Hi November folks. Checking in. I have been spending more time offline, enjoying some time with my family, some rest, and some crafty stuff. Also some visiting. I wish I could say I had a sober Christmas, but I did not. But, I am sober now and feel committed. I have a new tool in my kit, a coloring book, lol. Sounds goofy, but I do enjoy the zen of just zoning out and coloring these rather intricate pictures. It is better than chugging a bottle of wine, right? It has helped me, so far.

A visit with my brother was also very sobering. I have never actually witnessed a person drink the way that he can and does. Watching him is sobering. He functions. He has a great job, made us a great meal, and was fairly present up until the end when we were leaving. But he is a freight train out of control with his drinking. No stopping till he passes out. I had a chat with is wife, briefly, when the rest went out for a walk. She said she has given up fighting it. He will never change. She loves him, and just puts up with it, rather than fighting it all the time.

My older daughter had many questions about his drinking on the ride home. Interestingly, and to my relief, she does not equate my and dh's drinking with that sort of consumption. All I take away from that is that we are fortunate to change before she is truly scarred by our drinking behavior.

So, feeling more hopeful for myself as I move toward the New Year. My drinking on Christmas Day proved to me I cannot control or moderate. I felt awful the next day and saw that once I have one, or "a couple" I am all in, and drink more than ever. It is progressive. If nothing else, it reminded me of that fact. There is not moderation in this club.

I saw my ortho yesterday...

No more boot!

No more crutches!

Wearing an uncomfortable brace now.

No yoga for at least 4 more weeks :(. Well, not power yoga anyway. Plus no teaching :(.

But... I can drive again :)!

My app wasn't working properly the past few days, so I have to read back. I hope everyone is well.

Yay, gypsy!!

I will not drink today. I will not drink today. (Repeat x 1000)

Yay Phoebe, you're back! I'm sorry to hear about your brother, but I know what you mean about recognizing yourself in someone else, and having it not be pretty. I kind of experience that with my dad...he's not one to become sloppy in public, but you can see him just quietly refilling his glass over and over. Last year, I found my dining room chair and tablecloth completely splattered with red wine at his place setting, and he never mentioned it. :(

Gypsy, that's awesome that you can drive again! I'm glad you're on the road to recovery (in more ways that one, I guess!) ;)

I'm still here. No drink today. Thanks for ur response dee.

Hope everyone has a good day xx

Erratic, I'm so glad you checked in. :)

Hi GHD,

I completely agree with you and I am not doing that to him (although I did last go around a few years back!). But I am worried and feeling the stress. I feel that it's a bad example of how to live life for the little ones especially while he wonders why he's not in good shape, the kids aren't behaving with him, the kids are all running to their iPads etc. It's not a family activity by any stretch of the imagination. He has headphones on. He's had to quit twice before by his own choosing and go "cold turkey". It's hard to watch. He's on it right now. But I'm not saying anything and not being cold or anything.

I just keeping doing what I'm doing, try to set an example and will let matters play out. When I need free time or am working (like today, we both work from home) I make sure our babysitter is here to keep them playing games, riding bikes etc. so that they're not all zoning out.

Thanks for your honest feedback! I definitely appreciate it and I have to think about whether I'm trying to control even unconsciously.

Thanks all! Happy almost early new year. Stock up on that Martinelli's!

50 hours a week is equivalent to a second full time job with commute. That's excessive. Just saying.

That's fantastic Gypsy you are getting there now:) X

Hello class, day 59 now and cannot wait until New Year Celebrations are over (they are huge in Scotland) and everything gets back to normal. I'm the designated driver for New Year so not worried about being tempted to drink but just want to get through my first totally sober Xmas and New Year for years. Peace X

Thanks BernieE - it is. Just to be clear - that was last time. We're not there (yet) and it's the "yet" that has me worried.

Thanks so much for all the feedback CoN!

I'm not condoning what your husband is doing--you are correct that his gaming is excessive--but calling him out on it will probably do more harm than good. It will make you feel bad about yourself. But you seem to know that already, which is good.

In reading over your previous posts, you mention therapy, yoga, and meditation to relieve anger, irritation, etc. Perhaps I am just a rebel, but I view all of that as mostly crap and opportunities for others to reach inside our wallets. You haven't told us what you are angry about. Is it your husband's gaming? Or something else?

Setting a good example for your children is really the best you can do. Even if they don't appreciate it now, they will some day.

actually GHD I'd like to know what you're angry about?
you don't sound like you today? :dunno:

D

Congrats on the boot removal Gyps :scoregood

welcome back Phoebe - got any ideas on what you might do differently? :)

I'm not angry, just frustrated. I know what I need to do, but fear is getting in the way :) I am trying to restart my writing career.

I'm not angry, just frustrated. I am trying to restart my writing career.

I am reflecting on how nice it was to have a sober Christmas Eve and Day (and more). Reminding myself of how last year went in comparison. The amounts that I drank probably wouldn't shock people but my body tends to shout at me after awhile regardless, if I'm sipping over longer periods. I drank wine through Christmas Eve afternoon, dinner, and night while playing Santa of course. Needed that "winergy" to make it through. Collapsed in bed probably by midnight, swirly stomach by then I'm sure. Slept until about 530 I remember that and got up anyway to take a picture of the beautiful tree and presents, started the coffee and proceeded to use the leftover eggnog mixture as my coffee creamer. Did presents with the kids, ate some of our yummy breakfast casserole and then began to feel sick and panicky and also pains. I had only technically had the bit of eggnog that morning and that's all I would have total that Christmas Day as I tried to breathe through the heart racing panic attack, ignore the stomach pains, soak in a bath to make it all go away. Still had to get dressed and kids dressed and drive about an hour (gag) to dinner at my parents. Turned down wine, barely ate, did presents, ignored scary pains, drove home and tried to hydrate before passing out in bed.

That was not fun, it was scary, and it's like it came to a head that day. And as usual I was suffering mostly in shameful silence. Yes I still did all the normal christmas activities with the kids but I was hurting and regretful and angry and embarrassed with no one but myself to blame.

I still didn't officially join SR for 4 more months.

And no, I'm not perfect now either. I'm a work in progress.

But this Christmas was amazing.

I'm really glad applekat :)

D

Almost drank last night. A little background. Rented a car on hols. The key was taped together and looked like it may break but the rental company said it was the only one they had so I took it. Drove out into the desert approx 50km, had lunch with family and then my 3 year old dismantled the key when I wasnt looking. Lost the chip inside it. Stranded for 6 hours. When they arrived the Rental company insisted I sign a form claiming my fault and cost of $450 for a replacement or they would not give it to me. Almost punched the guy. Eventually they gave it to me foc and the guy said "sorry sir, I gave a target to hit this month".

Got lost driving back and spent three hours in traffic. I had promised my wife a dress for xmas so we went to the Dubai mall to look for the particular store. We eventually found it and I grabbed a coffee while she looked for the exact dress she wanted. They are expensive but hey, xmas is only once a year and we don't buy gifts for each other often, if ever. Got back and she said "I decided to take 3, you don't have to give me money, just buy me breakfast tomorrow". So that then pissed me off as I felt it was insensitive of her. We don't have that much money and I thought she kind of ruined the moment. Eventually drive back to the hotel and got there at 2am. Bar open,party in full swing. All i wanted to do was down four pints of beer and a bottle of wine, straight back, 15 or 20 mins. Eventually just dragged myself to bed alcohol free. Tomorrow is day 18 and I have drank one day in the last 46.