Jsbodhi

I do the same thing, I think about drinking at the end of the day after work and I think about how boring my night is going to be without wine( even though it rarely is).
Same as you, I find if I just go home and settle into cooking, reading, coming here, study or some other activity I'm safe from the drink, I'm finding the key is to get home without going to the liquor store.

I have temper tantrums in my head too " but I WANT a drink wahhhh, and I work so hard, and my bills are paid, or I need to have one last night to say goodbye to alcohol, or I don't care, I'm only on day 2 one more night won't hurt, the sun is shining or it's not, I'm happy I need to celebrate, I'm sad blah blah the list goes on.
I'm slowly learning not to engage the argument, easier said than done. We're getting there fabl

keithurbanfan

Well, I didn't hear anything about the job today. Officially. I talked to two people who work there and found out the recommendation has been made to HR, but they won't tell me if it's me or not! Both of them alluded to the fact the I shouldn't worry and that everything is good. But it's hard for me to do that until I know for sure. The job is with the state, so I know that it's a real process. I'm just terribly impatient. Hopefully I'll hear something tomorrow. I'm trying to stay positive.

And brynn, somehow I had a feeling you were a vegetarian. I am too!

Tonks

Hey Js!

I think the last year of my active drinking I did the same thing, except I never attempted to quit drinking. It was always a verbal argument in my head... "I really should slow down, well no it's Sh!tty Sunday, we always get blitzed on Sundays." And then Monday would roll around; "I should really stop, it's too much... but wait, it's Sh!tty Monday, we always get ****** on monday" and on and on and on.

Just saying I understand where you're coming from. There's always an excuse if we look for one. I think we're all experts here on that.

BBQBiker

Copper, it's an acoustical. Taylor GS Mini. I love it and I hope that someday soon I can play well enough to do it justice.

Tonks, my dog is a certified Disasyer Stress Relief Dog. One of 30 such dogs that are active in the country. He goes to disaster sites and works with the victims and first responders. Very interesting stuff. At the VA he works with the vets with PTSD. Amazing what a dog can do.
I'm glad you have the paperwork for you dog. You never know when or if you'll need it.

Dee74

I hope all those in the path of the snow are safe.

For those struggling - reach out and use the support here - you can do this

Can I just remind you all that commercial links (sites that sell stuff) are a no no - if you have any commercial links to share, *please* share them by PM.

Stubbs16

Hey class,
Sorry I'm just getting back. Lurked yesterday a bit. Love and appreciate all the good posts, and pics! Wow, I don't even know how to do that, but I probably wouldn't share, as I'm ashamed of how bad I look! We have a good looking class here, and you all have got what it takes.To share pics, and stay sober. Wow. I'm amazed, and happy for you all.

Sorry to say I picked up again, today. AA isn't working for me, and SR isn't either, it seems. I feel I'm incapable of staying sober for any length of time here. Sorry. I've tried this, and that. I know I'm messed up, beyond repair here. NOTHING is working for me. I know my whole life needs to change, and these changes just aren't about me. Its about how I live, how I react to living in a constant, bad place. I don't think I will ever be able to overcome this, unless all these factors change.

I don't want to share all the details, but its too much for me . I'm in an impossible place here, dealing with the other, who is so sick in his own way. And things I just can't accept, or change. I know I need to change how I REACT to this all, but its day in and day out for me. No hope, no reprieve here. Its just too much for me to handle. I can't do it anymore.

I called and talked to some friends from AA today. It helped, for like a minute. Not blaming my addiction on anyone else, but my God, things in my home life are too much to handle. I don't wish to tell you all this, buts its truly unbearable for me, at this point.

I just don't have the answer. I've prayed, I've pleaded, I've done things I thought would help me in my recovery. The sad part is, I don't think I will ever make it.

I'm willing to do my part, but I can't live in a constant state of this crap! Sorry. I'm even asking myself, am I ******** or what? How many times do I have to say NO to the drink? I KNOW my whole life has to change, or I will not be better. I am a slave to the other, my hub. I have no other place to live, no other resourses at all.

AA made me angry, because they were like, well we can help you, but we are not a taxi service for anyone. I told them my car situation, and lack of funds. Oh well!

forabetterlife

JS and to Tonks, yes the excuses were easy to find and we are all experts I'm sure. I look back to pre2011 and I literally could not imagine a day without drinking. I'm sure I had some here and there but they were either with huge effort and in misery or forced by circumstances. Not drinking barely even occurred to me. Didn't everyone drink?

Shannon, waiting is the hardest part!

I'm irritable and sad today. Thinking about my dad and how much I miss the old him. My daddy. The one I could go to About anything. So funny and smart and alive. He could solve any problem, always took care of his family no matter what. I want him back.

At the same time I'm accepting the loss of the only other man I love truly and loved me. By him I feel betrayed, pushed aside and ignored like I don't matter. I texted him a month ago when we got my dads prognosis. Didn't say what it was , just that it was important. And nothing. I'm forced to see that maybe he didn't love me like I thought he did. I'm putting the pieces together but it hurts.

Sorry for the bummer post. I just can't bring myself to talk to anyone about any of this. And it feels raw without the numb of alcohol. I'll quote my favorite line again: from Drinking, A Love Story, " The only way to the other side of a bad feeling is through it, not around it".

Dee74

This is your AV Max

The problem with the 'if you had my life you'd drink too' defence is that drinking doesn't help. At best it preserves the status quo.

In time, it will make things worse, which requires more alcohol.

When I quit I was ultra hyper sensitive. My emotional skin was like tissue paper.
My list of 'things to drink for' was longer than War and Peace.

I had to commit to not drinking tho.

I had to commit to taking that option off the table, and I had to commit to finding other healthier ways to deal with my problems.

I think you need to do that too.

It's not that AA or SR aren't working, it's that you haven't committed yet to not drinking no matter what.

I know and I'm sorry. It's tough.

I can't promise you it's easy, but I can promise that it gets easier.

The longer you drink tho, the harder it's going to get Max.

D

forabetterlife

Oh max, our posts crossed. Today is a bad day for you, Everything sucks and you drank and now you feel hopeless. I get it. I felt like that just a few days ago. It passes. It gets better. It really does. Keep praying, keep searching, keep reaching out. It is a tough fight and sometimes we get so sick of it, I know. But you know as well as I do that it's worth it. Don't you give up! Keep talking, we are all here for you...

Jsbodhi

Hi max!!
I'm a problem child in our sober family with my relapses, I know it's hard, but you gotta keep trying, you deserve better than what alcohol is offering, I'm struggling too, but I know we'll make it if we try xoxo

Fabl: I'm having a hard time with the loss of love as well <3 love will come again though and we'll be sober and better able to embrace it!

Della1968

Max would you be able to get some counseling? I understand I went years feeling just like you are. I have some bad things in my life right now but the more distance I put between myself and alcohol the easier they are to handle.

Stubbs16

Ok class, I'm done in. I'm drinking today.
I can't handle my life, as it is, today. Or any day. I had 10 days, good right?

I've tried this and that, nothing is working for me! I fear I'm not worthy of a good life.
I've tried SR, AA is new as well. I can get sober, but not stay that way too long.

I'm just messed up, beyond repair here. I've lost my hope, and that is a bad thing.
I reached out today to my new friends in AA. They talked me thru like 4 hours.
Its not enuff. What do I do now?

My home life is total crap. I need a change here. I'm stuck in bad situation here, that will never change. I'm without the $ to make it so. My other is so sick in other ways. That he will never own up to.

I've done this marriage for 32 years, I held in there. Now, this just isn't serving me, or my sobriety so well. He's as sick as I am. I'm lost, upset, and don't know where to turn now. I'm on my knees, asking GOD to deliver me. Seems I can't do it myself. He is my last and only hope. I've tried everything else, so far.

Just needed to tell Dax, forget the sober counter for me. I'm not going to make it just yet. I pray I will, because I know my life is on the line here, now, 2day. Everyday that I choose to pick up.

That's all I've got 2nite class. Thanks for listening to me.

Blessings all.

Della1968

I hope you come back.

Jsbodhi

Hi Max!

You're not hopeless, you really aren't!
We all understand how hard it is <3 its a nightmare half the time, and you are worthy of a good life!!! Don't think like that!!!!
We're all here for you whether you're drinking or not, just don't go off the deep end ok?!
Tomorrow is a new day.
do you have anyone to talk to? Sometimes just getting things off your chest can help, small steps are ok too, even just try to rack up a few days at a time, if forever seems too long.
I have yet to get to the elusive day 12, let's just try together

BBQBiker

Max, we are here for you. Like others have said, if you drink tonight that is one thing, if you continue to drink that is another. Others have relapsed briefly and come back. I pray you do not go off the deep end. We love you and we are here to listen no matter what. I understand that you home situation is terrible and desperate - like Dee said, drinking is not going to help that. A clear sober mind can help.

Dee74

Drinking is not going to help your marriage either I'm afraid Max.

A little sober time will definitely give you a clearer perspective tho and will help you work out what to do.

D

Copper442

TonkMaster3000, I think if we ever got together we would get arrested. However, I'm willing to risk it only if you bring along some of that lemon pepper chicken.

BB, Taylor guitars are my favorite, well, that and Gibson. They have an amazing depth and warmth to their sound.

fabl, I'm really glad you are sharing but more than that I'm glad you are analyzing and picking apart your own thoughts and taking control of them. You are dealing with so much but it is great that you are powering on. Keep it up, sister!

Max, sweetheart, I think at one point we all have felt that we were a hopeless case and our lives were too screwed up and that there was no way to get out. Not a single bit of that has an ounce of truth to it. I know living in a situation that is beyond unpleasant and not having a way out. Alcohol is lying to you! I'll share what Dee once said to me, "you've given drinking a number of years. How about giving sobriety a fair shot?". Max, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by committing to this. I never believed sobriety was better. I used to think everyone was full of crap when they said it was worth it and that I could do it. But, after 40 days I realized they were right on both fronts. Give it a fair shot, Max. Please.

BBQBiker

Dee, sorry about the link. I thought that the link would provide info and I completely overlooked that fact that the website sells the product. My bad.

BBQBiker

Copper, I love the sound of Gibson guitars too. I am so anxious to be able to play that I have sore fingertips. That too shall pass.

Stubbs16

Thanks much Della, and Jsb.

I appreciate all your good intentions. Thanks, it means much to me to know everyone cares.
This getting and staying sober, really comes from deep down inside a person, I think?
We can do AA , AVRT, or anything else that speaks to our minds, and helps.
I'm so amazed everyday when I read how people got and stayed sober just using this site? Wow! Great to all of you.

I think and know getting and staying sober is so hard. I will keep trying class.

Thanks friends, blessings.