Class of August 2013 - Part 14
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Kadi, I meant your Dad, sorry. I was interrupted while I was finishing the post. I think if he has a little time to process it, he will be able to accept it. My mom once told me that aging was a constant process of acceptance. Of aches and pains, lost possibilities, decreased physical abilities, mental faculties, and of course coming to terms with our eventual death.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 728
Back home to 3 inches of fresh snow!
I can't complain after 6 weeks of wonderful warm sunny weather.
This year instead of worrying I would drink , I became very observant of how much people drink on vac. So, so much alcohol ! People , as I once did, drink to relax, be happy and hide a lot of demons. One very attractive 50 ish woman in particular caught my eye. One thought I have is she could have saved a lot of money by staying home with a sum lamp and 500.00 in wine! I examined her each morning hung over and each night
Loaded! Omg, so glad it's not me!
Feel like we are moving into another level. More observant, more peaceful and grateful to be able to
control ourselves.
I can't complain after 6 weeks of wonderful warm sunny weather.
This year instead of worrying I would drink , I became very observant of how much people drink on vac. So, so much alcohol ! People , as I once did, drink to relax, be happy and hide a lot of demons. One very attractive 50 ish woman in particular caught my eye. One thought I have is she could have saved a lot of money by staying home with a sum lamp and 500.00 in wine! I examined her each morning hung over and each night
Loaded! Omg, so glad it's not me!
Feel like we are moving into another level. More observant, more peaceful and grateful to be able to
control ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 728
Kadi, so sorry to hear about your Dad. My loud Italian friend from Bostons husband had to make that decision. I marveled at his resolve and how well he adapted to the prosthesis.
If any of you were south of the mason Dixon line last week, you would have heard my loud Italian Boston friend as she walked very exclusive worth ave. West Palm Beach and stepped on dog poop!!!!!!!!!!one shop employee actually came out of her store to see what was wronge!
If any of you were south of the mason Dixon line last week, you would have heard my loud Italian Boston friend as she walked very exclusive worth ave. West Palm Beach and stepped on dog poop!!!!!!!!!!one shop employee actually came out of her store to see what was wronge!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Oceanlady, my dear! I am glad you had a wonderful time. About that dog poop. I have noticed that you have to watch out for it wherever you go. Even on "exclusive" streets. Some people are slobs no matter who they are.
I have recently noticed that there is a family living near here who is throwing their horse manure over the fence and into the road. Just throwing it into the road. Makes the area around here look like a countrified slum. I don't know why some people never seem to give anyone else a thought. I think I'm going to have to call the sheriff about this. I hate to do it. I don't want to make any enemies around here since I'm alone so much. But really..... The public road? Arg! ��
I have recently noticed that there is a family living near here who is throwing their horse manure over the fence and into the road. Just throwing it into the road. Makes the area around here look like a countrified slum. I don't know why some people never seem to give anyone else a thought. I think I'm going to have to call the sheriff about this. I hate to do it. I don't want to make any enemies around here since I'm alone so much. But really..... The public road? Arg! ��
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
On dog poop--my neighbor is not shy about calling people out when they don't pick up their dog poop. I once stepped in it in my yard (I don't have a dog) and tracked it into the house. Gross! I am convinced that it is still stuck in the tiny crevices of my shoe soles.
No news on the dad front. My mom does not like to talk on the phone and has been exhausted from the whole thing so I've been texting more than calling. I generally just say 'thinking of y'all' so she doesn't feel like she has to launch into a detailed update. Yesterday I did ask more directly over text how things were and she said my father is still going to work and she is still running errands like usual. So, it seems like there has been no change. I am trying to detach from the situation and not worry so much. I imagine that he is still thinking and processing about what he wants to do.
It's a rainy Saturday over here--very relaxing. I got in bed last night at 9:30 p.m., on a Friday! Certainly don't miss the nights I would stay up drinking alone until 2 a.m.
No news on the dad front. My mom does not like to talk on the phone and has been exhausted from the whole thing so I've been texting more than calling. I generally just say 'thinking of y'all' so she doesn't feel like she has to launch into a detailed update. Yesterday I did ask more directly over text how things were and she said my father is still going to work and she is still running errands like usual. So, it seems like there has been no change. I am trying to detach from the situation and not worry so much. I imagine that he is still thinking and processing about what he wants to do.
It's a rainy Saturday over here--very relaxing. I got in bed last night at 9:30 p.m., on a Friday! Certainly don't miss the nights I would stay up drinking alone until 2 a.m.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
As our troubles recede further and further into the rear-view mirror, it really is amazing to feel so freed. No more late nights with wine. Seeing others drinking heavily and being relieved it's not us.
It's a better life.
Dog poop, on the other hand, shall always plague us, I fear!
May we all -- you dear, dear people -- have a peaceful, healthy and sober week.
It's a better life.
Dog poop, on the other hand, shall always plague us, I fear!
May we all -- you dear, dear people -- have a peaceful, healthy and sober week.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 728
I also seem to have found that place! I find a calmer me who is sitting back looking at myself and feeling truly blessed.
I ask why did it take so long to get here, and answer ,some people never find this place!
One of my greatest blessings is being able to experience deep natural sleep. Insomnia has been a major curse over the last twenty years..ambien became a habit, sometimes taken with wine! Now, no wine no
If for know other reason to quit drinking, natural sleep is enough! Have any of you experienced this?
I ask why did it take so long to get here, and answer ,some people never find this place!
One of my greatest blessings is being able to experience deep natural sleep. Insomnia has been a major curse over the last twenty years..ambien became a habit, sometimes taken with wine! Now, no wine no
If for know other reason to quit drinking, natural sleep is enough! Have any of you experienced this?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by Oceanlady 
I also seem to have found that place! I find a calmer me who is sitting back looking at myself and feeling truly blessed.
I ask why did it take so long to get here, and answer ,some people never find this place!
One of my greatest blessings is being able to experience deep natural sleep. Insomnia has been a major curse over the last twenty years..ambien became a habit, sometimes taken with wine! Now, no wine no
If for know other reason to quit drinking, natural sleep is enough! Have any of you experienced this?
I ask why did it take so long to get here, and answer ,some people never find this place!
One of my greatest blessings is being able to experience deep natural sleep. Insomnia has been a major curse over the last twenty years..ambien became a habit, sometimes taken with wine! Now, no wine no
If for know other reason to quit drinking, natural sleep is enough! Have any of you experienced this?
On the other hand, perhaps the one struggle I have physically in sobriety is that sleep is no easier for me. I've spent a lifetime finding difficulty getting to sleep. At some point, in sobriety, it got better but after Dad died my problems came back. I've been taking Benadryl before going to bed most nights, which I know is probably not good but the alternative is tossing and turning all night, praying for sleep.
Like I said, I know it's not good but really don't know what to do. I don't drink caffeine after noon, am exercising faithfully and try a little chamomile tea at night. But it's not really helping so the Benadryl.
Suggestions?
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Have you ever seen a Dr about it? A sleep Clinic maybe?
The answers need not be medicinal.
I recently bought a TENS machine. I'm not sure it's doing much for my pain, but to my surprise I'm getting 8 hours uninterrupted sleep again.
D
The answers need not be medicinal.
I recently bought a TENS machine. I'm not sure it's doing much for my pain, but to my surprise I'm getting 8 hours uninterrupted sleep again.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Thanks, Dee. I wish I had a magic wand for you so pain could be eliminated from your life. Hopefully, with time, the machine will prove helpful.
I know the sleep concerns are the elephant in the room in my life. I need to do something -- e.g., talk with a physician. It's going to sound like an excuse, I know, but I don't want the "answer" to be pills. I manage to work myself into a fear of that to the point of paralysis and not consulting a physician for a review of the situation. I guess that doesn't just sound like an excuse ... it is one. Just scares me, you know?
I know the sleep concerns are the elephant in the room in my life. I need to do something -- e.g., talk with a physician. It's going to sound like an excuse, I know, but I don't want the "answer" to be pills. I manage to work myself into a fear of that to the point of paralysis and not consulting a physician for a review of the situation. I guess that doesn't just sound like an excuse ... it is one. Just scares me, you know?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
No suggestions from me.. I also have sleep problems, mostly related to the climate here I think. I like to have the windows open, but the Filipinos make so much noise, lol. Always hear karaoke music or motorbikes from the village below the condo, hahaha..
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 728
I struggled with sleeping problems for years. I think working different shifts didn't help...also having a diaviated septum contributed. I believe I had some sleep apnea from the nose issues that my surgery diffintly helped. Lots of reasons to sleep problems. One major one is underlying depression. I remember hearing an inservice describing the effects of depression on sleep. This doc advocated for the trial of ssri's when someone feels depressed and Wakes up every night during a sleep cycle. Of course alcohol allowed me to get quickly to sleep but soon wake up. Ambien and alcohol put me out quite well!!!
For me I think it's a combo of relieving sleep apnea, no alcohol, taking ssri , staying up later and no ambien! I remember not to long ago feeling panicky not having ambien in the house,just like alcohol.
Benadryl is not a bad option, most docs feel it is harmless. It does leave me a bit hung over! I sometimes take a couple of Tylenol at bedtime.
For me I think it's a combo of relieving sleep apnea, no alcohol, taking ssri , staying up later and no ambien! I remember not to long ago feeling panicky not having ambien in the house,just like alcohol.
Benadryl is not a bad option, most docs feel it is harmless. It does leave me a bit hung over! I sometimes take a couple of Tylenol at bedtime.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
One thing you might not know about benedryl-like antihistamines. When used regularly, like ever night, they tend to cause weight gain as a side effect. It's always something. Thought you'd be interested to know that. You might want to ask your doctor about this but I don't know of much that helps except for the usual stuff. He might give you Ambien but it's usually a drug for short term use. And if it was me, I'd use them every night until they were gone. They are not recommended for long term use.
There are many articles out there on sleep hygiene. I've read them all but when I'm having a round of insomnia, nothing helps. One thing that does NOT help is to get out my iPad and read or write. Something about the light is very stimulating. I do it though sometimes and when I do it I know I'm throwing in the towel for that night. I find insomnia excruciating as it is for everyone. I can't tell you how many nights I've lain awake watching the light from the smoke detector blink on and off. I've noticed that when it starts I'm in the beginning stages of a drop down into depression. Thank goodness the depressions have been lifting quickly. Although even when I'm feeling good, I'm not great. I'm gradually learning to accept the this may be a good as it's going to get.
Intellectually, I know my life isn't over but I feel like it is. I don't seem to be interested in much. And it is hard to get myself up to do anything.
Sleeping is such a big relief. It keeps me balanced. If I said the truth, it's my only real pleasure. And when I can't sleep for several days a feeling of sickness and lassitude comes over me. And then down I go. Then it passes. The cycle starts again.
I wish you all good sleep and the peace it brings
There are many articles out there on sleep hygiene. I've read them all but when I'm having a round of insomnia, nothing helps. One thing that does NOT help is to get out my iPad and read or write. Something about the light is very stimulating. I do it though sometimes and when I do it I know I'm throwing in the towel for that night. I find insomnia excruciating as it is for everyone. I can't tell you how many nights I've lain awake watching the light from the smoke detector blink on and off. I've noticed that when it starts I'm in the beginning stages of a drop down into depression. Thank goodness the depressions have been lifting quickly. Although even when I'm feeling good, I'm not great. I'm gradually learning to accept the this may be a good as it's going to get.
Intellectually, I know my life isn't over but I feel like it is. I don't seem to be interested in much. And it is hard to get myself up to do anything.
Sleeping is such a big relief. It keeps me balanced. If I said the truth, it's my only real pleasure. And when I can't sleep for several days a feeling of sickness and lassitude comes over me. And then down I go. Then it passes. The cycle starts again.
I wish you all good sleep and the peace it brings
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hugs, Else.
You've been through a lot. And I suspect the cumulative impact of the last couple months and the turmoil with you son has added to it considerably.
No, your life isn't over, as you know. It just feels harder right now.
I was thinking you're seeing a counselor -- is that correct? A lot to talk about, that's for sure.
Thinking of you, lovely lady.
You've been through a lot. And I suspect the cumulative impact of the last couple months and the turmoil with you son has added to it considerably.
No, your life isn't over, as you know. It just feels harder right now.
I was thinking you're seeing a counselor -- is that correct? A lot to talk about, that's for sure.
Thinking of you, lovely lady.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I don't think your life is over and I don't think this is as good as it's going to get Else 
I've felt that way at times too. I got help and I found out I was wrong on all counts
I think speaking with your Dr or therapist is a good idea
D
I've felt that way at times too. I got help and I found out I was wrong on all counts
I think speaking with your Dr or therapist is a good idea
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
I've been thinking about the last months in the context of my life being over. I could think of this another way. I could think of it as another adventure. My whole life has been an adventure. A story to tell someday. A hard one to be sure but all my stories are all filled with ( dare I say ) drama? Someday I may be able to tell this story in a colorful way. Maybe even make someone laugh or be horrified. I'll get some sort of reaction, I know that. I'll shed a few more tears, let it go and move on if I can. I'll try not to think of the regrets. We all have them.
When you get right down to it, I feel pretty strong and healthy. I'm kind to others. This experience has taught me to realize others have their crosses to bear, too. I do volunteer work. I'm breaking in a new horse. At least he's new to me.. I dropped the ten pounds I gained. I got my awful hair fixed up. This might not seem like much but it's important to me to look nice. So I'm getting over myself. I have much to live for. I apologize for saying my God given life is over.
I read an article about taking on things that scare you. On Facebook no less. It was very uplifting and made me realize it's time to get out of my comfort zone and take on some new things and work on being more out there.
Good night. It's 2:00am. Insomnia again. Time for Pink Floyd and cuddling with my little black kitty. (Husband gone). She gets up close to me and purrs and tickles my face with her whiskers. So cute!
Good night all.
When you get right down to it, I feel pretty strong and healthy. I'm kind to others. This experience has taught me to realize others have their crosses to bear, too. I do volunteer work. I'm breaking in a new horse. At least he's new to me.. I dropped the ten pounds I gained. I got my awful hair fixed up. This might not seem like much but it's important to me to look nice. So I'm getting over myself. I have much to live for. I apologize for saying my God given life is over.
I read an article about taking on things that scare you. On Facebook no less. It was very uplifting and made me realize it's time to get out of my comfort zone and take on some new things and work on being more out there.
Good night. It's 2:00am. Insomnia again. Time for Pink Floyd and cuddling with my little black kitty. (Husband gone). She gets up close to me and purrs and tickles my face with her whiskers. So cute!
Good night all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
I'm kind of proud of myself. A few weeks ago my bother had hip surgery. Yesterday he and his wife left on trip and I'm taking care of their house. I walked into their bathroom today to water the plants and there on the counter was a bottle of OxyContin. Looked like about 90 of them. No one would know if I just took one. It was pretty shocking to see them there like that. I admit I had a terrible craving for a few minutes. I stood there and a million pictures went through my head. I wanted to be stoned again so bad. Maybe I'd take two or three.
It was really awful. But I walked out because I realized it wasn't worth it. A few hours of being high, all alone. Just me and that Oxy....... It wasn't worth throwing away all I've achieved. I watered all their plants today and I'm not setting foot over there until they come home. I hope he takes that bottle of pills back to Alaska when he goes or at least puts them away somewhere. I hate knowing they are over there. Just sitting there and, yes, calling to me. They can call away. I just play the tape all the way through like I've done so many times before. I also felt I'd be letting my son down.
I didn't take even one. But I see I'm still vulnerable. I suspect I'll always be. A VERY good lesson. Funny though, I have no desire for alcohol anymore. It's not even an issue.
Anyway, I'm good and normal right now and it's ok to be here. I feel I got over a big hurdle today and I'm happy about it. I'm going to bed early.
It was really awful. But I walked out because I realized it wasn't worth it. A few hours of being high, all alone. Just me and that Oxy....... It wasn't worth throwing away all I've achieved. I watered all their plants today and I'm not setting foot over there until they come home. I hope he takes that bottle of pills back to Alaska when he goes or at least puts them away somewhere. I hate knowing they are over there. Just sitting there and, yes, calling to me. They can call away. I just play the tape all the way through like I've done so many times before. I also felt I'd be letting my son down.
I didn't take even one. But I see I'm still vulnerable. I suspect I'll always be. A VERY good lesson. Funny though, I have no desire for alcohol anymore. It's not even an issue.
Anyway, I'm good and normal right now and it's ok to be here. I feel I got over a big hurdle today and I'm happy about it. I'm going to bed early.
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