I stepped back in time after reading your message about the happy hours.

We used to have Christmas parties at our office were I worked too. I still keep in touch with some of those guys and that was 20 years ago. Those parties actually stopped a few years before I left (like in '95), because they became such huge liabilities.

As you say "they were the 'ole days". They were fun though, and we were safe (or we thought we were), and I didn't have a care in the world. Thank goodness I never hurt anyone.

wow, this day took a turn for the worse...

Anger is a huge trigger for me right now. Lies, broken trust...coming from someone I have considered a friend for a long time...they thought I wouldn't find out.

Really trying not to fall into this trap right now, although my AV is yelling and encouraging... :( One drink will take away the hurt, the pain.

Think I better hang out here for a while if that's ok...

What's up Luper? :)

Lies man.

I've drank to numb down pain, it doesn't work for me anymore though. I'm sure you realise that too now?

Stay strong Luper! I'm learning to battle that voice also... It will only make things worse.. Were here for you!

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

Hang in there, Luper. Drinking won't make it better.

The thing I hate most about early sobriety is that "feeling" reawakens. Unfortunately, most of those feeling relate to regret, anger, hopelessness, self-pity, dread... I know that it is something I need to get through, but I know all too well how to temporarily numb it all back down.

But today, that is no long how I want to live. I will live with the discomfort and feel, really feel, what I've made of my life. I will not drink today.

Thanks JimJim, Alynn, and jazzfish. I have calmed down and read alot on here. Also went back to when I wrote down how I felt that first week. Funny how you think you can remember, but when I read it, it helped. I did not leave my house...

I know I can't control people or their actions. This was a person I thought was really a true friend. There I go thinking again... it hurts. I don't ask for much from people. It's usually the other way around, which could be a big part of my problem. I asked her one favor... she did the total opposite and then lied to my face when I asked her about it. No wonder I have trust issues.

Wanted to stay up for the meeting tonight, but think I will make some hot chocolate, take a hot bath, and try to get some sleep. I really don't want to go back to day 1 after I have been through hell the last 17 days and am starting to feel better. You are right. It won't take away the problem anyway.

Thanks for being there! Enjoy your weekend.

Glad you pulled through & can proudly start day 18 tomorrow instead of starting day 1 feeling miserable.

Take care & keep strong. x

I hope you feel better in the morning Luper :)
Congrats on 7 days Avice :)

D

Hey class! I'm still going strong at day 32. Phew!

I've had a somewhat rough couple of days. I've struggled with depression for most of my life, and some bad feelings came over me recently. I'm at the point where I have to redefine myself without alcohol, and I'm not really sure how to go about it. When I was younger, I had a lot of issues with the impulse control and anger, and I have been called crazy on more than one occasion. I've worked really hard to change who I am and take responsibility for my emotions, but I feel like I can't make any mistakes in my interpersonal relationships or everyone is going to hate me.

Yeah, my self worth is pretty low, and alcohol helped me isolate and not really care what anyone thought for a long time because I could just wash everything away with vodka. I'm trying really hard not to dwell on these feelings because they don't lead me on a good path. I'm not sure how to set myself on a good path without beating myself up over my past.

The funny thing is -- I have no interest in drinking. At this point, I want to lose weight more than I want to drink, and I've been steadily losing since I stopped drinking. I hope it stays that way! Keeping busy really does work.

Try not to force it Inflagrante - 32 days is awesome but I'm guessing some of the other stuff you deal with is pretty old and deeply rooted.

You will find that as you move further and further along with your recovery, Yyour perception of yourself and your world will likely change...& the more you're feel up to the challenge of dealing with that underlying stuff :)

D

Hang in there inlafrante! 32 days is fantastic! Lots of ups and downs in this journey for me to.. I know that I wasn't the same girl when drinking.. In fact I didn't even recognize myself.. Enjoying being the real me!

Tonight was great! Went to dinner with family and we saw a little girl the same age as my daughter with her grandmother. We ended up setting outside talking with them an hour outside Cracker Barrel.. Turns out the woman's husband died 2 years ago today and they were out just keeping busy.. The little girls played and we just set and listened to this woman. You could tell she just wanted someone to talk to. We exchanged phong numbers and will get together to play soon . If old me had been focusing on drinking , I wouldn't have cared one bit about sticking around. Feels so good to leave that selfish me behind! Anyways I flew all over the US today and deliriously sleepy. Good night or good morning. Thanks for being there class !

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

The last time I drank was at my sisters wedding one week ago. One week today, as long as I don't give in to the beast.

great going deanyya :)

D

Thanks Dee. But I still have one more week to go before I reach any kind of milestone. Haven't made it past 2 weeks in at least 3rd a half years. Since my last pregnancy. Never drank during my pregnancy's. Determined to make it longer than last time.

You can do it Deanyya :)

D

I hate that I keep my addiction a secret from my family but if anyone has heard me talk about my brother recently then you might understand. I was wanting to talk about it soon but he f- up last weekend and spoiled it. I feel like I can not let them down. I am the oldest daughter of 7 siblings and very motherly but I struggle with alcoholism. And nearly no one knows. I call myself a closet alcoholic. Anyone else relate?

I'm the eldest.

I can relate to feeling a certain responsibility in the family, being the go to guy, and being reluctant to ask for help or let people into my problems.

Trying to fix myself on my own, and keep things a secret, really wore me down and probably made me drink more.

I have to be honest - my family haven't been much help at all - we don;t have alcoholics in our family...

but I think the principle is sound....learning to ask for help (here and elsewhere) and being honest with my loved ones were some of the main reasons why this time I stayed sober :)


D

Thanks Dee:) I can relate to you a lot. I feel stronger with you on my side. Thanks for being here. This is still the beginning for me. I hope that you will continue to be my friend:)

Morning all, how's all well and everyone had a nice sober night...? Morning of day 16, hi diddledeedee a sober life for meeeeeeee Oi ! :)