tootsl1

(((Hugs)))) GF thinking of you. Treasure your find memories of him, his demons were on,y a part of to he person he was as you were able to see and share. X

Neverthought

That's funny.....I was about to go back reading posts, thinking Sass must have commented about the power went out.

Then..... doy......I had a pretty good laugh....

Neverthought

You know it's ironic that you ask. My voice is stronger (and in pitch) than ever. And I contemplated responding to some adds looking for male vocalists. And I think it would be something that would also keep me busy....and it's something that I love....

However.....December 23rd 2012, attending an audition with some musicians trying to start a band....absolutely nothing was established. Well, I learned all of my songs, I was sober (for 84 days) and was as confident as ever and had worked very hard at it. When I got to the audition, only one other person really but that hard work in. It was so frustrating. So, the person basically in charge asked me if I wanted to move forward. Then he tells me the drummer (who was a total mess....he was obviously projecting because he was pretty bad) told him that I looked like I would crack under pressure, which is BS because I am experienced, I love entertaining, and I really enjoy putting myself out there. He told me all of this over the phone. Well, of course I was annoyed and thought, this is the crap (talking-behind-back, lack of leadership, power-trips etc) that pushed me to quit my last band.

......get ready for it..........

I blew 84 days the next day...on Christmas eve... I drank and then went into a tail-spin for many, many months...

I always blamed it on the holiday. But then over the past year trying to wrap my brain around my drinking and stress....I realized that these two events coincided.

Now, I thinks it's best that I'll just be my son's vocal teacher instead (which is easy because he's really a natural, unlike me)...apparently I just can't handle it all (husband, father, work, life and dealing with musicians!!!) A musician friend once said...and it rings true....most musicians are ***holes.....

Thanks for asking glee.....that was such a wild question out of the blue.......I just thought about this on my commute just this morning......YOU ARE IN THE ZONE!

Saskia

NT, good and clear thinking. I believe that is the kind of stuff we need to work through to develop the strength to stay sober. Sometime I find it will be what seems like a "little" thing that sends me into a tailspin including drinking. When I think about it more, I often find that there are other, stronger associations behind it. When I work through those, it helps me stay sober.

Saskia

Well, yes, I do remember the great Northeast blackout in 1965 when the whole northeast corridor from NY on up was without power for many hours. Neighbors who had never even said hello before were suddenly helping each other out. When I went home to my 3rd floor walk-up in Cambridge, all of my downstairs neighbors opened their doors and held candles so I could find my way up the stairs. When the power eventually came back on, we turned on the TV and the news reporters were giving updates by flashlight.

Elseware

I'm so sorry, Glee. It's hard to lose someone dear.

trachemys

GF, so sorry.

BoozeFree

GF so sorry to read about your loss. And thanks for your input yesterday. It's exactly what I needed to hear. Your def right life's gonna keep on happening and different feelings come about.

At work today pretty steady. This stupid cold is still lingering but trying to push threw and taking some cold meds. Toots was right I wasn't even realizing how close I've been to relapsing. It's like I wanted to use the bad things that have happened as an excuse to drink. I've decided Sunday I have some major work to do and get back on track since I work tomorrow. House desperately needs cleaning, car washing, hair dye, and take my dog out for a nice walk to get some fresh air! Gotta keep on keepin on

Neverthought

It's hard to believe that it was so obvious!

So, thank you, Sass, for so eloquently putting that into words.

Well, I know a bunch of you were throwing some numbers around. All of your posts were amusing.

However, on a serious note, what I take from that is, there's plenty of wisdom here to take advantage of.

tootsl1

BeFree I am so glad you saw how close things were and took positive actions to ensure it stays away. Talk to your NA colleague and see if you can get to an AA meeting this weekend, just to strengthen your resolve. I feel you do need f2f support, more so when you are struggling, so take advantage of whatever help you can get. I want to be the first person to greet you in the Overs on 20/06/15. Keep you eye on that prize honey.

NT whenever a group of people get together there will be a hierarchy and grievances and personal agendas. In the case of the drummer, he may have wanted the other singer in for a specific reason, or just taken a dislike to you. (Sh)it happens and sometimes people don't like us. It used to bother me and I would try extra hard to make them like me, now I just accept it and think 'hey, their loss'. If teaching your son stops feeling like enough, then how about looking at starting your own band, you then would be in charge of the agenda.

I agree that there is plenty of wisdom here, but I don't believe it automatically comes with age. Wisdom comes from learning life's lessons, from recognising our mistakes, from finding ways to stop repeating them (BeFree that's you this weekend!) so wisdom comes at all ages, and I know some folk who have managed to reach old age with no understanding whatsoever!

Have a wonderful sober weekend one and all. Sass, we are enjoying ours leaf peeping! X

DrakeCKC

What is happening with the Undies? More than 12 hours in between posts? That has to be a record.

I am guilty too actually, was busy day yesterday with running around and dinner with a friend. Nothing much shaking, so little to contribute but to say happy weekend to the Undies!

Gilmer

Me, too. I'm having a busy weekend.

SparkyMcSparky

Yup, some days there's three pages in three hours.

Have a good sober weekend everyone.

Gilmer

CONGRATULATIONS, Courage, on eight months!

courage2

Thanks, Gilmer -- I do lurk here from time to time -- I didn't even notice that yesterday was 8 months, to be honest.

Just a couple of shout-outs, I can't do more,

BoozeFree, it sounds hard with the amount of substances you're surrounded by, but I'm glad you realized that this stressful time might allow the addiction to sneak back in, and you're turning it around. I agree with Toots that if you can get some face to face over the weekend with another person in recovery, it would help keep you focused in a good direction. You're doing great! Keep at it!

Gleefan, my sympathies to you for your loss. My family and the people they bring into their lives are mostly difficult people, and most of them are alcoholics or heavy drinkers. And still when they're gone, it's a loss. The space they've held can't be filled by anything else. Treasure the good in the memories, and now's the time to forgive the rest.

Have a good weekend, Undies!

DrakeCKC

Congrats on 8 Months Courage!

Saskia

Courage, congrats on 8 months!!!

Saskia

Hi undies, not much to say this weekend. AA meeting yesterday - an even better one than usual. Out to movies later today with a friend from AA meetings. AA meeting tomorrow and then the next week starts. Feeling meh today again. I did get a good night's sleep last night. I'm guessing either PAWS or SAD. See my pdoc Tuesday so hopefully that will help. So I think I've got enough going to keep me from getting too tempted.

Have a good weekend!

gleefan

Hi Undies

Thanks for the condolences. I'm doing well today, and I have recovery to thank. Not just the absence of drinking, but emotional recovery. Recovery is filling the spaces where the obsession to drink or create chaos once lurked. I've been able to process through the loss calmly.

Putting my recovery first is having a powerful impact on my life. Yesterday several things that could he triggering came my way - I had to drive on the highway, take my mother to the hospital for a simple procedure (I hate hospitals), learn that someone I cared for died, and had a surprise phone interview.

Yet it was a good day: I nudged myself past my fears. I did the right thing by taking the morning off from work to help my mother. I am have a reasonable perspective on G's passing. I did my best on the interview and am preparing for the next step. After my long day, I took care of myself by unwinding with coffee and some window shopping. Then I chatted with a friend.

My thoughts didn't turn to drinking because I have an open mind to seeing things from a different perspective, and am willing to do something different and take care of myself.

Keep putting recovery first Undies!

gleefan

Courage - Congrats on 8 months.

Gilmer and Drake - Glad you are enjoying a weekend filled with fun activities. You're reaping the benefits of recovery for sure!

Sparky - How are you doing?

Saskia - Gratitude can help when I'm feeling blah. Sometimes just getting my mind off of what's wrong changes my whole perspective.

Have a good weekend!