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Class of August 2014 Part 4

Old 08-31-2014, 09:28 AM
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Forabetterlife : I use to resent not being able to drink but now That I have accepted that I am a functioning alcoholic, giving up has become slightly easier.

When my AV screams at me, I am more angry with my addiction as I absolutely LOVE being sober. It's a battle as you say but it's so worth it.

It's 5.30 pm and In the past I would have consume nearly a bottle of wine by now. I would have crashed out on the sofa for an hour and then woken up feeling horrible, lost, suicidal, depressed, ill, fuzzy, angry, confused, teary.

But not this Sunday. I am calm and have a lot of inner peace. And I am so proud of myself that I could cry. You can't beat this feeing of self worth. You just can't.

Have a lovely Sunday everyone
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Old 08-31-2014, 09:29 AM
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Thank you all for the support. Big group hug
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Old 08-31-2014, 09:31 AM
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And I went for a jog Sunday morning!!!! I feel like I have won the lottery!!

But got to protect myself. Never become complacent. That AV will always be there
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Old 08-31-2014, 10:41 AM
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Knb, you did win the lottery! Yay! So many never wake up and realize that misery isn't the only way. There isn't anything about drinking that I would trade for my freedom.

Cheers, TeamAugust, to our success! Wooooooohoooooo!

Still experiencing emotional ups and downs-I cried while watching a Glee rerun yesterday and felt really sad about a dream I had this morning. Then I felt completely upbeat and friendly moments later. I'm glad my brain is returning to normal, but it reminds me to not make huge decisions right now. Things are becoming clearer, now, so I think I'm adjusting to sober life bit by bit (and maybe moment to moment).

School starts Tuesday and my work schedule changes as well. I'm looking forward to the increased structure, but I've been feeling as though my life is a bit empty. I have lots of activities that I have planned for the evenings, but I would really like the opportunity to be less self focused. Baby steps! Everyday that we don't drink is a success!
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Old 08-31-2014, 10:56 AM
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hey choobie, I hear ya on the emotions, I've been so up and down.... but I am only on day 4 and know things will get better. I've not really left the house at all since I drank so I don't think that has helped me too much but it really rocked me so just building back up now. I'm up and out early in the morning to see the doctor and will get to a meeting and go to the shops, so at least tomorrow will be more productive and help to get my mind on other things. keep up the great work.
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Old 08-31-2014, 11:05 AM
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Well done AppleKat and Kbn...Hang in there 1step. It WAS a lot of work to get to 28 days. I threw it all away on 2 vodka crans at an Anniversary party of 700. As addicts we are black or white/all or none. Sadly I am on Sierra Nevada number 2 and it's 8am. Please A-Team if AV comes knocking please think of the effort you put in this battle no one gets unless they are in "It"!
The feeling of letting yourself down, regret...remorse. So stay strong and I hope this will make the ones on the edge to think again please!!!
Aloha all
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Old 08-31-2014, 11:07 AM
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hey gang. feeling very sad and empty today. AV is acting up too. glad it Sunday because the liquor stores are closed today. really craving rum.
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Old 08-31-2014, 11:24 AM
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Penkins, hang in there! Anything you can do to get AV to shut up?

Ice cream to the recovering seems to be like spinach to Popeye!

Or a nice walk, Netflix marathon, hot bath?
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Old 08-31-2014, 11:43 AM
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had some ice cream. got bored w netflix. kinda too hot to walk. I'm gonna go to walmart n get groceries. ? not much sounds like anything i wanna do. so i figure i'll do something that needs doing. will kill an hour anyway. thnx leelo
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Old 08-31-2014, 11:43 AM
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Hi all. Just wanted to post quickly. I'll try to catch up on everything soon.

Hope everyone is well. My AV has given it a go but I'm still with you guys.

Take care!
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Old 08-31-2014, 12:15 PM
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Originally Posted by knb02 View Post
Forabetterlife : I use to resent not being able to drink but now That I have accepted that I am a functioning alcoholic, giving up has become slightly easier.

When my AV screams at me, I am more angry with my addiction as I absolutely LOVE being sober. It's a battle as you say but it's so worth it.

It's 5.30 pm and In the past I would have consume nearly a bottle of wine by now. I would have crashed out on the sofa for an hour and then woken up feeling horrible, lost, suicidal, depressed, ill, fuzzy, angry, confused, teary.

But not this Sunday. I am calm and have a lot of inner peace. And I am so proud of myself that I could cry. You can't beat this feeing of self worth. You just can't.

Have a lovely Sunday everyone
What a difference, right? It's like night and day. Amazing Applekat!

I absolutely love being sober, don't get me wrong. I think my problem is that I still have this irrational, unrealistic wish that I can feel THIS good and drink (without the consequences and the obsession). I know that makes NO sense. Even right now, my kids are at friends' houses and I am alone, which is very rare. I keep thinking how much I would LOVE a beer or a glass of wine right here out in the open (I hide it from my kids). But here's the thing...then what? Its only 3pm and I never stop once I start, I only pass out. And if I start later, I just end up staying up later so I can drink more. And no matter what, I will wake up furious with myself. So what's the point?
I hope I can get to a point where I am at more peace with it like you Applekat.
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Old 08-31-2014, 12:45 PM
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Slipped up last night. I feel bad. Everyone on this thread seems to be doing so well. Same story, my husband went out to a local bar to listen to music and dance. I drank beer turned out to be the same routine. Don't remember the end of the night. I had a plan for the weekend and was really focused on enjoying the weekend without drinking. I can't explain why I made the decision to drink last night. Once I got there it was like automatic to drink. Feeling bad today. Hungover, it's really hard on my body. I'm 46 and this stuff just kicks my butt. With all of this and my desire to not binge drink anymore you'd think it would be pretty simple to just not drink. I don't get why this is so hard for me.
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Old 08-31-2014, 12:51 PM
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may I join you guys for some support? day 3 today, first time ever sober as only just clicked I had a problem. im 32 and have drank most days for the last 10 years for reasons I all thought were normal. think I was the last person to realise. came close to the end on thurs, needed medical attention, hit rock bottom. I 'confessed' all to my dear boyfriend, believing he had no idea. I told him, I have a problem, im an alcoholic and I need help. weve been together 5 years. his reply? simply: I know love, and im so glad that you now do too. how foolish to think he didn't know?? turns out, I was the last one to know. scared, bewildered but determind. lucky to have support from my rock, but its still so hard and scary, and being able to pop on here when im struggling would be so helpful if that's ok?
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Old 08-31-2014, 12:54 PM
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I have been taking steps toward changing...I recognize I have a binge drinking problem. I've downloaded apps on my phone, have joined this site, been reading books and still I can't seem to implement the change to not drink. It's frustrating. When I am faced with the option of ordering a drink like at a restaurant or at a bar, my first response is to order an alcoholic beverage. It should be the opposite, my response should be to order anything but alcohol. Why am I so weak??
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:08 PM
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Rang my ex an hour ago asking if my girls are ok, and she was horrible with me- its the same old story, she's lovely with me when she wants something then once she's got it she shows her real colours and its messed my head up.

Every question I asked her she responded with one word answers and was as cold as ice, before she went to wedding she asked if Id like to stay at hers the night before the kids' first day back in school so I could take them with her 'as a family' in her words. So I asked her whats happening tomorrow night regarding this- she said 'no, I don't want you to stay' I stayed calm and asked her why she invited me to do this last Tuesday and if she only did to make sure she got to go to the wedding and the money I gave her to go there with and she replied 'probably, yes'.

She coldly says 'we're not together' but she's the one that calls me everyday even when Im working as if we're still a couple, she's the one that invites me to stay at hers' only to pull the plug when it suits her, I can't keep allowing this to happen- I cling on to the nice side of her, but the cold controlling side is harming me. In the past Id find it so confusing that Id just drink away the confusion and ultimately give her more power. Her family are a heavy drinking family and Ive been physically assaulted 3 times by different male members of it, and ive just took it never retaliating, never getting police involved because I loved her but Ive been a fool and I feel like one again right now.

I would dearly love to be able to give my girls the family life they so deserve but as I get sober I realise that the relationship could never work with or without alcohol, and that's soul destroying- there has been a part of me that thought 'if I stop drinking, then everything would come good and we'd live together as a proper family' but its becoming clear that that is just a fantasy.
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:15 PM
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Pink angel you are in the right place!! Keep posting and we will help!!!
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:16 PM
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Welcome, pink! We are all glad you are here and have dealt with that same realization at some point. Congrats on day 3!

Rah, welcome back! I, for one, do not have control over alcohol. It's an all or nothing deal for me. I have made so many promises to myself, only to pick up a drink like a robot. It can be discouraging, but don't give up! You can do it! Keep reading, keep posting. Keep searching for the next step to take. We are here for you and totally get it! You are not weak, you are a fighter! I have practiced ordering non alcoholic drinks in the mirror and always have at least 3 names to spout off if they are out of soda with a twist. I also stay away from robot-drinking establishments whenever possible.

TeamAugust rocks
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:29 PM
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Sorry for the rant everyone.

Welcome Pinklinzangel, this class is great and such a good source of support.

Totally understand and relate rah555, I have tried and tried for most of my adult life to firstly to control my drinking and then when that failed I tried to stop entirely and I could stop but I couldn't stay stopped and that frightened me and made me realise I needed help, hoping this will be it this time around but I just have to take it one day at a time, - after tonight it'll be 2weeks sober- its been hard but we're all in it together here.
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:33 PM
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Thanks for the encouraging words Choobie! I really do want to do better. I think one rule I need to implement is to not go out to bars for dancing and music. I knew last night that I was heading into dangerous waters when my husband suggested we go to listen to music. I should have said no.
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:58 PM
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1 step, your rant is the same sort of stuff we are all going through. It's hard to call up a friend and tell her that my relationships are in turmoil, but it's hard to sort out what part alcohol has played in the whole thing. She's not going to get it. We do. I actually had to call a family meeting and reset some boundaries for myself a few weeks back, and although there is still outrageous drama, I have absolutely no part in it. I think it's ok to set some boundaries to let yourself heal and to get some honest perspective on the situation. Your girls will only benefit down the road.Good work!
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