Class of August 2013 - Part 14
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
SheKnits, our posts crossed. You're right -- you're not going to go back to that. It's not a full life.
Don't ever be ashamed. Someday, it might be one of us confiding the same and asking for your support.
Glad to see you.
Hugs,
V.
Don't ever be ashamed. Someday, it might be one of us confiding the same and asking for your support.
Glad to see you.
Hugs,
V.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Hello everyone. (((((Sheknits)))))). I am also still on my anti depressants and glad to be so because my year long "walk of darkness" has lifted. I hope your meds work like they should and you get some relief. Sometimes it takes a while.
Things are not so hot for me right now (I'm not getting along with my son so well) but I'm handling things like a normal person except for one day I spent quite a bit of money because somebody hurt my feelings about how I looked. So stupid! And it didn't even make me feel better. I bought new clothes and cosmetics I did not need. But I have no desire to drink or use drugs and have been going to a lot of movies and concerts. Really having a good time with my husband and family. And a few friends. I've sort of dropped out of the picture with friends this last year. It seems like everyone I know drinks so much. But this is something I'm working on
This next week I'm going to look at a new horse. A sweet young gelding. He better be sweet! I've had enough of being beat around by horses. I'm over the moon excited! He's dappled gray with a white main and tail. Can't wait to ride him. I hope we get along. My surgery has completely healed and I'm starting to work out again. It feels so good to sweat after a year of staring out the window. Back to yoga is next.
This year we have not even had a winter. It's been in the 50's and 60's here at the house and there's not much snow on the mountains. I wish those of you who have been hit so hard this winter could send some of that winter weather out our way. I see those pictures on the news and look at the sandals I'm wearing.......Fire season could really be deadly this year.
I have been thinking about how it was for me going through that terrible detox and I am amazed I could do that. I actually weaned myself off a terrible Vicodin habit. How was I able to do that? As you all know it was very hard for me and the last year I've spent a lot of time beating myself up for being an addict and not giving myself credit for the strength I showed during that awful time. I look back on it now and I have no idea where I got this strength to do this all alone. I wanted to be free of those drugs so much. Then without them I became so lost. It was like drugs had become my whole life.and without them there was nothing. I didn't know what to do with myself and I considered ending things more times than I like to admit. Where did I find the strength to keep going? Now I can really say I'm happy to be alive. Although I'm so not the same me. I look different. I act different. I have more aches and pains than ever before and I'm not nearly as reckless as I once was. I am a lot quieter and kinder. I know things are hard for everyone.
You've all been with me through thick and thin and I'm so grateful
Things are not so hot for me right now (I'm not getting along with my son so well) but I'm handling things like a normal person except for one day I spent quite a bit of money because somebody hurt my feelings about how I looked. So stupid! And it didn't even make me feel better. I bought new clothes and cosmetics I did not need. But I have no desire to drink or use drugs and have been going to a lot of movies and concerts. Really having a good time with my husband and family. And a few friends. I've sort of dropped out of the picture with friends this last year. It seems like everyone I know drinks so much. But this is something I'm working on
This next week I'm going to look at a new horse. A sweet young gelding. He better be sweet! I've had enough of being beat around by horses. I'm over the moon excited! He's dappled gray with a white main and tail. Can't wait to ride him. I hope we get along. My surgery has completely healed and I'm starting to work out again. It feels so good to sweat after a year of staring out the window. Back to yoga is next.
This year we have not even had a winter. It's been in the 50's and 60's here at the house and there's not much snow on the mountains. I wish those of you who have been hit so hard this winter could send some of that winter weather out our way. I see those pictures on the news and look at the sandals I'm wearing.......Fire season could really be deadly this year.
I have been thinking about how it was for me going through that terrible detox and I am amazed I could do that. I actually weaned myself off a terrible Vicodin habit. How was I able to do that? As you all know it was very hard for me and the last year I've spent a lot of time beating myself up for being an addict and not giving myself credit for the strength I showed during that awful time. I look back on it now and I have no idea where I got this strength to do this all alone. I wanted to be free of those drugs so much. Then without them I became so lost. It was like drugs had become my whole life.and without them there was nothing. I didn't know what to do with myself and I considered ending things more times than I like to admit. Where did I find the strength to keep going? Now I can really say I'm happy to be alive. Although I'm so not the same me. I look different. I act different. I have more aches and pains than ever before and I'm not nearly as reckless as I once was. I am a lot quieter and kinder. I know things are hard for everyone.
You've all been with me through thick and thin and I'm so grateful
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 264
Sandals Else!?! I wish! We are suffering through a -35 celsius (that's -31 Fahrenheit) cold snap today but it is supposed to warm up considerably tomorrow.
I am so glad you are feeling better abd seeing clearly.
I am feeling so much better after confiding my secrets. Geeze that makes me sounds so sneaky! Lol
Had a great weekend at my sisters visiting and cuddling with my nieces and nephew. Everyone was drinking but I felt perfectly content to be sober. I think av kicks in the most when I am alone and anxious.
I am so glad you are feeling better abd seeing clearly.
I am feeling so much better after confiding my secrets. Geeze that makes me sounds so sneaky! Lol
Had a great weekend at my sisters visiting and cuddling with my nieces and nephew. Everyone was drinking but I felt perfectly content to be sober. I think av kicks in the most when I am alone and anxious.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Keep hanging out here, SheKnits. It is so good to see you and I strongly believe in the power of supportive people in this place to help us weather our storms.
Advice I'll be taking myself today. It's been a bad one.
I am self-flagellating for my own stupidity. My YMCA is being torn down and rebuilt so in the meantime we're in an interim location. Went there during a busy time with a parking lot in view of the front desk -- foolishly thought it would be OK to leave my purse in the car for 30 minutes. Came out to find one of my windows bashed in and my purse gone. Cancelled my credit/bank cards -- there had been attempts to use them within minutes. Fortunately I had some cash in the house as I needed a few basic groceries and had left my iPhone at home.
Late in aft, my brother called to let me know Mom had a dizzy spell and passed out briefly. Because she is a congestive heart failure patient, and because there was a slight elevation in her blood enzymes, she is being transferred from the small community hospital near home to one here in the Cities. I'll have to get there tomorrow. It's in a so-so neighborhood and I don't want to leave my car there missing a back window. (The hospital is part of the health system where I used to work in PR -- I know they've had burglaries in the ramp.) No chest pain, which is good, I think.
I guess if there is any silver lining, days like this no longer leave me wanting to drink. That said, if y'all don't mind sending some positive thoughts/prayers my way, I'd be grateful.
Thanks,
V.
Advice I'll be taking myself today. It's been a bad one.
I am self-flagellating for my own stupidity. My YMCA is being torn down and rebuilt so in the meantime we're in an interim location. Went there during a busy time with a parking lot in view of the front desk -- foolishly thought it would be OK to leave my purse in the car for 30 minutes. Came out to find one of my windows bashed in and my purse gone. Cancelled my credit/bank cards -- there had been attempts to use them within minutes. Fortunately I had some cash in the house as I needed a few basic groceries and had left my iPhone at home.
Late in aft, my brother called to let me know Mom had a dizzy spell and passed out briefly. Because she is a congestive heart failure patient, and because there was a slight elevation in her blood enzymes, she is being transferred from the small community hospital near home to one here in the Cities. I'll have to get there tomorrow. It's in a so-so neighborhood and I don't want to leave my car there missing a back window. (The hospital is part of the health system where I used to work in PR -- I know they've had burglaries in the ramp.) No chest pain, which is good, I think.
I guess if there is any silver lining, days like this no longer leave me wanting to drink. That said, if y'all don't mind sending some positive thoughts/prayers my way, I'd be grateful.
Thanks,
V.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Hi 8 Thirteen's,
How are you all doing today? I woke up to -4 on this mountain-top in PA...again. The foot of snow from Saturday and Sunday has been pushed to the side, thankfully...so it is simply life as should be expected in Feb. As my once fav boss often told me when I was getting all up in him...mostly about commissions, "Hey Carlos, it is what it is." That dude was SMART!
Else, cool post. I agree with Dee...you sound great. I am so happy for you!
V, sorry to read about the many challenges that you have faced with having your purse stolen and the status of your Mom's health. I will sent positive vibe thoughts that your car isn't broken into again when you visit her and that you find that she is improving.
SK, what a positive post, KUDOS on feeling better! I prefer to triangulate and say that alcohol made me sneaky...I didn't do it
. Keeping active in recovery is my med and I give it less power to sneak up on me.
Glee passed a year sober yesterday and as promised on here last week I am offering congrats. Hey 19, if you get a chance, pop that link to your 1 year blog post...cool stuff! Yesterday you sounded so Spiritually Fit...did it return today?
I've had a rather difficult stretch since last Friday. I lost one of my dearest friends in AA to the disease. She relapsed last summer. She was trying to get back and we did see each other 6 weeks ago, but, soon after she disappeared into the darkness again. It is a long story and if you are interested, I posted in detail about it in the Under One Year, current thread, post #378. I am still so sad, still so angry and most of all in denial that she is really gone. I went to the mtg we met at on Friday...it's in another city where I was living for 2 months settling a family estate. That was painful enough, then on the way home had a flat I needed to change in sub-zero weather on the interstate with cars and trucks buzzing by...no working flashlight and snow on the undercarriage made exact placing the jack near impossible. Came home and the water pipes had frozen.
Funny thing though...I wasn't angry or upset at all about the car or frozen pipes. While changing the flat I kept thinking how grateful I was to be sober and able bodied with the ability to change it. The active alkie Carlos would have been so pissed at life while changing it IF NOT DRINKING AT THE time, or, scared and shaking in my boots if I had been. I'm so grateful that my recovery tools are working so that I could survive this difficult stretch without even a thought of picking up!
My best to all!
Carlos
How are you all doing today? I woke up to -4 on this mountain-top in PA...again. The foot of snow from Saturday and Sunday has been pushed to the side, thankfully...so it is simply life as should be expected in Feb. As my once fav boss often told me when I was getting all up in him...mostly about commissions, "Hey Carlos, it is what it is." That dude was SMART!
Else, cool post. I agree with Dee...you sound great. I am so happy for you!
V, sorry to read about the many challenges that you have faced with having your purse stolen and the status of your Mom's health. I will sent positive vibe thoughts that your car isn't broken into again when you visit her and that you find that she is improving.
SK, what a positive post, KUDOS on feeling better! I prefer to triangulate and say that alcohol made me sneaky...I didn't do it
. Keeping active in recovery is my med and I give it less power to sneak up on me. Glee passed a year sober yesterday and as promised on here last week I am offering congrats. Hey 19, if you get a chance, pop that link to your 1 year blog post...cool stuff! Yesterday you sounded so Spiritually Fit...did it return today?
I've had a rather difficult stretch since last Friday. I lost one of my dearest friends in AA to the disease. She relapsed last summer. She was trying to get back and we did see each other 6 weeks ago, but, soon after she disappeared into the darkness again. It is a long story and if you are interested, I posted in detail about it in the Under One Year, current thread, post #378. I am still so sad, still so angry and most of all in denial that she is really gone. I went to the mtg we met at on Friday...it's in another city where I was living for 2 months settling a family estate. That was painful enough, then on the way home had a flat I needed to change in sub-zero weather on the interstate with cars and trucks buzzing by...no working flashlight and snow on the undercarriage made exact placing the jack near impossible. Came home and the water pipes had frozen.
Funny thing though...I wasn't angry or upset at all about the car or frozen pipes. While changing the flat I kept thinking how grateful I was to be sober and able bodied with the ability to change it. The active alkie Carlos would have been so pissed at life while changing it IF NOT DRINKING AT THE time, or, scared and shaking in my boots if I had been. I'm so grateful that my recovery tools are working so that I could survive this difficult stretch without even a thought of picking up!
My best to all!
Carlos
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 728
Hi all! -13 here this morning!! 5 more days till florida!!
I've had a great week,,,prep for and had colonoscopies today! Thank god it's all "Behind" me!
We are all packed, ocean fellow has been behaving like a normal drinker lately...hope that when he gets in the company of heavy drinkers he doesn't revert back!!
I'm so intrigued by watching the normal drinker, how they play with a drink, sip pause pause sip! The thought occurred to me while observing company the other night...she wanted to have a drink, and that's fine, I had to have a drink...thats quite a difference!
I've had a great week,,,prep for and had colonoscopies today! Thank god it's all "Behind" me!
We are all packed, ocean fellow has been behaving like a normal drinker lately...hope that when he gets in the company of heavy drinkers he doesn't revert back!!
I'm so intrigued by watching the normal drinker, how they play with a drink, sip pause pause sip! The thought occurred to me while observing company the other night...she wanted to have a drink, and that's fine, I had to have a drink...thats quite a difference!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Hi,
Else - You are a powerful person. I have always been inspired by your transformation because, like me, you didn't feel so good after you quit using. It's been lovely to watch the storm cloud dissipate in your poetry on Limericks and Haiku. I'm happy for you.
SheKnits - Admitting what's in my heart to other people isn't easy, whether it's face to face or here on SR/ Sometimes the truth doesn't fit the image I have of myself; often that's when it's most important to be honest. Rigorous honesty has always transformed my pain into comfort.
V - I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I'm sending you my prayers and good intentions for her to feel better. I also hope you've been able to settle down after the stress with your car. I would have soothed the feelings of chaos and stress from everything coming down on you at once with a good buzz - then been depleted of energy and focus when facing my responsibilities the morning after (and I considered that to be high functioning - yikes!) Life doesn't stop churning out the challenges, but I bet you are facing them with a more even temper these days.
Carlos - Your recount of the flat tire and frozen pipes is a beautiful example of spiritual fitness, if you ask me. In fact, it seems like recovery guided your whole approach to a very difficult day. When you found out about Wanda's passing, you reached out to friends. You accepted the support of your buddies in AA, then offered them your support by attending their home group meeting. You fixed your tire with gratitude in terrible conditions, then dealt with what needed to be done with the frozen pipes. I'm proud of you, and grateful for the role model that you are in recovery!
I'm an active participant in my recovery, though in many ways it hasn't been by my design, if that makes sense. I've looked to intuition to guide me to do the next right thing, and put my trust in things that I never would have considered if left to make rational decisions. In this journey by faith I am happier and more at peace than I would have ever expected. In recovery I'm learning to be less at the extremes of self grandiosity and self loathing, and more in the middle. It's taken a while to get comfortable in the middle, but now that I'm here, it's great!
I enjoyed celebrating the milestone of turning a year sober, but it's just the beginning. Here's my blog post. One Year - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Have a good day, everyone!
Else - You are a powerful person. I have always been inspired by your transformation because, like me, you didn't feel so good after you quit using. It's been lovely to watch the storm cloud dissipate in your poetry on Limericks and Haiku. I'm happy for you.
SheKnits - Admitting what's in my heart to other people isn't easy, whether it's face to face or here on SR/ Sometimes the truth doesn't fit the image I have of myself; often that's when it's most important to be honest. Rigorous honesty has always transformed my pain into comfort.
V - I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I'm sending you my prayers and good intentions for her to feel better. I also hope you've been able to settle down after the stress with your car. I would have soothed the feelings of chaos and stress from everything coming down on you at once with a good buzz - then been depleted of energy and focus when facing my responsibilities the morning after (and I considered that to be high functioning - yikes!) Life doesn't stop churning out the challenges, but I bet you are facing them with a more even temper these days.
Carlos - Your recount of the flat tire and frozen pipes is a beautiful example of spiritual fitness, if you ask me. In fact, it seems like recovery guided your whole approach to a very difficult day. When you found out about Wanda's passing, you reached out to friends. You accepted the support of your buddies in AA, then offered them your support by attending their home group meeting. You fixed your tire with gratitude in terrible conditions, then dealt with what needed to be done with the frozen pipes. I'm proud of you, and grateful for the role model that you are in recovery!
I'm an active participant in my recovery, though in many ways it hasn't been by my design, if that makes sense. I've looked to intuition to guide me to do the next right thing, and put my trust in things that I never would have considered if left to make rational decisions. In this journey by faith I am happier and more at peace than I would have ever expected. In recovery I'm learning to be less at the extremes of self grandiosity and self loathing, and more in the middle. It's taken a while to get comfortable in the middle, but now that I'm here, it's great!
I enjoyed celebrating the milestone of turning a year sober, but it's just the beginning. Here's my blog post. One Year - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Have a good day, everyone!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Hi, everyone. I don't have much heart to post today. I just want to tell you I had to take son to rehab this weekend. They transferred him to an acute care facility because he was too sick to be in regular rehab. His blood work is seriously bad and his blood pressure and heart are not good. He has been having seizures. My heart feels pretty broken. I knew he had a problem with alcohol when he was younger but as far as I knew he hadn't been drinking for years. His wife told me he's a binge drinker and has been in the ER for this three times in the last year. He's only 34. He has a lovely wife and two baby daughters. He's lost his job and his wife is very angry. I just don't know what will happen to him. I am sick with worry.
As for me I've been crying a lot but this is normal behavior under the circumstances and I am being careful to take care of myself. My husband is not my son's father but Bob has been very supportive to me. And to my son. My son's Dad has stepped right up. As has his family and my family. So I don't have to carry this alone. I am very grateful because I feel pretty fragile emotionally but so far so good. Depression is not rearing its horrible head and I'm not using anything except my prescribed anti depressants. I'm trying very hard to stay in the present because my mind can travel some hideous roads sometimes.
My dear friends.......thank you for being here.
As for me I've been crying a lot but this is normal behavior under the circumstances and I am being careful to take care of myself. My husband is not my son's father but Bob has been very supportive to me. And to my son. My son's Dad has stepped right up. As has his family and my family. So I don't have to carry this alone. I am very grateful because I feel pretty fragile emotionally but so far so good. Depression is not rearing its horrible head and I'm not using anything except my prescribed anti depressants. I'm trying very hard to stay in the present because my mind can travel some hideous roads sometimes.
My dear friends.......thank you for being here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Eastern Shore of Maryland
Posts: 486
Else, I am so sorry. It hurts my heart to read your news.
It sounds like your son is in good hands and you are surrounded by caring family. Both you and your son are in my thoughts tonight.
It sounds like your son is in good hands and you are surrounded by caring family. Both you and your son are in my thoughts tonight.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Else, I am sorry to hear about your situation. Your previous post shows us how strong you've become and I know that will help you through this distressing time.
You've come so far, lovely lady -- remember that. We are here for you and sending lots of powerful thoughts your way. Our thoughts, too, are with your son and his family. Glad to read Dr. Else is a good source of support.
Thanks, all, for the kind words. Mom is scheduled to go home tomorrow and will be, as planned, moving in with brother and sister-in-law and there family. Just a little sooner than planned. Things are OK.
More later, but the last couple days have left me really pooped. I'll probably go to bed shortly.
SheKnits, keep checking in with us.
All my best to you gentle, kind people.
(PS: glad the procedure is now in your *rear* view mirror, Oceanlady. )
You've come so far, lovely lady -- remember that. We are here for you and sending lots of powerful thoughts your way. Our thoughts, too, are with your son and his family. Glad to read Dr. Else is a good source of support.
Thanks, all, for the kind words. Mom is scheduled to go home tomorrow and will be, as planned, moving in with brother and sister-in-law and there family. Just a little sooner than planned. Things are OK.
More later, but the last couple days have left me really pooped. I'll probably go to bed shortly.
SheKnits, keep checking in with us.
All my best to you gentle, kind people.
(PS: glad the procedure is now in your *rear* view mirror, Oceanlady.
)
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Prayers for you and your son and his Family Else.
I was once where your son is - I got better. My story is reflected here in countless other stories too, including yours
May you all find all the strength courage and peace you need
D
I was once where your son is - I got better. My story is reflected here in countless other stories too, including yours
May you all find all the strength courage and peace you need
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Oh, Else, my heart and prayers go out to you. He's so young to be dealing with an addiction that strong. I hope that the rehab turns him around and that he is able to recover emotionally, spiritually and physically from this ordeal. I believe it will take a spiritual shift when dealing with an addiction that powerful and I am glad that he has the support he needs.
Make sure you take care of yourself too, during this trying time.
Make sure you take care of yourself too, during this trying time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Else, thoughts and prayers to you, your son, and family.
When I read your post I thought exactly the same thing as Dee.
Your boy's story, with slightly different twists, is one that has been told countless times in recovery; and it has a happy ending. Day by day he has the ability to get better and healthier and more at peace. Your struggles and victories in recovery can help to guide his path. He is right where he needs to be today.
Help to keep him focused on the daily progress and not the past or wanting the promises offered by recovery to happen all at once. When we do that, align acceptance with expectations daily, life on life's terms becomes more manageable and doable.
Please be sure to take GOOD care of yourself now and stay close to those who have helped to guide your path and offered strength, hope and encouragement...including the 8 Thirteen's. We are standing solidly beside you!
Carlos xx
When I read your post I thought exactly the same thing as Dee.
Your boy's story, with slightly different twists, is one that has been told countless times in recovery; and it has a happy ending. Day by day he has the ability to get better and healthier and more at peace. Your struggles and victories in recovery can help to guide his path. He is right where he needs to be today.
Help to keep him focused on the daily progress and not the past or wanting the promises offered by recovery to happen all at once. When we do that, align acceptance with expectations daily, life on life's terms becomes more manageable and doable.
Please be sure to take GOOD care of yourself now and stay close to those who have helped to guide your path and offered strength, hope and encouragement...including the 8 Thirteen's. We are standing solidly beside you!
Carlos xx
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