Class of August 2014 Part 6
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
I don't miss the anxiety.
My last night drinking I was "celebrating" my oldest friend's birthday. All we do traditionally is get wasted when we get together so I haven't seen her in a month. The only things I can remember is I winded up crying because I ruined another attempt at sobriety .. I think I had 5 days or something. I was telling her I can't drink anymore, and was trying to get at that I couldn't hangout this way anymore. But not sure I got the message across.
Also while we were all outside this huge green moth flew up to us. It was so pretty so I caught it.... ended up injuring it because I was drunk. I woke up the next day thinking "I killed the moth"
I have school today and a big test for anatomy. Also I need to go on a diet. Lol all this eating is catching up to me.
My last night drinking I was "celebrating" my oldest friend's birthday. All we do traditionally is get wasted when we get together so I haven't seen her in a month. The only things I can remember is I winded up crying because I ruined another attempt at sobriety .. I think I had 5 days or something. I was telling her I can't drink anymore, and was trying to get at that I couldn't hangout this way anymore. But not sure I got the message across.
Also while we were all outside this huge green moth flew up to us. It was so pretty so I caught it.... ended up injuring it because I was drunk. I woke up the next day thinking "I killed the moth"
I have school today and a big test for anatomy. Also I need to go on a diet. Lol all this eating is catching up to me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: London
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by rah555 
You all give me hope that I can do this! I am committing to complete abstinence from alcohol. Been trying to moderate, hasn't worked. Today is day 3
Was so sick 11 days ago it helped me to stop, at the risk of tempting fate it's been easy so far as I remember how bad I felt, now I am only 10 days in and reading here about the AV, I have a real will to stop now as I see the bad life choice it is.
Well done for seeing moderating does not work for you, me neither but I thought it would.
Thanks again for all inputs, I can glean something from everyone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Hey all
Just did a lunchtime AA. Always feel better afterwards, no matter how uncomfortable I feel in the meetings.
I have sent a couple of emails to friends today, previously they were close but of course my drinking came first. I know they have been wondering what is going on and also that my partner has not been around so I have come clean. Let's hope they can support.
I have also booked my medical appointment, got a cancellation tomorrow evening.
The above is called ramping up my support network. I have terrible anxiety at the moment and I know this has been self medicated by alcohol before. I recognise the feeling of wanting a drink to take this away but not an option.
This is strange after six weeks of sobriety but I guess this comes with issues I am tackling....
Keep strong everyone
Just did a lunchtime AA. Always feel better afterwards, no matter how uncomfortable I feel in the meetings.
I have sent a couple of emails to friends today, previously they were close but of course my drinking came first. I know they have been wondering what is going on and also that my partner has not been around so I have come clean. Let's hope they can support.
I have also booked my medical appointment, got a cancellation tomorrow evening.
The above is called ramping up my support network. I have terrible anxiety at the moment and I know this has been self medicated by alcohol before. I recognise the feeling of wanting a drink to take this away but not an option.
This is strange after six weeks of sobriety but I guess this comes with issues I am tackling....
Keep strong everyone
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by determined99
4 weeks today! White knuckle weekend like several of us, but made it.
Question team, what do you not miss the most about drinking?
The thing I really don't miss is the waking up Monday, half confused what day it is. Getting up and realizing I blacked out before dinner. Getting in the shower ashamed and soooo angry at myself. Trying to drop hints to wife to figure out what happened withou admitting I blacked out. Then, the real treat, missing the gym and going into work terrified to speak to anyone and canceling every meeting that I can. Counting the hours until I can get home to a drink so the terror will subside.
4 weeks ago this morning I was so hungover I took a nap in the gym parking lot before work and blacked out the day before at a friends barbecue.
Attitude of freaking gratitude today. Man I don't want to go back there. I can't believe the AV event tempts me sometimes when I think of all the damage of the past. And there are stories upon stories like all of you guys I am sure.
Really curious to hear what you don't miss the most? Monday morning terror episodes are high on my list!
I would not have made it this far without you all. And, pink, beer signs get me going big time. Just like the wine isle.
Happy sober MONDAY MORNING!! Going to the gym and into work ready to kick it A-Team style!
Question team, what do you not miss the most about drinking?
The thing I really don't miss is the waking up Monday, half confused what day it is. Getting up and realizing I blacked out before dinner. Getting in the shower ashamed and soooo angry at myself. Trying to drop hints to wife to figure out what happened withou admitting I blacked out. Then, the real treat, missing the gym and going into work terrified to speak to anyone and canceling every meeting that I can. Counting the hours until I can get home to a drink so the terror will subside.
4 weeks ago this morning I was so hungover I took a nap in the gym parking lot before work and blacked out the day before at a friends barbecue.
Attitude of freaking gratitude today. Man I don't want to go back there. I can't believe the AV event tempts me sometimes when I think of all the damage of the past. And there are stories upon stories like all of you guys I am sure.
Really curious to hear what you don't miss the most? Monday morning terror episodes are high on my list!
I would not have made it this far without you all. And, pink, beer signs get me going big time. Just like the wine isle.
Happy sober MONDAY MORNING!! Going to the gym and into work ready to kick it A-Team style!
Got kicked out of a nightclub because I was too drunk.
The taxi dropped me off on my street one night and I was so drunk that I didn't recognise it.I sat on the road and cried till I sobered up and realised that my house was only four houses away.
I once tried to roast a chicken while drinking and I dropped it and the fat burnt my arm.
I once fell out the taxi and landed on my head giving myself a bruise eye.
I fell down the stairs and landed on my wine glass. Was more peeved that I had spilt my last glass of wine
I have fallen off a bar stool occasionally and dropped my glass. Left my wallet behind so had to return the next day to find it
Slept with men that I NEVER would have slept with had I not been drunk.
Sigh. That was hard. Here's to 26 days of sobriety. 26 full days of living every minute guilt free
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by sthlondonab
Hey all
Just did a lunchtime AA. Always feel better afterwards, no matter how uncomfortable I feel in the meetings.
I have sent a couple of emails to friends today, previously they were close but of course my drinking came first. I know they have been wondering what is going on and also that my partner has not been around so I have come clean. Let's hope they can support.
I have also booked my medical appointment, got a cancellation tomorrow evening.
The above is called ramping up my support network. I have terrible anxiety at the moment and I know this has been self medicated by alcohol before. I recognise the feeling of wanting a drink to take this away but not an option.
This is strange after six weeks of sobriety but I guess this comes with issues I am tackling....
Keep strong everyone
Just did a lunchtime AA. Always feel better afterwards, no matter how uncomfortable I feel in the meetings.
I have sent a couple of emails to friends today, previously they were close but of course my drinking came first. I know they have been wondering what is going on and also that my partner has not been around so I have come clean. Let's hope they can support.
I have also booked my medical appointment, got a cancellation tomorrow evening.
The above is called ramping up my support network. I have terrible anxiety at the moment and I know this has been self medicated by alcohol before. I recognise the feeling of wanting a drink to take this away but not an option.
This is strange after six weeks of sobriety but I guess this comes with issues I am tackling....
Keep strong everyone
I think if we find a natural alternative to sort ourselves then we are on the right path to inner peace
I have stopped reading my Caroline Knapp book because it's not helping me at this moment. I am currently reading a book about dealing with your emotions.
Yep let's stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Originally Posted by determined99
4 weeks today! White knuckle weekend like several of us, but made it.
Question team, what do you not miss the most about drinking?
The thing I really don't miss is the waking up Monday, half confused what day it is. Getting up and realizing I blacked out before dinner. Getting in the shower ashamed and soooo angry at myself. Trying to drop hints to wife to figure out what happened withou admitting I blacked out. Then, the real treat, missing the gym and going into work terrified to speak to anyone and canceling every meeting that I can. Counting the hours until I can get home to a drink so the terror will subside.
4 weeks ago this morning I was so hungover I took a nap in the gym parking lot before work and blacked out the day before at a friends barbecue.
Attitude of freaking gratitude today. Man I don't want to go back there. I can't believe the AV event tempts me sometimes when I think of all the damage of the past. And there are stories upon stories like all of you guys I am sure.
Really curious to hear what you don't miss the most? Monday morning terror episodes are high on my list!
I would not have made it this far without you all. And, pink, beer signs get me going big time. Just like the wine isle.
Happy sober MONDAY MORNING!! Going to the gym and into work ready to kick it A-Team style!
Question team, what do you not miss the most about drinking?
The thing I really don't miss is the waking up Monday, half confused what day it is. Getting up and realizing I blacked out before dinner. Getting in the shower ashamed and soooo angry at myself. Trying to drop hints to wife to figure out what happened withou admitting I blacked out. Then, the real treat, missing the gym and going into work terrified to speak to anyone and canceling every meeting that I can. Counting the hours until I can get home to a drink so the terror will subside.
4 weeks ago this morning I was so hungover I took a nap in the gym parking lot before work and blacked out the day before at a friends barbecue.
Attitude of freaking gratitude today. Man I don't want to go back there. I can't believe the AV event tempts me sometimes when I think of all the damage of the past. And there are stories upon stories like all of you guys I am sure.
Really curious to hear what you don't miss the most? Monday morning terror episodes are high on my list!
I would not have made it this far without you all. And, pink, beer signs get me going big time. Just like the wine isle.
Happy sober MONDAY MORNING!! Going to the gym and into work ready to kick it A-Team style!
I am day 28 so tonight I can also say 4 weeks!
Holy cow, right?!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
Originally Posted by sthlondonab
Hey all
Just did a lunchtime AA. Always feel better afterwards, no matter how uncomfortable I feel in the meetings.
I have sent a couple of emails to friends today, previously they were close but of course my drinking came first. I know they have been wondering what is going on and also that my partner has not been around so I have come clean. Let's hope they can support.
I have also booked my medical appointment, got a cancellation tomorrow evening.
The above is called ramping up my support network. I have terrible anxiety at the moment and I know this has been self medicated by alcohol before. I recognise the feeling of wanting a drink to take this away but not an option.
This is strange after six weeks of sobriety but I guess this comes with issues I am tackling....
Keep strong everyone
Just did a lunchtime AA. Always feel better afterwards, no matter how uncomfortable I feel in the meetings.
I have sent a couple of emails to friends today, previously they were close but of course my drinking came first. I know they have been wondering what is going on and also that my partner has not been around so I have come clean. Let's hope they can support.
I have also booked my medical appointment, got a cancellation tomorrow evening.
The above is called ramping up my support network. I have terrible anxiety at the moment and I know this has been self medicated by alcohol before. I recognise the feeling of wanting a drink to take this away but not an option.
This is strange after six weeks of sobriety but I guess this comes with issues I am tackling....
Keep strong everyone
I think this part of our journey is like having to go out in the cold rain (or 2 feet of snow in my case) to get our ice cream. We are in the bad weather now, but ice cream will be had!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
Penkins, what do you mean by invisible? And yes, I sometimes do feel that way
I think we all need a healthy dose of self love today! I'm talking delicious tea, a hot bath, a new book, a walk in a new place, and a huge hug! And ice cream!!
(((((((((((((TeamAugust)))))))))))))))
We are doing great. Really, we are.
My first though this morning upon waking was that if I hadn't stopped drinking, I could never be happy. And now that I've stopped, I have that chance for fulfillment! But nothing could happen without quitting first.
We've already won the battle on the day that we don't drink-so YAAAYYY for us!
I think we all need a healthy dose of self love today! I'm talking delicious tea, a hot bath, a new book, a walk in a new place, and a huge hug! And ice cream!!
(((((((((((((TeamAugust)))))))))))))))
We are doing great. Really, we are.
My first though this morning upon waking was that if I hadn't stopped drinking, I could never be happy. And now that I've stopped, I have that chance for fulfillment! But nothing could happen without quitting first.
We've already won the battle on the day that we don't drink-so YAAAYYY for us!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Originally Posted by restlessanon
Hey guys,
Hope everybody is doing well.
Its one month for restless today, yay! Thats the second time in 21 years.
Good busy day today. My energy levels are still up and down. Read a good post on PAWS on this site.
Hopefully this time I am focused on building a satisfying life for myself instead of changing nothing and just sitting on the couch an grinding through it.
Hoping to get back to AA this friday, this is no time for me to be getting complacent.
Hope everybody is doing well.
Its one month for restless today, yay! Thats the second time in 21 years.
Good busy day today. My energy levels are still up and down. Read a good post on PAWS on this site.
Hopefully this time I am focused on building a satisfying life for myself instead of changing nothing and just sitting on the couch an grinding through it.
Hoping to get back to AA this friday, this is no time for me to be getting complacent.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: texas
Posts: 328
Originally Posted by Choobie
Penkins, what do you mean by invisible? And yes, I sometimes do feel that way
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Midwest U.S.
Posts: 1,049
Originally Posted by penkins
Day 8.
Does anyone ever feel completely invisible?
Does anyone ever feel completely invisible?
Yes, I sometimes feel like I'm not being "heard". I used to say this in treatment all the time and on my last day several of the women in my group told me that I say that all the time and they don't understand why I feel that way because they always hear me. That comment really helped me because I realized much of it was making assumptions on my part...if someone did not respond as I expected them to then I assumed they must not have heard me or don't care enough about me. I still struggle with this at times but I have been much better about recognizing the thought and then trying to find evidence that it is true.
This is especially true with romantic relationships. I really need to step back and think about my expectations. I also have been working on not relying on other peoples' reactions or comments to be happy.
Not sure if this is what you mean at all but thank you for asking because it made me think about this...it definitely has affected my sobriety in the past as it led to a big ol' pity party.
Enjoy your sober day Penkins! I hear you and "see" you (at least virtually lol)!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: texas
Posts: 328
Thanks Grateful!
Your post has made the think about this. Maybe i am just expecting too much from people around me. Maybe i want them to respond in one way that is MY way instead of accepting their lack of response or wrong (my thots) way.
I have a hard fear of not being liked or accepted. Most of the time i tend to stay in the shadows. Fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. But when i do say something and feel that I'm not heard it causes me to withdraw even deeper. Feel like a bigger idiot.
Drinking really helped me come out of my shell. Of course being sober is making it harder to feel accepted too.
This learning curve stinks.
Your post has made the think about this. Maybe i am just expecting too much from people around me. Maybe i want them to respond in one way that is MY way instead of accepting their lack of response or wrong (my thots) way.
I have a hard fear of not being liked or accepted. Most of the time i tend to stay in the shadows. Fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. But when i do say something and feel that I'm not heard it causes me to withdraw even deeper. Feel like a bigger idiot.
Drinking really helped me come out of my shell. Of course being sober is making it harder to feel accepted too.
This learning curve stinks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
I'm working on the same thing, Penkins! I sometimes wonder what is my viewpoint, my expectations, and what other people see. I've come to find, though, that people treat you how you expect to be treated. I'm working on that a lot right now. Be good to yourself!
Going to work now. Checking in later!
Going to work now. Checking in later!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CapeCod, MA
Posts: 842
[QUOTE=determined99;4899351]4 weeks today! White knuckle weekend like several of us, but made it.
Question team, what do you not miss the most about drinking?
I don't miss the absolute disgust I felt with myself most mornings; waking to try to remember what happened the night before; thinking I had had a six-pack of Miller Lite, then opening the refrigerator to see two or three cans of a 16 oz six-pack, meaning I had gone to the close gas station/convenience store; sometimes seeing Chinese food or pizza, meaning I had ordered food; going into work and complaining about allergies when I was hung over; canceling get-togethers on weekends because I was too hungover. I could go on and on.
Question team, what do you not miss the most about drinking?
I don't miss the absolute disgust I felt with myself most mornings; waking to try to remember what happened the night before; thinking I had had a six-pack of Miller Lite, then opening the refrigerator to see two or three cans of a 16 oz six-pack, meaning I had gone to the close gas station/convenience store; sometimes seeing Chinese food or pizza, meaning I had ordered food; going into work and complaining about allergies when I was hung over; canceling get-togethers on weekends because I was too hungover. I could go on and on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CapeCod, MA
Posts: 842
Originally Posted by penkins
Day 8.
Does anyone ever feel completely invisible?
Does anyone ever feel completely invisible?
I usually feel just the opposite; I feel some people know every move I make. Yesterday at my neighborhood get-together at least six people asked me what happened to my new car; two others had already asked during the week when they saw me driving the rental. If I don't swim at the Y at my usual time, someone will ask where I was the next time they see me. I sometimes wish I was more invisible!
I mentioned to two neighbors yesterday that I am leaving this afternoon for NH to go to the wake and funeral of a close friend's mother, and that I was boarding Scooter but leaving Boo home overnight. A different neighbor just phoned that she saw me walking Scooter a few minutes ago, so she knew I hadn't left for NH yet, and she wanted to know if I would send her the recipe for the salad I brought yesterday.
Since I am honestly not that interested in the mundane every day life movements of myself, never mind others, I find this odd. I wonder if having alcohol on my mind for so long plays into this.
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