Dee74

Last part here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-4-a-20.html

D

Kensho

Hello.

This is really such a well-run site!

Applekat

Checking out the new thread. Glad there's only nasty hubby beer around. Not tempted!

Closing out (yet another) day 7. Phew.

Applekat

Check in if you haven't yet today, team!

Applekat

Magellan

Applekat your new "signature" is very good, thinking today how great it is to have this place I can go. I can open up w/o any judgement or skepticism. Day 1's are greeted with optimism to get back up and to start again. The seriousness of this site just kind of hit me as I am reading more and more, this is serious! acceptance of today! "tomorrow's" and day 1's will run out. I want/need to make sure I don't run out of Day 1's, the only way I can do that is not to go back. UBN - I still can't get your post out of my head(not that I want to) I guess technically I'm back to day #1 tomorrow, my wife had a glass of wine on the counter and I woke up from a nap (really loved a nap ) walked into the kitchen and had a sip, why, I don't know, but I put it down and CRAZY, I thought of Ubn and last nights post., the AV setting me up for tomorrow and another long relapse. I didn't have a glass but the damage was done and now I have anxiety from JUST a sip, maybe I am reading more into it then I should. I haven't "come out" and I need to. How do I address this? Gypsy I need to make sure the boat does not dock, I'm just not sure how, next steps. I also am an awful person, my sister (my BFF, besides my wife) another sister then who visited two weeks ago, who is about 2 years younger called and voiced concerns about her drinking (I'm thinking...yeah the whole family drinks too much) she is an RN so I'm like she is taking self help alcoholic quizzes, well then there is a lot of denial in the world haha, anyway I told her I'm giving it up and she told me she has tried but loves the wine and after 3-5 days just can't and asked how I'm working on it and I didn't tell her about SR. I just told her to stop listening to "inner voice" - I'm feeling really guilty, but if she logged on I would most definitely lose my anonymity (we grew up together, she would read one, maybe two posts and know who I am) and right now I need that. Got to tell you, my wife isn't feeling well and went to bed and the kids and I are watching Toy Story 3, tough to type with them lying on me I know I'm all over the place, just thinking that I have a lot of work to do, there is soooo much more than just not drinking, it is changing everything. Sorry to ramble.

Magellan

I'm back, I put the kids to bed, I'm tired as well, lots of work today...one downside to sobriety, I woke up early, made breakfast, etc and got an early (8:45am) start on yard work...apparently this is too early to use a blower on the driveway, neighbor wasn't happy
Just wanted to check on Josharon - hope all went well with the Christmas party, those are tough, sure you did well.
Phoebe, the last three months I have been mostly sober and a seemingly small thing like reading a Scooby Doo mystery to my 6 yr old is gigantic, maybe right now it isn't much but later in life they will remember. It is about the small things, you just need to try to see them,,sorry not great at advice but hang in there.
Gypsy - I'm still laughing (sorry ) about he dog licking herself for hours, we adopted a dog that was found by the side of the road, bad shape, he had trouble sleeping so he slept in our bedroom and snored, it sucked, I had less sleep at that point then when we adopted our daughter, a premie.
Okay all, I need to turn in, thanks for the support.
Remember, nothing good comes from alcohol and I don't need alcohol to live.

ubntubnt

Hi Magellan, I think what happened with the glass of wine kind of underscores what we have been talking about. I failed many times to get off the booze but this time if different. I realised that I was going to have to make the changes in my life that will be necessary to put my sobriety first. Unfortunately, as I found out at my party on Friday I may even need to lose some (alcoholic) friends who I care for a lot. Well, maybe not lose them but replace 4 or 5 benders in their company with a couple of lunches or a coffee. The friendship will never be as close again but I know its something that is necessary if I am serious about remaining sober and I am ok with it. I would have never been prepared to do this before.

The same goes with maintaining an alcohol free home. Luckily my wife drinks little so this is easy but its really important for me to have a home that I can retreat to and be safe in my sobriety. early on I asked a question on this site about whether or not I should throw out the two remaining bottles of wine I had and the folks here nearly ripped my head off and told me to do it immediately. Not I understand why. Having your safe zone in your own home is important and my home will be an alcohol free zone now forever....if friends come over for dinner and bring a bottle that ok, but as soon as they leave the rest of the booze gets ditched.

I don't think not directing your sister here makes you a bad person in any way. We all need our space to handle this very private addiction. One of the reasons I love this site is that I can talk about things that I would never speak of to others...even my own wife or mother. thats just how I am. There are many helpful resources and channels out there. Your sister can check out AA or google AVRT. I am sure there are other online forums also, I think you are right to keep this as your personal space, just as keep it as mine and I am sure many others keep it as theirs.

It seems tough to be back to day on on a sip of wine but you really don't need to torture yourself like this.

GroundhogDay

Checking in. Had a good sober day, except still too rainy to go for a walk/run Watched Dawn of the Planet of the Apes with my husband tonight.

Applekat

Magellan - kudos to you for sharing. I am not sure I would force a day 1 upon myself for a sip of wine but we must all do what we feel is necessary for us. It's a personal decision. I guess if I thought it through I would be worried the taste alone would spark the gremlin. But - Great job putting the glass down!! PS I teared up the first time I watched Toy Story 3!

Jo - hope the party and DD'ing went well. Keep yourself in check for the "after-reward" syndrome.

Cristina - didn't see a check in - I hope you had a good Saturday!!

BBF - just wanted to say I'm thinking about you.

All - I'm pooped! Hoping for some good sleep. That's still been hard to come by.

phoebe64

Magellan, personally, I do not think one sip puts you back to day one, unless that helps you on you journey. What is more important is that it does not progress into a relapse.

Applekat

Groundhog - we are finishing that movie right now! Too funny.

phoebe64

10:05 pm and I am in bed. Hubby is in control of the TV and watching random things that are in progress. It drives me batty. I decided to come to bed to read and poke around the Internet on my phone.

ubntubnt

Day 22 today, passed through the 3 week mark last night and now waiting for December 15th when I clock up my first month. I went back and checked on the last time I went off the booze for this long I was 19 and the year was 1991...haha, can you imagine??

Yesterday was a quiet day with family, a little bit of shopping, coffee, reading and tv in the evening. I caught up with sleep, spent lots of time playing with my son and generally winding down. I needed it as sleeping remains my biggest issue since I quit. Not GypsyTears style insomnia (sorry, GT....no licking dog but a restless 3 year old instead, PM me if you want to swap for a few months) but tossing and turning all night and not getting deep sleep but I think I may be over the worst.

There are a few subtle changes happening. I was walking to the shops yesterday and my mind was drifting, I was imagining myself telling people that I don't drink and I could feel that while I don't entirely believe myself yet that it was starting to become real. I think it is starting to sink in, albeit slowly.
I think I have broken the habit of stopping off for a beer or bottle of wine in my local shop. In fact I have not been in the place in the last 2 weeks. I can now see how much of my drinking was done on autopilot. If I had a free evening I would just automatically buy a couple of bottles of wine and a few beers with little or no thought or go down the pub. Its not that my body was necessarily screaming for the booze but I was just in a habit of drinking any time I could. So far, I don't feel the physical cravings for drinking and I also don't feel an emotional compulsion to drink that others seem to find but I do see how I built my entire life around drinking and there are a lot of things that I need to change.

Since I stopped I have been lazy about the gym and relaxed my diet but I feel ready now to take that back on. I also feel that I need a new hobby or challenge or something to aim for in my personal life and I don't know what that is yet. Will think on it over Xmas.

So generally its all going really well. In some respects easier than I expected (cravings) and in others more difficult (friends and habits).

I am an total idiot for allowing myself to get into this mess in the first place but its clear what I need to do and the main thing is that I have not touched a drop.

Oh yeah, nearly forgot. I told my wife that I didn't want to tell others that I have given up drinking forever. That sounds a bit like "I'm an alcoholic and I am trying to quit". I wanted to say that I have gone off it for a few weeks and then I will just quietly not go back on it. No drama, no big deal, thats just how I wanted it.

So yesterday I get an SMS from a friend saying "I love what you are doing and I am right there with you". Turns out my wife and her big mouth told some of our friends that I am off the booze forever and that she is supporting me....aaaaaaargh! It's like she thinks that beating this terrible thing together is sooo cool and she wants the world to know.

Jsbodhi

Hi guys! Just checking in to say hi!
I had a sip the other night and drank wine. But it wasn't nice and I realized I actually dob't even like alcohol, I was just an alcoholic.
Anyway, going out to work for a bit then going to play blackjack
Wish me luck

Jsbodhi

I was also wondering what I should tell people about not drinking, was thinking the taking a break and just never go back on is what will work best for me.

ubntubnt

For me, it was a question of whether I needed their support or not. In my case I decided that the drama and loss of face was not worth it so I decided to say that I am off the booze for a few weeks to get healthy before Xmas. Its quite believable, I will then be driving during Xmas and then lots of people drop it in January anyway so before anyone really dwells on it I will be off it for 3 months and the new habits will be formed then and I won't really care.If you feel you need a stronger support from this around you this kind of approach may not work so well as I found out on Friday when I had everyone from the waitress to my friends all trying to get me to drink....I didn't and it just ended up p*ssing me off but you don;'t want this agro either.

Axiom

I just wanted to stop By and say hello. I've been on sr for a few weeks but just checked out this thread. My first day was October 31. It's been great reading through and relating to a lot of the posts about the past month.
Thank you.
Hope everyone has a great rest of their weekend.

ANewDayNYC

I didn't have much a desire to drink today. I feel like my AV is taking a different approach of "bargaining for the future". Thinking about things to do next weekend, since it knows it won't win today. Just need to continue making plans.

gypsytears

Welcome Axiom !

Ubu, I really like reading your posts... Very positive, encouraging and good advice all around. You're very lucky to have such a supportive wife. I usually agree with much of what you say but I just have to voice my differing opinion on alcohol in the house...dumping out the wine in your case worked. I agree with that lol. But allowing guests to bring it in? Not this early in the game. I would protect my place of retreat, as you described your home and keep it alcohol free. So Magellan, that is what I would suggest for you. Keep it out of the house. Do you have your wife behind you? If she knew how hard this is, and how hard you're trying... Maybe that glass of wine wouldn't have been there to taunt you. I think you did an awesome job stopping at the one sip by the way!!!

Jsbodhi...I just say I'm not drinking. Or I don't drink. Or no thank you or something like that. I don't believe you owe anyone an explanation or definition or time frame.

Movie lovers, we just watched Merry Friggen Christmas with Robin Williams ( I think that's the title). I advise against it lol. It wasn't very good at all.

Omg the licking. Ugh! Every night. Not during the day of course...yes I'm awake .