Class of October 2013 - Part 13
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
I love October. Caramel apples, bags of fun-size candy bars, pumpkin donuts. Hmmm, I think I see a trend!!!
POTD:
Have a great day, Tobers.
POTD:
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
Ewwww!Have a great day, Tobers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Today I'm off and although I stressed myself out to the point of feeling sick yesterday, I'm re-reading texts and posts. I think that becoming a job hopper in my life is a direct result of drinking. Thanks to you guys making me realize I need to put the brakes on for a moment. I know that any alcohol no matter how much, changes my thinking, and although I've tried to excuse me taking a drink twice in the past month, it has knocked off my balance. I've drank all these yrs and job jumped my way into the position I'm in now. Maybe nothing is as bad as we make it out to be, when we're upset and looking at it in a bad way?
Me is the cause of me being in a bad state of mind, and only me can decide to make my day good instead of wishing for a different day.?
I know there is a god now, because there is absolutely no reason why or how I stopped drinking altogether,out of the blue on June 12th. I'm looking back at the sideways crazy stuff I posted last yr, and WOW it was bad then! All booze and addled brain cells.
I know I'm not here at a yr this month, but I might not be here at ALL, if it wasn't for every single one of you.
I'm sorry if this is preachy. I'm putting this all in here to remind me, tomorrow when I try to worry and say " oh no what am I gonna do - quit a job, find a job, worry about non existent retirement, bills"
Not drink is gonna be the answer.
The one thing I KNOW without a doubt will improve my day.
I went to a counselor who told me focus on what is real, and not future worries.
Yesterday was bad, but not as bad as if I had drank.
Today will be ok
Me is the cause of me being in a bad state of mind, and only me can decide to make my day good instead of wishing for a different day.?
I know there is a god now, because there is absolutely no reason why or how I stopped drinking altogether,out of the blue on June 12th. I'm looking back at the sideways crazy stuff I posted last yr, and WOW it was bad then! All booze and addled brain cells.
I know I'm not here at a yr this month, but I might not be here at ALL, if it wasn't for every single one of you.
I'm sorry if this is preachy. I'm putting this all in here to remind me, tomorrow when I try to worry and say " oh no what am I gonna do - quit a job, find a job, worry about non existent retirement, bills"
Not drink is gonna be the answer.
The one thing I KNOW without a doubt will improve my day.
I went to a counselor who told me focus on what is real, and not future worries.
Yesterday was bad, but not as bad as if I had drank.
Today will be ok
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
JL ... I've said this before, but I want to say it again ... I have a lot of respect for you and your positive attitude during trying times. This electronic forum is great, but it does have limitations. Still, your honesty, strength, persistence, and love for your family comes across in bright lights. Shine on, brother.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Jeff, your determination and stick-to-it-ness have always awed me. Your gratitude and kind heart makes me feel happy, even on days when I don't feel too happy. I am especially impressed that you never let a slip turn into a huge downward spiral.
I am definitely working more on my codependent problems lately, especially now that my son is getting a little carried away at school. I think my ridiculous tirade of text lectures that I have sent to him on a daily basis lately would probably have driven anyone to drink. I need to back off and stop trying to be executive director of everyone else's lives. I need to work on emotional detachment. The universe is showing that to me a lot lately. There is a little chapel on charmingly, Hope Street, where I go to pray when I really feel the need for connection to God and direction in my life. I went there today and I prayed for all of us, and others I had promised to pray for and for my son and for our upcoming house decision. As far as my marriage goes, things are really great right now. Communication is key. Bottling up only leads to resentment which is a death sentence for any relationship. I have learned so much about my unhealthy patterns and behaviors over this year of getting sober. Now, I have to really practice at putting healthier behaviors into good use.
Love and peace and excellent juju to all of my dear Tober friends ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am definitely working more on my codependent problems lately, especially now that my son is getting a little carried away at school. I think my ridiculous tirade of text lectures that I have sent to him on a daily basis lately would probably have driven anyone to drink. I need to back off and stop trying to be executive director of everyone else's lives. I need to work on emotional detachment. The universe is showing that to me a lot lately. There is a little chapel on charmingly, Hope Street, where I go to pray when I really feel the need for connection to God and direction in my life. I went there today and I prayed for all of us, and others I had promised to pray for and for my son and for our upcoming house decision. As far as my marriage goes, things are really great right now. Communication is key. Bottling up only leads to resentment which is a death sentence for any relationship. I have learned so much about my unhealthy patterns and behaviors over this year of getting sober. Now, I have to really practice at putting healthier behaviors into good use.
Love and peace and excellent juju to all of my dear Tober friends ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
I'm sorry I haven't commented on your sons situation DD. I will pray for him for peace for you on the matter. It's so hard but you're the kind of mama he needs. The one woman that'll love him like no other woman-ever.
Praying.
Praying.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CO
Posts: 324
All,
Congrats to all the anniversary folks. What a ride for us to share.
I've not floated off into outer-space. I've just not been able to get to SR the past days. My wife had some minor thyroid surgery last week. My 93-yr-old mother had a fracture in her humerus JUST DISCOVERED! So she went from assisted living to the hospital, and is now at a rehab facility. So I've been the caregiver. It's not bad, but it did require a trip out-of-town. Oh, and then there's a job (plus my kids' needs).
I am not complaining . . . just telling myself (mostly) what I've been up to, and to be easy on myself for not keeping good connections.
Keep well, folks!
Fishy
Congrats to all the anniversary folks. What a ride for us to share.
I've not floated off into outer-space. I've just not been able to get to SR the past days. My wife had some minor thyroid surgery last week. My 93-yr-old mother had a fracture in her humerus JUST DISCOVERED! So she went from assisted living to the hospital, and is now at a rehab facility. So I've been the caregiver. It's not bad, but it did require a trip out-of-town. Oh, and then there's a job (plus my kids' needs).
I am not complaining . . . just telling myself (mostly) what I've been up to, and to be easy on myself for not keeping good connections.
Keep well, folks!
Fishy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CO
Posts: 324
Oh . . . forgot to answer a question that I saw raised some time back.
I mentioned that my goals were different than many on the list. Way back, a year ago or so, I remember (I think) remarking that I have not been in the same situation as many of you in terms of being subject to major "drunk" periods. That's not to say I wasn't drinking too much; I was. But my goals were never to be a complete abstainer. Rather it was to re-orient all the things that would lead to over-indulgence. And, for the most part, the kinds of ways that I set have worked; I have cut WAY back. My bank account, my sleep patterns, my relationships have all seen improvement. There have been several periods of a month or more where I was a complete abstainer -- but, again, that was not my main goal.
All that said, I would NOT have been as successful as I have been without the support of this group. Y'll rock!
Fishy
I mentioned that my goals were different than many on the list. Way back, a year ago or so, I remember (I think) remarking that I have not been in the same situation as many of you in terms of being subject to major "drunk" periods. That's not to say I wasn't drinking too much; I was. But my goals were never to be a complete abstainer. Rather it was to re-orient all the things that would lead to over-indulgence. And, for the most part, the kinds of ways that I set have worked; I have cut WAY back. My bank account, my sleep patterns, my relationships have all seen improvement. There have been several periods of a month or more where I was a complete abstainer -- but, again, that was not my main goal.
All that said, I would NOT have been as successful as I have been without the support of this group. Y'll rock!
Fishy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Fishy, I had to ponder your last post for a while. I guess I am happy for you that you have reached a good point in moderation. I just think that if I were a person who could successfully moderate alcohol, I wouldn't feel the need to be an active member of a recovery website. I physically had periods where I could moderate myself but it was miserable. It involved phone apps, constantly thinking about alcohol and always being bummed that I "couldn't" have more and then it never failed, I would have that one night of "ah, f8ck it" and I would be off the rails . . . .
I have to say this. You have always said very little about yourself, but I gather that you work for a university. If you are using us as a "little research project", I find that very distasteful. I get that this is a public forum, but most of us pour our hearts out here in a very vulnerable state, for the sheer fact of saving our lives and sparing the people who love us of any more pain. I really do not care to be "used."
I have to say this. You have always said very little about yourself, but I gather that you work for a university. If you are using us as a "little research project", I find that very distasteful. I get that this is a public forum, but most of us pour our hearts out here in a very vulnerable state, for the sheer fact of saving our lives and sparing the people who love us of any more pain. I really do not care to be "used."
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I wasn't aware at all that was what you were doing Fish.
Had I known I would not have asked, cos it's an emotive subject round here.
I hope you can continue to make that work for you Fish...I just know I couldn't.
I wasn't aware that you worked for a Uni either, but I must say (all respect to you DD) I've never felt you've been using us as data or material for research.
There are clear rules here against that and I'm always on the lookout to make sure that members here feel safe
These threads breed a closeness, and bond forged through struggle, and a familial feeling - I think you've been affected by that as much as any of us has
D
Had I known I would not have asked, cos it's an emotive subject round here.
I hope you can continue to make that work for you Fish...I just know I couldn't.
I wasn't aware that you worked for a Uni either, but I must say (all respect to you DD) I've never felt you've been using us as data or material for research.
There are clear rules here against that and I'm always on the lookout to make sure that members here feel safe
These threads breed a closeness, and bond forged through struggle, and a familial feeling - I think you've been affected by that as much as any of us has
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Fishy ... Thanks for the reply. Deep down I had a feeling that you were aiming for moderation. You may have said something to that effect or maybe I was reading between the words.
I'm glad to learn that moderation is working. As Dee said, it's a touchy subject as we all wish moderation was possible, but it isn't for most of us. If I've learned anything, it's that there are many ways up this mountain, so I have zero problem with your approach.
I sometimes do think about moderation, but I have the same reaction as mentioned by DD ... it would be way too much work! Abstinence is best for me.
Finally, I don't feel like a research subject. I'm in fact a researcher, so I hope that doesn't make anyone uncomfortable.
Keep on truckin' Tobers!
I'm glad to learn that moderation is working. As Dee said, it's a touchy subject as we all wish moderation was possible, but it isn't for most of us. If I've learned anything, it's that there are many ways up this mountain, so I have zero problem with your approach.
I sometimes do think about moderation, but I have the same reaction as mentioned by DD ... it would be way too much work! Abstinence is best for me.
Finally, I don't feel like a research subject. I'm in fact a researcher, so I hope that doesn't make anyone uncomfortable.
Keep on truckin' Tobers!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
I obviously haven't studied the posts over the past yr, but then again I failed college algebra twice in 1989-90, thus ending my go at education. That began my USMC period of life, and I've attempted to " go back to school",twice. I
1 failed marriage sank the first go. Layoffs from Bellsouth undid my second go.
I gambled 1k on EMT school and now am in the 12$ hr career with minimal benefits, and 2 small children, 1 teenager not at my home. I'm pretty real, but none of it is REAL pretty.
Wait, my wife and kids are beautiful.
I hope that my rants on here are helpful to ppl, and I know that what you folks say, strangely holds more weight with me, than you may think.
Very soon I'm going to be asking you guys some opinions on an opportunity that may be coming around, and it's gonna require some no-bull answers.
I think I'm all gambled out on college, and I'm freshly clear minded for the first time in yrs.
If anyone's not in it for real, pls just don't answer up.
I judge nothing and no one, but an opinion without an agenda is important for me.
Thanks
1 failed marriage sank the first go. Layoffs from Bellsouth undid my second go.
I gambled 1k on EMT school and now am in the 12$ hr career with minimal benefits, and 2 small children, 1 teenager not at my home. I'm pretty real, but none of it is REAL pretty.
Wait, my wife and kids are beautiful.
I hope that my rants on here are helpful to ppl, and I know that what you folks say, strangely holds more weight with me, than you may think.
Very soon I'm going to be asking you guys some opinions on an opportunity that may be coming around, and it's gonna require some no-bull answers.
I think I'm all gambled out on college, and I'm freshly clear minded for the first time in yrs.
If anyone's not in it for real, pls just don't answer up.
I judge nothing and no one, but an opinion without an agenda is important for me.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CO
Posts: 324
All,
There are many entry points into responding to how y'all have answered my recent post. Let me begin by saying that I am in one of the "helping professions", and am employed in that capacity (as staff, not faculty) at a university. That means that I'm a relatively public figure. So, I've not said a lot about myself to maintain my privacy -- not because I'm "doing research". And, I'm not on the list in my capacity as a "helper", but as one who has needed help. I have found that here. As someone who has worked at universities as long as I, I am VERY aware of boundaries and (not) crossing them -- especially when it comes to research. Aside from those restrictions, I have a pretty high level of personal ethical standards that would never allow me to "use" folks without their "consent".
I know that the issue of moderation vs. abstinence is touchy . . . and I know it's not for everyone. That's another reason why I've not written about various "anniversaries" (on my part). I'm proud of all of you for setting YOUR goals and achieving them. I'm grateful for the support I've received here as I've worked to achieve mine--even as they differ from others'.
Fishy
There are many entry points into responding to how y'all have answered my recent post. Let me begin by saying that I am in one of the "helping professions", and am employed in that capacity (as staff, not faculty) at a university. That means that I'm a relatively public figure. So, I've not said a lot about myself to maintain my privacy -- not because I'm "doing research". And, I'm not on the list in my capacity as a "helper", but as one who has needed help. I have found that here. As someone who has worked at universities as long as I, I am VERY aware of boundaries and (not) crossing them -- especially when it comes to research. Aside from those restrictions, I have a pretty high level of personal ethical standards that would never allow me to "use" folks without their "consent".
I know that the issue of moderation vs. abstinence is touchy . . . and I know it's not for everyone. That's another reason why I've not written about various "anniversaries" (on my part). I'm proud of all of you for setting YOUR goals and achieving them. I'm grateful for the support I've received here as I've worked to achieve mine--even as they differ from others'.
Fishy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by fishoutawatta 
All,
There are many entry points into responding to how y'all have answered my recent post. Let me begin by saying that I am in one of the "helping professions", and am employed in that capacity (as staff, not faculty) at a university. That means that I'm a relatively public figure. So, I've not said a lot about myself to maintain my privacy -- not because I'm "doing research". And, I'm not on the list in my capacity as a "helper", but as one who has needed help. I have found that here. As someone who has worked at universities as long as I, I am VERY aware of boundaries and (not) crossing them -- especially when it comes to research. Aside from those restrictions, I have a pretty high level of personal ethical standards that would never allow me to "use" folks without their "consent".
I know that the issue of moderation vs. abstinence is touchy . . . and I know it's not for everyone. That's another reason why I've not written about various "anniversaries" (on my part). I'm proud of all of you for setting YOUR goals and achieving them. I'm grateful for the support I've received here as I've worked to achieve mine--even as they differ from others'.
Fishy
There are many entry points into responding to how y'all have answered my recent post. Let me begin by saying that I am in one of the "helping professions", and am employed in that capacity (as staff, not faculty) at a university. That means that I'm a relatively public figure. So, I've not said a lot about myself to maintain my privacy -- not because I'm "doing research". And, I'm not on the list in my capacity as a "helper", but as one who has needed help. I have found that here. As someone who has worked at universities as long as I, I am VERY aware of boundaries and (not) crossing them -- especially when it comes to research. Aside from those restrictions, I have a pretty high level of personal ethical standards that would never allow me to "use" folks without their "consent".
I know that the issue of moderation vs. abstinence is touchy . . . and I know it's not for everyone. That's another reason why I've not written about various "anniversaries" (on my part). I'm proud of all of you for setting YOUR goals and achieving them. I'm grateful for the support I've received here as I've worked to achieve mine--even as they differ from others'.
Fishy
Today is my one year anny. Wouldn't be here without all of you. XOXOXO
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by JL2014
I obviously haven't studied the posts over the past yr, but then again I failed college algebra twice in 1989-90, thus ending my go at education. That began my USMC period of life, and I've attempted to " go back to school",twice. I
1 failed marriage sank the first go. Layoffs from Bellsouth undid my second go.
I gambled 1k on EMT school and now am in the 12$ hr career with minimal benefits, and 2 small children, 1 teenager not at my home. I'm pretty real, but none of it is REAL pretty.
Wait, my wife and kids are beautiful.
I hope that my rants on here are helpful to ppl, and I know that what you folks say, strangely holds more weight with me, than you may think.
Very soon I'm going to be asking you guys some opinions on an opportunity that may be coming around, and it's gonna require some no-bull answers.
I think I'm all gambled out on college, and I'm freshly clear minded for the first time in yrs.
If anyone's not in it for real, pls just don't answer up.
I judge nothing and no one, but an opinion without an agenda is important for me.
Thanks
1 failed marriage sank the first go. Layoffs from Bellsouth undid my second go.
I gambled 1k on EMT school and now am in the 12$ hr career with minimal benefits, and 2 small children, 1 teenager not at my home. I'm pretty real, but none of it is REAL pretty.
Wait, my wife and kids are beautiful.
I hope that my rants on here are helpful to ppl, and I know that what you folks say, strangely holds more weight with me, than you may think.
Very soon I'm going to be asking you guys some opinions on an opportunity that may be coming around, and it's gonna require some no-bull answers.
I think I'm all gambled out on college, and I'm freshly clear minded for the first time in yrs.
If anyone's not in it for real, pls just don't answer up.
I judge nothing and no one, but an opinion without an agenda is important for me.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons
Fishy, I had to ponder your last post for a while. I guess I am happy for you that you have reached a good point in moderation. I just think that if I were a person who could successfully moderate alcohol, I wouldn't feel the need to be an active member of a recovery website. I physically had periods where I could moderate myself but it was miserable. It involved phone apps, constantly thinking about alcohol and always being bummed that I "couldn't" have more and then it never failed, I would have that one night of "ah, f8ck it" and I would be off the rails . . . .
I have to say this. You have always said very little about yourself, but I gather that you work for a university. If you are using us as a "little research project", I find that very distasteful. I get that this is a public forum, but most of us pour our hearts out here in a very vulnerable state, for the sheer fact of saving our lives and sparing the people who love us of any more pain. I really do not care to be "used."
I have to say this. You have always said very little about yourself, but I gather that you work for a university. If you are using us as a "little research project", I find that very distasteful. I get that this is a public forum, but most of us pour our hearts out here in a very vulnerable state, for the sheer fact of saving our lives and sparing the people who love us of any more pain. I really do not care to be "used."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
First of all, congratulations, Cindy on your one year anniversary!!!! I am so proud of you. You have overcome so many obstacles this year and you are always, always so positive. You truly inspire me.
Fishy, I am sorry. And I am sorry to the rest of the Tobers for causing uncomfortable feelings on the thread. I have been feeling especially sensitive lately, worrying about my son and so I emotionally jumped to conclusions and that was unfair. I hope you will forgive me.
Fishy, I am sorry. And I am sorry to the rest of the Tobers for causing uncomfortable feelings on the thread. I have been feeling especially sensitive lately, worrying about my son and so I emotionally jumped to conclusions and that was unfair. I hope you will forgive me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons
First of all, congratulations, Cindy on your one year anniversary!!!! I am so proud of you. You have overcome so many obstacles this year and you are always, always so positive. You truly inspire me.
Fishy, I am sorry. And I am sorry to the rest of the Tobers for causing uncomfortable feelings on the thread. I have been feeling especially sensitive lately, worrying about my son and so I emotionally jumped to conclusions and that was unfair. I hope you will forgive me.
Fishy, I am sorry. And I am sorry to the rest of the Tobers for causing uncomfortable feelings on the thread. I have been feeling especially sensitive lately, worrying about my son and so I emotionally jumped to conclusions and that was unfair. I hope you will forgive me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Man I went to Klamath falls once and then to crater lake, all in a weekend. It was so so nice. I wanted to move there, but now that I'm older, I do recall that the only source of income around (keno)? At the time was a Walmart SAMs club. First one of those I had seen back then too.
I'd give a lot to go back out there and paddle some rivers.
I'd give a lot to go back out there and paddle some rivers.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
