Youngaddictionwarrior

thanks dee that's so true I shouldn't of accepted.

petals

Aw Kahlia , I hope you are doing ok, and hows buster?
My well meaning hubby 'allowed me' a drink to celebrate our wedding anniversary in august....I had to say no to keep my sanity but it was soooo very hard, he thought he was being kind 'You've been so good you can have a glass to celebrate' I felt so mean saying no but I just had to as I knew one glass just would not be enough...... tho I did have to encourage him to finish the bottle to remove all temptation when he had gone to bed....was that really bad of me? He would have been furious if I had poured it away....
well done headlump you are amazing.
I've been busy with work, college work and my wonderful family.....though they are hard work at times.....
I'm still fighting the urges....my tummy still flips over when drinking opportunities are near.... how long till these go away I wonder?
Im trying new ways to celebrate but not sure its helping my figure.......

HeadLump

So sorry you slipped again, kahlia, but get right back on board, girl, you can do this! Bernie may not understand about alcoholism - he genuinely wants you to have a 'treat' - but you know where it leads. Be strong, my friend

Petals, the tummy-flipping will get less as time goes on and as your confidence builds. At nearly 20 months, I do still get them, but they are rare and very short-lived. Stick with it, you're doing great

I've just reached six weeks of no bingeing - yay! And I'm impressed with myself because for the past week I've not been well and I've never before got through a cold/chest infection without bingeing! Go, me!

Midnight, Eyes, Ccam, PHS - Hope you're all enjoying the weekend and are staying strong xxx

Youngaddictionwarrior

lumpy you have done excellent!!! isn't it amazing how quick the cold goes eating right :-)
Petals buster goes for x rays tues and I guess im freaking out!! so worried. I just need to know as it interferes with my life my job and my relationship and I want my boy all better. these stupid drinking thoughts hit you a million times worse once uve had a "safe" night drinking...in my case have not been hated by Bernie or done anything stupid. im gonna read the allen carr book so I am retrained into realising what alcohol is cause right now my head is here... I just asked my friend to stay for moral support so she can come to the vets on Wednesday and automatically thought we can go sit at the pub whilst waiting to hear the news for buster cause they open at 10am... only typing it here makes me realise how scary crazy and BAD it is. drinking that early in the morning, drink driving with my sick dog just off anashetic stuff that. every time I have a thought im now going to jump on here write what im thinking so I can analyse it with all of your help xxx

Youngaddictionwarrior

petals how is life without ur daughter going xxx

HeadLump

Ah, dear kahlia, hold tight! Buster's operation will soon be over and he'll be back at home and healing before you know it. Thinking of you both so much

I've just started week 7 of no bingeing! Sadly, my cold has now become sinusitis and the start of a chest infection but I have antibiotics on hand if I need them. We're off to the coast very soon to see if the sea air will help and we might have fish'n'chips too - always guaranteed to make you feel better!

Hope everyone else is doing well xxx

EyesOfAStranger

HeadLump - yeah on the vote!!! Not sure why it bothered me so much, as in reality I wouldn't be effected by it, but I think you worded it perfectly. We all need each other. I know the history, and I understand some's reasoning, but I am happy that Great Britain remains united and strong! Gosh, look at the history that England and the US have (me being in Boston I know it well ) and yet there are no closer two allies in the world today. I do wish we could be united as a whole world, but I do also wish unicorns existed, so I do know the limits of my dreams Maybe someday it's something our kid's kid's kid's kid's will see. Well, I don't have kids, so there I go again

I'm glad you enjoyed the story about the cats - just the next day I took them out again and this time it almost wound up in my arrest! I'll type the story out tomorrow when I have a little more time, it really was funny. Well, I thought it was anyway haha.

600+ days is outstanding, honestly. And 7 weeks is amazing. You really are a beacon of hope, you really are. Please be careful with a sinus and/or chest infection! It's funny for me to lecture, as like you I always have a stash of antibiotics on hand (usually do to me being bad and forgetting to finish the script as you always should) and there have been times when I have taken them in lieu of visiting the doctor - but they cannot replace medical advice. Not all antibiotics work for the same things. Just please be careful is all I'm saying - and if you feel the need please seek medical help! That said, the sound of your trip to the coast sounds wonderful! I have grown up next to the ocean and even though I am not a "beach" person I could never live away from the water!

(((Kahlia))) girl, so you had a little stumble. And you realize that, so I don't think this will turn in to a full blown relapse - don't let that happen, please? You are too darn good of a person to let this addiction get it's nasty little hands back on you. You are stronger than it, you have survived through so much - all you - and never forget that. So glad to see you are back here with us, where you belong. Sending nothing but good thoughts your way for you and Buster

petals, I understand where you're at, think I'm somewhere similar. I feel kind of empty, just blah. Not sure if it's PAWS or just me. I've been exploring some of the reasons I *think* I may have medicated myself for, and I'm finding a lot of them are things I have no control over, that I can't change.

That said, I guess acceptance is something I need to work on, but it's hard. I think several of you here, due to your own struggles, can understand body image issues. Funny thing for me it's not just about weight - though that's in there, but I've accepted that long ago. It's other things such as the thinning hair which for me is a mix of heredity and due to PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which I have. It's got some nasty symptoms that grasp to take every thing feminine from you. Or recently having to have my teeth removed, which also got destroyed by another procedure (plus genetic, no offense HL but I got my mothers teeth ) and hating the fake ones, avoid having them as much as possible. So easier to hide my thinning hair toothless self inside alone than taking the time it does to make myself presentable in society - and still being self conscious. I don't know, need more time on this one. And a therapist. I have realized I need therapy - also need to find the motivation and wiliness to commit to that, so that's the struggle I'm focusing on now.

Boo.....I refuse to end this point on a depressing note! Gosh, if the Pats had lost today that would have been something happy for me! I know I should route for the home team but I just can't stand Tom Brady, and I dislike Belichick even more! I was a big Bledsoe/Parcells fan so think that's my problem...I just haven't been able to move on. And that's probably a problem in itself haha! I do support all my other local teams though, and I used to love my Patriots, I did. It was just shady. Just realized probably only a few of you even know what I'm talking about! And within that few probably only Mr.F and Ccam would get the full scope (I know I've seen them talk football)! Sometimes I forget we are global here!

Well, for everyone else, that potentially was funny haha. CCam, Midnight - hope you are both doing well and had a wonderful weekend!

Youngaddictionwarrior

thanks for the great wishes guys. I don't know whats wrong with me im really depressed right now im going from happy to really angry,sad,depressed,aggitated & insecure. I have a few things on my mind like the robbers, buster, my weight but I cant sleep properly cause im scared the robbers are gonna get me cause a friend got revenge 2on their house and there was a skid outside my houser the next night, buster cause now I have to rebook days off and can only pray he doesn't need surgery but that still means he needs to stay in laundry for 2 months then if he doesn't get better operation and in laundry for another 3 months, my weight because even though im under 60 I haven't been to the gym in a month cause so busy and just keep feeling too depressed to go, Bernie cause he seems cranky and I no its radiating off of me and buster being in the house, my pa cause he is getting really old and it upsets me and my mum cause my stepdad reminded me she only has 10 years to live cause of hep c and sclerosis and im getting really moody at work. I know deep down my slip didn't help cause the way my thought process works is once I hit a year Bernie will know I mean what I say and ask me to marry him which means I can get married and have kids before anyone dies which I know I shouldn't care about but I do! im getting hair extensions tonight so should be really happy but feeling like I just want to go to bed or eat. my life is definitely not borning x

HeadLump

I so love your posts, Eyes! But I have to say that my mum had lovely teeth It's a shame that mine aren't genetic (well, obviously, they are genetic to some extent!) but they are hardly my best feature, so I do know what you mean - and I forgive you. Freely.

I have a condition (bronchiectasis) which affects my chest and my sinuses and I have frequent and potentially longlasting infections so I have an emergency supply of antibiotics at home. I use them sparingly - haven't taken any in a year which is something of a record - and only take them when I think I might otherwise combust! They've done the trick, though, and I am as ticketyboo as can be today. In fact, I've cleaned the house from top to bottom. Yippeeee

Yes, I think we understand body image issues - and, for me, too it's not just weight, though that's obviously part of it. Giving up drinking has helped enormously with self esteem issues. I can bear to look in the mirror for longer than a glance now and not flinch - and I smile so much more. Hopefully, you'll start looking at yourself differently and actually liking yourself as you get free from addiction. If you are as attractive as your writing is, I bet you're stunning - Welsh teeth and all!

HeadLump

Oh, dear sweet kahlia, I'm so sorry you're depressed It WILL all come out ok, you know that, don't you? You sound like a winner to me!

I didn't quite understand about the robbers. And, forgive me, but what's a skid? I'm imagining all sorts of things here

I hope Buster's X Rays are ok tomorrow (actually, it must be today where you are). Sending you warm positive wishes and hugs

I know you worry about your weight, no matter what you weigh. I stopped having scales in the house years ago or I would weigh three or four times a day. Try to accept that being a healthy weight is more important than anything else - and read your pdf again! Everytime I read it I find something else that speaks to me. I think it could be that your recent slip has brought back some old ways of thinking. Don't go there! Put it behind you, you're well into recovery by now.

I hope you're happy with your hair extensions - I bet they look great!

Much love to you and Buster xxx

Youngaddictionwarrior

lumpy a skid is when a car does a burnout and leaves tyre marks lol. we got robbed 2 mothers days ago and my friend smashed their window cause we found out where they lived... a lot happier today hair looks great! busters x rays are tomorrow morning at 8.30am :-( a bit sad Bernie thinks im a pill popper which I am, ive gotta get back to the gym after the buster stuff is over and get my head out of the sand. I need to leave the pills alone sadly there an escape in all this madness. one thing at a time though I know I can do it! had 1 drinking thought yesterday but it passed as quick as it came and I got a pepsi max lol

petals

Aw kahlia I'm sending you hugs from the UK. You can do this, we're all with you. Xx

Dee74

Glad you're feeling better Kahlia - hope everyone else is doing ok too

D

HeadLump

All is fine here in LumpLand. I'm on day 45 of no bingeing and, as a reward, I treated myself to a new dress today Buying clothes, especially dresses, is a rare event for me and my partner's really pleased. He said he'll take me somewhere posh soon to show it off!

Thinking of you and Buster, kahlia, and praying all goes well with the xray tomorrow

Hope you're feeling better, Dee. I've missed you.

Hope everyone else is doing well xxxh

petals

Morning guys, just trying to out of my warm bed...it's cold and wet here
I seem to have gone from hardly eating....then I stopped drinking. ...and I'm eating far too much. ....may have to look at that issue now. ....I'm trying to tell myself it's not as bad as the wine. But I don't want it to get out of control. ..I'm part way through kahlia's pdf ...it's a bit of a battle right now as I'm getting thought's of purging. anyway I really must get on with my day.xxx

HeadLump

Hope Buster's x-rays were ok, kahlia. I've been thinking about you both all day

I've been thinking about you, too, Midnight. I hope you're doing well

Petals, I'm so sorry you're struggling with food issues. I wouldn't want that for anyone The pdf is really good at addressing obsessive thinking and keeping common sense to the fore. Please don't get into thoughts of purging. If you were eating very little and drinking, it could be that your body now is crying out for nutrition. I understand the feeling of panic, but your appetite and weight will balance naturally if you give it time. Vent here whenever you need to if it helps

petals

Thanks headlump. I guess I'm just a mental mess . One issue after another to deal with!
Hi khalia, hope you're doing ok.hugs.xxxx
And hi to everyone else here on the juliers thread.xx

Dee74

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend, untroubled by cravings.
We can do this guys

D

ccam1973

Good morning julyers.

Just trying to catch up after a busy week at work, kids school, daughyerscdance and sons fall baseball.

All good here though. 81 days today. Looking forward to a great fall weekend.

Kahalia, headlump, mr f, petals, midnight, eyes and all other julyers, thinking of you all. Have a great weekend.

Youngaddictionwarrior

hi everyone im back and still sober. ive had ALOT of drinking thoughts lately even a dream last night but im staying strong!
busters x rays were bad news and great news all in one. he doesn't need the operation because his anterior cruciate ligament is completely torn so he apparently doesn't have much pain there its just unusual for him as his knees are slipping which is why he is limping. he is still on bed rest and I am trying to train his neural pathways to use his other leg again. sadly his other leg will go but I can only hope it helps him use them both. he was advised tto a 5000 plus surgery and its apparently to help him slow down aurthiritis which I am giving him lots of suppliments for and helping his needs. the vet wants buster to be a case where I keep intouch and tell them of his process as they can never prove the operation or not operating to be successful. apparently most of the dogs still don't use their leg after the operation. jack my other dog is howling and barking through the laundry door every morning which is sad. he wakes me up and knows it works so its his new continuous habit lol help!!!

Why am I getting drinking urges? I feel like its cause I had 1 good drinking session with no major fights with Bernie etc but that happens 1% out of ** which is why I cant risk drinking as I don't know when to stop.

Petals email me when ur feeling this way. you have done opposite to what I did with bulimia. I quit that and swapped it for food. try and take up the gym. that's what I am slowly swapping my addictions for.

Good news got my best friend from high school back which is great cause she knows me so well and is helping me not drink and even came to the gym the other day.

How is everyone else going xxx