One Year and Under Club Part 38
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Toots, I get it... I see a big difference between newly sober and sober over about 6 months so it's not surprising to see more differences later. Even though I've been sober many years before this, by going through the process here on SR, I'm learning a lot of things that just aren't discussed in AA or IOP because they may seem to be tangential to sobriety when in reality I think they will help me stay sober over the long run. I will miss seeing your posts here on Undies every day but just might popover to read on the Over's now and then :-)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Welcome Alynn!
(((LS))) - Picking people and activities that are the right fit fills the void. I know that for a long time, people and activities were things that I merely endured while waiting for my next drunk. Being drunk was all I genuinely cared about. Friends, parties, kids, family, work, were all things that I endured while waiting to get drunk. I was careless about the people and activities in my life. It's only in sobriety that I realized it's important to be selective in the activities I do and people I spend time with. My life is so much more satisfying today.
To Gilmer's point, I believe our higher powers want us to find authentic joy in our activities, and to experience connectedness to others. Using makes that impossible.
I've always found success heeding my inner voice, even when it's suggested outrageous ideas. For example today my intuition told me the time was right to share my recovery with some acquaintances who I really like. The time felt right and my intuition was screaming to share it. As it turns out they were receptive, and it brought us a little closer. I'm glad I listened to my intuition.
I have confidence you'll find your path.
(((LS))) - Picking people and activities that are the right fit fills the void. I know that for a long time, people and activities were things that I merely endured while waiting for my next drunk. Being drunk was all I genuinely cared about. Friends, parties, kids, family, work, were all things that I endured while waiting to get drunk. I was careless about the people and activities in my life. It's only in sobriety that I realized it's important to be selective in the activities I do and people I spend time with. My life is so much more satisfying today.
To Gilmer's point, I believe our higher powers want us to find authentic joy in our activities, and to experience connectedness to others. Using makes that impossible.
I've always found success heeding my inner voice, even when it's suggested outrageous ideas. For example today my intuition told me the time was right to share my recovery with some acquaintances who I really like. The time felt right and my intuition was screaming to share it. As it turns out they were receptive, and it brought us a little closer. I'm glad I listened to my intuition.
I have confidence you'll find your path.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Welcome Alynn!
So work was ok nothing special.
After work my dad met me at my house to take some old furniture that's been sitting in the garage. Stumbled across some wedding pics of my mom and it wasn't my dad standing next to her. I had no idea she was married to someone else before my dad. It was very shocking and made me feel like there's other things my mom must be hiding. I was asking my dad if she ever had kids and all these questions haha. Really triggered me wanting to drink but I didn't.
So work was ok nothing special.
After work my dad met me at my house to take some old furniture that's been sitting in the garage. Stumbled across some wedding pics of my mom and it wasn't my dad standing next to her. I had no idea she was married to someone else before my dad. It was very shocking and made me feel like there's other things my mom must be hiding. I was asking my dad if she ever had kids and all these questions haha. Really triggered me wanting to drink but I didn't.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 261
Hi all,
I'm up, after midnight, tonight, just kind of catching my breath. I did a lot of work around the house today, mainly cleaning.
While I was cleaning, I accidentally broke something that belongs to my daughter. I felt so badly about it. I spent the rest of the day, beating myself up for it.
The really amazing thing, is that she showed so much maturity in her response. I was waiting for her to completely strangle me. The furthest thing from that, happened. She was somewhat understanding and forgiving. Wow.
I still have to make amends, by fixing or replacing the item, but my "punishment" was more self-induced. I need to be, at least, as easy on myself, as others are. No need for martyrdom, as I can be prone to. That had previously, always been a trigger for my chemical-seeking. Lesson learned, definitely.
Thank you, guys, for your example in recovery. Prayers your way, every day.
peace.
I'm up, after midnight, tonight, just kind of catching my breath. I did a lot of work around the house today, mainly cleaning.
While I was cleaning, I accidentally broke something that belongs to my daughter. I felt so badly about it. I spent the rest of the day, beating myself up for it.
The really amazing thing, is that she showed so much maturity in her response. I was waiting for her to completely strangle me. The furthest thing from that, happened. She was somewhat understanding and forgiving. Wow.
I still have to make amends, by fixing or replacing the item, but my "punishment" was more self-induced. I need to be, at least, as easy on myself, as others are. No need for martyrdom, as I can be prone to. That had previously, always been a trigger for my chemical-seeking. Lesson learned, definitely.
Thank you, guys, for your example in recovery. Prayers your way, every day.
peace.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Wow, BFree! What a shock!
I was a teenager when my mom told me that my dad had been engaged to somebody else before her. I was pretty shocked, too--but at least I was told when I was still a kid. And my dad hadn't actually been married! No wonder you felt shocked!
Michaels, I'm glad you got a lot of therapeutic cleaning done! I'm glad your daughter was so forgiving about her broken item. If the tables had been turned, you probably would have been gracious, too.
I'm glad you have seen the pointlessness of beating yourself up.
I was a teenager when my mom told me that my dad had been engaged to somebody else before her. I was pretty shocked, too--but at least I was told when I was still a kid. And my dad hadn't actually been married! No wonder you felt shocked!
Michaels, I'm glad you got a lot of therapeutic cleaning done! I'm glad your daughter was so forgiving about her broken item. If the tables had been turned, you probably would have been gracious, too.
I'm glad you have seen the pointlessness of beating yourself up.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
On the subject of spirituality, at the moment I accept there is a human need for spirituality and that there is something deeper within everyone that needs to be fulfilled. The problem I find in AA is that although everyone is quick to say that it's a "God as you understand Him" there is this underlying feeling that if your 'God' isn't the Christian God (Or similar monotheistic deity) then you're somehow doing sobriety wrong. It's inherent in the statement "As you understand Him"; What if my God is a Her? What if my god is genderless? What if I believe in the acausal collective unconsciousness of all humans and therefore my 'God' isn't in a human form at all?
My higher power at the moment is the voice inside me that wants me to do and be well, it's gotten me this far and it has been helpful. I don't believe that my isolation is a spiritual problem as much as it is a social, emotional and behavioural problem. I'm in an isolated community without a peer group, that's the problem I need to address and it needs to be addressed directly.
My higher power at the moment is the voice inside me that wants me to do and be well, it's gotten me this far and it has been helpful. I don't believe that my isolation is a spiritual problem as much as it is a social, emotional and behavioural problem. I'm in an isolated community without a peer group, that's the problem I need to address and it needs to be addressed directly.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
LS, this is me second round in AA and I, too had issues with some of the same stuff. To use one of those AA slogans: "Take what you want and leave the rest". For awhile that and other AA slogans truly irritated me but for some reason I have come to a quieter place in my journey where the stuff that used to irritate me now slides off my back.
In yesterday's AA meeting, there was a fair amount of religion in the shares plus also spirituality. I let the former go. I'm not quite sure how I made the transition from annoyance to resignation and now mostly acceptance but it feels much more comfortable. Perhaps the fact that another bout of drinking would probably kill me has had a big impact this time.
Have a good day, Undies!
In yesterday's AA meeting, there was a fair amount of religion in the shares plus also spirituality. I let the former go. I'm not quite sure how I made the transition from annoyance to resignation and now mostly acceptance but it feels much more comfortable. Perhaps the fact that another bout of drinking would probably kill me has had a big impact this time.
Have a good day, Undies!
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
BF and Gilmer,
I found out in my 30's that I have 2 or 3 half-siblings wandering around out there.
Apparently my Dad was quite the cocksman back in the day when girls were silently shipped away for a few months, then came back skinnier.
I found out in my 30's that I have 2 or 3 half-siblings wandering around out there.
Apparently my Dad was quite the cocksman back in the day when girls were silently shipped away for a few months, then came back skinnier.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
BoozeFree - Wow, what a shocker! Take time, think about how you want to proceed with the newfound information. Drinking will just perpetuate your hurt and confusion. As a parent, I've come to have a better acceptance of my own parents' shortcomings. We all have them, even people with the best of intentions. In recovery, I'm also learning to accept them.
LS - I don't think AA is a religious doctrine with a male higher power. I started out AA feeling a bit resentful of the components that didn't jibe with my own perspective. A woman made a great point at my big book meeting last week. Aa could go through and change their language and pronouns, but the message would stay the same. Her advice to some who were out off by the old timey language was to pay attention to the message instead of the language. My higher power is more similar to what you describe than a traditional Christian male deity, and I find that my beliefs fit into AA.
Mw - I had to completely change the way I interact with the world in order to stay sober. I'm glad you're able to see what needs to change, and are finding the strength and courage to do it. As you strengthen your higher power, your life will fall into place.
Be well Undies!!
LS - I don't think AA is a religious doctrine with a male higher power. I started out AA feeling a bit resentful of the components that didn't jibe with my own perspective. A woman made a great point at my big book meeting last week. Aa could go through and change their language and pronouns, but the message would stay the same. Her advice to some who were out off by the old timey language was to pay attention to the message instead of the language. My higher power is more similar to what you describe than a traditional Christian male deity, and I find that my beliefs fit into AA.
Mw - I had to completely change the way I interact with the world in order to stay sober. I'm glad you're able to see what needs to change, and are finding the strength and courage to do it. As you strengthen your higher power, your life will fall into place.
Be well Undies!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Another warm day in SoCal! I am so ready for the winter weather! Not having AC is killing me. And being so close to the beach I am not used to this 90degree stuff.
Headed down to the beach early this morning with my dog and watched the sunrise.
Grateful for another sober day.
Headed down to the beach early this morning with my dog and watched the sunrise.
Grateful for another sober day.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Dudley,Uk
Posts: 1,704
Hey folks just popping in to give some encouragement...
I will be 2 years sober in December and 1 year cigarette free on New years eve...
It has not been easy but getting sober is the best thing I have ever achieved..
2 years ago I was drinking 20 plus pints of strong beer a day , I was severely underweight , at my worst I only weighed 7 stone and never ate , I never had fun with my young kids , never exercised and was never passionate about anything...
Fast forward almost 2 years and I'm a completely different person , I got a job , work hard , spend lots of quality time with my family and found a new passion..
I started hitting the gym and eating better and my weight started to increase , I saw changes in my body , my new found muscle really drove me on and I was intent on getting bigger , by no means am I Arnold Schwarzenegger but I have managed to pack on 4 an half stone onto my once weak frame..
I also took up boxing with my 8 year old son , just as an hobby but my competitive edge showed again and now I'm in training for my first fight which will be after Christmas in a fancy hotel in front of 500 people...My son is proud of me and he says he loves seeing me step into the ring to box other people....He will be in my corner come fight night..
What I'm trying to say before I bore you all to death is that if I can do it then anyone can , I really was a skeleton with no passion and no pride and at 36 years old when I first got sober I can say I turned my life around for the good..
I have no intentions of drinking again...
I hope my little story gives some encouragement..
Take care....Steve.
I will be 2 years sober in December and 1 year cigarette free on New years eve...
It has not been easy but getting sober is the best thing I have ever achieved..
2 years ago I was drinking 20 plus pints of strong beer a day , I was severely underweight , at my worst I only weighed 7 stone and never ate , I never had fun with my young kids , never exercised and was never passionate about anything...
Fast forward almost 2 years and I'm a completely different person , I got a job , work hard , spend lots of quality time with my family and found a new passion..
I started hitting the gym and eating better and my weight started to increase , I saw changes in my body , my new found muscle really drove me on and I was intent on getting bigger , by no means am I Arnold Schwarzenegger but I have managed to pack on 4 an half stone onto my once weak frame..
I also took up boxing with my 8 year old son , just as an hobby but my competitive edge showed again and now I'm in training for my first fight which will be after Christmas in a fancy hotel in front of 500 people...My son is proud of me and he says he loves seeing me step into the ring to box other people....He will be in my corner come fight night..
What I'm trying to say before I bore you all to death is that if I can do it then anyone can , I really was a skeleton with no passion and no pride and at 36 years old when I first got sober I can say I turned my life around for the good..
I have no intentions of drinking again...
I hope my little story gives some encouragement..
Take care....Steve.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Stevie, that's fantastic. I am so glad you made it through the tough times and are doing very well. Very exciting about your upcoming boxing match. Cool that you and your son can share a passion!
Have a great evening!
Have a great evening!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
LS, I understand the desire to get meaningful companions. A month ago I was lamenting that everything I cared about was online.
There's a truism that says, "If you want to have a good friend, be a good friend."
I wondered what that looked like. I would have been happy to be empathetic, loyal, available, etc. if anybody new had shown up; but I had sort of dismissed all of my old people from my life, thinking that I was no longer the same person now that I was then.
What do you do when you're starting with nothing?
Something occurred to me today: I am going to give 100% full attention and engagement to every one of my interactions, even the most inconsequential. I catch myself a lot phoning it in.
A few months ago I claimed that I wasn't phony. Ha, ha--au contraire!
No more aloofness. Genuineness in every interaction.
That's a tall order. I'm sure I'll fall short many times, but I think the overall results will be worth it, though.
There's a truism that says, "If you want to have a good friend, be a good friend."
I wondered what that looked like. I would have been happy to be empathetic, loyal, available, etc. if anybody new had shown up; but I had sort of dismissed all of my old people from my life, thinking that I was no longer the same person now that I was then.
What do you do when you're starting with nothing?
Something occurred to me today: I am going to give 100% full attention and engagement to every one of my interactions, even the most inconsequential. I catch myself a lot phoning it in.
A few months ago I claimed that I wasn't phony. Ha, ha--au contraire!
No more aloofness. Genuineness in every interaction.
That's a tall order. I'm sure I'll fall short many times, but I think the overall results will be worth it, though.
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