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Class of August 2013 - Part 14

Old 11-24-2014, 06:26 PM
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You are dear to us, Kadi.

I think that negative self-talk is a common thread among people who've fought addiction. It's how we respond to it that matters. Sometimes easier said than done. Been there.

Never worry about being Debbie Downer. This is a safe place -- this little world of people who came together more than a year ago to support one another in good times and bad.

A note about over-sharing: Honest, classmates, I didn't mean to raise that subject in relation to any of us here in our class -- or among the larger world of SR. It was just a reflection on my evening and former co-worker, no more. This is a place for all of us to share what we need.

You are all dear to me, reminders of that for which I am truly grateful.
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Old 11-24-2014, 06:41 PM
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It's your ego talking guys. Those of us with addictions often are fearful inside. We interpret events through filters we have developed as coping mechanisms, often as children who experienced emotional hurts. The ego can't relate to time, so the world becomes a scary place. We are experiencing a distorted reality when we listen to that voice. Often we feel shame, worthless, etc, and blame ourselves for normal events because that's what we learned as children.

So someone does some little thing or we make a mistake, and our ego tells us it's the end of the world. We're in danger, we screwed up, we're fat, we're lazy, etc. Then our dominating side takes over in order to protect us from these exaggerated emotions, and trashes the other person or ends the relationship so it doesn't happen again.

It's a vicious cycle and the only way out, if you believe in recovery programs, is to do an inventory (4th step), or if not, by looking closely at the recurring patterns. I see my fear of abandonment and rejection being triggered all the time in relationships, and my ego then telling me stories and trying to blow everything up. I sometimes also feel inferior, or not good enough, which feeds my codependency.
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Old 11-24-2014, 06:49 PM
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Yeah I know what you mean! I'm a hard core sailor whan it comes to talking to my AV. You have no idea. I look like a lovely, mannerly lady
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Old 11-24-2014, 07:56 PM
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Pages like this helped me a lot when I was prone to negative self talk, guys.
Challenging negative thinking | ReachOut.com Australia

I think my problem was I just accepted the self talk as truth. I had very little to base an alternate view upon, or felt I had very little...

The more recovery I have the better I feel about myself and the easier it is to challenge this crap.



D
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Old 11-25-2014, 02:30 PM
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Turns out the dog is a "companion animal", not even considered a pet, under laws here. So my no pet rule has little bearing, especially with a commercial property management firm.

They rented it with full knowledge and didn't even inform me that an animal was going into my "pet free" home.. not to mention a handicapped person in a wheelchair renting my 3-level home (on a steep lot), which also had me concerned when I found out about that a few weeks ago..

There's so much wrong with this I won't even get started.

On the other hand, the young woman renting it (with roommates) apparently has a rare degenerative disease, so maybe she needs the peace and tranquility of living in my forest home more than I need to be in control of it. Or retain rights to my own property, lol..

So I'm letting it go for now..
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Old 11-25-2014, 02:36 PM
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That's a very Zen approach adv

D
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Old 11-25-2014, 02:36 PM
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That's a very Zen approach adv

D
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Old 11-25-2014, 02:58 PM
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I truly hope she can heal and find peace there. I'm learning that our lives take many interesting turns if we let go of control and let it happen.
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Old 11-25-2014, 02:59 PM
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Thanks Dee..
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Old 11-26-2014, 11:10 AM
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Yes, advbike, very zen. Also, companion animals are highly well-trained, so hopefully you won't have the problems you experienced with previous pet owners. As I was reading your post, it struck me how wise you were to wait until you got more information because indeed, there were variables that you couldn't foresee.

Thanks, you guys, for the input about my yuck-mind. That ego-driven thinking is at play makes a lot of sense and is super helpful to realize because it offers an avenue of escape. Metaphorically, I guess, it's like putting on a different pair of glasses when viewing the world. Dee, that link is great and I emailed it to myself for easy reference. Those questions offer a way out of stuck thinking, a way to change the movie in my mind. Einstein's saying that "you can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it" also comes to mind. When I'm thinking with ego, aka yuck-mind, I can think and think and think, but it just goes around in icky circles. It's a matter of seeing with different eyes. I felt so much relief when I read advbike's comment about ego and then the questions on that link because a lightbulb went off. I felt so stuck and then boom, I had options. Thank you tremendously.

What are you all doing for Thanksgiving? I'm headed over to my boyfriend's today to bake with his 14-year old daughter--I'm looking forward to it because she's mostly on her phone when we're together, and this will get her off of it, haha. We are going to his brother's tomorrow so we have to figure out a couple of sides to make and go to the store. Should be relaxing and low-key.
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Old 11-26-2014, 02:31 PM
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Have a great Thanksgiving guys

D
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Old 11-26-2014, 06:55 PM
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Kadidee! I'm wondering, Is there a budding romance you haven't mentioned? You don't have to answer. But I think that's great! I hope you and all of you have a wonderful day.
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Old 11-27-2014, 08:02 AM
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Happy Thanksgiving to my dear classmates! May you have a day of peaceful gratitude and delicious turkey!

To the north, Happy Day to our dear SheKnits. Would love to hear from you, friend. We're here for you.

And to Dee. I am so grateful for your wisdom and insight. You've been a rock for all of us, let alone the larger SR community. You are someone for whom we are all thankful. I don't quite know what to say to you on a U.S. holiday, so hopefully this is appropriate: "Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!"

Cheers, all.

V
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Old 11-27-2014, 08:30 AM
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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I second V's sentiments about being thankful for Dee--you are untiring in your support and understanding and somehow manage to deliver no-nonsense advice with humility and humor. Thank you!

Else--yes. I have been dating someone for about six months. Taking it slow. He is a gentle soul who also doesn't drink and it's wonderfully normal and comfortable. I'm pretty sure it's the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, and I'm learning quite a bit about how I communicate (and things I definitely need to improve on). We made the lemon blueberry bread yesterday and it's more like cake, haha.

Wishing you all a peaceful and sober Thanksgiving.
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Old 11-29-2014, 05:13 PM
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15 months on thanksgiving day! Congrats to all

So interesting that we all seem to be identifing some of the reasons we drank. I feel I take ten steps forward then three steps back, but moving forward. I do believe I need my ssri. I cannot believe the difference since sept. Depression is a curible disease if it from low serotonin , which mine seems to have been. to think of the many years I hide my feelings in shame!
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Old 11-29-2014, 09:39 PM
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Way to go Oceanlady!

Happy Holidays to all!
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Old 11-30-2014, 09:02 AM
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My first instinct was to write "I love you, Oeanlady"! But I thought that would be so sappy. But I thought I'd write it anyway because it's true. Well done on 15 months. I'm so glad you're feeling good.
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Old 11-30-2014, 02:11 PM
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Thanks for the kind words guys
Congrats OL

D
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Old 11-30-2014, 08:22 PM
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Hip, hip, hooray, Oceanlady!

May the week ahead be peaceful, healthy and sober for all of us.
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Old 12-01-2014, 04:55 AM
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kadidee, so happy to hear about your new relationship! Best wishes! Be sure to ask us old gals for pointers!
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