advbike

Good going Else! Sometimes we just have to evolve to find our peace and happiness, and like who we are. You've really had to fight and struggle in your life, and have been amazingly strong. I really admire you, and your honesty and think you're living an authentic life.

Ornithology

Elseware, great to hear you are feeling better.

Oceanlady

Well, here's something new to confront the 17 monther...last night invited to friends house for dinner. They know I'm not a fan of samon, but assure I will like there's . They bring it on in a SHERRY sauce. When she offered me extra sauce ,I kinda yelled no a little loud! It was delicious but I felt guilty eating it with that alcohol favor...what would you guys have done?

Dee74

I try very hard not to find myself in those situations anymore.

Everyone knows I don't drink, even if not everyone knows the details.

I can't remember the last time I was ambushed.

There is no wrong answer.
If you feel comfortable with whatever you did, then that's great OL.

me? I probably would have ate around the salmon.

D

advbike

I eat it all. Haven't had any problems. Drink the occasional NA beer too. I had an ice cream last month with a rum raisin sauce.. mmmm..* delicious.. but definitely* a bit risky. I probably wouldn't have* ordered it if I had known, but I ate it anyway. Had beef cooked in wine* sauce recently too. Usually when alcohol is cooked, there's very little* left. Not enough to catch a buzz, but certainly* enough to trigger a* relapse in some people based on the taste or if they obsess over it. In*early sobriety it could present* a problem for sure, now I just forget about it.

Elseware

I eat it all, too. Except once I ate somebody's baked beans. They must have stirred in a pint of bourbon right at the last minute because I could still feel the "burn" of the alcohol. I was not expecting it. This was in my first weeks of not drinking and I did eat them. But that was a hard one. And I kept trying rationalize that it was food so it didn't count. But those beans did count because I knew exactly what I was doing.

I think it's true in most cases most of the alcohol evaporates during the cooking process but not always so I think it's good to be careful especially if the taste distresses you. In your case I think your host was kind of rude to you. Number one she/he knew you didn't like salmon and number two, I'm sure it has not gone unnoticed by the people you know that you have stopped drinking. So to serve you salmon AND sherry sauce? Very disrespectful. I am sorry you were so poorly treated. Maybe next time don't even go to their dinner party. They don't deserve your company.

advbike

I agree with that.

Dee74

It doesn't burn off nearly as much as you might think.
Alcohol Burn-off Chart

This is one of those things where you need to be true to yourself.

I used to be pretty cavalier but I've become more stringent - and I don't miss the taste of alcohol in cooking anymore


D

advbike

Ouch. Interesting.. makes me wonder how certain items can be served on an open menu in a restaurant.. available to children.. hmm...

I might have to be a little more careful..

Thanks Dee.

Dee74

I've often had that thought too advbike.

D

Oceanlady

Food for thought! I think you guys make a point. Maybe she never gave the alcohol a thought, but a piece of me things it was intentional...she drank freely with OF, while her Episcopal priest husband discussed the merits of Martin Luther with me!!!

I've been looking up alcohol burn off. In the dish I had 35percent of alcohol was still there. I too wonder about resturants and kids.
I made a vow before God that I would never drink alcohol again, I don't believe this broke the vow but , has opened my eyes to how my palette can be tempted.
Found a good recipes for using fruit jc and vanilla in place of sherry, may try!

kadidee

Hi all. That is news to me that the alcohol doesn't burn off as much as folk stories tell us it does--thanks, Dee. OL, I would have eaten it too since it was served to me at someone else's house, but I wouldn't order something cooked in alcohol on a menu, and I don't cook anything prepared with rice wine vinegar or sherry, mostly because I don't want the leftover left in my house. Glad you made it through! So, did you like their salmon even though you don't particularly care for salmon?

Else, I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better. You sound really good. Reading your description of your experience reminded me of the Anais Nin quote, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." It is so fitting for the slow, continuous journey we experience as we get further into recovery. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

V, great to hear that the date went well and your cruise sounds delightful! I doubt I can add more to the wisdom of OL and Else, but you definitely have my support. Your 18 months is coming up in the 15th...just a week after you return! I have no doubt you will get through the cruise. You are strong willed and determined and resourceful. I have a feeling that you are going to find all sorts of interesting distractions and people to talk to.

To all of us introverts on the board, this meditation from the Nepo book really spoke to me and I've been mulling over it for the past few days:

Meeting the World

You must meet the outer world
With your inner world
Or existence will crush you

There is a wind that keeps blowing since the beginning of time, and in every language spoken, it continues to whisper, You must meet the outer world with your inner world or existence will crush you. If inner does not meet outer, our lives will collapse and vanish. Though we often think that hiding our inwardness will somehow protect or save us, it is quite the opposite. The heart is very much like a miraculous balloon. Its lightness comes from staying full. Meeting the days with our heart prevents collapse.
This is why ninety-year-old widows remain committed to tending to small flowers in spring; why ten-year-olds with very little to eat care for stray kittens, holding them to their skinny chests; why painters going blind paint more; why composers going deaf write great symphonies. This is why when we think we can't possibly try again, we let out a sigh that goes back through the centuries, and then, despite all our experience, we inhale and try again.

--Center yourself and breathe slowly and deeply.
--As you breathe, feel your lungs fill and empty like a balloon.
--As you breathe, realize that your heart is filling and emptying itself of an inner air.
--During your day, let this inner air meet the world whenever you feel overwhelmed.

(The Book of Awakening, Mark Nepo, pp. 32-33)

advbike

Thanks Kadi, for that great post. I enjoy reading Anais Nin. She was an amazing thinker and writer, with an interesting life. I am also interested in the Nepo book now, that section is indeed very thought provoking for me, as someone with a fairly strong introverted disposition.

Oceanlady

On my way home on the train from bean town! We stayed over with son and watched Super Bowl! WOW! Yea PATs

kadidee

These past couple of days have been very frustrating due to work conflicts, specifically regarding some students that I supervise who didn't follow through with what they were supposed to do. I talked to them last night and I think it morphed into a productive conversation. Today I got an email from a faculty member with further poor evaluations regarding something these students were in charge of. I will need to take further action but for now I am gathering information and considering different strategies, especially about what I hope the outcome will be for all involved and how to do that productively. My co-dependent crazies are creeping out because I want to fix it now and I'm concerned that their poor performance reflects badly on me--the co-dependent in me wants to run around to talk to everybody, but I am not going to do that right now. I am realizing that this time last year I was still very reactive in the face of conflict. But I have choices about how to handle this. I still don't know the best way to proceed but I am going to operate on the premise that everyone has a perspective and the truth is somewhere in the middle. But I feel frustrated, angry, and fearful (not sure of what exactly, maybe about handling the situation with grace and the appropriate level if discipline?). Just wanted to share. One thing I will not be doing is drinking over it.

Dee74

I think taking your time and calmly thinking through the options is exactly what you should do Kadi - to me that's the mark of a great supervisor

D

Oceanlady

Beginning to feel my draw to go south, just like the birds do!! I leave March 1st. Thinking how different I feel in my sobriety this year than last. I don't care if people want to drink around we, happy hours are far less important and I'm more comfortable in my own skin!
I've stopped having my weekly neighborhood happy hours here. I find them dull and boring . Realize I entertained to legitimize my drinking...maybe I'm becoming introverted like the rest of you!!!

Elseware

Kadidee, you have changed since last year. Seems like you would have been in a much more nervous state about your, dare I say "delinquent" students. In the past you probably would have taken all the responsibility for their poor performance on your self. Now you are stopping to think it through before laying blame at your own feet. I think this shows great growth. And strength of character. To change like this and be able to acknowledge this to yourself.......hurray for you

Oceanlady, Isn't it amazing how when you stop the drinking and drugging, happy hour becomes boring hour? I always make sure I arrive a little late for a party so I don't have to sit through it! I understand from the news reports you've had epic snow. I bet you can't wait to get to Florida! Here, it's like the winter that never came. It's been in the 50's and even 60's all winter. With some rain. More like California. The ski resorts here are going to go broke. Same with last year. This will be the 2nd year in a row of no skiing for me. Boo!

Oceanlady

Else, we have about 5 ft. OMG snow on ground! More forecast for tonight! Grab your skies and head east! I like having all the snow storms, kind of puts excitement in a long winter..

advbike

Hi everyone! I heard from Venecia and she's enjoying the cruise, and staying strong. They're having fun in the sun, haha.