Attachment 24313Here we go cupcake shoes! Something for everyone!

Oh, Budd! Those are fabulous :-)

I would look foolish in those.

Not if you found the legs of your pants Trachy. :lmao

Good morning Marchers :) Ah the difference a day makes. I feel like a new woman this morning. How did we used to daily survive days like the one I had yesterday?

Life I hope you are reading here, please post and talk to us so we can help you through the weekend.

Have a good day peeps.

I felt like a new woman today, too, Marcher!

:salook:

Oh boo! I lost two attempts at posts!

Wow, Budd, you must have spent all day baking those lovely cupcakes :) I should have a fun photo to post later. Today we're helping to make the world's largest cupcake. Haha. Last year we made the world's largest sundae. It's chaotic and guinness comes and gets all official but it's a lot of fun.

Fell down at the starting post. When I think of my pending unemployment in a few weeks. I get so anxious. The old excuse of the bottle just helping to block things out kicks in. I know I know.....I have to face reality, I can't hide behind the bottle, it's not going to help anything.......boy do I know that.

I spoke with that person yesterday about rehab...........he phoned my health insurance company then called me back........I can't afford it, simple as that. I've just swallowed Antabuse Ihad left over in the house, i'll attend the pharmacy tomorrow and a meeting tomorrow night. I'm bout to take some valium. I'm as anxious as hell. I am so so petrified I don't get my registration back to practice. I can't think straight. I won't go to the bottle shop......it HAS to be over. I am so so scared of the future right now.

I know free rehabs aren't salubrious J, but honestly the more you drink the less options you'll have.

If you want to save what you have now and want to stay out of rehab you're going to need to make some tough decisions.

I know anxiety is rough - for some reason I got really anxious about my housing again tonight - but I ate some chocolate, watched some TV, rode a little on the exercise bike and calmed down.

There are other options to drinking - I know the effects aren't as immediate, but there are healthier ways to deal.

You have to work through the panic and remember that. Post here before, J - not after :)

D

Dee is right, Life. I suffer from anxiety but one thing that keeps me from drinking is the fact that, for me, alcohol increases that anxiety to the point of being unbearable. I also have trouble planning anything when my head is all fogged up from alcohol/hangover/withdrawals.

You have some big stuff coming up and you need a clear head to deal with it. You're athletic -- why don't you lace up those running shoes and take a jog through your lovely city when you feel up to it.

Budd, wonderful cupcake shoes, heels are a wee bit high for me.

Life I echo Dee and Duff there, alcohol definitely increases anxiety levels, and if you can access free detox then do it. What matters most, a bit of discomfort for a while or your life?

Marcher, I too feel better. I genuinely don't think I could function now with the kind of hangovers ( or still drunkovers) that I used to get

Trachy, I have to disagree with Marcher, I think you would look better in those heels without your troosers!

Sass when is your next IOP?

Dee I understand your housing anxiety, it is a fraught time at the best of times, but it must be much more of a concern for you with the limitations on accommodation. I do hope it all sorts out soon and you are able to settle.

Life, you cannot afford not to go. Mr Marcher and I don't have health insurance either.

Perhaps I'm telling you what you already know but all you have to do is present to your GP or a GP at a medical centre. Your driving history and Antabuse prescription will be enough to get you into Detox. The reason I know this is because I have checked it out for you. So, present to a GP.

No real reason Toots - Mrs Dee won't be around for a week and I let that get to me a little I think.

All good now :)

As far as I know I'm still moving into the unit here - I spoke to the agent the other day about something else and nothing was mentioned, but the sept 1 deadline is looming.

D

Life, you know I've been struggling for a long time. This time around, I had been drinking for 3 years. Since I've been on SR I have had some good spells but the past few months have been h*ll with the stress and anxiety of selling my home and moving. I don't do anxiety well. And yes, we always have an excuse to avoid action. Every day I thought "tomorrow..." and every morning I thought "I'm not going to drink today". We know how well that turned out. The times I have been able to quit for awhile (sometimes years) have typically started with a decision to get serious help and then follow through without thinking about it - "just do it!"

I haven't had a drink in several days and feel good. However, I know how easy it is for me to slip. I've read through a bunch of stuff from my IOP and noticed that the first 6 weeks deal primarily with tools but the next 6 weeks shift to primarily relapse prevention. That is a lifetime commitment. Once I committed to a program and professional help, my whole internal thinking landscape shifted. I don't know why but this is my pattern. During the first 6 weeks we are required to attend at least one meeting a week of some type of ongoing support group such as AA, SMART, etc. That goes to twice a week during phase 2 and 3-5 times a week during phase 3 and permanently thereafter. I'm going to ask if SR counts in that category but am certain that I will need regular for meetings. I now finally realize that if I want to stay sober over the really long haul, I need support of some sort for the rest of my life.

My first IOP session was really good. I will be missing Monday's (they have ok'd that) and will go again on Tuesday and Thursday this week, plus a pdoc appointment. Next week, besides the 3 IOP sessions, I also have an appointment with the director of addiction services.

Life, this is deadly serious. You are worth it just as I am worth it and everyone is worth it. There are always options even without money. And we always can come up with excuses. Please just GO; RUN, don't walk to get help; and don't stop to think about it before you go. You deserve to be happy and have a good life and you can.

And a footnote - these addiction specialists know what liars we can be so right before each meeting we get a breathalyzer test and they also do a urinalysis to test for all kinds of drugs, including benzos. I am still taking those but they have asked my regular pdoc to work with me on tapering those.

My problem is this Marcher. I have only four weeks left of work.......I have used all of my leave. With unemployment pending, there is no way on earth I could take this next 28 days off to go into a rehab. I NEED that final salary and any savings I have - which is very little - I will need to consider using them to pay my rent for as long as it will take to get my reg back.

If I had leave left, believe me, I would go to my bosses on Monday and ask for that time off, but there's just none to give me, as I say, I need that final salary.

Thanks so much for checking up for me though. I was pretty gutted when they got back to me about my hosp fund........I pay the highest level......waste of time that is. I thought about it after, private or public, the same principle applies, I just can't take these last four weeks off.

Thanks every one else for your advice. The plan is to try to attend as many meetings as possible.......and make sure that pharmacy is attended daily.

Bed time. Nite all. x

Good night, Life.

Good night, Life. We care.

(((Life))), i think i have met my match in stubbornness! I sometimes get on my soapbox but realize you will find your own path, in your own way and in your own time. Forgive me for getting into my fiery, preachy mode ;) I will try to be supportive without being pushy.

Back on line. Can't sleep. Sass you are extremely correct. I'm a very stubborn character. If only I could channel that stubbornness into just making my mind up. With so many other things in life, if someone tells me I can't do something........well, I do my upmost to go on and prove that I can. I don't think you're being fiery or preach. I truly value yours and all other marchers support and of course Dee.

I love you Sass. I will never take offence at anything you say. I love hearing how positive you sound this time, keep it up.

I WILL DO THIS. Thank you to you all for continually sticking by me. It will happen, I know it will, as said before, it HAS to. J x

Hi Marchers - checking in.

Life and Sass, stubborn can be a great tool as well. I don't like getting advice when I am feeling down because I am less apt to listen, but I will say in fiction writing, authors look at how to give the plot a twist by reframing what could be perceived as a negative quality into something that serves the character well when facing their primary story challenge.

But enough of that.

If you are struggling, we're all in your corner, even if I don't have a clue about what would be helpful or supportive at the moment.

I am recovering from a very nasty infection that laid me out for the past 5 weeks (dropped nearly 20 pounds). Seven years of chemo has made the old immune system sub-par, so when one of my students hacked in my face, I thought, "oh s____, here we go again." but this one was particularly nasty. But I didn't drink over it, and proud to have 17 months behind me.

Hope our ex-smokers are doing well. I still have vivid dreams of smoking, and I still have the temptation from time-to-time, a what-the-hell, life-is-short feeling that passes when I surf it out. My mantra is that I am not giving up anything, just gaining money, health, and self-respect.

Big love to Toots, Shoes, Ken, Marcher, Life, Sass, Dee (hope the housing issues resolve), Duff, Babs, WeHave, DD, Gilmore, Trach, Snaggle, and all Marchers. If I didn't include your name, it's just because I think you are so incredibly awesome!

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(While I am not posting much I am reading and sending you only my best.)