Grateful11

Lawyer just told me that my alcoholic "history" is being held against me as far as custody. Does not seem to matter to them that I am doing well now. This is insane but makes me want to say screw it. I feel the shame washing over me with each statement about my past. I can't stop crying. My kids know everything so they also know that I have been so much better.

calichris

You and your kids know the true you which is your sober self Grateful !!
The AV wants to use this opportunty to sink you. Danger danger! You CAN and will do this !!! Protect your sobriety and you will get thru this we promise !!!! Tell that AV to fu#% off !!

bblackbirdflyy

Grateful you must not say screw it. You are sober now and it counts. Are you in aa?

glandon

I am very impressed by the growth and maturity of this group, especially with Grateful and Scooter.

I am sorry about the challanges you ladies are individually dealing with now. But on the other hand your growth and maturity is impressive in how you are each dealing with these stresses. You are staying strong in avoiding AL vs. caving in and drinking, which is, at least in my case how I would have previoulsy handled it.

Isn't this a good snap shot of how many of us have operated in the past? In my personal case, I didn't have good "coping skills", so in a troublesome/stressful time, I would rely on AL, which is exactly the opposite thing I needed to to. Very regrettably, about 18 years ago, I too went through a divorce. And if there was ever a time when I needed a totally clear head and rational thinking, I can remember, sadly "self-medicating" through much of the experience. Precisely the WRONG approach.

By the way: a special shout out to Chris. He is usually spot on with his observations, and in the last day or so, on these topics he has been particularly cogent.

I have gained a lot from you all. Thanks!!

penkins

Don't screw it now. Keep going. Prove them wrong by staying sober!!

glandon

Grateful, for what it's worth, in this custody matter, the courts generally are very lenient towards moms. Your soon to be Ex has a tall mountain of proof to climb to convince the courts that you are unfit to have a meaningful amount of custody time.

Applekat

Stay the course, Grateful. Stick it to all of them. WE know how dang strong you are and how far you've come. Let that shine through right now. Shine on, don't shrink now.

TXAlchy2

Glandon is right, greatfull. I obviously don't know the situation but there are options that can offered to prove you are staying sober that the court can monitor, like in-home monitoring and the like.

Applekat

"I drank for happiness and became unhappy. I drank for joy and became miserable. I drank for sociability and became argumentative. I drank for sophistication and became obnoxious. I drank for friendship and made enemies. I drank for sleep and woke up tired. I drank for strength and felt weak. I drank for relaxation and got the shakes. I drank for courage and became afraid. I drank for confidence and became doubtful. I drank to make conversation easier and slurred my speech. I drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell." -Unknown

calichris

Absolute truth! Love it Apple !!!

Grateful11

I keep hearing this but my lawyer said based on my "history" the courts see him as the safer bet so they gave him residential custody and we have joint custody as far as decision making. I do have a lot of time with them but not being the "residential" parent fills me with shame...makes me feel like I'm a bad mom.

penkins

Maybe there is another way of looking at this. Instead of tagging yourself as a bad mom. How bout saying you are a mom that has been given some extra time to really get your sobriety mastered so that when the next custody hearing comes, the courts and your ex see this is a new permanent YOU?

bblackbirdflyy

You are not a bad mom. Everything will be alright.

1stepup

Grateful, my thoughts are with you today, sorry youre having to go through all this. There is a couple of women in AA around here going through a similar situation and its heartbreaking to see them suffering, sadly they say the same about how lawyers etc label us after we've labelled ourselves, what you're doing is amazing and your kids know this- they see you getting better every day- and they are the ones that count the most.

Things will come right and Im sure they will re-assess the situation as time passes. I don't begin to know what you're going through but know that support is always here for you. Best wishes and hugs to you. x

CuteNGayYay

Grateful my sister has been through the exact same thing you are going through. In the past few years going through lawyers, courts, divorce and custody hearings. It started off with very little time seeing her sons... Today it's 50/50 custody.. And things are great. She stayed sober through it all and stayed close to her AA family. She recently celebrated 3 years. I don't know if you're already doing it..but she had meeting attendance sheets signed each time she went to a meeting ..and also had letters from her sponsor and fellow AA people who saw the determination and change in her. This will look, good to a judge each time you have to go back. Best wishes and many hugs. You got this. xoxo

NapsteR1

Day 54, all day at an industry event with a free bar (diet pepsi for me) 5am start tomorrow, 3 hour drive and then one of the biggest presentations of my career at 10:00, want to be there for 8am to allow 2 hours prep time for the meeting and to miss all the traffic.

Found my nearest AA meeting, 19:45 on Friday - I know where I'll be sat at 19:46, in the car biting my finger nails.

Really glad I read that stuff on PAWS and HALT, trying to balance back on the other thing FEAR stands for!

Good luck for tomorrow everyone :o)

sthlondonab

Hey guys and girls

LONG day.

First up, ladies Grateful, Apple, Scooter. I am sorry to hear about the rubbish things you are going through today. Stay strong.

Please don't let that AV pounce and take you back down. I admire the resolve you have. Resolve can only strengthen in sobriety and you have the power without king alcohol ruling you. It may not feel like you have any power now, but you do - in BUCKETLOADS.

Break down things into what you have to do today and only today again. Look at all the posts, we are rooting for you.

sthlondonab

Best foot forward. If you can, head in at 19.35 and tell one of the guys - anyone - it's your first meeting. I guarantee you will feel better. First meeting I went to I stood outside from 30 mins before (from a safe distance) to see if people looked like me, smoked 8 cigarettes in that time, and let the AV play every game going. I relate. I am glad I did eventually walk in. Yep, it's not for everyone but I find it a good tool for progress. What's to lose other than an hour of listening?

ScooterBoo

[QUOTE=calichris;4943619]Scooter,
You take care of everyone. Please take care of you. What is something you LOVE to do? (hiking, walking, eating seafood, knitting, reading in a hammock, cheesecake, etc?). Give yourself a gift of one of the things you LOVE to do TODAY.
I have been very selfish in my sobriety and treating myelf like crazy and it feels good. And the funny thing is that my selfishness to treat myself well has turned around and allowed me to be unselfish to others because I now feel good about myself. Amazing how that works!

Chris, thank you so much for your great advice. My brother has phoned four times today, in really tough shape. I took your suggestions and listened and told him how sorry and sad I feel for him and the kids.

sthlondonab

Evening check in :

40% of the step 5 read, with around 3 hours more work to do. I have two more hours booked in for this Friday. Getting all my stuff out to someone I trust totally is very freeing. I need to do this, starting to link a lot of the way I think to ultimately drinking.

Tomorrow is a client dinner - red flag alert. But I have already put it out there I am not drinking for health reasons (true) so the foundations are laid.

Life is not perfect (is it ever for any of us all the time?) But someone earlier said 'silver lining' - I can so see that and don't want to let it turn black again.

Stay strong everyone.

Pink - check in lass! Hope all is OK.

Ah Napster - forgot to say above good luck with the preso.