hat on and will be yelling at my sister to get out of bed and go for a run

Peace and strength

Gilmer

It makes me smile to imagine you as a drill sergeant!

tootsl1

LS traumatic stress is something that is different to every person, some people can be subjected to high levels of violence and stress and cope with few side effects, others are affected very quickly by lower levels. In the home I ran one of my residents was bumped by a car on a crossing. The lights gave him as a pedestrian, right of way, but the driver kept going. He was barely injured, but shocked. He developed PTSD, because in the simplicity of his mind, his world was rocked. What ought have been safe suddenly wasn't. Anyhoo cut short, we got him counselling and he recovered fine.
What I am saying is that you come across as sensitive and caring, very much doubt you came out of those daily experiences without stress. You may just need a guide to help you work through it, or something more, so I would definitely talk to your counsellor about it. It is nothing to be ashamed of, it means you feel things deeper than some, which makes you a good person in my book. X

Saskia

LS, it's great to see posting here more often! My personal "take" is that helping someone else (like a sibling in your case) can put a whole new perspective on our own problems.

IWLSAST

Hi Undies,

While this for sure doesn't happen every morning, it did happen this morning. I woke up so full of gratitude for the life that I am living...right now. Not the one I hope to be living as a result of my efforts from today. Just a present tense bonanza.

LS, freedom for me from my past came from dropping the rock from the past. Just some random dude overhearing me after an AA mtg in my first week telling another drunk all the reasons that I drank. He interrupts and says, "Do you want to know why you drink?" I say yes, he says that it is because I am an alcoholic...and that is what we do, we drink.

For me now, at that moment I was able to let go of all that mess and blame between my ears. I drank because I am an alcoholic. With no other person, place or thing to blame I was able to accept responsibility...put that seeking chapter behind me and begin the process of forgiveness and healing.

Hey Babs, great to see you posting and realizing that to drink at a problem solves nothing. Next day the problem is still there...but now with regret and shame for drinking to compound it. For me, that circular logic turned me into a hamster, running so hard and fast and getting nowhere.

Glee, yes, there are days that I need to fight the fog and desire to feel the poor me's. They are the days that I live in the past or plan the future. I'll do anything to not live in the present, yet, if I would just do that one simple thing and focus on just my side of the street, I would find a much greater level of peace and serenity...even in a storm.

BF, I have no idea what you do when these cravings hit? Like we talked about a couple days ago...if the same person is certain to drink again...are you changing up thoughts and actions when they hit? This is an area that's hard for me to share experience because I never have suffered reoccurring obsessions to drink. In the past my triggers came out of the blue, suddenly and with force. My lack of needing to deal with them more frequently might have put me at some sort of a disadvantage. Anyway, I do think realizing that the same person drinks again will require new and different actions during a trigger period??? At least that is my plan.

I am planning a fun and productive day today. I'm going to simply press go and enjoy the ride on just my side of the street. I know for sure that in my addictive past my idea of a fun and productive day was ALREADY SEEING THE RESULTS. That's right, the outcome was already planned and taking the ride took WORK to get there...totally missing the joy in now.

Crazy thing how just letting go - just letting things happen while I try my hardest while staying in present tense leads to many more favorable outcomes for me.

I think letting go has nothing to do with sitting back...it requires us to do our very best, yet staying present and on our side of the street...then, accepting the chips that fall.

I'm so grateful for the recovery work and growth today that is leading to more and more freedom from the bondage that was my alcoholic thinking!


Enjoy the day, Undies.

Carlos

LonelyShadow

I am not seeking for reasons why I drank IWLSAST, just trying to get to grips with some issues I feel have been holding me back, and if it turns out that with a bit of professional guidance I can deal with those issues more effectively then surely the increased happiness and reduced stress will aid me in my recovery from addiction.

I drank because I loved to get drunk. I drank too much, too fast and it was irresponsible and stupid, when it became abundantly clear that I should stop drinking I didn't. I was addicted. I used to blame depression, anxiety, stress, loneliness, angst, addictive personality etc etc anything I could blame in order to just keep drinking and get people off my case. I believe that my recovery started when I realised it was my fault I was addicted, caused by my behaviour and my actions. Not something inherent within me from the start.

Gilmer

That is so true; understanding that was the turning point for me, the point at which I got the power to leave it far in the rearview mirror.

Babs1234

you are right Carlos---drinking because of a problem solves nothing. Feeling pretty strong today---Isn't it crazy how a good nights sleep and thinking thru this sober process helps us cope even just a little? thanks for all the support.
Have a good day Undies !!!
Babs

Saskia

Yes ... Whenever I feel tempted, I remember several things: 1. I was able to quit smoking - a 3-pack a day habit, within a week (over 30 years ago), 2. If I wait as little as 5 minutes, the temptation goes away, 3. If I'm stressed, I remind myself that drinking only added to the stress, 4. if I'm depressed, I get off my tail and *move*. Anything else? I simply remind myself that sober is far and away so much better. My addiction won't disappear no matter how hard I wish it could. It is no longer important because the benefits of being sober are so great :-)