Elseware

Thanks,Carlos. I will try it from my main computer. It used to work from my iPad.

Venecia

Carlos, thank you for sharing that video. It's a message that is important to me.

Dee74

you need an image file to upload, else - .jpg. gif. png. bmp....

your avatar for example is
put that in the img tags and it works



Carlos, avatars seem to be set at 135x135 pixels for me now...I'm not aware of the reason

D

Ornithology

I'm okay. Attended my dear friend's funeral last Sunday in Chicago. Very sad for everyone who was there.
Went for a long run yesterday. Debating whether to do a half-marathon in April.
Nice to see a couple of new people joining our group.

advbike

I hope everyone is surviving the cold wave. Kadi, how are you doing?

kadidee

Hi all, just catching up on posts. Welcome, welcome to the new folks! Carlos, I remember you from your awesome poetry. Welcome also to Serenityfreedom. The more the merrier here in August 2013.

V, so glad to hear that the trip went well and congratulations to you and all who hit 18 months. Carlos, what you said about emotional and spiritual sobriety rings a chord with me. I posted about a while back that I am still (maybe will always be?) working on codependency issues. Although I wouldn't trade anything for sobriety right now, I'm glad I didn't know what the road to recovery looked like at the outset...naively, I truly thought that if I just quit drinking, everything else would fall into place. But it takes a lot of work and of course I want a quick fix and there is none.

I am still dealing with the wayward students situation but hopefully by Monday I will have finished putting the final bits in place and can move on. While I do think I handled it better than I would have a year ago, I still have moments of obsessing and worrying too much about what this faculty member or the other 'thinks', as if I could know. I have to stop myself from running around to seek affirmation and just see how it plays out. I'm hoping that with practice I will get better at detaching.

We have been off for a few days for Mardi Gras. I've never been a huge fan but did go to a couple of parades. Other than that I've been trying to get stuff done like grading and even dabbling in a bit of research, a practice that I completely let go for too long while drinking.

Orn, I am still thinking of you and glad to see you are running. Hope you all up north are staying warm. It's even cold down here.

kadidee

Thanks, advbike, but I haven't yet! More like I'm just recognizing the crazy thinking and not acting out based on the emotion, but still have a lot of work to do....hoping one day the crazies will go away.

Oceanlady

I also like Kadi was naive stopping drinking. I thought once I made it through the first couple of months I would live happily ever after! Not so, each month has had some difficult challenges ,but lots of insight as I get to know and like myself.....

gleefan

I peeked in on this thread on my dear friend Carlos' advice. I was impressed with the strong recovery discussion going on in here.

I'll be a year sober next week. I can sure relate to what folks are saying about sobriety being different than they expected. I thought that the most significant change that would occur if I stopped drinking was that I'd lose 10 pounds. That didn't happen but as it turns out my weight was the least of my concerns. In addiction I completely lost track of who I was. This year has been about rediscovering that. It's been a tremendous journey, not always an easy one, and one that's sometimes made me cry, but also one where I've found peace, joy and beauty in the last places I'd ever think to look if left to my own devices. Like others here, I've been overcoming emotional and spiritual issues related to my addiction. I'd love to join in on your conversation from time to time.

advbike

Welcome Gleefan. Congratulations on one year, and your journey of discovery.. that's a great accomplishment. Stop in any time friend.

Sheknits

Hey class.

Long time.

I started reading the forum again today. If I'm being honest I've been avoiding reading and posting. Still sober but it has become a daily struggle. I'm also back on the anxiety meds I was on.

All else is well.

I think of drinking frequently. It feels like it's only a matter of time.
I've also thought of and talked about marijuana recently. Really anything that may take the edge off the anxiety.

After reading the recent posts I do wonder if I should be actively working a program of sorts. I feel as though I am on the edge at all times.

I'm sorry for my lack of presence. It is clear that I have a lot of work to do.

Dee74

I think it's great you came back SheNKnits...support is so important...especially when your AV has you convinced of that hideous lie that it's 'only matter of time'.

Nonsense

I'm sorry for your anxiety, but whatever the solution is, trust me when I say it's not alcohol or pot.

D

advbike

Welcome back Sheknits. Glad you're here. I suggest some type of program if you're struggling. Its the only way to have a psychic change and find long term relief I think.

I personally need to start on ACoA stepwork, but there are no meetings here in the Philippines, so I've been reading their particular big book/reference manual, until I can get back. It's eye opening. However, reading, and self knowledge is never the same as actually working steps. It's like reading a manual and expecting to fly a plane, lol. There's an expat psychologist here who can help me though. And, even regular posting on SR helps me.

Oceanlady

Welcome glee fan, great to have new input and congrats on one year!
In the first couple of months I lost 8 pounds! But then the addiction to sweets took over! And I gained it back plus.....you know, I think that period of self indulgence in sweets helped me during a very difficult time.....I now am over it and have lost weight...I guess what ever it takes!
Sheknits, stay close, love to hear from you! My turning point was discovering Rapid Recovery. For me it made since. Can't say I don't still think about the nice feel of a wine class in my hand and the short period of buzz...when I do , I repeat my vow, I will never drink again..AV doesn't like to hear that and runs!

Ornithology

Gleefan, thank you for the thoughtful post and welcome to the thread.
Sheknits, it's difficult to imagine that either alcohol or marijuana would prove to be a long-term solution for your feelings of anxiety. Good to have you back.
A lot of the recent posts have echoed a theme - now that I'm no longer drinking I see all the other stuff about me that I don't like and need to fix.
I've been working on simply accepting who I am and learning to like myself, rather than trying to change my nature. And this has brought me some peace.

IWLSAST

Hiya 8 Thirteens,

Oh my goodness, what a wonderful group to have stumbled upon. Hah, not literally though. Geeze, that last couple years my drinking had almost exclusively been isolated at home to ease this imagined burden for just living that I was feeling. I stumbled often and was actually brusing myself and breaking things around the house...etc. That stumbling is in the past (fingers crossed)...I was a sight for SAD eyes.

Glee, no one year congrats here till it actually happens, sorry . Glee is for sure an SR, no, recovery bestie in many ways. We even did the f2f thing, meeting in Manhattan pre Christmas and hit a few AA meetings in some amazing and storied venues. Haha, it was SantaCon day and there were 10,000 twenty-somethings bar hopping dressed as Santa. We not only survived, we thrived as we attended three powerful meetings and ate Greek food till it came out of our ears.

SK, glad to meet you. I'm 20 months sober now and I can honestly say that I have found more peace and serenity these past months that I experienced in my life in total. I am an AA'r as mentioned, however, I have not formally worked the steps. I do live by principals that are so uniquily different than in my Type A always wanting the next best thing life had been. Some are:

• Rigorous honesty - Starting with what I tell myself!!! I heard that we are only as sick as our secrets and that resonated with me.
• Gratitude - Example, instead of being proud of my sober time, I'm looking to be grateful for it instead...was foreign thinking in my past
  • Replacing my EGO with humility - this may be the biggest change and the one where I have reaped the most gains
• Acceptance of what I CANNOT control...the serenity prayer helps here - also I am working on finding some measure of peace when I find I must accept the unacceptable...
• Doing the next right thing vs doing the next Carlos thing...
• Helping others that are suffering from my heart and REALLY not wanting ANYTHING, even thanks in return...
• Keeping as much of my life as possible in PRESENT tense...not just not drinking one day at a time, but, living one day at a time. Making peace with the past and letting the future unfold without living it in my dreams present tense...In fact, I can think of nothing better to be doing right now than to be engaged with my new 8 Thirteen friends .
• I'm not a Christian God person, nothing against it, just not my bag...but I am believeing that so many things happen for a reason...good and bad, and since I am finally striving to live life in total sobriety (physical, emotional and spiritual recovery) I have had more than my share of tiny miracles in just 20 months...

I could bore you with more, but that kinda hits the basics that are working for me.

Hi kadidee, yes, we were limerick peeps, I remember now. I still go there from time to time. What a great way to enjoy recovery!

I gotts bo boogie for now. Hi O's, V, E, kb and anyone else I missed.

Thank you all again for this invite... #lovin8thirteens

Carlos

Venecia

Hi, SheKnits,

It is always good to see you. You know that you have a group of friends here who are always rooting for you, whether you check in daily, weekly or occasionally.

I was sad for you, reading that you have been struggling. I think, though, that there is something good going on there in that you came here and confided the struggles. Better that than giving into that terrible voice that tells you "it's only a matter of time."

It's not. You have endured the hard challenge of climbing up out of the hole of addiction. You have fought anxiety.

Now is the time to reinforce your efforts and fend off that sense of inevitability. How about spending a week coming on here -- perhaps checking in with the 24-hour group or the Gratitudes Forum. I think that the exchanges with others in recovery can offer so much just be virtue of recognizing that you're not alone. Strength in numbers!

I know it's hard. If it wasn't, we wouldn't be here.

But we are here. For ourselves, for others and for you. We can help hold you up.

There's nothing good for us in a bottle or a joint.

There's good stuff for us when we say "no more" to the bottle or the joint, whether it is Day One or beyond.

You can do this, SheKnits. I care about you, as do our classmates.

Hold on tight.

Your friend,
Venecia

gleefan

Thanks for the warm welcome.

SheKnits - I have to actively work on my recovery. I've heard that folks in recovery ought to put as much time into recovery as they did drinking. I don't consciously set out to do that, but recovery is weaved into my day. I read the Hazelden thought of the day, I post on SR about recovery every day, I go to AA once a week, and I check in with other alcoholics.

I don't live in a bubble. My husband is a high functioning alcoholic. He's chosen to drink in our home the entire time I've been sober. A great deal of our social life consists of getting together with other heavy drinkers whose kids are friends with ours. This way of life knocks my spirits down. Earlier this week I was thinking that if I didn't have a firm foothold firmly in recovery, drinking could seem like a way to save my marriage.

When I shared this with a friend, they suggested that it sounded like my AV (or what ever you call it) trying to reel me back in. In recovery, when we work together, drinking is not inevitable.

It takes vigilance to ahead of the thinking that underlies my alcoholism - in the form of gratitude, acceptance, realistic expectations, open mindedness, and vulnerability. I am so grateful for the wonderful people I get to share my recovery with!

Sheknits

Thank you so much to everyone who replied.

A weight has been lifted by just admitting the thoughts Ive been having. I was feeling ashamed of them and was afraid to admit I was having them.

I had sort of stopped referring to those thoughts as AV. I was accepting them as my own thoughts.

I have started reading the big book for reference and will do further research as well. I will post daily if not.more often. I will work more on my recovery.

I will not go back to that life.

A million thanks!

Venecia

Hi, all --

So nice to have this infusion of new friends here in our class. Gleefan, welcome aboard! We'll gladly celebrate your year with you next week!

This morning, it was 41 below zero in the northern reaches of the state and minus 12 here this morning. On days like this, I feel like my legs are going to snap off by the time I get from the lot to the office. Fortunately, I think it is going to let up soon, which is good because long stretches like that are hard on me.

Kadi, I know how the stresses of work can pile up on us. I hope that things continue to go in the right direction. Hang in there, lady.

Orn, keep us posted on the possibility of the half marathon. Quite an accomplishment to be contemplating that possibility.

Carlos, thanks the observation about living in the present. That's not always something that comes easily to me but when I do it, it helps.

One week to Florida, Oceanlady?

Best to all. Tomorrow, it's T.G.I.S.F. I'll take that.

V.