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Old 09-13-2014, 01:11 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Good morning class!

Waking up to 18 days sober, and it feels great! Bad day yesterday, and thanks for being there. I believe this is the point where I relapsed last time. Hmmm...lots to think about today. That darn AV can be a real bugger!

Inflagrante - I hear ya on that! I am trying to learn to accept who I am and deal with the emotional ups and downs of depression and low self-worth without the alcohol crutch I used to isolate. Congrats on 32 days! You are doing great!

Alynn - flight attendant? That is just so cool IMO!! Congrats on moving forward and thanks so much for your support.

Deanyya - hang in there. I know it's hard, but you can do this. Just take things one day at a time right now. The first couple of weeks are definitely a challenge, but we are here for you.

Tic - congrats on day 16! You are doing an amazing job and I hope to see more lego pictures... lol!

Dee - your support and encouragement to everyone is simply amazing. Thank you for all that you do here on SR!

Enjoy your sober weekend class! Hang in there and stay positive! ((hugs))
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Old 09-13-2014, 03:11 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by deanyya View Post
I hate that I keep my addiction a secret from my family... I was wanting to talk about it soon but ... I feel like I can not let them down. I am the ... and very .. but I struggle with alcoholism. And nearly no one knows. I call myself a closet alcoholic. Anyone else relate?
Apologies for my selective editing, but yes I relate to this. I feel like admitting I am an alcoholic or have a problem with alcohol is dragging other innocent people down with me. I feel like I am burdening them with my problem. I feel like my life has a lower priority and is less important them theirs. And so I struggle alone.

This feeling can keep you from reaching out for help. I know that not everyone you reach out to can or will want to help, but I am finding it necessary to work through those feelings and reach out. I am still very selective about who I reach out to, though.
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Old 09-13-2014, 03:29 AM   #43 (permalink)
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Interesting point jazz. I have no family left, only my son. But he is the only one that knows this time. There was a thread on here, I believe, that was on this topic.

I reach out here, but not face to face. I struggle with asking for help, as well as anxiety issues. And I really hate to disappoint or burden others. Maybe this is a bigger issue for me than I realize?

Hope others in class share on this.
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Old 09-13-2014, 03:40 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Day 2 for about the 200th time. Sick of my weakness. I have no choice, I have to get up and carry on. However, I could easily walk out into the sea and end it all.
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Old 09-13-2014, 05:44 AM   #45 (permalink)
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Hey Class,

(19) days....Had some conversations with the AV yesterday evening. It was a nice week and I felt alive and AV had something to say about that. Something along the lines of "you can drink tonight, you can stop then. You won't be hung-because you're feeling more healthy and stronger.

I'm at the point where my mind-set is "whatever works for me". And I, sure as hell, do not want to lose these days of sobriety that I've accrued. I just don't have in me to start all over again.

So, I rehashed all of the pain and suffering. I won that battle, hands-down!

Have a nice weekend everyone. I'll check in tomorrow. And looking forward to (3) weeks on Monday....

Stay Strong Septemberites.....
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Old 09-13-2014, 06:24 AM   #46 (permalink)
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Morning all!!! Hope your having a great weekend!

Luper- yes that's me Trollydolly lol I love it. I never let alcohol get in the way with my job. Pretty strict rules there as you can imagine. Now I'm not going to let it steal another day off with my family..

Neverthougnt- I hear ya.. AV wants control. Let's keep on shutting them up!

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Old 09-13-2014, 06:29 AM   #47 (permalink)
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This morning makes 17 days of continuous sobriety.

Yesterday was challenging. But I used my tools and went to an AA meeting and found my way through it. My AV seems to always have a little extra to say on Fridays...

Enjoy the weekend friends.
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Old 09-13-2014, 08:05 AM   #48 (permalink)
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Hello. Good news - I managed to stay awake all day yesterday. My apartment is very, VERY clean. That's the only way I could keep myself from falling asleep, but the place looks great.

Neverthought. Good for you for resisting that evil AV. Sounds like you're heading in the right direction re: the length of your relapses...but wouldn't it be nice not to have to deal with that again? I certainly don't want to. I've had enough of this stupid merry go round. I wanna ride the roller coaster.

ForwardMotion. Another Libra, eh? Looks like we both have birthdays coming up. Mine will be right before I hit my second milestone of 31 days. I don't think I've spent a birthday sober since I was 15 years old. It's weird to think about that.

Luper. So happy that you managed to deal with your situation without turning to a drink. I've made a promise to myself - if anyone interferes with my sobriety in any way, I will cut them out of my life. If not permanently, at least temporarily. I'm the only friend I'll have for the rest of my life, and I can't be a good friend to myself when I'm drinking.

Dee. Thank you! You are a super duper man.

deanyya. Congrats on one week! It feels good, right?

shauninspain. You'd better stick around, or else Rik Mayall's ghost will come down and give you a nipple twist that you will never forget.

Stay well, Septemberites.
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Old 09-13-2014, 08:17 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Morning class! I have been up for 5 hours being super duper productive. It's funny -- I have a woman who comes and cleans my house one day a week, and I always spend an hour cleaning before she comes over! LOL.

Well, I'm hoping that a lot of my depression last week was due to my monthly cycle. I really have to be conscious of that too because I always get a little more sad and a little more sensitive.

Luper -- I hear you on doing this alone. I hate asking anyone for anything, and because of that, I think people have an impression of me that I'm a lot stronger than I am. I don't know -- maybe they have a perfect image of who I am, but I just don't bother asking them!

My father was an angry drunk, and then when he quit, he was an angry dry drunk. The only emotion he ever felt comfortable expressing was anger, and while I know that's a sign of weakness and not a strength, some of that rubbed off on me. I have a hard time expressing weakness to people I know, and when I have done it, it hasn't always been met with the best results. So I've learned to keep anything that makes me appear vulnerable to myself. I'd really like to change this, but it's scary trusting people.

Good news is I'm 33 days sober today!

Congrats to everyone choosing to stay sober for another day! You rock!
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Old 09-13-2014, 10:36 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Congratulations on all the great milestones. I lapsed yesterday, and I promised myself if lapsed again I would go to AA which I will do today. I would like to re-join this class and give this another shot.
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Old 09-13-2014, 10:40 AM   #51 (permalink)
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Your back ANewDay and you have a plan so that is great!

I can do all things through he who strengthens me
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Old 09-13-2014, 10:44 AM   #52 (permalink)
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Welcome back NYC
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Old 09-13-2014, 10:45 AM   #53 (permalink)
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1 week today
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Old 09-13-2014, 10:45 AM   #54 (permalink)
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hi class

DAY 1 for me today. Im scared shaking mad hurt but I know the most important one of them all is sober. All the other things shall pass. I know its cloudy now but I just want to hang in there Thanks to you all for your support
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Old 09-13-2014, 10:49 AM   #55 (permalink)
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Welcome sobernfree - glad to see you apart of this class
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Old 09-13-2014, 12:44 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Welcome sobernfree

Great job Pretdend3r!
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Old 09-13-2014, 12:54 PM   #57 (permalink)
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Changing deeply-rooted habit?

Hi. This is Day 1 for me--again. I've been on SR three times before, and the longest I made it was 6 weeks last year. Now I'm back to drinking heavily every night, blacking out most nights, pissing off other people, and embarrassing myself. Today I had a lot of work to do that has a Monday deadline; instead I spent the morning dry heaving and couldn't get out of bed until 1:30 p.m. I really want to stop living like this.

Last year one of the reasons I couldn't stay sober was I had lost my job, my mom was dying, and my marriage was coming apart. I know people can stay sober through anything and have witnessed that, but I just didn't have the strength or coping skills. This time my life is more stable, so I hope I can do it. I am relieved to see that others in this group are also back from relapses. AA doesn't work for me, btw.

One question: Now that I am not feeling sick, I'm starting to hear a tiny AV that says I would feel even BETTER if I had a drink! Also that twinge of excitement that it is getting closer to 5 p.m. It is absolutely insane to think that way after all ways I've messed up my life. But what are others doing to break the habit of looking forward to it? So far I did the dishes and am washing my sweat-soaked sheets, but I worry about later and trust myself way less than I did last time. But I have hope.

Thanks for listening!
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Old 09-13-2014, 04:06 PM   #58 (permalink)
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SAS, hi!

Sorry to hear about your troubles in the past, but remember any day can toss out an obstacle. So first, your life is more stable this time around as you say. You need to capitalize on that while the going is good. It just makes abstaining more easy.

Secondly, You need to white-knuckle it and get past today or seek a supportive alternative. I'm a white knuckler, but I know exactly where you are it. Heck, I had night sweats for 4-5 days.

I'm at 19 days and I still feel the excitement. I felt it last night and fought it off.

Keep your AV guessing until you build a healthy foundation. I drank every night for months, but I started creeping out of it around day 6. Get though today and you're on your way. You're here now, so, you might as well start today.

Next, staying busy and avoiding hunger is one key. Stay hydrated and eat and drink fluids to the point where you are full. This will almost make you force a drink down. And drinking might make your evening exciting for a small-small fraction of time, compared to the price you will pay tomorrow and the next day and beyond.

I too jumped on the wagon while things were very good 19 days ago. Essentially, I had absolutely no reason to drink other than copping-out combined with force of habit.

I'm eager to hear how your day turns out. Please, make today your day.

Stay Strong SAS.....and Stay Strong Septemberites.....
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Old 09-13-2014, 04:10 PM   #59 (permalink)
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Old 09-13-2014, 04:14 PM   #60 (permalink)
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Day 1 again. Don't remember going to bed last night. Feel sick to my stomach. Feels like alcohol poisoning again. Head hurts, a little loopty. Self loathing. groan.... I wish I could free myself of being a slave to this cursed addiction and obsession. It's so bleepin' hard! So frustrated with myself.
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