LonelyShadow

It is good, it's been a good day. I managed to support my sister with a few things and that always does wonders for your self esteem, and she had a few insightful things to say about my situation too.

I've noticed that since I've been very honest with the family about the addiction they have been much more able to help, same with the doctors as well.

Saskia

LS, you are sounding much more like yourself today :-). You are determined and that will take you far. Do whatever it is you need to succeed!

Gilmer

I spent the morning in utter frustration with homework that went at a snail's pace. Then I spent the afternoon in the hospital waiting room with my younger daughter, who is pregnant for the first time, and was afraid she was having a miscarriage. We had to wait 2 1/2 hours to be seen! I did manage to distract her with amusing and inane conversation.

Then she had the sonogram, and everything was where it was supposed to be. Supposedly it was too early to see a heartbeat, because the baby is still less than a centimeter long; but we saw a tiny one anyway, and she was much relieved. If all continues to go well, her due date will be Oct. 18.

I was very proud of her during the procedures: she has a horror of doctors and all medical stuff, and she did great; she did not betray any fear at all. I was right there in case she did, though. So was her husband.

I'm so wiped out tonight that I'm not even up for watching the brand new season of House of Cards!

gleefan

New Leaf said something similar in Part 43. Old habits are comfortable. I used to be in the habit of doing what other people wanted - I felt like I was supposed to do what husband wanted, a needy friend, my mother, everyone. I was more comfortable doing things for others.

In recovery, I had to get uncomfortable. I had to start to look at my old habits, patterns, and behaviors. I had to change the ones that kept me tired, weary, sad and addicted.

It took a lot of work but now I'm comfortable doing nice things for myself. I'm still also comfortable doing nice things for other people. When my boundaries scream at me, I'm also comfortable advocating for myself, including saying "no." Doing things differently can make you feel off kilter, and it's OK to feel off kilter when it's because you're doing something healthy and appropriate.

Saskia - Sometimes I romanticize glasses of wine, too. I play the tape through, too, and that helps me a lot. Honestly, I find it exhausting after a while, but I suppose that's because I have so many people around me who are drinking.

Gilmer - I'm glad your daughter and the baby are ok. How great that you can be strong for her.

LonelyShadow - I'm glad you checked in. Addiction is very difficult to overcome. I think it's nice that you and your sister were able to offer each other some mutual support. I've found that making my life softer and gentler made it a more comfortable place to live.

I hope everyone's having a good day. I had one or two customers who made me want to scream today. I felt myself getting all worked up and I felt just like I did when I was drinking.

When I first stopped drinking, when I would try to let go of difficult feelings, I'd find myself disappointed that I couldn't drink them away. In addition to my frustration over whatever happened, I'd get frustrated by not being able to drink.

By exploring activities outside my habits, and working on finding new was to relax that didn't include booze, I built associations with relaxing doing other activities - simple things like watching a certain TV show, or covering up with a blanket on the couch, or going to the book store, or grabbing a coffee, or reading a magazine, etc. NOW when I'm frustrated over something, I look forward to those sober activities, rather than feel like I'm missing out on booze. Tonight when I felt frustrated, I was able to come up with a list of several things to do to unwind that didn't include booze.

Have a great night, Undies!

Saskia

Glee, I find that when I get frustrated and think about a drink, I get past it pretty quickly when I remind myself that drinking doesn't solve the frustration and if anything, it just makes it worse!

Gilmer, sounds like you had an exhausting day so no wonder you are tired! Great that you could be there for your daughter and that everything looks ok!

tootsl1

Hi guys, so much going on here and so much mutual support it is really wonderful to see.

LS, I am sorry to hear you relapsed, but never worry about what others will think of you coming back, I'm sure everyone will tell you the important aspect is that youdo come back for support. Once you are back on your feet and thinking straight, take a long look at where things go wrong that lead to you taking that first drink, and make sure next time that you have tools in place.

Petals, sorry if this sounds harsh, but you are very used to selfishly giving in to drink regardless of who deserves what around you, so now that you are trying to break that why not treat yourself to something a lot less destructive and a lot less self absorbed, but something that will make you feel happier and stronger. I also feel it is inportant that you look at why you feel you can only be happy making others happy. Perhaps you feel unworthy or that you don't actually deserve nice things? Maybe you need to look at what makes you feel that way. Our happiness, our sense of self worth ought not be based on what others think of us or on our value to others. I speak from the heart because for far too long I felt five ry much the same as you, but I worked at liking, respecting, loving myself. Now, while I like to be appreciated, what matters most is how I feel about myself. Go on, get a massage!!!

Sass, I feel you are really getting comfortable in your sober skin, doing things that you couldn't imagine of yourself even just a few short months ago.

Glee I found that the more sober associations I built in my memory banks of coping with times I would have drank, the less likely I was to even consider drinking as an option. Until nowadays the only times I fleetingly think of it is in times of reward rather than stress. That takes longer to get past for me, but is easy to manage.

NewLeaf, learning to say no, is difficult when we are yes people, but learn to be firm, you will be respected more for standing up for yourself than for being a doormat at everyone's beck and call. It is better to do fewer things well and feel good about yourself than be stressed and stretched and constantly feel we are failing.

Hi SFCityChic, good to see you here. My niece went through very much the same as you, her wee boy is her world now and the life she once led is behind her, hopefully for good.

Drake that guy sounds like my dad, I would want to swing for him!! Patience my frineds. And a very belated happy birthday, I have been in the wilds of Yorkshire the last few days and struggling to get a signal.

BeFree, hope you are enjoying a womp free day, how is your wee dog? Mad as a brush? Molly has been having a whale of a time running around all the wilderness here.

Well Undies old and new, I wish you all well as you look to a new week, a fresh start x

tootsl1

Gilmer, I do hope your daughters pregnancy goes smoother from this point, I understand her concerns, especially with the first. My thoughts are with you both as I know you want to protect her from all the emotional hurt she suffered yesterday with her concerns. X

Gilmer

Thank you, Toots.

And happy US birthday to you!

Saskia

Happy birthday, Toots! And thanks for your comments. Feedback is so helpful for me. Sometimes I notice changes but sometimes i don't. When I spent a bit of time this morning thinking about how I!m changing I realized that I feel good about the differences. I can't say I never think about a drink but the intensity and frequency have dropped a great deal. This week grocery shopping I walked by the wine section and barely noticed it - no longing feelings :-)

New activities are keeping me too busy to think much about alcohol. I run the library computer, do water aerobics three times a week and have joined two book clubs :-). I'm taking care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My recent big life change is feeling very positive as I explore new things. I don't get stressed out by too much to do because I'm learning to simply drop or delay things on my to do list when I feel it's too much.

Life is good!

BoozeFree

Happy birthday toots! No womp free days till tomorrow. But I am going to a concert tonight with friends that's should be fun.

Off to womp!

Gilmer

Have a good day womping, and a fun night at the concert!

petals

Thanks guys. You nailed it toots.... I have felt unworthy my whole life. That's another story. ... which I self medicated with various poisons through the years.
So far I have been to a pub last night. ...sober.
Spent the day in a club with a bar....no coffee for sale. ... I kept my focus. ...though I will admit I did look at the people around me who were enjoying wine etc.. with some longing.
Tonights Evening meal is in a pub.... and tonight's entertainment is in another pub...... come on petals you can do this!
X

SoberLeigh

[/CODE] Gilmer, so glad things worked out well yesterday for your daughter. I bet you were very exhausted, emotionally and physically, from the experience.

SoberLeigh

Yes, you can, Petals!!!!!

SoberLeigh

Celebrate your special day, toots.

Have fun womping, BF.

SoberLeigh

I am so glad that you are enjoying your new life, Saskia.

SoberLeigh

It is good to hear that you are reaching out for more support, LS.

I have complete confidence that you will beat this.

DrakeCKC

TOOTS! xo

LonelyShadow

Hello all thank you for the kind messages of support,

I have spent the day getting through things one by one, there has been a lot to clear up after my binge destroyed everything but I am grateful that all damage done is fixable and not as severe as it could of been.

I am cooking a massive beef curry for my family to say thank you for their support and bought my sister a little owl shaped candle holder and a thank you card considering her frankly heroic rescue of me. Small gestures that I hope will show them I appreciate their support and am back in the land of the living.

I'm starting to make notes of exactly what I will say to the doctor because I can already feel the AV trying to blame depression, I remember clearly why I drank this time around and depression had nothing to do with it.

I have a severe addiction to alcohol. That is the fact.

I will, however, be reaching out for support with the anxiety. I know that this is not alcohol related because I suffered severe anxiety as a child to the point I would fake illness to get out of school and would be afraid to go outside. When I have months of sober time the 'depression' disappears and the anxiety remains. Therefore, this has gone on long enough, I need help.

In terms of support with alcohol I still find AVRT to be effective, I failed because I recognised the Addictive Voice and drank anyway, I had a case of the "F-It's" because I was fed up, lonely and miserable. Wanted to feel the buzz of alcohol to feel good again. It was stupid and selfish, that's that. I think I may benefit from some sort of secular group meeting as well so I will ask the doctor or counsellor about that too.

Other than that nothing to report, it's Day 5 and the severe withdrawals have passed, just a bit foggy headed now, possibly due to the meds (Which I am tapering off of now)

Thanks for listening everyone, I'll be back soon.

Peace and strength.

SoberLeigh

That beef curry sounds delicious, LS. Enjoy your family time.

I am sure that your sister will cherish the candle holder.

Does AVRT talk about the eff-its being a form or language of the AV?