Class of February 2015
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 101
In. Day 1 for me again. Had three sober days last week and started back up on Thursday. Drank last night to "even out." Sick of being exhausted and controlled by this. I want to live my life. The fog is so thick right now in my world.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
I'm late to the party but I still want to jump on board. 
Quitting alcohol and nicotine. Not thinking in terms of forever just in terms of right now.
Anxiety has been acting up and can't quite figure out if its nicotine withdrawals or the new medication I am on.. all I know is its driving me nuts. Wanted to test if it was the cigarettes or the medication causing the agitation and rationalized smoking (2) cigarettes. Didn't help or relieve any anxiety so I am betting on the medication.
Despite my bad decision it has now been (2) cigarettes in three days. Much better than my 7 cigarettes per day.
Trying to focus on the positive and any progress I am able to make.
Quitting alcohol and nicotine. Not thinking in terms of forever just in terms of right now.
Anxiety has been acting up and can't quite figure out if its nicotine withdrawals or the new medication I am on.. all I know is its driving me nuts. Wanted to test if it was the cigarettes or the medication causing the agitation and rationalized smoking (2) cigarettes. Didn't help or relieve any anxiety so I am betting on the medication.
Despite my bad decision it has now been (2) cigarettes in three days. Much better than my 7 cigarettes per day.
Trying to focus on the positive and any progress I am able to make.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Maryland
Posts: 235
Went to a noon meeting today and found out one of our members...44 year old Mom of two died last week from this disease. She kept going back out over and over again...like me. Could have been any one of us...so scary
HF
HF
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
hi Feb peeps- starting again
After 20 days sober I drank again on Sat. Not much. It was a bottle of perfer Champaign split between four people. I didnt waiver...I simply said "hell yeah". And I savored every drop of my $65 dollar pour. And I wouldnt have even counted it as a "slip" (it was a choice...no craving involved either). I would have simply acknowledged the "blip" and continued on with my sober count...
Except...
Then a bottle of savinog blanc was opened. And I obsessively monitored each pour making sure to get my fair share. Pathetic, huh? Dont remember much of the dinner conversation because I was consumed with monitoring the alcohol. When that bottle was gone, I hoped beyond hope someone would order another. I would have gladly partook in anything offered (at least I stopped myself from actually ordering something myself).
So all in all, I didnt actually have much much...but twice as much as I thought I was agreeing to when I accepted the first drink. And, not surprisingly, it turned out to be just another example about how "monitoring" doesnt work. I literally spent my evening monitoring instead of having any fun.
So back to day three for me.
Still no real cravings. Though i'm so intrigued by the beautiful glasses filled with tawny colored wine, the candle warming decanting process, and the smart little cordial s table side in the drawing rooms featured in Downton Abbey. It so delectable looking. I want to partake in it all.
But when I try it never stops there...I usually end up vomiting cheap boxed wine in the kitchen at work and nursing a terrible hangover. There is nothing fancy or pretty about my drinking. Nothing at all.
Except...
Then a bottle of savinog blanc was opened. And I obsessively monitored each pour making sure to get my fair share. Pathetic, huh? Dont remember much of the dinner conversation because I was consumed with monitoring the alcohol. When that bottle was gone, I hoped beyond hope someone would order another. I would have gladly partook in anything offered (at least I stopped myself from actually ordering something myself).
So all in all, I didnt actually have much much...but twice as much as I thought I was agreeing to when I accepted the first drink. And, not surprisingly, it turned out to be just another example about how "monitoring" doesnt work. I literally spent my evening monitoring instead of having any fun.
So back to day three for me.
Still no real cravings. Though i'm so intrigued by the beautiful glasses filled with tawny colored wine, the candle warming decanting process, and the smart little cordial s table side in the drawing rooms featured in Downton Abbey. It so delectable looking. I want to partake in it all.
But when I try it never stops there...I usually end up vomiting cheap boxed wine in the kitchen at work and nursing a terrible hangover. There is nothing fancy or pretty about my drinking. Nothing at all.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
Sulu- I yhink you are so right to slow down a bit at work and take a break. Have you tried meditation? Sometimes I think all the buzz caused by stress is a trigger. Drinking seems to quiet that buzz. But there are better ways to deal with it. And ways to make it not start.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by lilac0721 
It looks like there are a few of us starting over on Day 1 again today. It is nice that I am not alone in having many "start overs" since joining SR. We can do this, we have each other!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Happyfeet
Went to a noon meeting today and found out one of our members...44 year old Mom of two died last week from this disease. She kept going back out over and over again...like me. Could have been any one of us...so scary HF
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Well....it's still day 1 (again) for me but I think today has been a good day so far! I went to 2 AA meetings and they were BOTH really good. I tried to have a positive attitude this time and just listen and relate. I also got my old sponsor back! I really like her. She's super sweet & really knows how to work the steps.
I have my meetings scheduled for the rest of the week so I have a "plan". I've also told a few people I would meet them at those meetings so it keeps me accountable.
Just ate a snack and now I'm gonna take a short nap. Taking care of myself today! The house is a total mess but who cares...I'm sober!!! Right now, I feel pretty good but I know those horrid cravings are hiding and waiting for me "some where". I MUST be prepared! Prepared for WAR!
I have my meetings scheduled for the rest of the week so I have a "plan". I've also told a few people I would meet them at those meetings so it keeps me accountable.
Just ate a snack and now I'm gonna take a short nap. Taking care of myself today! The house is a total mess but who cares...I'm sober!!! Right now, I feel pretty good but I know those horrid cravings are hiding and waiting for me "some where". I MUST be prepared! Prepared for WAR!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 9
Hi
Posted yesterday for first time. Day 5 now and would like to be in class of feb. I might gain five hundred pounds in the month. Can't stop eating and eating crap.
Really wrestled today with the thought " you went five days- one bad day a week is ok"
But with my daughters high school orientation tomorrow- I keep telling myself- she will know and she will think this is ok. I don't want her to drink in high school
Thanks for organizing this and for everyone's candor.
Probably thinking I should tell my husband about not drinking. Although I hid my drinking from him I feel so weird to bust out with that
Sorry for random non sequitur thoughts
Posted yesterday for first time. Day 5 now and would like to be in class of feb. I might gain five hundred pounds in the month. Can't stop eating and eating crap.
Really wrestled today with the thought " you went five days- one bad day a week is ok"
But with my daughters high school orientation tomorrow- I keep telling myself- she will know and she will think this is ok. I don't want her to drink in high school
Thanks for organizing this and for everyone's candor.
Probably thinking I should tell my husband about not drinking. Although I hid my drinking from him I feel so weird to bust out with that
Sorry for random non sequitur thoughts
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
I can totally relate to how you feel Milly4Me with getting sucked into romanticizing wine/dinner parties.
The thing is we both know there is nothing pretty about our drinking and getting wasted at these type of events is just embarassing.
Despite this knowledge, I am still working to remove the romantic notions I have for alcohol.
The thing is we both know there is nothing pretty about our drinking and getting wasted at these type of events is just embarassing.
Despite this knowledge, I am still working to remove the romantic notions I have for alcohol.
No plans for drinks and have no smokes on me so I know I will be okay but this anxiety really sucks.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Originally Posted by milly4me
Sulu- I yhink you are so right to slow down a bit at work and take a break. Have you tried meditation? Sometimes I think all the buzz caused by stress is a trigger. Drinking seems to quiet that buzz. But there are better ways to deal with it. And ways to make it not start.
I have tried meditation in the past and had some success with it, definitely something I will give another shot
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Definitely guys - balance is key.
I had a maladaptive way of working - push myself unmercifully accomplishing great amounts...then relax unmercifully, I guess, with a week long bender.
There is a gentler middle way
D
I had a maladaptive way of working - push myself unmercifully accomplishing great amounts...then relax unmercifully, I guess, with a week long bender.
There is a gentler middle way
D
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