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Moms and Mums Club Part 11

Old 09-13-2014, 04:18 PM
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Hi everybody! I joined SR a month ago, and have been meaning to come hang out here ever since.
I am 37, married with 4 kids - 14, 9, 8, & 6. They are the only positive things to come from my drinking, haha, if you know what I mean...

I have 2 months sober today, so that's neat. I was reading back in this thread about the camping thing, what a trigger it is. I think that was one of my first thoughts when I decided to quit this time "how will I be able to go camping?". Sounds so lame, but it's true. And we didn't camp this summer, mainly because I didn't want to, so that makes me feel kinda bad. And I know, what's a couple of camping trips compared to me not being a drunk for my kids...

Well, I may be rambling now . Just wanted to say hello and thanks for being here!
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Old 09-13-2014, 04:36 PM
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Happy Saturday, ladies!

Welcome Bubbles and bluehour. It's good to have moms joining us on this path!

Bubbles - What you are going through sounds like a real trial, and I hope it eases up on you soon. It's so hard to face everything sober, after having drank away those awful feelings and situations in the past. I haven't been through what you have, and I know you are strong to be here on the other side, working through it.

Blue - Wow on 4 kids! I'm jealous, really.... I always wanted 4 kids (well, since I've wanted kids. I used to want NO kids when I was in my mid 20s, because partying was way too central in my life).

I worked today, leaving my girls with hubby, and it poured. I felt bad for them - there wasn't much they could do to really get out and entertain themselves. I woke up with some anxiety and had a brief craving for beer at work (weird! my flash cravings come at the oddest times!). I've had a few times in the past few days that I've thought - f this sobriety, asking myself the question, "Is being sober worth all this anxiety/hypochondria?" Because I feel like it's the tradeoff I've made. But maybe it's not a trade. Maybe I'd be anxious AND drunk if I was still drinking. I don't know... I feel like I deserve more. I deserve to feel healthy all the time since I'm taking care of myself. I deserve to feel mentally strong, since I'm doing everything right. And those feelings of "deserving" something are what always got me in trouble with my drinking. "I deserve this margarita - I work hard all day!" But all the same, I'm kind of angry about how I feel right now. There is no reason for this anxiety. I feel like my hormones are nuts. Yesterday, I had big mood swings from feeling amazing to feeling nervous, several times over the course of the day. That is NOT me, and I'm nowhere near my period or anything - in fact, it just ended. I wonder if its normal to feel this way SO long after my sober date. Is it normal to be readjusting at 16 months out, or is this completely unrelated? A friend of mine got off Zoloft about 16 months ago, and says it's only been recently that she feels completely herself again. Can alcohol be similar?

I'm so busy anymore, I can't even imagine drinking like I used to. I guess if I was "normal" I'd be able to drink my little glass of wine with dinner and move on, but that's not a reality I've ever lived.
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Old 09-13-2014, 10:01 PM
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Welcome Blue!!!!

I understand at how many people are freaked out by camping. I was 5 months sober the first time camping sober.. But I rarely thought of myself that trip since my hubby was so intoxicated. It's deadly for him but for me it's just a lifestyle change I want to keep permanent.

Blue you sound like you are in the right place. Congrats on 2 months! That's the hardest time, at least for me it was. I've got 2 kids a boy 15/ girl 10.

Keep on posting! Believe me whatever you say is not rambling, it's important.

Good luck on the anxiety Bebetter. Hubby is currently on mellow drugs and he's very mellow. Sleeping as we speak.

Dolly- I too am in my jammies!!!!

Sweet dreams loves!
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Old 09-14-2014, 04:04 AM
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Bubbles~ The only thing I know is the only way you will rebuild your relationship with your family it to do it sober. It will feel wrong at first, but you can do it. You are already doing it! Stay strong and visit here when you need to get it off your chest. All the ladies here are wonderful and always have honest, supportive feedback.

Lucy~ I know I'm early in recovery, but your night sounds horrible! I'm sorry you had to sit through it. Even when I was a drinker, I don't think I would have downed 3 glasses of wine if I was with non-drinkers...well in front of them anyway. I have come to a place where I decided I can't attend events that might trigger or make me feel less than, for at least right now. I don't know when I will get to the place that I can... perhaps never?

I am finishing the book Sober Mercies. It is so good. It is a book about a Christian woman finding her way through drinking, recovery, drinking, and in the end (of the book) discovers and relearns about God and grace.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.
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Old 09-14-2014, 05:33 PM
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Hi moms...

Had a lovely day here. I love the fall so much...the crisp air and fall cooking is my favorite! Made a yummy dinner of hazelnut and cranberry stuffed turkey breast, a potato gratin and roasted butternut squash. For dessert I made apple pecan pie cronuts with cream cheese icing and apple cider glaze....feast your eyes on this....OH MY!!!
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Old 09-14-2014, 07:44 PM
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Dolly that look amazing!!!!!!!

You are quite the baker:-)
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Old 09-15-2014, 04:43 AM
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Dolly - how do you do it - cook such amazing food and keep the weight loss going? And your food photography (and recipes) should be published!
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Old 09-15-2014, 06:37 AM
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Yum, gosh that looks delicious!!!
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Old 09-15-2014, 11:41 AM
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Aw...thanks ladies! Cooking/baking became my hobby after I quit drinking. I was actually a terrible baker until about a year ago. Now I love creating new things!

The weight loss has been successful because I only cook extravagantly on Sunday, and I suppose allowing myself a treat meal and dessert once a week helps keep me on track during the week:-)
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Old 09-15-2014, 12:25 PM
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adhd medication

Thanks for the warm welcome!

Ok I'm just going to jump into it...
We are in the ongoing process of trying to decide whether to try medication for our 9 year old son. I am really not looking for a debate, exactly, just experiences. I don't mind hearing opposing beliefs from each camp, but I already have that going on in my head, constantly, so I don't think it would help much.

Here's what's in my head -

Kids don't need stimulants, they need love and patience.
I have to exhaust every option before I decide to try medication, but some of them are too hard to be realistic for me and my family.
If we don't at least try medication, we will never know.
Kids/adults with ADHD have a 3-4 fold increase in illegal activity when it's not being controlled.
I'm so tired of battling with him and dealing with his effect on the entire family.
It's just wrong to medicate kids who are still developing life skills, how will they learn to cope without medication?
I want him to feel in control of himself, and in turn have a higher self esteem and that is reportedly what the medication can do.
The medications don't work the same forever, maybe we should wait until he is older to start.
What if he stops eating. How would that affect his immune system.
And so on....

I wouldn't even bring it up here, except that it is causing me a lot of stress and uncomfortable feelings.
I haven't been dealing with it lately, but the calls from school are increasing with his new teacher this year.

I want to also say I wouldn't do this 'just for school'. His behavior affects almost everyone he comes in contact with. He is choosing to not participate in family activities where he knows he must behave. It is worrisome, especially because he really is a bright and loving (and lovable) boy.

Has anyone else gone through this?

As far as my sobriety goes - I learned a new trigger. Other people's kids birthday parties. Am I the only one lol? Not participating in any of those again for a while...
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Old 09-15-2014, 06:30 PM
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Hi all...

Blue...I can't speak to any experience myself with this, but I agree that medication should be approached with care. I don't really advocate for one viewpoint or the other, but I know some kids that get put on heavy meds rather easily. I think some doctors are quick to throw medication at things without thorough examination.

I have a friend whose son has been on Meds for years...without any official diagnosis!!! Again...I don't have any experience personally, but I think I would be very thorough with doctors, second opinions etc. before starting meds. I certainly think they are necessary sometimes, but also think some kids are being medicated too much.

Sounds like you are approaching things the right way, by trying to gain as much knowledge as possible...that's what good parents do!

I wish I could give you better advice, but like I said...I don't have that much background in that area.

I do know being sober helps with all important decision making, so kudos to you there!!! You are doing the right thing!
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Old 09-15-2014, 09:03 PM
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Thank you for the support. You hit on what is so scary to me Dolly, the diagnosis process involved me filling out a two page questionnaire, his teacher filling out a two page questionnaire, and 10 min. with the ped just kind of observing. Not very reassuring. I feel like this is all on me and his life hangs in the balance. Ugh.
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Old 09-15-2014, 11:48 PM
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Well daughter went to university Sunday. ....I'm missing her so very very much. .... gotta get up and go to work now so I will post more later. Just wanted to check in.xx
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Old 09-17-2014, 06:00 PM
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Hi there moms...

Hope everyone is doing well. Decent day for me. My mom took my daughter out to dinner, so I got to enjoy a quiet meal by myself. I like getting these small windows of time where I can just be alone. Put some music on and relax.

Speaking if music...lately I have been listening to old classic country music. I have always loved this music because I grew up listening to it. Loretta Lynn, Merle Haggard...love em all!

However...I also used to drink a lot while listening to this stuff. Late nights sitting up alone listening...(and probably singing along very badly). For this reason I haven't really listened to it much since quitting because when I did early on, I would get cravings to drink.

Happy to say I no longer associate that music with me drinking, and have been enjoying it sober, with no hint of cravings. Felt good:-)

Anyway...it's tea time for this gal. Chat later.
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Old 09-17-2014, 09:10 PM
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Sorry Petals about missing your daughter! Man, I'm almost there with my son turning 16 this year.

I really dread the day the kids grow up! I love spending time with them.
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Old 09-17-2014, 09:12 PM
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Dolly- I was the same about music and drinking. Tomorrow night hubby and I celebrate 21 years in the city without kids. It's usually around centered around drinking, so we will see what we will do.
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Old 09-17-2014, 10:53 PM
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Hello everyone I have been directed to this thread for support. I'm an alcoholic at 33 and have been drinking daily and heavily since I was a teenager. My only sober episode was during my pregnancy, I am now drinking about 4 vodkas through the day, and a couple of wines on the evening. My partner isn't very supportive and I'm too ashamed to talk to family and friends about my issues although I suspect they know I have a problem. I always have a glass of wine in hand. I have PND and anxiety and just started medication today.

I'm terrified too that I have done some damage to my liver and been referred for blood tests. I don't feel symptomatic but I am preoccupied with thoughts that I have Cirrhosis or Hepatitis and I will die and not be there for my little girl.

Anyway, I want to stop drinking today and I'm determined.
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Old 09-18-2014, 11:01 AM
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Hello there Ashamed (but please don't feel this way)!

Welcome to the moms group. I am 43 years old and mom to a little girl too (almost 8). I drank heavily for the first 6 years of her life, but have been sober now for almost 17 months.

I can sympathize with your fears, and I also used to be terrified I had liver damage. I got myself all checked out after quitting and all was well. You are doing the right thing by getting checked, and chances are you will be fine.

I am a hypochondriac and if I wasn't worried about my liver, I was worried about cancer. I used to combat this stress with booze, but have learned to deal with my worries without it. I tell myself there isn't a situation that wouldn't be made worse by adding booze!!!

Anyway... Welcome again, and I think you will find lots of support here with these ladies...they are the best!!!
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Old 09-19-2014, 12:15 AM
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Just checking in to say morning ladies. Xx
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Old 09-19-2014, 01:07 AM
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Thankyou Dolly Angel! Congratulations on 17 months, amazing! That feels such a. Long way off for me, this is my first day without alcohol and it's 6pm, Friday and im craving wine. I'm nor giving in though. I too am a hypochondriac which has been made worse since I had my little girl, I'm hoping my medication kicks in soon and some of my Anxiety is allieviated. Today I asked all my family if I'm yellow (thinking about my liver) and convinced myself I have Alcoholic Hepatitis. They all said I'm as pale as usual...
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