Class of November 2014 Part 8
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
hi class, just checking in. Its been a really busy 3 weeks with many highs and lows. I am currently in the US and have through 6 countries in less than 3 weeks, all work related.
I did drink for about 5 days and was not all that happy about it. It was triggered by a enormous prospective client insisting to bring me over to his home for a party and poker game. Its Asia and to refuse would have been a problem. I could have gone and not drank but I decided to drink. It triggered a 5 day drinking spree. Nothing too heavy, not getting drunk every day, but drinking nonetheless. After that, I flew to the US, didn't drink on the flight and then when picking up supplies in the local supermarket bought a bottle of wine and half a dozen beers to drink in my hotel room - in other words back to my old ways. Half way through the beers I realised what was happening and poured the rest down the sink and have not drank since. So, in other words, I am back. It was my first sizeable relapse and in some ways I am relieved to be back but not at all happy that I drank. "whats done is done, learn from it and move on" I can hear you say.....
So what have I done about it? The purpose of the trips were to meet potential clients and to train up the managers who will manage those territories. That is now complete, which means that I will not need to drink with clients again. I have put structures in place where they run the business locally and I do the business reviews. Sorry for the Corporate speak but the distinction is important. I can't be the one that is entertaining and socialising with clients. For those of you who have done business in Asia I know it sounds really childish but often if you are not willing to get drunk with a client then they do not trust you. Crazy, but true. Anyway, that is in the past now.
I can hear almost Dee saying.....well, you decided to drink. The client entertainment was the trigger but you still decided to drink. You need to protect your sobriety at all costs. Thats is true, but at least I have removed the direct temptation.
One of the other aspects of my last 3 months of not drinking was that it clarified the way in which my wife was manipulating me into agreeing to things that I was rolling along with as I felt guilty about my drinking. The last 3 weeks travelling have allowed me to dwell on that and really get my thoughts straight in terms of what is best for my family but what is also best for me so I feel in a good place there. Many, many thanks to the folks in the Friends and Family section for helping me with this.
Lastly, I wanted to thank Magellan and Maia for reaching out to me privately to check on me and my friends at AA who made an amazing effort to hold onto me while they could feel me slipping.
I am back, feel good and determined to clock my membership of the 100 day club this time...one day at a time obviously. I get back to China in a few days and will be there for a while. I will get straight to a meeting when I get there and I am going to work the steps which was something I held back from these past months.
I did drink for about 5 days and was not all that happy about it. It was triggered by a enormous prospective client insisting to bring me over to his home for a party and poker game. Its Asia and to refuse would have been a problem. I could have gone and not drank but I decided to drink. It triggered a 5 day drinking spree. Nothing too heavy, not getting drunk every day, but drinking nonetheless. After that, I flew to the US, didn't drink on the flight and then when picking up supplies in the local supermarket bought a bottle of wine and half a dozen beers to drink in my hotel room - in other words back to my old ways. Half way through the beers I realised what was happening and poured the rest down the sink and have not drank since. So, in other words, I am back. It was my first sizeable relapse and in some ways I am relieved to be back but not at all happy that I drank. "whats done is done, learn from it and move on" I can hear you say.....
So what have I done about it? The purpose of the trips were to meet potential clients and to train up the managers who will manage those territories. That is now complete, which means that I will not need to drink with clients again. I have put structures in place where they run the business locally and I do the business reviews. Sorry for the Corporate speak but the distinction is important. I can't be the one that is entertaining and socialising with clients. For those of you who have done business in Asia I know it sounds really childish but often if you are not willing to get drunk with a client then they do not trust you. Crazy, but true. Anyway, that is in the past now.
I can hear almost Dee saying.....well, you decided to drink. The client entertainment was the trigger but you still decided to drink. You need to protect your sobriety at all costs. Thats is true, but at least I have removed the direct temptation.
One of the other aspects of my last 3 months of not drinking was that it clarified the way in which my wife was manipulating me into agreeing to things that I was rolling along with as I felt guilty about my drinking. The last 3 weeks travelling have allowed me to dwell on that and really get my thoughts straight in terms of what is best for my family but what is also best for me so I feel in a good place there. Many, many thanks to the folks in the Friends and Family section for helping me with this.
Lastly, I wanted to thank Magellan and Maia for reaching out to me privately to check on me and my friends at AA who made an amazing effort to hold onto me while they could feel me slipping.
I am back, feel good and determined to clock my membership of the 100 day club this time...one day at a time obviously. I get back to China in a few days and will be there for a while. I will get straight to a meeting when I get there and I am going to work the steps which was something I held back from these past months.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 82
Hi Ubnt
So nice to hear from you again! That pressure is really tough - livelihood being hinged on behaviors that are not good for your life. A colleague last night told the story of a business lunch in Mexico that involved 5 shots of tequila and how brutal that was for him even as a drinker. I have no advice just sympathy. Not sure what I would do in a country culture that was offended by my lack of participation. I probably would have done the same as you to get the business....
Regarding your comment about your wife - That's very relatable too. I really appreciate how being sober has helped me have much clearer eyes when looking at my husband and children. They all say I'm more strict and don't let things slide. I consider that a good thing considering that I was drinking to deal with stuff I didn't want to deal with!
In that respect Being sober is great! Good luck.
So nice to hear from you again! That pressure is really tough - livelihood being hinged on behaviors that are not good for your life. A colleague last night told the story of a business lunch in Mexico that involved 5 shots of tequila and how brutal that was for him even as a drinker. I have no advice just sympathy. Not sure what I would do in a country culture that was offended by my lack of participation. I probably would have done the same as you to get the business....
Regarding your comment about your wife - That's very relatable too. I really appreciate how being sober has helped me have much clearer eyes when looking at my husband and children. They all say I'm more strict and don't let things slide. I consider that a good thing considering that I was drinking to deal with stuff I didn't want to deal with!
In that respect Being sober is great! Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 82
Originally Posted by GroundhogDay 
Just remember that flying is safer than driving. Really, we have to accept that we could die at any time even if we did nothing--illness, storm, asteroid, etc.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I'm glad you're back Ubn.
I've never entertained clients but I often wonder what would people do if a night of smoking cigarettes were needed to seal the deal, or weed...or a line of coke?
I'm not trying to wind you up...but isn't it along the same parabola?
D
I've never entertained clients but I often wonder what would people do if a night of smoking cigarettes were needed to seal the deal, or weed...or a line of coke?
I'm not trying to wind you up...but isn't it along the same parabola?
D
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Ubu! I've been worried about you! I'm glad you're back and moving forward but I must admit when you were MIA I feared the worst. Thankfully you are strong and committed and as always, insightful. The cultural differences must make things very difficult. I have a friend that lives in China and by his description everyone is alcoholic . I'm sure that's not true but it sounds that way. He has said refusal to drink with someone doesn't go well, and for business would be detrimental as you've expressed. I hope you can find a respectful way to live so that your business and sobriety can flourish. I have faith that you will.
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
I hear what you're saying about having to drink with Asian clients. I did a lot of China work and my boss would fly out to meet clients and have to drink round after round of Baiju, which I consider to be a particularly foul liquor. One time he got so wrecked he was on the bathroom floor vomiting, and he's not even a real drinker. And this was a poor part of the country so there was no toilet, just a hole in the ground. Yikes!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 124
Ubn, very glad to hear from you! That's a difficult situation for sure, when your life values collide with your work values. I'm happy that you're back on track and doing what is best for you. We missed you!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
So, I've reached the point where I am feeling much sharper mentally and more creative and energetic. I got a lot done this week. I can't even imagine wanting to drink at this point. However, my coffee consumption is out of control. The new guidelines say up to five cups a day is okay. I drink 3-5 cups per day. If I drink 4-5, it upsets my stomach, but I do it anyway when I need the stimulation.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 82
Originally Posted by GroundhogDay
So, I've reached the point where I am feeling much sharper mentally and more creative and energetic. I got a lot done this week. I can't even imagine wanting to drink at this point. However, my coffee consumption is out of control. The new guidelines say up to five cups a day is okay. I drink 3-5 cups per day. If I drink 4-5, it upsets my stomach, but I do it anyway when I need the stimulation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Bardo
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm glad you're back Ubn.
I've never entertained clients but I often wonder what would people do if a night of smoking cigarettes were needed to seal the deal, or weed...or a line of coke?
I'm not trying to wind you up...but isn't it along the same parabola?
D
I've never entertained clients but I often wonder what would people do if a night of smoking cigarettes were needed to seal the deal, or weed...or a line of coke?
I'm not trying to wind you up...but isn't it along the same parabola?
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Bardo
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by ubntubnt
hi class, just checking in. Its been a really busy 3 weeks with many highs and lows. I am currently in the US and have through 6 countries in less than 3 weeks, all work related.
I did drink for about 5 days and was not all that happy about it. It was triggered by a enormous prospective client insisting to bring me over to his home for a party and poker game. Its Asia and to refuse would have been a problem. I could have gone and not drank but I decided to drink. It triggered a 5 day drinking spree. Nothing too heavy, not getting drunk every day, but drinking nonetheless. After that, I flew to the US, didn't drink on the flight and then when picking up supplies in the local supermarket bought a bottle of wine and half a dozen beers to drink in my hotel room - in other words back to my old ways. Half way through the beers I realised what was happening and poured the rest down the sink and have not drank since. So, in other words, I am back. It was my first sizeable relapse and in some ways I am relieved to be back but not at all happy that I drank. "whats done is done, learn from it and move on" I can hear you say.....
So what have I done about it? The purpose of the trips were to meet potential clients and to train up the managers who will manage those territories. That is now complete, which means that I will not need to drink with clients again. I have put structures in place where they run the business locally and I do the business reviews. Sorry for the Corporate speak but the distinction is important. I can't be the one that is entertaining and socialising with clients. For those of you who have done business in Asia I know it sounds really childish but often if you are not willing to get drunk with a client then they do not trust you. Crazy, but true. Anyway, that is in the past now.
I can hear almost Dee saying.....well, you decided to drink. The client entertainment was the trigger but you still decided to drink. You need to protect your sobriety at all costs. Thats is true, but at least I have removed the direct temptation.
One of the other aspects of my last 3 months of not drinking was that it clarified the way in which my wife was manipulating me into agreeing to things that I was rolling along with as I felt guilty about my drinking. The last 3 weeks travelling have allowed me to dwell on that and really get my thoughts straight in terms of what is best for my family but what is also best for me so I feel in a good place there. Many, many thanks to the folks in the Friends and Family section for helping me with this.
Lastly, I wanted to thank Magellan and Maia for reaching out to me privately to check on me and my friends at AA who made an amazing effort to hold onto me while they could feel me slipping.
I am back, feel good and determined to clock my membership of the 100 day club this time...one day at a time obviously. I get back to China in a few days and will be there for a while. I will get straight to a meeting when I get there and I am going to work the steps which was something I held back from these past months.
I did drink for about 5 days and was not all that happy about it. It was triggered by a enormous prospective client insisting to bring me over to his home for a party and poker game. Its Asia and to refuse would have been a problem. I could have gone and not drank but I decided to drink. It triggered a 5 day drinking spree. Nothing too heavy, not getting drunk every day, but drinking nonetheless. After that, I flew to the US, didn't drink on the flight and then when picking up supplies in the local supermarket bought a bottle of wine and half a dozen beers to drink in my hotel room - in other words back to my old ways. Half way through the beers I realised what was happening and poured the rest down the sink and have not drank since. So, in other words, I am back. It was my first sizeable relapse and in some ways I am relieved to be back but not at all happy that I drank. "whats done is done, learn from it and move on" I can hear you say.....
So what have I done about it? The purpose of the trips were to meet potential clients and to train up the managers who will manage those territories. That is now complete, which means that I will not need to drink with clients again. I have put structures in place where they run the business locally and I do the business reviews. Sorry for the Corporate speak but the distinction is important. I can't be the one that is entertaining and socialising with clients. For those of you who have done business in Asia I know it sounds really childish but often if you are not willing to get drunk with a client then they do not trust you. Crazy, but true. Anyway, that is in the past now.
I can hear almost Dee saying.....well, you decided to drink. The client entertainment was the trigger but you still decided to drink. You need to protect your sobriety at all costs. Thats is true, but at least I have removed the direct temptation.
One of the other aspects of my last 3 months of not drinking was that it clarified the way in which my wife was manipulating me into agreeing to things that I was rolling along with as I felt guilty about my drinking. The last 3 weeks travelling have allowed me to dwell on that and really get my thoughts straight in terms of what is best for my family but what is also best for me so I feel in a good place there. Many, many thanks to the folks in the Friends and Family section for helping me with this.
Lastly, I wanted to thank Magellan and Maia for reaching out to me privately to check on me and my friends at AA who made an amazing effort to hold onto me while they could feel me slipping.
I am back, feel good and determined to clock my membership of the 100 day club this time...one day at a time obviously. I get back to China in a few days and will be there for a while. I will get straight to a meeting when I get there and I am going to work the steps which was something I held back from these past months.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
Originally Posted by Dee74
are you going to try and cut back, GHD?
D
D
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