BlissWithin

today my therapist made me realize how much importance I put into being drunk/high, it was a good session, day 23

safeandsound

Neverthought--right back at you!! Whoo-hoo!

A New Day--dust yourself off and start again tomorrow. We are here for you. Dee is right, though, that a plan for next time would be good. I have to remember that myself. So far my "plan" is if I feel like drinking, EAT CANDY. That's it. Might be time to think of other options

Not much to say today because dead tired from work. Except that like peace2uuu, I am noticing the absence of daily regret. It is such a relief and means (on good days at least) that I have all this excess energy to use.

I hate meditation because the few times I've tried it, I always started crying, probably due to the feelings I've repressed for twenty years. But someone on SR suggested Headspace, which has a free trial of sessions for beginners, and i'm on my sixth day. It is difficult, and I often can't shut my mind off, but today for the first time I think I had a full minute where my mind was at peace. Then I felt refreshed and ready to start the day.

Who knew I would ever try this? But I guess that brief feeling of peace is what I was drinking for every day.

So glad to be part of this group. We are awesome, by the way

Alynn

Good job on 30 Luper!

New day- please stay with us.. Just get through it one day at a time. I read you have vaca coming up. I know that's a tough one but imagine how great you will feel knowing you made it through with out? I have days where I think I could take a break and should stay off here. But that's not my goal. My goal and priority is sobriety. You can keep it going!

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

AncientMariner

Self hypnosis? New associations?

So I'm buying fruit from the supermarket across the street. I'm trying to get plenty of fruit and water into me. Oddly enough the alcoholic spirits in this supermarket are right across from the fruit section, so as I'm walking down the aisle, the fruit is to my left...the spirits to my right. My head is looking to the left, scanning the fruit seeing what's good. I allow myself a glance to the right and I experience in my mind a flash....like a thunderbolt has split down the middle of the aisle seperating the left from right. The spirtit section is dark, it's raining, I imagine taking a sip of the brown liquid....I'm puking, sick, dry reaching....I spit it back out. Rancid. Poison. Sickness. Pain. Death. Shackles.

There's a pull of energies. Like two magnets. Their energies pushing against each other, never touching. Oil and water. They don't mix. It's one or the other. I have a choice. I allow myself to remain in the positivity. It was ninety nine.9% certain that I was going to choose the fruit, water and juice in any case because my mind is made up. However, the negativity just decided it would present itself as choice...even if it was all of five seconds.

I have a choice. But it's not a choice really. I consume alcohol and I lose this opportunity that I have. Why would I want that. Doesn't seem worth it. I think I'm enjoying my reality and feeling good. It's been a good week, new job has started really well. I've started back exercising. I need to create a social life, but I'm aware that I need patience. There are other things I need to construct beforehand. The most important thing is I'm feeling good in my own skin. Little by little. I need lots of these days, lots of these weeks, lots of these months, lots of these years...stacked up back to back. The Great wall of China was started with a single brick....expertly placed down with great skill and care.....then the following brick.

"There is one quality which one must possess to win, and that is the definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it" Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

Alynn

Morning class.. Day 26. Had a dream last night that I changed my mind about staying sober... So weird and awful.

Anywho.... Ancient I had to go down the beer isle in grocery store yesterday.. I reminded myself how bad it was also.

Have a great day!

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

FaithfulAndFree

New to this group, I decided to transition over from the June board since I have started over. This time is for good. Could really use the support. On day 6... Anxiety ridden and a lot of sleepless nights. Congrats to all those who have made it this far!

nmd

Welcome ejm!

Going on day 12, another weekend already? I know to not get too complacent on the weekends, they can be a very tempting time to drink. I'm planning on getting a little more sleep than usual, walks with the dog, a bit of car and mower maintenance, not sure what else honestly. The weekend crept up on me with no plans, which is ok as long I don't follow the old pattern of getting stressed out and filling the time with drinking. I won't drink, and I'll be here the second anything like that pops in my head.

ANewDayNYC

Going to go to AA today, and get back on track

Neverthought

Hey Class,

Well, we know that some months have 30 days and other have 31! So, today at (32) days, I feel I can now say I'm past the month mark.

Thanks SAS!

BW...Glad you had a nice session! Takes courage to open yourself up to help yourself and learn.

DP....No triggers, just look away and stay focused on why you're there.

CG2014...Getting through day (1) is a challenge. Getting through day (2) means you are forging ahead....good for you!

Briseis...Remember Saturday is just like any other day in the world of sobriety.

Snowbunting...(16) days is awesome, keep it up...you're in the groove!

ANDNYC....Sorry to hear this, we've all been there. Let's hear about "what you have going on"? What compelled you to drink? Honestly, you'll deal with "a full plate" much better with a clear and sober mind. I'm curious as to how you felt about telling us that you drank? I was never good at that. I rarely did that. I always had a negative perception of what my classmate would think (that's just my lack of trust)?

Nevertheless, by doing so, I think you have a connection with this class, and us with you, even more so now.

Did you feel guilt? Do you feel drinking, on top of "a lot going on", has made things more convoluted?

...just asking....just trying to help!

Cecilia44

Hi classmates. Back on Day One here. I gave in twice this week. Once I hit that 8 day mark I felt afraid, in all honesty. Like what would I have to depend on once I don't drink anymore? I don't know how to reconcile that in my brain. I am well aware it is the opposite of how I should be thinking, so why am I thinking that at all?

If I can make it 8 days, I can do it again. Congrats to everyone who has sober time in. This can get hard, but I am really hoping it will get easier at some point.

Hugs to everyone.

JD4010

Hey Cecilia44, I have many 3-day, 13-day, 8-day...stretches of sobriety. I've also had a 7 month stretch! You're right, it can be hard.

My temptation to drink really sets in on Thursday or Friday if I'm looking at a weekend with nothing on my calendar. I live by myself now (going through a divorce) and it's fiendishly easy to stay in the apartment, thinking about how much "fun" it would be to get loaded. But the last time I did that, I made myself very sick and I never want to experience it again. Now, I'll hop on the bus and ride around town if I'm bored, visiting book stores or anything else I want--rather than sit home and think about drinking.

AncientMariner

You'd rely on yourself Cecilia. Give yourself permission to be free.

safeandsound

Cecilia, I was so scared of this, too. Alcohol is what I looked forward to at the end (or sometimes the middle!) of every day, what I thought made me feel better, my ONLY relief from intense stress.

I don't really know how to rely on myself yet as AM said because I have no clue who I am, but I'm finding that if I just focus on today (cliche I know), even if it's hour by hour, I realize that I can get by without it. And every time I make it through a day without alcohol, I feel stronger and I trust myself more. I never trusted myself when I was drinking because I was so unreliable and unpredictable and frankly a mess.

So I know exactly what you mean, but it isn't as scary as it seems once you do it. I am no expert, but that's how it has worked for me so far.

Two weeks today! I am surprised and happy.

kirstensmith

Hi Folks. Day 5 here and still battling a cold. I hope my resolve stays when the cold is gone! I know that I want to end this pattern of alcohol abuse and be healthy, so I need to keep thinking and focusing on that. For now, I will just focus on all of the benefits of quitting and take it one day at a time.

AncientMariner

but I'm finding that if I just focus on today (cliche I know), even if it's hour by hour, I realize that I can get by without it.

So you do know how to rely on yourself, but maybe you just don't realise it. Believe it.

Avice

Helllooooo EJM824.

nmd. I think that's a good sign. Your subconscious mind is beginning to get the message. Whatever resolve you've developed in your conscious life is now beginning to seep into your dreams.

snowbunting. Ditto for you re: the drinking dream. That dinner sounds great. Do you have a recipe or did you just wing it?

JD4010. I actually don't think that you're really going to want to drink once you reach that day. You could go out with a friend instead...

Luper. Yay for Day 30! I dunno why, but when I read your post I imagined the dog in your avatar going for a walk and ordering a salad. In the pic he's trying to decide between Italian or Ranch.

Findingtheway. Day 30 for you too! My Goodness Gracious.


ANewDayNYC. I read your other thread, and I am very happy you're back. I took a break once. Short break. Only lasted for 3 1/2 years. Drinking can create a lot of havoc in 3 1/2 years...believe me.

safeandsound. I've also had the crying meditation experience - you are not alone. Meditation isn't easy for me either, because being in my body creates anxiety. It's something I have to work on as well. Congrats on 2 weeks!

Cecilia44.
What are you depending on drinking FOR? We all have different reasons for using alcohol as a tool, but what's yours?

Had one of those days yesterday...the morning was OK, but I started getting more and more tired as the day went on. Fell asleep. Got nothing done. I think that's what's frustrating me the most right now. It's reeeeaaaallllly pissing me off big time.

Here's a question for the parents in the group - I'd appreciate some advice. I made loose plans to see an old friend last weekend, but it didn't happen. She didn't email to cancel...she just didn't email. I know that she's really busy cause she has 4 kids, so I'm trying not to take it personally. I'm wondering whether I should suggest a field trip with the kids (there's something I have in mind - I was interested in going myself anyway), or whether I should just wait for her to get in touch with me.

luvmygirls

Hi all! Day 9 here. I hosted a neighborhood party last night, and there's good and bad news. The good news...I didn't drink, even though that's exactly the high-pressure, social anxiety trigger that would normally have me guzzling wine. The bad news...I have so much wine in the house now! I need to figure out how to lock it up or get rid of it.

DeannaM77

Hi Avice, as a mother of 4 myself, I don't get the free time to go out and socialize much. Besides work my kids are usually with me wherever I do go. It's hard finding a sitter for 4. I think inviting her and the kids on a field sounds like a good idea. It's always a good feeling to have the kids included. Even though I am constantly screaming for "ME" time. I agree that she should have gotten back to you to let you know what was going on. Maybe give her another chance and tell her to get back to you and let you know what's going on. If she doesn't get back to you again then I would leave it alone and let her contact you.

nmd

Even with 4 kids they should have emailed... but maybe she forgot.

Packing up kids and taking them somewhere, depending on their age, can be a nighmare in and of itself. Meeting somewhere with the kids might work, or maybe offer to stop by her place?

Avice

Yeah, I wish she had emailed so I knew what was up. Here's the thing...I had told her that I'd quit drinking recently. She's had addiction problems in the past (like, years ago) so I have the feeling that she was trying to find time away from the kids. She had invited me to lunch, anyway.
I don't feel like we had to have a big heavy talk. Just some recreation would be fine. I didn't really think about this:
My idea was to go to the museum of nature to see the phosphorescent fish (I'm a sucker for sea life that glows...especially if it has tentacles). One of her kids is practically an infant, and her oldest (boy) is around nine...probably too cool for stuff like that. Maybe not the best idea - but I'm still going by myself.
I'm just going to leave it for the weekend, and if I haven't heard from her by Monday I'll try again.
Also, there is the distinct possibility that she's reluctant to take on a 'friend in need', even though I'm not particularly needy. To explain in a different way, maybe she's afraid of having to devote time to being part of my support system, even though I just emailed cause I wanted to get out of the house and do something with a sober person.
Here I am engaging in one of my worst habits...trying to figure out what's going on in other people's minds when I lack information. It's like life is an algebra question where x = y...or maybe z...or maybe x=y+z-?
I'm a goof.