Class of December 2014 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Copper- I hope you keep moving forward in your sobriety! You have to give yourself a chance to even out and start building your life. 
it takes time for sobriety to feel normal and the fog to lift.
Please don't be hard on yourself. No one is perfect. Life doesn't come with a instruction manual.
it takes time for sobriety to feel normal and the fog to lift. Please don't be hard on yourself. No one is perfect. Life doesn't come with a instruction manual.
Ya**!
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Canada! wtf eh?
Posts: 1,123
I would agree with the comment on perfectionists. I can't tell you how many times I drank due to the pressure of unrealistic expectations. Took a lot of time and therapy to realize I didn't have to be The Best, or The Smartest, or The Strongest.
Just had to be me.
Just had to be me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Yes, copper and Tonks and the others who spoke of perfectionism. I think it is very common with those of us with alcoholic tendencies. Kind of like drinking takes that pressure off.. But oh the price we pay.
Mid- I agree with the others as far as not making a big deal of it. I have a 13 year old daughter and her emotions are just all over the place these days. It sure did take guts for him to text you that. He must really trust you. Feel awesome about that
I'm just okay. I am really starting to let go of that awful victim feeling by the man who hurt me and has turned his back on me for 6 weeks now. The hurt is turning into strength. I did not intentionally do anything to cause problems, I know that in my heart, even if he thinks I did. If he can push me aside so easily, then that's not the kind of love I want anyway. I don't always feel like that, but it's coming to me here and there and it's empowering .
My dad- tough stuff. My daughter took him to radiation and he forced her to stop so he could buy a bottle of wine and made her promise she wouldn't tell. And he was mean to her and swore a lot. I don't know if it's the alcohol, the brain cancer, or what... But this is not the father I had for 44 years. I am taking off tomorrow afternoon And taking him to radiation. It's his birthday and I was really looking forward to being with him but now I'm worried that it's going to be difficult. I hope not. When he was drunk the other night he was so verbally abusive and almost physically aggressive with my stepmother it turns my stomach. This is so hard for me to admit, but I need to let it out somewhere.
Mid- I agree with the others as far as not making a big deal of it. I have a 13 year old daughter and her emotions are just all over the place these days. It sure did take guts for him to text you that. He must really trust you. Feel awesome about that
I'm just okay. I am really starting to let go of that awful victim feeling by the man who hurt me and has turned his back on me for 6 weeks now. The hurt is turning into strength. I did not intentionally do anything to cause problems, I know that in my heart, even if he thinks I did. If he can push me aside so easily, then that's not the kind of love I want anyway. I don't always feel like that, but it's coming to me here and there and it's empowering .
My dad- tough stuff. My daughter took him to radiation and he forced her to stop so he could buy a bottle of wine and made her promise she wouldn't tell. And he was mean to her and swore a lot. I don't know if it's the alcohol, the brain cancer, or what... But this is not the father I had for 44 years. I am taking off tomorrow afternoon And taking him to radiation. It's his birthday and I was really looking forward to being with him but now I'm worried that it's going to be difficult. I hope not. When he was drunk the other night he was so verbally abusive and almost physically aggressive with my stepmother it turns my stomach. This is so hard for me to admit, but I need to let it out somewhere.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Northern Illinos
Posts: 1,757
So much going on in our Litter.
First, sister Shannon, do not worry if you post or are in the "conversation." We know you are there and reading. I think of you and our class throughout the day and could not do this without you.
Shannon and Mld - share your feeling about sobriety - it is like a switch and except for passing habit/situational cravings I am totally over alcohol. That being said we still must remain vigilant. This is our class, our chosen family - out litter.
Mld - my oldest daughter is gay. She is actually a step-daughter from a previous marriage but that is a rat hole we do not need to go down right now. She came out to me in her early teens because she knew I would be supportive and non-judgemental. The advice you already got from others here is sage. I would underscore appreciating the courage to come out to you, being non-judgemental and expressing your unconditional love.
Copper - Dax's advice is wonderful. If anyone can advice anyone else about sobriety that was spot on. I am a Virgo and a perfectionist. It took getting a bit older to finally accept that neither life nor I am perfect and never will be. I beat myself up for most of my life. You have an opportunity to end that cycle earlier than I did and enjoy life and yourself.
Congrats on all the milestones - there is a lot of strength in out litter.
First, sister Shannon, do not worry if you post or are in the "conversation." We know you are there and reading. I think of you and our class throughout the day and could not do this without you.
Shannon and Mld - share your feeling about sobriety - it is like a switch and except for passing habit/situational cravings I am totally over alcohol. That being said we still must remain vigilant. This is our class, our chosen family - out litter.
Mld - my oldest daughter is gay. She is actually a step-daughter from a previous marriage but that is a rat hole we do not need to go down right now. She came out to me in her early teens because she knew I would be supportive and non-judgemental. The advice you already got from others here is sage. I would underscore appreciating the courage to come out to you, being non-judgemental and expressing your unconditional love.
Copper - Dax's advice is wonderful. If anyone can advice anyone else about sobriety that was spot on. I am a Virgo and a perfectionist. It took getting a bit older to finally accept that neither life nor I am perfect and never will be. I beat myself up for most of my life. You have an opportunity to end that cycle earlier than I did and enjoy life and yourself.
Congrats on all the milestones - there is a lot of strength in out litter.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Northern Illinos
Posts: 1,757
FABL, you are really inspirational. You have to be feeling so much better.
Good luck with your dad tomorrow - no matter what he does you seem to realize that is is not the dad you knew and that it is not personal.
Good luck with your dad tomorrow - no matter what he does you seem to realize that is is not the dad you knew and that it is not personal.
Don't Blink
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 342
Cooper I'm honest and open with how I feel because it helps me. For awhile it seemed like everyone was on cloud nine and I was miserable at times. I did it for me and for people like me too, like you! This stuff isn't easy but it's so worth it. when I start having cravings I reach out. I play the tape forward. I cry if I have to! Whatever it takes because like FABL I think said, if we dont drink tomorrow could be better, if we drink we know exactly what tomorrow will be like. I'm all over the place these days but it's ok!!! Im staying sober and everything else will be worked out as long as I keep moving forward! ! ♡♡ stay STRONG
Live easy but think first
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Sonoran Desert
Posts: 480
FABL - you are in my thoughts today. The way you are facing this with your dad is pretty amazing. Keep talking.
Denise - great to see you here for the quick check in.
Erin - AVRT is excellent. SMART is a good resource to add too.
All righty, leaving my therapy appt and glad I went. Thankfully this person has worked with me steadily for ten years so has seen my ebb and flow of using and drinking. It was good to process the last time I drank. Her feedback is always something different than I expect and the words from today were like water to my soul.
My sponsor is in the Grand Canyon this week and weekend so I am calling a dear friend daily in lieu of him. Sending her my gratitude list too. Feels good to mix it up.
Love!
Dax
Denise - great to see you here for the quick check in.
Erin - AVRT is excellent. SMART is a good resource to add too.
All righty, leaving my therapy appt and glad I went. Thankfully this person has worked with me steadily for ten years so has seen my ebb and flow of using and drinking. It was good to process the last time I drank. Her feedback is always something different than I expect and the words from today were like water to my soul.
My sponsor is in the Grand Canyon this week and weekend so I am calling a dear friend daily in lieu of him. Sending her my gratitude list too. Feels good to mix it up.
Love!
Dax
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Northern Illinos
Posts: 1,757
Denise - congrats on 48!!!!
Dax, it's very cool that you have ahad the same therapist for 10 years and that her feedback is something you did not expect but is soothing. Nice.
Erin, FABL's words echo in my mind too.
Dax, it's very cool that you have ahad the same therapist for 10 years and that her feedback is something you did not expect but is soothing. Nice.
Erin, FABL's words echo in my mind too.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Thanks for the advice about my son, everyone. I talked to him after school today and it was no big deal. He says he's known for at least a year, but didn't think much of it. He has already told a couple of his friends, and they don't care. I told him I was proud of him for telling me and that I was happy he trusted me enough to. I also said it changes nothing about how I feel about him, and that I have his back no matter what. He told me he knew I'd love him no matter what and that he was pretty sure it wouldn't upset me in any way. So everything's cool.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 884
Wow, thank you all who replied. Everything that was said I find to be incredibly beneficial.
Dax, your post will be of great use to me. It is really encouraging that you can relate to me on so many different things. You're really helping me out and I appreciate it immensely. I looked into AA here but there is only one meeting available. One of the downsides to living in a small town. I'm thinking about online chat meetings though. Now that I think about it too, my university I just graduated from has free counseling. I need to check if I am eligible for services since I graduated.
Midwest- I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. I'm trying my best not to give up or give in. I just thought things would be a bit better at this point. Perhaps I should relax my expectations a bit and just go with it.
BBQ- You're right! The sooner I can end this cycle the better. I gotta lot of life to live and I don't want to live it like this anymore.
Erin- I really like what you said about doing whatever it takes. I never really thought about it but there are no rules or confines involved. Anything and everything is possible and even necessary to stay sober. That is something I need to keep in mind. As far as avrt, I haven't looked into it but I will. It seems to help a lot of people so I'm willing to give it a shot.
A lot of you related to the perfectionist thing. It is nice to know I'm not the only one. I knew I couldn't be but it really helps solidify that when others confess it as well. Thanks everyone for everything. This group really keeps me going.
Congrats Denise on 48 days. That is fantastic!!
fabl- I wish I had words to comfort you. I'll be praying and sending good thoughts your way.
Long day today. I'm now going to force myself to play the piano. A forced hobby is better than no hobby I suppose. Hopefully I'll enjoy playing again soon.
Dax, your post will be of great use to me. It is really encouraging that you can relate to me on so many different things. You're really helping me out and I appreciate it immensely. I looked into AA here but there is only one meeting available. One of the downsides to living in a small town. I'm thinking about online chat meetings though. Now that I think about it too, my university I just graduated from has free counseling. I need to check if I am eligible for services since I graduated.
Midwest- I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. I'm trying my best not to give up or give in. I just thought things would be a bit better at this point. Perhaps I should relax my expectations a bit and just go with it.
BBQ- You're right! The sooner I can end this cycle the better. I gotta lot of life to live and I don't want to live it like this anymore.
Erin- I really like what you said about doing whatever it takes. I never really thought about it but there are no rules or confines involved. Anything and everything is possible and even necessary to stay sober. That is something I need to keep in mind. As far as avrt, I haven't looked into it but I will. It seems to help a lot of people so I'm willing to give it a shot.
A lot of you related to the perfectionist thing. It is nice to know I'm not the only one. I knew I couldn't be but it really helps solidify that when others confess it as well. Thanks everyone for everything. This group really keeps me going.
Congrats Denise on 48 days. That is fantastic!!
fabl- I wish I had words to comfort you. I'll be praying and sending good thoughts your way.
Long day today. I'm now going to force myself to play the piano. A forced hobby is better than no hobby I suppose. Hopefully I'll enjoy playing again soon.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by Mld51 
Thanks for the advice about my son, everyone. I talked to him after school today and it was no big deal. He says he's known for at least a year, but didn't think much of it. He has already told a couple of his friends, and they don't care. I told him I was proud of him for telling me and that I was happy he trusted me enough to. I also said it changes nothing about how I feel about him, and that I have his back no matter what. He told me he knew I'd love him no matter what and that he was pretty sure it wouldn't upset me in any way. So everything's cool.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 872
Hey everyone – Just checking in.
I am pretty unhappy at my job – so will work on applying to some new places this weekend. I also applied to some grad schools earlier this year and I am on the waitlist at two schools I like so I am going to try to retake either GMAT/GRE.
I know if I can find a different job it will help my stress levels and help me to stay sober.
I am pretty unhappy at my job – so will work on applying to some new places this weekend. I also applied to some grad schools earlier this year and I am on the waitlist at two schools I like so I am going to try to retake either GMAT/GRE.
I know if I can find a different job it will help my stress levels and help me to stay sober.
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Hey y'all!
Sorry I've been AWOL for the past few days
I've missed you guys! I have been trying to keep up with posts here and y'all have been in my thoughts.
The reason I've been absent is that I have MS and I've been having a flare up. Very few people know I have MS and you wouldn't know it by looking at me....I mean, I can still walk...well, right now I'm having difficulty with my right foot...but usually I'm perfectly mobile.
This has hit me hard this time for a number of reasons and I won't bore y'all with a long story, but I haven't had a flare up in almost three years, at least not a significant one. I stopped seeing my dr because of my drinking and have basically been living with this disease untreated the past few years.
I finally went back to my dr the first part of January and am back on my meds but this flare up has got me freaking out. I'm a runner, and I can hardly walk right now. I'm in some pain and just having a lot of symptoms right now. I'm scared at the thought of never running again or losing my ability to walk on my own.
I used alcohol and pills a lot to deal with this diagnosis. This is the first time I've dealt with it sober and I'm not doing very well with it.
I feel bad whining about this because so many people and their loved ones are dealing with potentially terminal diseases and I can't begin to imagine what that's like.
I just wanted y'all to know what's going on with me and that I'm not trying to avoid y'all. It's just hard for me to acknowledge this part of me. I've spent so long trying to ignore it.
It would be nice to maybe find other people who have a chronic disease who are trying to deal with it sober.
Y'all are doing awesome! Thanks for always being an encouragement to me!
Sorry I've been AWOL for the past few days
I've missed you guys! I have been trying to keep up with posts here and y'all have been in my thoughts. The reason I've been absent is that I have MS and I've been having a flare up. Very few people know I have MS and you wouldn't know it by looking at me....I mean, I can still walk...well, right now I'm having difficulty with my right foot...but usually I'm perfectly mobile.
This has hit me hard this time for a number of reasons and I won't bore y'all with a long story, but I haven't had a flare up in almost three years, at least not a significant one. I stopped seeing my dr because of my drinking and have basically been living with this disease untreated the past few years.
I finally went back to my dr the first part of January and am back on my meds but this flare up has got me freaking out. I'm a runner, and I can hardly walk right now. I'm in some pain and just having a lot of symptoms right now. I'm scared at the thought of never running again or losing my ability to walk on my own.
I used alcohol and pills a lot to deal with this diagnosis. This is the first time I've dealt with it sober and I'm not doing very well with it.
I feel bad whining about this because so many people and their loved ones are dealing with potentially terminal diseases and I can't begin to imagine what that's like.
I just wanted y'all to know what's going on with me and that I'm not trying to avoid y'all. It's just hard for me to acknowledge this part of me. I've spent so long trying to ignore it.
It would be nice to maybe find other people who have a chronic disease who are trying to deal with it sober.
Y'all are doing awesome! Thanks for always being an encouragement to me!
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