Class of August 2014 Part 15
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by rah555 
When I go out with my husband I find it to be very challenging. Based on my previous posts you all know that he still drinks, still enjoys going to bars, and is trying to use the bar scene to meet new people in our new city. I find it to be challenging because I really do like beer and the relaxation I feel when I have a few drinks. Since I can't drink responsibly I must abstain completely. My husband doesn't understand why I can't moderate. I don't understand either. Today when we were out I was watching people drinking. I am 5'3 and weigh 160 pounds. I watched girls much smaller than me knock down 3 to 4 tall boys. They seemed fine. I guess my metabolism has really changed since the gastric bypass. Anyway when I am faced with temptation I think about a few things: that I don't want to be hungover, that I don't want to not remember where I've been and what I've done, that I don't want to embarrass myself, that I want to be in tune with my body and not distracted by aches and pains from drinking or hurting myself. There are plenty of good reasons for me not to drink and still I am so tempted. My husband and I are on different pages right now. For example, I am home now with my dogs sitting on the couch watching football. My husband went back out to bar hop. I do several things to try and help my husband with the transition to Charlotte and retirement. We have season tickets for the Hornets so some weeks we go to 3 basketball games. We go out and watch football at local restaurants/bars. We go out to eat several times a week. In warmer weather there are plenty of venues that offer live music like at local parks. It irritates me that he is so hung up on me and him going out dancing and listening to live music at local bars. I like being active but am not interested in staying up until 1 or 2 in the morning. I still feel so tired. I feel like I am still trying to catch up on rest and sleep. I understand that it is hard moving to a new city. I just think my husband has to find other ways to establish a community. I think he could get a part time job or volunteer or join a bowling league. Making contacts and new friends doesn't have to put me into a compromising position. He and I have talked about this but things haven't progressed. I hope things change soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Rah - that's a very insightful post. You are playing the tape, one of the best tools in my opinion! That's going to protect you.
Seems like you are really thinking things through and you have some ideas and options already. I know you will both get back on the same page. It must be hard moving to a new city (I write having done the same with London and used bars heavily) Its maybe going to take a little time but stay strong, it will work out.
And 1/98 - almost 100! Look forward to a celebration post for you :-)
Seems like you are really thinking things through and you have some ideas and options already. I know you will both get back on the same page. It must be hard moving to a new city (I write having done the same with London and used bars heavily) Its maybe going to take a little time but stay strong, it will work out.
And 1/98 - almost 100! Look forward to a celebration post for you :-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Hey all
Good morning from London
Woke up feeling fresh and alert but very angsty and can feel some stress building. I think it's the return to work tomorrow. That's a danger sign but I will stay close to SR and do an AA later for some protection. Don't like feeling this way but at least I can spot it. Let's see if I can turn it around !
Going to cook up a big protein based breakfast for starters.
Wish everyone the best for a safe and sober day.
Good morning from London
Woke up feeling fresh and alert but very angsty and can feel some stress building. I think it's the return to work tomorrow. That's a danger sign but I will stay close to SR and do an AA later for some protection. Don't like feeling this way but at least I can spot it. Let's see if I can turn it around !
Going to cook up a big protein based breakfast for starters.
Wish everyone the best for a safe and sober day.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: peterborough uk
Posts: 1,171
London great post last night! Hope your breakfast helps you relax today, the looming first day back at work after any break can be anxiety provoking, but thus is small fry compared to the amount of days you have behind you now :-) stay close, if you need us ww are here.
I am on the train to London. It's my mum's birthday and we are going to covent Garden for shopping and tge theatre for wind in the Willows and then dinner. My brother lives in Portsmouth and only see him twice a year. I have managed to organise him to meet us at covent Garden for a surprise for my mum. I'm so excited, it will totally make her birthday!!! She has no idea, I hope it works out!!
I wish you all a safe happy sober day xxx
Rah you're doing fab, keep going! Xxx
I am on the train to London. It's my mum's birthday and we are going to covent Garden for shopping and tge theatre for wind in the Willows and then dinner. My brother lives in Portsmouth and only see him twice a year. I have managed to organise him to meet us at covent Garden for a surprise for my mum. I'm so excited, it will totally make her birthday!!! She has no idea, I hope it works out!!
I wish you all a safe happy sober day xxx
Rah you're doing fab, keep going! Xxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,347
Pink your day sounds absolutely fab! Isn't it great to be present and positive for it! Nice.
London, I get you on the work anxiety. Stop and think how many times we would try to drink that away. Only to wake up Monday, thinking work would be fine if I just were not hungover, did not drink and blackout over the holiday, etc... Regret, regret, regret. We don't have that now, it is simply a function of jumping back into the workflow, with a clear head and healthy rested body. You got this dude!
Rah, keep the path you are on. I can tell his adventure will lose its luster. Bars get old and the glamour will fade for him. We all know this. It sounds so much better than it is. Your ideas are spot on.
Hitting the gym and getting house back in order. Gonna make some chick pea curry later and get a good night sleep so I can go into work loaded for bear tomorrow.
Reminder, we made it through the holidays!!
London, I get you on the work anxiety. Stop and think how many times we would try to drink that away. Only to wake up Monday, thinking work would be fine if I just were not hungover, did not drink and blackout over the holiday, etc... Regret, regret, regret. We don't have that now, it is simply a function of jumping back into the workflow, with a clear head and healthy rested body. You got this dude!
Rah, keep the path you are on. I can tell his adventure will lose its luster. Bars get old and the glamour will fade for him. We all know this. It sounds so much better than it is. Your ideas are spot on.
Hitting the gym and getting house back in order. Gonna make some chick pea curry later and get a good night sleep so I can go into work loaded for bear tomorrow.
Reminder, we made it through the holidays!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Thanks guys for the words. I shouldn't be complaining but you all know how it is and Team A people always understand. Going to head for a run and get some endorphins!
Pink, enjoy your visit! London is still looking quite festive, I was in Central London yesterday. It's a cold one so make sure you stay warm with one of independent coffee shops in Covent a Garden. They are great! I am staying close to home in wimbledon otherwise I would have looked for some great coloured hair and given you a wave!
Pink, enjoy your visit! London is still looking quite festive, I was in Central London yesterday. It's a cold one so make sure you stay warm with one of independent coffee shops in Covent a Garden. They are great! I am staying close to home in wimbledon otherwise I would have looked for some great coloured hair and given you a wave!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,347
Incidentally class, mandatory role call today!! This goes double for those being silent and chewing gum in the back of the room. You know who you are!!
Include a brief reflection on your holiday and the thing you noticed most about the new you over the break. This is for extra credit!
Include a brief reflection on your holiday and the thing you noticed most about the new you over the break. This is for extra credit!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CapeCod, MA
Posts: 842
Good morning,
Pink, your plans for the day sound fabulous.
Rah, I agree with both London and Determined: you are doing a great job in playing the tape forward, AND your husband will get sick of the bar-hopping.
London, I have been retired five years, and every now and then when I realize it is Sunday night, I get that immediate feeling of panic. Drunk or sober, I think everyone relates to that - for me it was going over cases to be sure I was ready for Monday, making sure I had clothes ready from the dry-cleaners, etc. Funny, thinking back, I never drank much on Sundays as I was usually super-hungover from Saturday. If I drank at all, it was one or two drinks to calm the hangover....
My holidays were filled with anxiety over my brother; that has calmed down since he texted that things are okay at this point. I think he scared her when he said the first thing they would have to do is sell the big house and split the equity and that he would go for joint custody. Hopefully he mentioned having a sister, two brothers and three nephews with law degrees; she is always bragging about having her MBA. But, I don't think I have heard the last of this saga; hopefully I will be able to handle the next round better than the first two. This anxiety is something I need to work on and will mention to my doctor when I go.
I definitely ate way too much, especially in cookies, pastries, ice cream and candy. I still chuckle when I wonder what relatives, friends and neighbors thought when they saw me attack the dessert tables after I refused a drink because of dieting or when someone commented on my weight loss and I explained I was dieting and had upped my exercise.
One thing that has really helped was taking the suggestion of looking over how far we have come. I have lost 18 pounds (maybe less at this point, will not get on the scale for at least a week - don't want to break it or get so frustrated I give up) since August 16. I have not had a drink since August 15th, I have learned my main trigger is hunger, I have noticed a marked improvement in my skin, hair and eyes. I am getting my quirky sense of humor back.
For the coming year I want to find new sober activities; perhaps volunteering at a food bank or animal shelter. I am looking for an easy yoga class and thinking of trying TRX. I would like to try a cooking class although I want to lose 13 more pounds this year.
Have a happy, safe and sober day everyone.
Pink, your plans for the day sound fabulous.
Rah, I agree with both London and Determined: you are doing a great job in playing the tape forward, AND your husband will get sick of the bar-hopping.
London, I have been retired five years, and every now and then when I realize it is Sunday night, I get that immediate feeling of panic. Drunk or sober, I think everyone relates to that - for me it was going over cases to be sure I was ready for Monday, making sure I had clothes ready from the dry-cleaners, etc. Funny, thinking back, I never drank much on Sundays as I was usually super-hungover from Saturday. If I drank at all, it was one or two drinks to calm the hangover....
My holidays were filled with anxiety over my brother; that has calmed down since he texted that things are okay at this point. I think he scared her when he said the first thing they would have to do is sell the big house and split the equity and that he would go for joint custody. Hopefully he mentioned having a sister, two brothers and three nephews with law degrees; she is always bragging about having her MBA. But, I don't think I have heard the last of this saga; hopefully I will be able to handle the next round better than the first two. This anxiety is something I need to work on and will mention to my doctor when I go.
I definitely ate way too much, especially in cookies, pastries, ice cream and candy. I still chuckle when I wonder what relatives, friends and neighbors thought when they saw me attack the dessert tables after I refused a drink because of dieting or when someone commented on my weight loss and I explained I was dieting and had upped my exercise.
One thing that has really helped was taking the suggestion of looking over how far we have come. I have lost 18 pounds (maybe less at this point, will not get on the scale for at least a week - don't want to break it or get so frustrated I give up) since August 16. I have not had a drink since August 15th, I have learned my main trigger is hunger, I have noticed a marked improvement in my skin, hair and eyes. I am getting my quirky sense of humor back.
For the coming year I want to find new sober activities; perhaps volunteering at a food bank or animal shelter. I am looking for an easy yoga class and thinking of trying TRX. I would like to try a cooking class although I want to lose 13 more pounds this year.
Have a happy, safe and sober day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
I'm here!
I went on a 5 1/2 mile 'character run' yesterday when it began snowing. Trails were slick and visability was bad. I had to trust that things would turn out ok on downhills where I couldn't see the rocks / roots since they were snow covered. At times, I could barely see though my glasses. Wiping them off gave me about a minute of clarity.
I initiated the run since I wanted some more experience 'embracing the suck' (my previous such experience was 17 miles in a thunderstorm) to prove to myself that when things become 'not as ideal' during my 50k I'd know I'd been through worse situations- and conqured them.
I thought about the group on the run since we've all overcome challenging situations in our journey which we can now call upon when things become 'less than ideal'. I think someone has called it building 'sober muscles'.
Have a great day folks!
I went on a 5 1/2 mile 'character run' yesterday when it began snowing. Trails were slick and visability was bad. I had to trust that things would turn out ok on downhills where I couldn't see the rocks / roots since they were snow covered. At times, I could barely see though my glasses. Wiping them off gave me about a minute of clarity.
I initiated the run since I wanted some more experience 'embracing the suck' (my previous such experience was 17 miles in a thunderstorm) to prove to myself that when things become 'not as ideal' during my 50k I'd know I'd been through worse situations- and conqured them.
I thought about the group on the run since we've all overcome challenging situations in our journey which we can now call upon when things become 'less than ideal'. I think someone has called it building 'sober muscles'.
Have a great day folks!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Hey all
Mandatory check in answering!! I feel better after my run and now relaxing. I decided I didn't need the extra AA today, so all is good. I also realised I have 5 months today, it's really building momentum now and I almost forgot!
My holiday.....
(none of this happened last year as I was drinking, drinking, drinking)
- 3 x sober work events. Some enjoyment but lots of learning
- Saw my family and spent time with my niece, nephew and sister and loved it
- Bought and gave presents with thought, not grabbing random stuff between pub visits
- Hit the gym hard so I could enjoy Xmas food!
- Hit lots of AA meetings too
- Spent new year in another country
- Saved a shed load of cash and I will not have to live in credit through January
- Reflected and made some REAL plans for 2015 instead of drunken ideas (didn't they always seem amazing at the time on the drink?)
Most noticeable thing? Feeling content whether on my own or with others and not plotting my next drunk or hiding my drinking.
Ultra - I like your running commitment. You are really inspiring me to push myself in training for my 10k.
Mandatory check in answering!! I feel better after my run and now relaxing. I decided I didn't need the extra AA today, so all is good. I also realised I have 5 months today, it's really building momentum now and I almost forgot!
My holiday.....
(none of this happened last year as I was drinking, drinking, drinking)
- 3 x sober work events. Some enjoyment but lots of learning
- Saw my family and spent time with my niece, nephew and sister and loved it
- Bought and gave presents with thought, not grabbing random stuff between pub visits
- Hit the gym hard so I could enjoy Xmas food!
- Hit lots of AA meetings too
- Spent new year in another country
- Saved a shed load of cash and I will not have to live in credit through January
- Reflected and made some REAL plans for 2015 instead of drunken ideas (didn't they always seem amazing at the time on the drink?)
Most noticeable thing? Feeling content whether on my own or with others and not plotting my next drunk or hiding my drinking.
Ultra - I like your running commitment. You are really inspiring me to push myself in training for my 10k.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Scooter - thank you for your post about work.
You are absolutely right. I guess most people all over are having the same thoughts about going back to work, new year, new pressures etc. I'm just going to do my best in 2015. You helped me get off my pity pot today! :-)
Hope I can help you by saying I relate to your anxiety you mention. All I can say is speaking to my doctor about it opened all sorts of doors and help for me which I am putting into action. So go for it and mention it. I am rapidly realising anxiety was one of my major drinking reasons.
You are absolutely right. I guess most people all over are having the same thoughts about going back to work, new year, new pressures etc. I'm just going to do my best in 2015. You helped me get off my pity pot today! :-)
Hope I can help you by saying I relate to your anxiety you mention. All I can say is speaking to my doctor about it opened all sorts of doors and help for me which I am putting into action. So go for it and mention it. I am rapidly realising anxiety was one of my major drinking reasons.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Great work on 5 months London- trememdous! In my experience, signing up for a run increases ones motivation and committment. I'm looking forwadr to hearing about your 10k!
I can't run fast- so I try to run long. A guy at church today told me he did a New Years Day 5k averaging 7:30 per mile. I average twice that on the trails.
I was contemplating signing up for the 5k early in 2014 since I thought it would 'force' me stay relatively sober on New Years Eve. Funny how my world has evovled. Turns out I didn't sign up for the race since I prefer the trails and enjoyed a trail run the next day anyway.
I can't run fast- so I try to run long. A guy at church today told me he did a New Years Day 5k averaging 7:30 per mile. I average twice that on the trails.
I was contemplating signing up for the 5k early in 2014 since I thought it would 'force' me stay relatively sober on New Years Eve. Funny how my world has evovled. Turns out I didn't sign up for the race since I prefer the trails and enjoyed a trail run the next day anyway.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: peterborough uk
Posts: 1,171
Checking in for mandatory roll call. (salute)!
London, you should have said hey, would have been good to see a friendly face!
The lights are in London were pretty, and tge tree In covent Garden looks Great!!! The show was very magical, but nothing compared to my mums face when my brother tapped her on the shoulders!!! Tears of joy all round followed by lunch reminiscing of our childhood. This has been such a wonderful day, and a perfect 65th birthday for my beautiful mum. We also presented her with a canvas of her two grandchildren wearing pirate hats and being mischievous! Perfect birthday had :-) have never been able to / bothered to plan such a thing due to the old devil alcohol.
This holiday has been so much more special and intimate and poignant since being sober, I have taken in every detail. I have kept pkans, met with friends,, swam on the sea and build sandcastle Xmas day, cooked Christmas dinner, been to London, given proper gifts, genuinely cared about everything, been ice skating, watched whole movies without nipping for fag breaks, decorative tastefully....what more can u say. It's been amazing, and it's been better for my loved ones too, which us a real gift.
I've learned that I can live without drink, and would you believe even enjoy life without it. The joy I've had since August trumps even the best parties of my life.
I am thankful and grateful, and I don't think I really knew how that felt for real. My happiness was a pseudo happiness. I have so many aspirations this year, 49 si far!!! I won't list them all today, this post is long enough already!!! Maybe tomorrow.
You guys are my rocks, my ghost saves, you guys are my real friends whether you know it or not. I owe my life to some of you. Thankyou xxx
Much love xxxx
London, you should have said hey, would have been good to see a friendly face!
The lights are in London were pretty, and tge tree In covent Garden looks Great!!! The show was very magical, but nothing compared to my mums face when my brother tapped her on the shoulders!!! Tears of joy all round followed by lunch reminiscing of our childhood. This has been such a wonderful day, and a perfect 65th birthday for my beautiful mum. We also presented her with a canvas of her two grandchildren wearing pirate hats and being mischievous! Perfect birthday had :-) have never been able to / bothered to plan such a thing due to the old devil alcohol.
This holiday has been so much more special and intimate and poignant since being sober, I have taken in every detail. I have kept pkans, met with friends,, swam on the sea and build sandcastle Xmas day, cooked Christmas dinner, been to London, given proper gifts, genuinely cared about everything, been ice skating, watched whole movies without nipping for fag breaks, decorative tastefully....what more can u say. It's been amazing, and it's been better for my loved ones too, which us a real gift.
I've learned that I can live without drink, and would you believe even enjoy life without it. The joy I've had since August trumps even the best parties of my life.
I am thankful and grateful, and I don't think I really knew how that felt for real. My happiness was a pseudo happiness. I have so many aspirations this year, 49 si far!!! I won't list them all today, this post is long enough already!!! Maybe tomorrow.
You guys are my rocks, my ghost saves, you guys are my real friends whether you know it or not. I owe my life to some of you. Thankyou xxx
Much love xxxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
Here!
Let's see-a brief reflection on the holidays and what I have noticed about the new sober Choobie...
Nothing went as planned over the holidays. The kids got the flu, and then exchanged germs with all of the midwest and brought home a nasty cold. They couldn't do any of the fun things I had planned over vacation. They didn't seem to mind, so neither did I. We've spent a lot of time together as a family, and I've been a lot more mellow. I feel much less need to control anything-because I can't anyway. Our time together was a true and unplanned gift.
I've been a lot happier at home, and now my family is much happier in general.
My husband needed a new car as his was unsafe, and came home with a sports car-to his credit, all four of us can fit and it was within our budget. Might as well live it up! What are we waiting for? Fear would have prevented un-sober Choobie from feeling this way.
I expected to use my impenetrable emotional armor with my extended family, and found that I had none. That's new. Instead, I managed to get back to normal using the tools I've developed since becoming sober (one of them is our team!). And, I realized that I made a decision to live quite differently than both my husband's and my own extended family (both families are frighteningly similar). They don't like it, and I've been expecting them to respect our differences. I'm just gonna stop expecting that now. And stop feeling guilty about living my life to the best of my ability. So I guess that I'm now more equipped to actually deal with emotions instead of blocking them off entirely and refuse to live as a reflection of others' expectations.
I've noticed that I seem to achieve intentions that I set as opposed to planned steps, so these are my intentions for the year:
To love myself unconditionally
To continue healing from self inflicted suffering
To continue to focus on allowing others to live their own lives and appreciate them as they are
To remove physical objects that are not needed, not useful, or do not bring joy
To get to know myself honestly
To become a friend I would like to have
To become a community member I could count on
To manage my household in a more routine manner
Looking forward to getting back to a schedule. I'll find out Tuesday if I scored an interview for my job. I'll either interview and start at the end of January, or I'll be looking for a new job. Either way, it will be exciting!
Let's see-a brief reflection on the holidays and what I have noticed about the new sober Choobie...
Nothing went as planned over the holidays. The kids got the flu, and then exchanged germs with all of the midwest and brought home a nasty cold. They couldn't do any of the fun things I had planned over vacation. They didn't seem to mind, so neither did I. We've spent a lot of time together as a family, and I've been a lot more mellow. I feel much less need to control anything-because I can't anyway. Our time together was a true and unplanned gift.
I've been a lot happier at home, and now my family is much happier in general.
My husband needed a new car as his was unsafe, and came home with a sports car-to his credit, all four of us can fit and it was within our budget. Might as well live it up! What are we waiting for? Fear would have prevented un-sober Choobie from feeling this way.
I expected to use my impenetrable emotional armor with my extended family, and found that I had none. That's new. Instead, I managed to get back to normal using the tools I've developed since becoming sober (one of them is our team!). And, I realized that I made a decision to live quite differently than both my husband's and my own extended family (both families are frighteningly similar). They don't like it, and I've been expecting them to respect our differences. I'm just gonna stop expecting that now. And stop feeling guilty about living my life to the best of my ability. So I guess that I'm now more equipped to actually deal with emotions instead of blocking them off entirely and refuse to live as a reflection of others' expectations.
I've noticed that I seem to achieve intentions that I set as opposed to planned steps, so these are my intentions for the year:
To love myself unconditionally
To continue healing from self inflicted suffering
To continue to focus on allowing others to live their own lives and appreciate them as they are
To remove physical objects that are not needed, not useful, or do not bring joy
To get to know myself honestly
To become a friend I would like to have
To become a community member I could count on
To manage my household in a more routine manner
Looking forward to getting back to a schedule. I'll find out Tuesday if I scored an interview for my job. I'll either interview and start at the end of January, or I'll be looking for a new job. Either way, it will be exciting!
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