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Moms and Mums Club Part 11

Old 08-27-2014, 08:40 AM
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Good Morning Moms!

Checking in. All is good here. Busy but good. My husband is gone on his longest work trip since the baby AND since I've been sober -9 days. I've been a little bit nervous, mostly because he's gone over the long Labor Day weekend. I get mili-second thoughts about getting booze and immediately think of what will happen. Then, I also think about 'having the girls over for wine would be easy enough...' It's these strange phantom thoughts, like an amputee and phantom pangs from a lost limb.

Thankfully, my mom has made a last minute trip and will be arriving on Friday evening. No matter how old I get, my first call is always to my mom. I'm so thankful she can come. There are a handful of people that bring ease with their presence and my mom is one of them. I can't wait and I know husband is relived too.

So, we're on day 2 of 9 days....

I went to see my Dr. last week and turns out I'm 15 lbs less than the last time I weighed in before pregnancy. I'm certain its 15lbs of booze weight because my diet hasn't been great (see: blueberry muffin weakness). It's amazing to me that drinking resulted in 15 lbs of puffy booze weight. I've decided to take my IUD out in December and go for baby #2.

See my therapist tomorrow. Thinking it might be time to go in with husband and get some old but regular issues sorted.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing great. Has been quiet here. Big hugs to everyone.

Oh, my 7 months sober was yesterday. Was thinking maybe I'd go to a meeting and get a chip. I only have chips that belong to a friend. He gave them to me when I first started trying to get sober and I carry them in my wallet.... thought maybe its time to go pick one up that I earned. Do you all have chips?
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:26 PM
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Nice job Babs on the weightloss and 7 months!!!
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:34 PM
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Well, we finally got word on the court...and no charges will be filed on my husband!!! We are all very relieved. His career won't be affected and we won't be out any more money. My letter to the court that stated the truth about my taking him to rehab must have really hit home.

It's my daughters 10th birthday today!! She is the most beautiful human being. I could just eat her up. She is so kind and thoughtful. I'm feeling so blessed.

Hubby is at an AA meeting at the moment. He was in New Jersey all week. He took photos of diet cokes at dinner. I'm super proud of him.


We are camping again this weekend. One of the other couples we go with aren't drinking anymore either. So cool. I can't wait to be in the woods in Tahoe.

What is everyone's plans??? Xox
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Old 08-28-2014, 03:06 PM
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Hi moms!

Babs stay strong. You're doing an awesome job staying sober. I know how hard it is to be alone and have those thoughts. Just keep doin what you're doin and stay away from the booze! And CONGRATULATIONS on 7 months!!!! I'm excited that you're getting your IUD taken out in Dec. because I'm getting mine taken out in Oct. My husband isn't thrilled with the idea of me being pregnant over the summer again, but I'm just too excited! I'm a little nervous about having some cravings while pregnant because I've noticed that an imbalance in hormones gives me cravings. Good thing I have you all to talk to.

Lucy, I am so happy to hear that things are going well for you. You deserve it.

Lady, how is the pregnancy going?

Hello to everyone else!
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Old 08-28-2014, 05:49 PM
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Babs - Congratulations on 7 months! You are doing great! Good news about trying for another baby. I hope it's an easy and quick journey for you.

Lucy - I'm so glad your family is in a better place and that no charges are being filed against your husband, since that is what you wanted for his health. I think it would have been really hard to have your world crumble to that point, but I hope he realizes how important it is that he give this his all.

AFM - I called my OB today for some help. My cycles have been really wacky. I have very distinct and easy to recognize ovulation symptoms, and I've been ovulating earlier and earlier in my cycle, from cycle day 18 all the way down to 11, which is a big difference. Then, today, I had one single cup of coffee, and bam - I had those symptoms of caffeine intolerance that I had 10 days ago, only they were much more mild. I read that caffeine intolerance can be a result of thyroid issues, and cycle changes are too, so I called my OB and she's sending me for bloodwork tomorrow. A small part of me hopes something is wrong so they can fix it, and another bigger part of me hopes there is nothing wrong and it all just goes away (magically?).
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Old 08-30-2014, 07:34 AM
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How are you doing, Babs? I hope the cravings stay away... I know you can fight them all, but it would be much easier if they would just not come! A lot of it is just triggers and learned behavior - the habit of drinking when he's gone to quell whatever anxieties arise. I know you got this. You are such a strong and smart woman, and you've gone through 7 months of staying strong to prove it. I think the cravings really disappeared by about 6 months for me, besides a week or so around 10 months, but who knows what that blip was.

All my bloodwork was fine, so I'm happy about that. I've just got to get my head back in order. I have my whole family coming today, so am very excited about that. I remember looking forward to these occasions for the copious amounts of booze (with my sibs - my parents don't drink at family events, except a glass or two at Thanksgiving and Christmas). But over the years, my sister and her husband laid back on the drinking, and now, my sister-in-law, too, so it's really just my husband and brother who will have a few more than "normal." It was always me who was getting chatty drunk. Today, I just can't wait to see my sister and have everyone here because I want to BE with them, rather than use it as an excuse to tie one on.
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Old 08-30-2014, 09:10 AM
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Bebetter-have a great time with your family today! It's so great to experience friends and family sober! I'm so glad your blood test came back well. What a relief!

We are off to Tahoe to camp with friends. I'm currently sitting in the sun to burn off some skin issues I've gotten doing homework with my daughter. I touch my face and then break out. So annoying!! I hate camping when my skin isn't clear.

It's going to be the first camping trip for my husband sober. He got a chip last night from his AA meeting. I'm so proud of him.

I'm coming up on 7 months soon. I can't imagine going back. It's such a sense of pride now.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!!!
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Old 08-30-2014, 12:46 PM
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Hi ladies,

BeBetter, enjoy your time with your family. Glad to hear your bloodwork came back normal too!

Lucy, hope you have a great and sober camping trip. Really happy to hear your hubby is doing well!

Yesterday was hubby and my 5th anniversary so we are going out to dinner tonight to celebrate. My daughter is going to have her first sleepover at my Mom's (hopefully). Looking forward to a night alone! It is special occasions like this that I sometimes wish I could have champagne/wine and drink like a normal person. I hope that some day I will no longer miss it

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend!
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Old 09-02-2014, 03:00 PM
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Hey everyone!

One more night and husband returns. I'm so glad! I'm just ready to get the band back together.

I had an interesting Labor day... I took my daughter to a friends pool at her apartment. She's not much of a drinker or partier but her roommate is. It was a mixed crowd of people, single, one family, us, a few straggler ladies and guys. There were three people, two women maybe a bit older than me and a guy, all friends of the roommate sitting at the umbrelle'd table we claimed. They all shared acquaintances and were smoking, sharing stories. The guy had just gotten out of rehab for the 2nd time yesterday- alcoholic. The two ladies, were rough, the look of hard lives lived- reddish, swollen hands and fingers (have you guys noticed this feature on some hard partying people?). They were all sharing party war stories, their troubles with booze and drugs and one of the women said in a rough voice to the guy hours out of rehab, 'I just love drinking so much... but I have an ability to control it most of the time. hahahaha.' He replied, "oh yeah, I know.... that's my problem."

I was standing nearby with my daughter on my hip blatantly eavesdropping, while we shared a banana. In a millisecond it hit me, this was the moment, where the old me, the 'I'm too selfish to have kids. I feel so bad for all those boring women with kids,. Yuck.' was sitting at that table. And there I was, now the 'boring woman with a kid.' Not drinking or smoking, no party in sight, sharing a banana with a 1-year old, focused on the time so we could get home for a nap before dinner. I didn't feel boring at all, in fact I couldn't have felt more different.

We left after I got my fill of rehab and drunk and drug stories. In the car we sang old macdonald until my daughter fell asleep. I glanced back at her, asleep in her chair and was overcome with how appreciative I am for this life, thankful for the accidental foresight that brought me to the happiest place I've ever been, beyond what selfish me could've dreamed. I narrowly missed this life and it was crushing to think of it. In that moment by the pool- all the work I've done on myself in the last year, all of it was so clear. My heart hurts for the possibility of being one of those women... Ready 'for a good buzz, smokes and holding off the hangover as long as possible.' In reality, its a tired, lonely life on borrowed time.

I thought of you all last night and congratulated all of us on this path. The alternative is out there and it was mind blowing to see it in front of me I had no idea it could ever have this impact on me. I saw the alternative its sad, its hard, its lonely. I'm so proud of all of you in this fight, doing it. Challenging yourselves to be better, to truly create a new life.

I appreciate you all so much. I hope everyone is having a good day after labor day!!
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Old 09-02-2014, 06:59 PM
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Babs - I could see the party in my mind as I read your post, and thank you for posting it. Sometimes, when I'm feeling out of sorts, or like I'm just not good at what I'm doing, I have a fleeting fantasy of having never had kids or even a husband, and I can drink and do whatever I want whenever I want, and it "seems" good for a moment, but then I realize how sad and lonely that is, and that facing life and being present for it, even when it's a challenge, is better than escaping and losing (or never having) everything. Your night with your daughter sounds sweeter than anything I can imagine, and I too am lucky to have spent that kind of time with my own girls. <3 and strength to you as you keep going.
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Old 09-02-2014, 11:29 PM
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Babs- That was written so beautifully. Thank you! I needed that tonight. You have such great perspective. Many of my friends drink and I do sometimes want to give in when I'm with them. I do feel boring. But then when I get home I feel so much better I made the sober choice. I'd rather get a good night sleep and stay healthy looking and slim too!!! Spending time with your daughter is most important!

I have a heavy heart tonight. Camping was too much for hubby. Too much of a trigger. The first night he was okay but then Saturday he started to act and look different leading me to look through his things. I found 4 mini bottles of wine from the lodge we were at. He found himself bored which I cannot understand in such a beautiful place.

We are back at needing help. I don't know what will happen tomorrow. He's going to have to go away again. This is such a horrible disease.

When he was sober I didn't hear one negative thing out of his mouth. But now he's drunk it's all negative. It's like he can't remember how good this past 2 months has been.

Sorry if I sound like a broken record. I feel like an idiot letting him back home so soon after everything. He was just so convincing and healthy. He looks like crap again. Amazing how quickly he can deteroriate!

Any thoughts from any of you is appreciate:-)

Lots of love. I will be okay. That's all I know.
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Old 09-03-2014, 04:49 AM
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Oh Lucy.... I am so sorry. Camping was probably too soon - it's a huge trigger. I know it would be at least a small nagging trigger for me more than a year into my sobriety, and I did not suffer nearly as much as your husband from this addiction. What is the next step for him? Has he continued drinking after the camping? Has he reached out to anyone in AA?
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Old 09-03-2014, 06:44 AM
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LucyGoose - I'm so sorry. You are not a broken record. This is the reality of what we're struggling with and its there bubbling under the surface if its not addressed. Were you camping with the same friends? I hope you weren't alone. Were the kids there? I'm assuming you all don't live too far from Tahoe - dd you drive him back to your home? Has he been in a full blown relapse since?

I am worried about you and the kids. Everyone around the alcoholic is usually willing to give the first few chances - work, family, friends. The support is there for you to get help. However, there comes a time when everyone starts moving forward without you, the job is no longer an option, the family and friends circle gets smaller and smaller and you're left alone. Do you have people you can go to and stay awhile - or even better, does he? Perhaps there are people in your alanon group who can be helpful in this phase of dealing with the alcoholic?

My mom was here this weekend and we talked and talked and talked like we normally do. We talked a lot about my drinking and how I've stopped and how proud she is etc. I asked her a bit more about my father and how she handled it. She told me that once she had started squirreling away money and that she was waiting on a tax return one year and use it to leave my father. He got to it first and had some flippant remark about her waiting for it, why she cared so much etc. She didn't leave him for a few more years after that. These situations, this disease are scary and will change people. He has to make the choice and commit to it. I think we've all had to sit a few out until we were stronger, like Bebetter said, the camping was too big a trigger.

I'm thinking of you all day today. Let us know what we can do.

Husband gets home tonight. I leave for my Leadership Retreat on Friday. I applied for this year-long program that focuses on professional development, community involvement etc. etc etc. It's a program that all of our VP's in our office have gone through. I found out I got in last month and our first retreat is Friday-Saturday afternoon. I angled for my own room (they had us sharing at first) because my Birthday is Saturday. I said, 'I'm never alone, I just want to be by myself and sleep for my birthday,' the woman was so nice and was able to get me my own space. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! College Game Day is shooting from my alma mater (I'm a big college football fan) on Saturday too so its shaping up to be a pretty good next few days/birthday weekend.

Have a wonderful Hump Day Ladies.
XO
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Old 09-03-2014, 07:18 AM
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Hi ladies,

Lucy, I am so sorry to hear about your hubby. I agree with BeBetter & Babs that this camping trip was probably too soon and too much of a trigger. I know for me, at 5 months sober, there are events/situations I need to avoid and camping would be one of them. Unfortunately, just because we are sober doesn't mean we can jump back into our old lives/routines right away. I have slipped many times myself because I did just that. The AV is just too sneaky and strong I hope hubby has stopped drinking and that you are all ok. We are here for you. Hugs!
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Old 09-03-2014, 05:59 PM
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Hi all,

Haven't posted in a bit, as I have been super busy, but have tried to come here and read all your posts each night.

Lucy...so sorry you are dealing with hubby relapsing again:-(. Oh how I hate this disease and how it destroys families. I concur with everyone here about the camping...must have been too soon. We are here for you to listen and offer any support we can.

Not much going on here...school started back for my daughter today...it's been a busy week getting prepped:-)

Dealing with some stressful neighbor issues in our condos. Really want to buy a house and get out of here. We have been building our credit back up after my drinking destroyed it, and we should be ready to but maybe next summer. Doing all the research on mortgages etc.

Anyway...think I need some ice cream:-)
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Old 09-03-2014, 09:01 PM
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Thank you all for your support! Hubby went to meet his sponsor and an AA meeting tonight. I hope he clan get back his mojo for being sober. It sucks because I didn't even feel like camping and all of the packing that went along with it!! We are close to Tahoe and he was only a tiny bit drunk compared to the last camping trip, but enough to notice. I guess you are all right about camping bring a HUGE trigger for alcoholics. For me too. I have to watch my own triggers.

Thank you again for the understanding in all of this.

Sweet dreams lovely ladies!!! So proud of all of you!!!!!!
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Old 09-08-2014, 08:23 PM
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7 months sober today!!!!

Honestly there are days I want to buy a half case and go to town, but I haven't and I am proud of that fact.

I ate a pop tart for dinner and it doesn't go to my waste line. That's also a huge bonus! Lol
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Old 09-08-2014, 11:49 PM
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Hi guys, does it matter how old your children are to be able to join this thread?
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Old 09-09-2014, 05:05 AM
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Hi petals, doesn't matter at all how old your children are - welcome!

Congrats on 7 months Lucy! There are days when I want to buy 2 bottles of wine and just escape too, but the important thing is we don't, right? Hope your hubby is doing better.
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Old 09-09-2014, 07:15 AM
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Hello Everyone!

We've been quiet lately. Hope everyone is doing well. I know the fall gets busy....

Lucy - that's amazing! Congratulations. I feel like the 7-month mark had a big impact on me, like things were starting to really shift and change. I hope that's happening for you as well.

Petals - welcome! Tell us about yourself...

Everything is good here. Work is busy and husband is continuing to travel a ton. It's not even a trigger for me anymore (at least not as much, I am careful to always respect the disease), I see it as little doses of me time and careful to schedule fun things, sometimes just a movie on netflix and take care of myself. Husband leaves Sat - Wednesday for the UK, so I'm busy putting some things on the calendar to fill up the time he's away.

Still contemplating going to a meeting and getting that chip. Anyone done this lately?
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