gypsytears

Sorry for your stress Phoebe. Almost is a victory though. It takes a lot of strength to turn around a go home without the wine! Good work!

gypsytears

Thanks Phoebe. Me too .

I have him set up for the physical he blew off on Monday and then we're going to a behavioral health place to get him into the teen program. They think he needs the full day sessions for now as opposed to just part time after school. We'll find out more on Monday. He tested positive for pot during a home test... I'm not happy about that .

workforit

Gypsy, that's a lot of stress on your plate. The people we love sure do manage to pull all our triggers, don't they? You always seem to approach problems with such a level head - I admire that.

Phoebe - glad you're feeling a little better. Sorry about the fight with your daughter -- like I said above, they can get you right where it hurts. My daughter has the capacity to be a real sweetheart and then turn into a big whiny pain in the butt in about 5 seconds flat. Since she's away at college, I fortunately get to view that in smaller chunks of time now.

I woke up to a flat tire on my car this morning - blech! Trying to look at it as a lucky break that I was at home, rather than out on the highway when it happened. Perspective is a wonderful thing.

Hope you all have a happy, safe and sober day!!

gypsytears

And cue some ominous music... Counseling & the aftermath is going badly. My partner is having a temper tantrum over him breaking my boundary of telling my son to talk to his bio father. He's trying to turn it around that he's afraid of a comment my 14 year old made. A 6 foot 240 lb man is afraid of my son who is a lot smaller and not physical at all? I don't believe it. But acting on it I called an in home counseling service to come out tonight at 10pm when I get home to asses the situation. So... When I told my partner they're coming he's mad because I don't agree they need to. Yes, I called because he wants it not because I do. Nevertheless they are coming and that's all that matters right? Well... Apparently not. I'm really sick of his control games. He's now telling me I'm leaving? Uh... No I'm not.

gypsytears

Sorry for your flat workforit. I wish my day was as easy lol.

Kensho

Sometimes, Gypsy, the only way to end the continual debilitating soap opera is to get out—even if that is painful. The only way to tell if that is where the situation is at is to look—coldly—at the patterns, not single events. It took me many years to learn that in my first marriage, many years to see the pattern in the deceit and manipulation, interspersed with “nice” behavior aimed at keeping me in the manipulations. And her calls for “joint counseling” were part of the game.

Whether or not that is completely conscious (in my ex-wife’s case, I believe that it mostly was) is irrelevant.

Getting out was painful and costly (I mean emotionally, though economically as well). Without some wise counseling and therapy, I could not have gone through with it.

Only you can tell where you’re at in that soap opera, but it’s pretty clear that that is exactly what you’re in. Whether the relationship has to end to end the soap opera is something that only you can judge. But the soap opera itself has to end—or it will drain you to death. And, frankly, it is not good for anyone involved—even those who try to keep it going.

I’m fortunate: I have been married for 20 years now to my best friend. Arguments? A few, but pretty rare over those two decades. And no lingering resentments. She went through the soap opera too, for many years (worse than mine)—and we were and are both committed to not living that soap opera with each other. And that commitment has survived even my alcoholism—then, and now as I grapple with recovery. She told me today that I am still her one "safe place", and that moves me greatly - because I know that she meant it.

We also had both committed to never again allowing ourselves to live in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship—for any reason whatsoever, period.

You likely know all this, as I suspect that you are wiser in your life than I was back then. I just feel some empathy because of my own history. If I have “spoken out of turn”, then I apologize.

Be well.

EDIT: Both my wife and I know, though, that I have not been “a safe place” for myself. And, in recovery, I need to learn how to be.

Dee74

I'm sorry (((Gyps)))

D

Erratic

Gypsy ((((hugs)))) xx

gypsytears

Thank you for your insight Kensho. All of that makes sense of course! You've give me some food for thought, which I will mediate on.

Thanks Dee, Erratic.

The response team (1person) came out, very late last night. A lot of time, questions, papers to fill out over an angry teen outburst that, in my opinion was just that. I answered all of her questions truthfully and made it clear that I called because of my partner's concern. He said he felt unsafe but didn't act fearful or sound fearful. Just words. He's good at controlling & manipulating people outside the facts. The end result was that my son was not a danger that warranted immediate action. I did however take advantage of the in home counseling option where they come to the house and counsel the family. I also made it clear that my partner needs to work on resolution with my son, and while my son should not have voiced his anger using that particular vocabulary, would probably benefit by learning Sie communication tools. So now, they're supposed to call with further instructions and hopefully a start date. I really don't feel the urgency, feel it's utter BS on my partners part. If he has a problem with my son it's up to him to work on it. I'm tired of the blame.

Actually, I'm just plain tired. She left at 1am-ish and I get up at 4am so needless to say I didn't sleep at all. None. Stared at the ceiling listening to my partner's very loud snoring and tried to use pranayama to no avail. Very aggravated, headachey, slightly nauseous & tired of him right now. Yes, I entertained the idea of drinking today. I only teach one more class at 9:30. Nothing is going well... Wtf shouldn't I be able to chill. And be drunk if I want to. I kind of want to.

Kensho

Please don't drink, Gypsy. Right now, it wouldn't bring real respite - and ultimately would be punishing yourself.

Erratic

Ur right ur partner should sort things out with him and ur son. He is the adult and substitute father to him sry ur feeling tired. Why not after ur appointment is have a lay down and see how u are gypsy ? Take care hun we are here for u xx

I had my appointment with my physiciatrist today and I'm to slowly come off my anti depressants as I've been on the same ones for many yrs and then have a gap to see how I am and then see what to go on next. She has given me more diazepam for coming of drink and anti d so let's hope I don't become to ill. Oh and I'm being referred back to psychotherapy that should help me a little.

So I'm sober again today I won't put down how many days until I've done a full week. Xx

Have a good day if u can xx hugs again gypsy and all.

SDH73

Crappy situation, gypsy. Sorry you're having to deal with all that.

Erratic, good luck with your taper off the anti-d's. Hope it goes well.

Magellan

hi gypsy, don't give away the 100 day club membership, it isn't worth it, of course i'm not very qualified to be giving advice, I've only made it a few days myself, but as selfish as I might sound, I need to know from my friends here that long term sobriety is possible and the inspiration/motivation I am building from you, workforit, alwayshope, ubntubnt, applekat, Bernie, 11stars, pixie, angd, marathon man, phoebe,help19me....sorry if I missed anyone is what is getting me through these early days.
I don't know who said it but you do seem to handle things very calmly.
Phoebe - wow! great job on not coming home with the wine....that is like mission impossible.

Magellan

hi all, i've got a platelet donation tonight, hence no caps-I only have one hand to type, so i'll get through another day. i'm fasting on Friday's during lent so that gets me through tomorrow and I gave up wine for lent (i'm really on pixie's "90 days + forever plan") but for some reason I garner more support from my wife and family by saying it is a for lent...go figure. I've expanded my support team by one person, who gave me something to think about, he said that if I want to say yes to being a better husband I have to say no to alcohol, if I want to say yes to being a better father I have to say no to alcohol, if I want to say yes to being a better person I have to say no to alcohol, etc - net, net I can say yes to many, many things I want if I am able to say no to only one...
I read a lot here and so many people on SR are struggling with very, very difficult issues and I consider myself very lucky to have everything I do, and cant help but think how many of these people were right where I was before the slippery slope got steeper. willpower/discipline are good but working past acknowledgment/acceptance is another ballpark just rambling some thoughts, thanks for listening.
nothing good comes from alcohol, I don't need alcohol to live!
p.s. gypsy I hope you have a better day and workforit great thinking about the flat tire!

Alwyshope12

Gypsy, you could have written a page out of my childhood! oh the memories.

I think one of the greatest gifts of sobriety is being able to feel our emotions and respond to them appropriately instead of acting childish or drinking.

Hang in there and remember you didn't create the problem, and drinking sure wouldn't solve it. You've come too far to throw that away!

gypsytears

I know, I didn't, and I won't drink over it. Thank you for the support. I continue to take the role of sobriety seriously, don't worry Magellan. I'm good. I was not calm when I got home this afternoon however...Had an argument with my partner, let my frustration and anger respond to his own nasty attitude and words. I tried to rest but my daughter called to see how her brothers are and she knew something was wrong so I vented to her and now she's disgusted with my partner as well. Not helpful I guess but it is what it is.

I wish you continued strength Magellan, as you give blood & life to others you give yourself the same by saying no to alcohol. I like that, what you gained. That's awesome.

Hope you're feeling okay Erratic. Keep checking in when you can, tapering can be difficult.

Thank you Kensho... I know.

Alwayshope, sounds like you had a rough childhood? I'm sorry.

Mine was very abusive and unfortunately my poor children lived through a different nightmare... The girls were harmed most but affected the boys too...Which is the contributing factor to my sons issues right now. They are being teenagery yes, but there are underlying factors. I think my partner should be more sensitive as to the whys. Everyone is not the same. They cannot be expected to be what he thinks. I know they need a little help... But considering? The list is so long you probably wouldn't believe half of it.

I just smudged my whole house & my sons.

Erratic

Thanks gypsy for this post it was good to see u staying strong even after such crap things going on. I hoped venting to ur daughter helped hun it's good to have someone close to do that xx
Hope today is even a little better for u x

Will be another sober day for me. Early to say might be getting hang of it again lol

Tomorrow I reduce my anti d by another 50 so will see if I get anymore or worse side affects.

Mood ways is not so bad either got long shift at work today so will be glad it's 9pm for me.

Oh by the way mag loved ur post also keep going hun xxx

Have good day all,weekend is coming again and I will have to keep going sober

workforit

Magellan, loved your post about saying yes to so many things and possibilities just by saying no to this one thing. I think too, that your self-awareness to see the better husband, better father, better person you can be (and are) is going to lead you exactly where you want to go.

Erratic, you sound so much more positive and determined. That's wonderful -- you keep going!

Gypsy, hang in there. You have a lot of plates in the air. Hopefully your son can get the help he needs to improve his sense of well-being. Please take very good care of yourself, too.

Cold cold day here -- the thermometer read 1 degree this morning! I have the day off work, so went out to lunch with my husband and took the cats to the vet (husband is now dressing his wound!). Hope you all have a great Friday!

Applekat

Hoping everyone has a good Friday. It's freezing here and stilllll trying to combat cabin fever. Kids have not had preschool this whole week, either. We already did an Easter egg craft lol lol. Here's hoping spring comes soon! Love playground hopping weather. Have first appt with high risk OB Wednesday and very anxious.

A movie recommendation I just remembered - Saving Mr Banks. There was underlying alcoholism and I had no idea that would play in - it was sad. But a good movie, I thought.

'You never regret NOT drinking!'

Erratic

Apple I saw a pic on Facebook it was about snow painting? Maybe go out and paint in the snow? Hope u had a good day x

Hope everyone is ok as it's quite x