Leigh and Dee - Thanks.

It's definitely a process. It's taken me a while to realize my h is controlling and emotionally abusive. To even use the word abusive in the same sentence as his name makes me cringe because I feel like I accepted his behavior. I never said stop. Realizing his behavior was nonsense was a process. Now detaching from the nonsense is a process. Recognizing my needs is a process, too, as is figuring out how to meet them.

...and I said I had nothing to say? Thanks for putting up with me, Febbies. :)

Putting up with you???? You are a gift.

Writing long posts is what I do too. I used to fret over it but then I realized I tend to do that when sober, shared more and well, lately I've been feeling better sharing on the boards again.

Isolation really is what the AV wants, and gets me. I'd rather not sit at home drinking by myself or with hubby. I don't think I'm nearly out of the woods yet.

Today was lovely fall colors lunch walk. I'm also doing a trial run for a new step challenge I want to coordinate at work.

So every year we have a halloween party. It can get crazy. We usually have two rounds. Round 1 - early arrivals, parents, people who don't drink too much. The leave, then round 2 - is drunks and people who like to stay late and sleep over. My husband almost cancelled the party and it was depressing his mood a lot. I encouraged him to have the party but he worries about all the booze. We end up with everyone bringing some and a bar's worth when they all leave. I learned to not drink until midnight to see off the sober people and not embarrass myself and just go crazy then - with other drunks and not worry. This year - same plan, don't drink until midnight. Then new round 2 plan - leaving and staying in a hotel.

I guess everyone will say to cancel the party but I really like the food and decorations and I'm changing the part where I drink (escape to hotel!). Well that's all I got for now.

SL- I read about your lovely trip and how you guys stayed back for the lady while paramedics arrived. That was super nice and just human of you guys. It was a really sweet story and just shows how caring you are.

Leigh is like the kind parent everyone deserves!

Oh I feel humbled posting before I saw this, but ((((GLEEFAN)))). I think Dee made me think about how it's a process. I am glad you are working on yourself. I dunno, my hubby got wierd when I did my long sober break and I wonder if yours is having a reaction worse than normal because you're getting sober and he isn't. Forcing him to think about himself?? I don't know - I'm just an outsider. My hubby is really nice-guy type so it was surprising how unsupportive he was at first. Now we're in like dual-sabotage in regards to drinking - I quit, I give up, he quits, I bring drinks - (well he only wants to drink less) so I'm in this strange world of he's scared to death I'll pull more stunts or die, so he watches me but isn't really into complete sobriety.

That's why I'm going to find counselor, I think we need a 3rd party outsider look and it may help him find out what to think of all this. I think he's in a state of confusion and being worried because of my stunts, but still wants drinks in our life - sorta. I mean I have to text him when I get to work or he gets sick with worry. I was late today and I had 5 worried texts and it's my fault he's like this. :gaah

Hope you have a great sober party Torn :)

D

I heard a cool saying:
Everything after the "but" is bull poop.
It's the AV making excuses.

Torn you are playing with fire, sweetie, leaving it up to yourself to leave a party filled with alcohol and friends to be alone and sober in a hotel.

Stop making sense :tapping

I'm starting to have flashbacks about that all-inclusive I shouldn't have gone too, freaking out and going to a movie. Sigh.

Glee was braver than I was LOL.
There will be other parties,. Torn :)

D

Torn I'm glad you understood that I was coming from a caring place. Dee's right - it took some bravery on my part to be honest with you.

I was thinking about the all inclusive too. That weekend I was at a hotel room all by myself avoiding the alcohol fueled party at the bar with other hockey parents. I muddled through it, but it wasn't fun. I've white knuckled it again since then, and I'll tell you this - no one gets a gold star for white knuckling it. :)

I guess I can get hotel for whole time and just blame Finals for class (which is actually that week - so true story).

Then tasty food before I go to hotel, and hubby will definitely do as he's been doing and hiding all the booze - I'm going to suggest he have the brother in law take it home instead.

I do now Dee, ok.

Hello all!

I've been struggling a little, I had a fight on my hands yesterday but I won in the end, some days are going to be like that I guess.

I need to reconnect with myself and remember that alcohol is not an option for me. My birthday is coming up and already I've started flirting with the idea that maybe I can go visit some friends and get drunk "Just for one night" or "Just for the weekend", yeah, last time I thought like that I ended up nearly dead, nice try AV.

A major trigger for me is when circumstances stop me from weight training, it's my focus and what keeps me grounded, so when i'm injured (As I am now) it is incredibly frustrating for me, I am grateful it is only a minor injury and I can still run, so that will be my focus until i'm healed.

I find myself being far too resentful of my current situation, so I thought i'd write a short list of all the things I have gained in sobriety that wouldn't of happened if I was still actively drinking;

1. Lost 30kg of bodyfat
2. Gained CYQ Gym Instructor qualification
3. Self-published two poetry collections, short story anthology on it's way
4. Earned my way out of £2,000 of debt, saved enough for a deposit to rent a flat
5. Got three jobs. One of which is my current employer.
6. Regained self-respect, sanity, self-esteem.

Whoa that felt good!! Can't ever let myself forget just how dreadful my situation was 18 months ago.

To everyone out there struggling, any pit you're in can be climbed out of.

Thanks for listening as always friends!

Good job LS. Remembering the state of our lives before is a big incentive to stay sober. You've done so well!

That is an incredible list, LS. That is close to a lifetime of progress/achievements.

We have to keep our AVs in check at all times - a full time job, really.

I had to steel myself before traveling to the UK with all of the pubs practically everywhere and knowing that my husband (a consummate normie) would want to sample the various ales. The pubs, the ales, the people drinking wine from pretty glasses - no problem whatsoever; no problem in Scotland either where sampling the scotch and single malts was so fashionable (drinking Scotch always reminded me of licking an ashtray anyway - abhor the stuff). What triggered me was unexpected; I brought along a book which a friend lent to me ("A Year in Provence") to read on the trains - very entertaining, even hilarious in parts - but the narrative in the book describing the vineyards, the Provencal landscape, the afternoons and evenings spent poolside, the description of the wine, the romanticism of it all - THAT was triggering. As I imagined them/myself in the scenery, I had to continually slap my AV around. Anyway, our AVs lurk in surprising and unexpected places.

Don't forget to keep the Febbies as part of your safety net and Happy Birthday in advance.

Thanks SoberLeigh and DiggingIn!

Yes this country has far too many pubs for my comfort, there are four in the village within about ten minutes of my house, my AV loves to draw on the romanticism of an English pub, log fire, pint of ale. For me it's a myth, it doesn't exist.

One of the things I like to do when I've beaten a severe craving is to take the money I would of spent and get something for myself I can enjoy sober. Sort of a direct reward for beating the AV. Currently bought some PS3 games to play on these always difficult Friday evenings :)

Hope all are well out there!

Sounds like a nice reward, LS.

By the way, is there a place where we can purchase your book of poetry?

LS - amazon uk wouldn't allow me to make the purchase? I'm in the us.

Hey everyone,

I hope everyone is doing well today. Just wanted to pop in and say "hello". I have my class tomorrow and I'm ready for it. I'm not feeling near as much anxiety about it, in fact, I'm even a little concerned about how NOT worried I am about it. I can't even begin to tell you what a difference it is doing it this year compared to 2 years ago during my alcoholism. I was such a wreck! Now I feel confident and if I don't pass it isn't the END of the world. In fact, I'm excited about the class. I love this stuff!

I'll be checking in later. Take care all!