One Year and Under Club Part 38
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by SparkyMcSparky 
Hey Flynbuy, also saw your post on the last thread. Maybe I like drama a bit too much, but when business fiefdom king-turd-of-turdhill brought up the 6 month rule, I would have innocently asked,
"My sponsor, X, suggested I put in to chair as they feel it would be a good next step for me in my sobriety journey. Your comment is obviously directed at me, so I would appreciate hearing why you feel I should not chair a meeting just because I am under six months"
Then let the fur fly.
This allows your sponsor to stand up for you and potentially make king-rules-of-rulesturd-hill aware that their indirect attempt to censure you does not come without consequences (usually douchebags like this act this way because they get away with it). This becomes:
- A win for you, as your journey to sobriety is defended and praised to the entire group
- A win for your sponsor, as they are given an opening to discuss issues they may have with legalism within your meeting
- A win for the entire group, as one dickbag doesn't get to call all the rules
As one member related at an AA meeting last week when discussing his sober >30 year sponsor:
"I told him he's the guru of AA. He looked at me, and said that no, he is not the guru, and that he is exactly the same as me. He is on day one of his sober life every day."
In other words, just because a person hasn't drunk in a long time doesn't make them any better than someone on day one, or day 90.
"My sponsor, X, suggested I put in to chair as they feel it would be a good next step for me in my sobriety journey. Your comment is obviously directed at me, so I would appreciate hearing why you feel I should not chair a meeting just because I am under six months"
Then let the fur fly.
This allows your sponsor to stand up for you and potentially make king-rules-of-rulesturd-hill aware that their indirect attempt to censure you does not come without consequences (usually douchebags like this act this way because they get away with it). This becomes:
- A win for you, as your journey to sobriety is defended and praised to the entire group
- A win for your sponsor, as they are given an opening to discuss issues they may have with legalism within your meeting
- A win for the entire group, as one dickbag doesn't get to call all the rules
As one member related at an AA meeting last week when discussing his sober >30 year sponsor:
"I told him he's the guru of AA. He looked at me, and said that no, he is not the guru, and that he is exactly the same as me. He is on day one of his sober life every day."
In other words, just because a person hasn't drunk in a long time doesn't make them any better than someone on day one, or day 90.
I was just really unprepared for this. Toots sent me a PM that really helped as do these comments from great people. Quickly drilled down in the real issues of pride, etc.....
My wife of 31 years, upon confrontation with others is not quick on her feet so to speak. Probably a good quality. I have a rapier tongue that is quick to lash out - at least I did! It is foreign to me keeping my mouth shut. Still very much a work in progress of taking ownership of deeper issues vs. standing up for oneself.
Altoids, I hear you loud and clear! We are all sick and are here(there) to help each other. I attend another group that I did chair - they asked me to one day, and love being of service. So, in the end I will stay available and when called on to serve I will to the best of my ability.
Peace to us all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Good morning Undies. Just checking in after being too tied up with work yesterday to catch up.
Sas, glad all went well with your "other family", and the scans went well! You are only a few hours away from 30 days tomorrow!
Carlos, 15 months is definitely inspirational! Way to go! Great post, I love the quest for peace and serenity. When I was always drinking, peace and serenity were NEVER in the picture. Thanks for putting that in perspective again for me.
DG, that's got to be a great feeling to solve so many problems yesterday!
MW, sometimes gestures speak louder than words. Glad you had an unexpected breakthrough with your BIL.
Courage, 7 Months!!! Thanks for posting the message from your meeting. It helped me think about my true goals again. In the past when I loose focus on my true, underlying goals, I relapse and become the person, husband and dad I never want to be again. Thanks for sharing...
Glee, congrats on the new job; it's amazing what can happen when we approach situations with an open mind with the knowledge that you can only control you...
BoozeFree great job on the promotion.
Zero, I don't think your experience is sad necessarily either. So much more can come when we learn to appreciate life again. I am there right now, learning to appreciate the things I took for granted during my drinking days. sometimes the simplest things now bring a smile to my face.
Flynbuy, sometimes, items that seem trivial can create internal havoc. I don't think you are overreacting since you are acting on how you feel. I don't have any experience in AA, but stay your course and IMHO, speak your mind. Your opinion and feelings matter just as much as anyone else's in your meetings...
Gilmer, Drake, Lonely Shadow, Altoids, Toots, Sparky, hope everyone has a great Thursday!
60 days for me today! My life is so much better today than it was 61 days ago. It's amazing how your perspective for life changes with this thing called sobriety...
Sas, glad all went well with your "other family", and the scans went well! You are only a few hours away from 30 days tomorrow!
Carlos, 15 months is definitely inspirational! Way to go! Great post, I love the quest for peace and serenity. When I was always drinking, peace and serenity were NEVER in the picture. Thanks for putting that in perspective again for me.
DG, that's got to be a great feeling to solve so many problems yesterday!
MW, sometimes gestures speak louder than words. Glad you had an unexpected breakthrough with your BIL.
Courage, 7 Months!!! Thanks for posting the message from your meeting. It helped me think about my true goals again. In the past when I loose focus on my true, underlying goals, I relapse and become the person, husband and dad I never want to be again. Thanks for sharing...
Glee, congrats on the new job; it's amazing what can happen when we approach situations with an open mind with the knowledge that you can only control you...
BoozeFree great job on the promotion.
Zero, I don't think your experience is sad necessarily either. So much more can come when we learn to appreciate life again. I am there right now, learning to appreciate the things I took for granted during my drinking days. sometimes the simplest things now bring a smile to my face.
Flynbuy, sometimes, items that seem trivial can create internal havoc. I don't think you are overreacting since you are acting on how you feel. I don't have any experience in AA, but stay your course and IMHO, speak your mind. Your opinion and feelings matter just as much as anyone else's in your meetings...
Gilmer, Drake, Lonely Shadow, Altoids, Toots, Sparky, hope everyone has a great Thursday!
60 days for me today! My life is so much better today than it was 61 days ago. It's amazing how your perspective for life changes with this thing called sobriety...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
I just wanted to tell you all that I am feeling better already since I saw my Dr on Tues and getting the deficiencies balanced out, or at least starting on that path. She put me on B12 since my body cannot process it properly (it's a genetic DNA gene thing that makes it hard for my body to process some of the B vitamins and it is soooo cool that they can see that now-a-day) Man, day 3 on getting this vitamin in a way my body can use it, and, BAM, I feel better. I still have a ways to go with the other hormone deficiencies. My Dr is doing all of this the natural way, too. I love that. She is so diligent.
So. . .I just want to encourage you all to ASK your Dr if something doesn't feel right. Do your check ups. Keep an open dialog with them. I kept think if I tried harder, worked out more, did this or that, I would feel better. BUT, if my body doesn't have what it needs to function right, it can't function right. No amount of work on my part could change that.
Also, I informed my family about this gene mutation discovery so they could get checked. I know my brother and daughter both have the same symptoms as I do.
Here's to a healthy life!!! That's my goal for everyday. . . to live the best and healthiest life I can.
So. . .I just want to encourage you all to ASK your Dr if something doesn't feel right. Do your check ups. Keep an open dialog with them. I kept think if I tried harder, worked out more, did this or that, I would feel better. BUT, if my body doesn't have what it needs to function right, it can't function right. No amount of work on my part could change that.
Also, I informed my family about this gene mutation discovery so they could get checked. I know my brother and daughter both have the same symptoms as I do.
Here's to a healthy life!!! That's my goal for everyday. . . to live the best and healthiest life I can.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Ccam, big time congrats on the 60 days! What a wonderful and thoughtful feedback post to the gang. It lifted my spirits. You rock!
Toids, thanks for that advise on searching for a natural way to fix ourselves. You are very lucky to have a DR with that attitude. Glad that you are feeling better.
BF, I have been meaning to tell you how upbeat you are sounding about sobriety. I feel the same way...happy to be clean and sober
Fly, I don't want to bore the people on here with a repost, but I addressed how different it was to chair a meeting this week vs the mtgs I chaired at 3 months. I let my ego get in my way in that earlier stint (i.e.: changed to BB study vs OD, bought better coffee and treats including fresh fruit...etc) I wanted to run the mtg like a business mtg...not just facilitate. Time to be on stage. Haha, I'm surprised I didn't automate and introduce a power point. Just Kidding
Again, speaking only for me now...when I chaired this past Tuesday I was so at ease. I changed nothing at all from its norm. I was but another participant, able to listen and enjoy myself with a little extra to do.
Anyway, there is a bit more detail in my post from yesterday on one of the last couple pages if you are interested.
The most important aspect the way I see it is that you do not let this resentment lead to a reason to pick up. It doesn't sound like that is happening. There are a few in our core circle that I really do not jell with. However, each and every one of those PIA's many times has given me a sobriety nugget of gold in their shares.
Just a brief mid-day pop-tart...I mean pop-over...
Toids, thanks for that advise on searching for a natural way to fix ourselves. You are very lucky to have a DR with that attitude. Glad that you are feeling better.
BF, I have been meaning to tell you how upbeat you are sounding about sobriety. I feel the same way...happy to be clean and sober
Fly, I don't want to bore the people on here with a repost, but I addressed how different it was to chair a meeting this week vs the mtgs I chaired at 3 months. I let my ego get in my way in that earlier stint (i.e.: changed to BB study vs OD, bought better coffee and treats including fresh fruit...etc) I wanted to run the mtg like a business mtg...not just facilitate. Time to be on stage. Haha, I'm surprised I didn't automate and introduce a power point. Just Kidding
Again, speaking only for me now...when I chaired this past Tuesday I was so at ease. I changed nothing at all from its norm. I was but another participant, able to listen and enjoy myself with a little extra to do.
Anyway, there is a bit more detail in my post from yesterday on one of the last couple pages if you are interested.
The most important aspect the way I see it is that you do not let this resentment lead to a reason to pick up. It doesn't sound like that is happening. There are a few in our core circle that I really do not jell with. However, each and every one of those PIA's many times has given me a sobriety nugget of gold in their shares.
Just a brief mid-day pop-tart...I mean pop-over...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
CCam - Congratulations on 60 days! I'm glad you're reaping the benefits of sobriety and sharing your good cheer with us.
Altoids - You make such a good point about asking for help when we need it. You are fortunate to have a doctor who is willing to explore all these naturopathic options to help you live at your optimum health and wellness.
Flynbuy - I think I got your name right this time! Good point about the difference between standing up for yourself vs. taking ownership of deep emotional issues.
Carlos - Great post about finding spiritual, emotional, and moral fulfillment in AA and the 12 steps. Without the guidance of the 12 steps I was making self centered choices based on immediate gratification, and, like you, there was never enough. My material success isn't huge, but my life is comfortable - yet I was never satisfied, I always wanted more. More money, more stuff, more friends, more attention. I wondered early on if living according to the 12 steps meant that I had to give up all the luxuries I've come to enjoy, but what I'm realizing is that I can have a lot of stuff or a little bit of stuff, and be sober, happy and free so long as I'm grateful for what I have.
Time for afternoon coffee, which I am extremely grateful for today!
Altoids - You make such a good point about asking for help when we need it. You are fortunate to have a doctor who is willing to explore all these naturopathic options to help you live at your optimum health and wellness.
Flynbuy - I think I got your name right this time! Good point about the difference between standing up for yourself vs. taking ownership of deep emotional issues.
Carlos - Great post about finding spiritual, emotional, and moral fulfillment in AA and the 12 steps. Without the guidance of the 12 steps I was making self centered choices based on immediate gratification, and, like you, there was never enough. My material success isn't huge, but my life is comfortable - yet I was never satisfied, I always wanted more. More money, more stuff, more friends, more attention. I wondered early on if living according to the 12 steps meant that I had to give up all the luxuries I've come to enjoy, but what I'm realizing is that I can have a lot of stuff or a little bit of stuff, and be sober, happy and free so long as I'm grateful for what I have.
Time for afternoon coffee, which I am extremely grateful for today!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 261
Hi all,
I just wanted to check in. I totally appreciate all the new posts. I see that I have a lot to learn. I'm still taking baby steps in this deal, but I'm okay with that. I know that's it's where I'm supposed to be.
One of the many cool things I got here, today, was that recovery is a lot about attitude. I heard gratitude and contentment mentioned. Also, humility seems to be a big part of this. I'm working on both.
I'm glad every time I come here. So, my gratitude, today, is for you guys. Thank you.
peace.
I just wanted to check in. I totally appreciate all the new posts. I see that I have a lot to learn. I'm still taking baby steps in this deal, but I'm okay with that. I know that's it's where I'm supposed to be.
One of the many cool things I got here, today, was that recovery is a lot about attitude. I heard gratitude and contentment mentioned. Also, humility seems to be a big part of this. I'm working on both.
I'm glad every time I come here. So, my gratitude, today, is for you guys. Thank you.
peace.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Carlos, I hear you. I allowed myself to get beaten down by my old job, and though my new job is basically the same job in a different building, I've decided to make a clean break and start anew. It's all about attitude and perception. I've been meditating and working on radical acceptance for months now, and it's helping.
I grew up with a very competitive father (until he ran off when I was twelve). He instilled that restlessness of spirit, competitiveness, and ambition that is difficult to shed or reconcile with radical acceptance. When I realized my career had gone stagnant and I was financially bound to a small town (too deep into properties I'm having difficulty selling and don't want to just give away) I started drinking to escape my sense of stupidity and failure.
But that sense of stupidity and failure was entirely my own construct. It didn't have to be that way and alcohol just made it worse. Plus, I hung out with drinkers and complainers.
So I'm working at embracing each day as icing on the cake. Anyone who knows my history would agree there is no logic to the fact that I live and breathe today. Isn't that enough? I survived and I'm here to tell the tale.
So yes, I've "settled" by doing my best to appreciate the now. I've been coming home from work lately pretty satisfied. It takes mindful practice for me to embrace my current reality; I have to catch myself from falling into old patterns.
Thanks for your collective wisdom, y'all.
I grew up with a very competitive father (until he ran off when I was twelve). He instilled that restlessness of spirit, competitiveness, and ambition that is difficult to shed or reconcile with radical acceptance. When I realized my career had gone stagnant and I was financially bound to a small town (too deep into properties I'm having difficulty selling and don't want to just give away) I started drinking to escape my sense of stupidity and failure.
But that sense of stupidity and failure was entirely my own construct. It didn't have to be that way and alcohol just made it worse. Plus, I hung out with drinkers and complainers.
So I'm working at embracing each day as icing on the cake. Anyone who knows my history would agree there is no logic to the fact that I live and breathe today. Isn't that enough? I survived and I'm here to tell the tale.
So yes, I've "settled" by doing my best to appreciate the now. I've been coming home from work lately pretty satisfied. It takes mindful practice for me to embrace my current reality; I have to catch myself from falling into old patterns.
Thanks for your collective wisdom, y'all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
Carlos, I've heard you say the same thing in different ways over the last year and a half, about you just wanting peace and serenity, but I like it better every time I read it. I want that too and Thank you for reiterating the simple stuff we must relearn all our lives.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
Been a busy, stressful day.. the type I used to say "f-it... I am having a cocktail" at 3PM... the start of 12-15 more by the time I crashed out. Nothing earth shattering happened, just an upcoming deadline complicated by un-cooperative people, un-cooperative computer programs and not having all the tools and information I needed to complete the project. 
Then one of the music magazines to which I contribute articles and reviews has changed its format and procedure on submissions so much that I will probably cease or drastically reduce my contributing.
Oh I also could whine on about the 14 page technical diagram a fiber optic service sent me to wire one of the condo buildings.....
Was just too much to digest.
But since I didn't want my undies in a wad (literally and figuratively) I didn't indulge.
Seriously, these were the types of things/events that set me to chugging one after another. Where would I be tonight without my undies and SR?.... drunk on my tail.
Thank you for listening to my rant.
Thanks for keeping me sober.
Then one of the music magazines to which I contribute articles and reviews has changed its format and procedure on submissions so much that I will probably cease or drastically reduce my contributing.
Oh I also could whine on about the 14 page technical diagram a fiber optic service sent me to wire one of the condo buildings.....
Was just too much to digest.But since I didn't want my undies in a wad (literally and figuratively) I didn't indulge.
Seriously, these were the types of things/events that set me to chugging one after another. Where would I be tonight without my undies and SR?.... drunk on my tail.
Thank you for listening to my rant.
Thanks for keeping me sober.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Congrats Ccam on 60 days!
Everyone has been posting such inspiring things and I can relate one way or another to each post. I'm falling asleep here so not going to attempt to long of a post but so glad to be a part of such a wonderful group.
Hope everyone has a nice evening. Off to sleep for me. My dog is snoring away stretched across my stomach with her big paws!
Everyone has been posting such inspiring things and I can relate one way or another to each post. I'm falling asleep here so not going to attempt to long of a post but so glad to be a part of such a wonderful group.
Hope everyone has a nice evening. Off to sleep for me. My dog is snoring away stretched across my stomach with her big paws!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
MORNING ALL!
Day off today, the world is my oyster, my sober plans are to hit the gym, clean and organise my room, get a haircut as I'm currently rocking a Gene Simmons type look at it's just ghastly, work on a writing project and be kind to everyone I meet. Might even practice a little meditation. Days like today I am SO, SO grateful to be sober.
Before I launch out of the front door and start my day I'd like to share a poem I wrote when I was halfway between chaos and serenity and yearning for days like this to return, when I'm low I just remember that things do eventually get better, it seems to take the edge off;
5. Hope
In a blackening pit deep with despair
Hope could always find me there
With silver eyes and silent voice
A tiny light thin, faint and fair
Silent as the night may be
a quiet voice still calls to me
It says I always have a choice
and that’s how it shall always be
Despair with his twin black blades wielding
Hope stood with me, Hope unyielding
For under overwhelming force
Hope in front; Guarding, shielding.
So this abyssal chasm forming
holds no grim disturbing warning
For I have lived in Nightmare’s realm
And night shall alway yield to morning;
I’ve held onto naught but hope
For more times than I care to note
In the pit of bleak despair;
Hope has saved me from the rope
------------
Stay strong everyone
Peace
Day off today, the world is my oyster, my sober plans are to hit the gym, clean and organise my room, get a haircut as I'm currently rocking a Gene Simmons type look at it's just ghastly, work on a writing project and be kind to everyone I meet. Might even practice a little meditation. Days like today I am SO, SO grateful to be sober.
Before I launch out of the front door and start my day I'd like to share a poem I wrote when I was halfway between chaos and serenity and yearning for days like this to return, when I'm low I just remember that things do eventually get better, it seems to take the edge off;
5. Hope
In a blackening pit deep with despair
Hope could always find me there
With silver eyes and silent voice
A tiny light thin, faint and fair
Silent as the night may be
a quiet voice still calls to me
It says I always have a choice
and that’s how it shall always be
Despair with his twin black blades wielding
Hope stood with me, Hope unyielding
For under overwhelming force
Hope in front; Guarding, shielding.
So this abyssal chasm forming
holds no grim disturbing warning
For I have lived in Nightmare’s realm
And night shall alway yield to morning;
I’ve held onto naught but hope
For more times than I care to note
In the pit of bleak despair;
Hope has saved me from the rope
------------
Stay strong everyone
Peace
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Great poem, LS. I'm glad you posted it.
Congratulations on 60, Ccam.
Flynbuy, being publicly "put in my place" when I had never done anything wrong would really steam me, too. The unjust accusation plus public humiliation would really combine to form wild anger in me.
I am glad that you came here to vent. I think you've gotten a lot of good feedback. Have you cooled off enough to be able to approach this guy and explain that you were asked to volunteer by your sponsor?
It is always good to be humble. Model the behavior for this guy.
He needs to realize the truth of the situation (you were asked to lead); you have a lot to offer--and will have more and more to offer as the months go by. It would be doing yourself, him, and the group a disservice to allow his assumption to go uncorrected.
You are a stand-up guy. Show him by not treating him the way he treated you. You don't have to pay him homage or kiss his butt--just gently set him straight about your motivation and rationale for stepping forward.
Congratulations on 60, Ccam.
Flynbuy, being publicly "put in my place" when I had never done anything wrong would really steam me, too. The unjust accusation plus public humiliation would really combine to form wild anger in me.
I am glad that you came here to vent. I think you've gotten a lot of good feedback. Have you cooled off enough to be able to approach this guy and explain that you were asked to volunteer by your sponsor?
It is always good to be humble. Model the behavior for this guy.
He needs to realize the truth of the situation (you were asked to lead); you have a lot to offer--and will have more and more to offer as the months go by. It would be doing yourself, him, and the group a disservice to allow his assumption to go uncorrected.
You are a stand-up guy. Show him by not treating him the way he treated you. You don't have to pay him homage or kiss his butt--just gently set him straight about your motivation and rationale for stepping forward.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Hi Undies,
I'm tired today, Undies. I'm so sick and tired of my husband's drinking. He came home from a night out extremely buzzed. I predicted - correctly - that he wouldn't stop there.
I'm so tired that he wants to hang out with me and talk and laugh and share and let loose when he's buzzed or drunk - but when he's not, he's uptight and tense. I'm so tired of feeling annoyed with him when he's drunk, whereas he's happy to be with me when he's drunk. I'm so tired of listening to him come up with plans when he's drinking that he doesn't execute when he's sober. I'm so sick of listening to him repeat himself when he's drunk. So exhausted watching him cruise through drink after drink after drink.
I've talked to him about it, very seriously, but he's told me flat out that he's not giving up drinking. He likes it, he deserves it, and he feels that it's not fair for me to make our relationship contingent on his sobriety.
I feel guilty for being unhappy. I have a good, easy life. We like each other. He likes me. I have nice things because of the money he makes by working hard.
Last night just threw me over the edge because he was drinking during the week like he and I used to. Maybe I'm not struggling more than usual, maybe I'm just feeling more clearheaded and capable of putting it to words than before?
I've been praying for direction and this is what I end up with. Thanks for letting me process through this with you.
Have a good day, Undies!
I'm tired today, Undies. I'm so sick and tired of my husband's drinking. He came home from a night out extremely buzzed. I predicted - correctly - that he wouldn't stop there.
I'm so tired that he wants to hang out with me and talk and laugh and share and let loose when he's buzzed or drunk - but when he's not, he's uptight and tense. I'm so tired of feeling annoyed with him when he's drunk, whereas he's happy to be with me when he's drunk. I'm so tired of listening to him come up with plans when he's drinking that he doesn't execute when he's sober. I'm so sick of listening to him repeat himself when he's drunk. So exhausted watching him cruise through drink after drink after drink.
I've talked to him about it, very seriously, but he's told me flat out that he's not giving up drinking. He likes it, he deserves it, and he feels that it's not fair for me to make our relationship contingent on his sobriety.
I feel guilty for being unhappy. I have a good, easy life. We like each other. He likes me. I have nice things because of the money he makes by working hard.
Last night just threw me over the edge because he was drinking during the week like he and I used to. Maybe I'm not struggling more than usual, maybe I'm just feeling more clearheaded and capable of putting it to words than before?
I've been praying for direction and this is what I end up with. Thanks for letting me process through this with you.
Have a good day, Undies!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,025
((gleefan)) I wish I had some sage advice. This seems like it's an ongoing situation, shows no signs of changing, and is going to continue to make you uncomfortable. If he's an alcoholic-in-the-making, he'll get worse and maybe with your help will eventually get sober, but you can't make that happen for him. In the meantime, maybe you should seek some therapy to help you manage the feelings?
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