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Old 08-08-2014, 12:51 PM
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Congrats, Lucy, on 6 months!! Wishing you lots of luck with hubby and the whole court situation. Keep us posted!
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Old 08-08-2014, 01:36 PM
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Lucy Congratulations on 6 months!!!
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Old 08-09-2014, 01:31 PM
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Quick question ladies,

For the past couple of weeks I've been having headaches almost daily in the afternoons. They are usually on one side or the other and they are eye watering, throbbing headaches. They almost feel like a sinus headache and my sinuses are a little stuffy (what's new), but they also coincide with my period. Plus, like I said, they are on one side or the other of my head and usually behind my eye.

Has anyone else experiences headaches related to hormones? If so, were they similar to this? I'm just trying to figure out what's causing them. Ever since I've had this IUD put in I've been experiencing some pretty significant PMS symptoms. More so than before I had the IUD/ baby.
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Old 08-10-2014, 03:53 AM
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I suffered from terrible headaches with or because of hormones. I am sensitive anyway, however, when my hormones are high I always get daily (all day) headaches. In fact, they induced me 10 days early when I was pregnant with my second daughter because the headaches were so intense. After she was born I went with the non-hormone IUD. I think it's called Paraguard?

Sorry you are suffering. They stink!!
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Old 08-10-2014, 08:06 PM
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Hi moms,

I'm feeling a lot better today. I didn't have any headaches, thank goodness. I really think that it's a hormone related thing. I'm having to pay a little more attention to that now because I didn't have very bad PMS symptoms before I had a baby/ IUD. So now I sometimes catch myself not really feeling myself and I have to stop and think it might be hormone related before I react too quickly. That includes craving alcohol.

Things have been going well here lately. I've really been working on being more tolerant and understanding of my husband and it's paying off. I try to put myself in his shoes and see things from his side. I praise him and shower him in genuine appreciation. In turn, he has done a lot to help me out lately.

Sometimes it's really hard though. The hardest thing I've had to try to deal with is what I'll tolerate and what I won't and how I'll handle certain situations. For example, my husband had another road rage incident today and it was unacceptable to me. He puts me and my baby at risk when he lets his road rage take over him. I knew that lashing out at him in anger (which is what I wanted to do) probably wouldn't help the situation. So, I somewhat calmly said "please don't do that". But he doesn't hear me, or what's worse, it sometimes fuels the fire. I know I won't be able to change him. Only he can control that road rage. He knows I don't like it. He knows it isn't safe. We've talked about it before. But he really lets it get to him. He's angry at the people around him. He's even angry at the engineer that designed the roads. What's worse is he sometimes feels the need to "teach people a lesson". So what do I do? Not drive anywhere with him? I offer to drive sometimes but he won't let me.

Other than that I'm finding a new appreciation for him. I think he has a really good heart. He isn't perfect, but I wouldn't want him that way. I'm certainly not perfect either.

On another more somber note. My favorite NASCAR driver accidentally killed another driver last night. Well, I think he accidentally killed him (**% sure), but only he knows that. What a bummer. I've met this guy in person and he seemed like a nice guy. He signed my hat and my jacket. But it goes to show you how quickly things can happen.

Busy week ahead. On Tuesday I'm going over to the house of the lady who may be babysitting my son to inspect it. I still need to call her references. I agreed to babysit my friend's 7 month old daughter on Wednesday. Then maybe a playdate on Thursday or Friday. Thursday might be the first day I take my son to the new babysitter (yikes!).

I'll be checking on here occasionally and I hope everyone is well. Take care ladies!
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Old 08-11-2014, 04:40 AM
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Hi all,
So just checking in quickly after a crazy couple of weeks, topped off by a week of holiday which was great, camping in the middle of nowhere with lots of swimming and campfires every night.
I feel like I've missed so much on here and it feels impossible to find the time to comment and reply to everyone's recent posts. I've been procrastinating posting because I feel bad not responding to everyone individually. But I do draw strength from hearing people's stories on here, and really appreciate you all sharing stories from your lives. I am slowly finding my way in social situations, and hubby and I have our first couples therapy session tomorrow, so I'm curious about what that might bring. I know many people on here have shared stories about how their relationships have changed after giving up the booze and mine is certainly in flux at the moment.
Anyway, just a short check in to say I'm still here, and still reading, even if I don't have much time to respond in these last weeks....
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Old 08-11-2014, 06:15 PM
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Hi moms...

Chickster, glad to hear from you. I hope your couples therapy goes well. I am thinking my husband and I might need that. I feel like all I do is complain with him. I tell myself to stop it, to "pick my battles", but I can't seem to stop myself for long. Ugh, when will my bitchiness stop? For gods sake it's been over a year!

Lulu...glad you are doing well. My hubby is a Stewart fan too. That's his driver...has his cars etc. I don't watch NASCAR, but he loves it. He is bummed out...and not sure what to think about the whole situation.

I have the start of a cold...probably the damn bucket if ice water I poured on my head. You girls get the ALS challenge yet? Even my daughter did one:-)

Definitely need my tea tonight!
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Old 08-11-2014, 11:03 PM
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Chickstir- What has helped me immensely is Alanon meetings. It keeps me in check of my reactions and my moods. It's changed my life!
My dad was an alcoholic so I learned to be bitchy, controlling and difficult. I'm now relearning it. It deals with how to live better and gives you tools on how to do that .
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Old 08-11-2014, 11:04 PM
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I meant Dolly:-)
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Old 08-12-2014, 09:21 AM
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Hi Dolly, our session was actually really good, if emotional (especially for me). I felt very seen and validated in 'my side of the story' so to speak. And I think she will create a fair and balanced space for us to share our experiences and needs. I really have seen how when I've stopped 'self medicating' my feelings away, I have had a huge surge of anger and criticism and resentment towards him. My husband is great in many ways and I love him dearly, but I also see there are very real issues that need to be addressed. It's my usual pattern to take it all on to me and say 'It's my fault, I should be better/stronger/less bitchy/more giving etc, and it's actually a big deal for me to stand up and say - 'actually, my feelings are valid and have a basis in reality and you play a part in this too'.
I'm a big fan of getting some outside eyes on the issues, and particularly in creating a safe space to pick apart some of the trickier topics without either of us feeling judged or blamed. I say don't wait til things are falling apart in a bad way. I think many people see couples therapy as a failure somehow - I see it as preventing failure. Getting stuck in when there's still a desire to fix things and before you've given up. Get support earlier rather than later
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Old 08-12-2014, 01:03 PM
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Good for you chickster. I'm glad that your session went so well. I think couples therapy is a great thing. I think you're absolutely right about it not being a failure. I used to work with a nurse who was happily married to a surgeon (go figure, I'd be happy too lol). She told me that they had both been married before and they decided to go to marriage counseling BEFORE they got married. She said it was one of the best things they ever did.
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Old 08-13-2014, 09:52 AM
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Well, my husband went to the beach with my girls until Friday. I knew this was going to be difficult because 3 days alone would have been a wine fest for me in the past. I am struggling a bit today...and they have only be gone a few hours. I have to admit drinking and not telling has crossed my mind about a thousand times. I know it's not an option, but man, it's challenging.

That got me thinking...what do you do when you are in the middle of a major craving?
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Old 08-13-2014, 01:18 PM
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21 Reeves- you ask yourself "What for?" What's it really going to get you? Is it worth it?
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Old 08-13-2014, 05:33 PM
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Hi all,

I've been reading but not contributing! Sorry!

Reeves - You will have amazing pride and confidence in yourself if you can keep the beast at bay the next 3 days. I know you can do it. Make some plans to get weird work done... organizing photos (or anything), read a book. Dedicate this alone time to you in a meaningful way! And come to SR chat if you struggle. When my hubby went away in June, I found great comfort in the chat rooms here.

I've been pretty much just humming along. My husband and I have decided to stop preventing pregnancy, but I got my period yesterday and was pretty bummed... I guess I thought I'd just POP! be pregnant. Um. Yeah. Like it's ever easy. I'm feeling a little unmoored. Like I have no direction or passion in life, besides my kids (which is important, of course, but I need more for some reason...). Lots of harvesting and canning/preserving from my garden - peaches, hot peppers, tomatoes. Gearing up for my daughter starting K - been having very vivid dreams about it. I've stopped going to the gym in favor of spending more time with my girls, and we're having very nice days together... playdates, low stress. I'm really going to miss my girl when she's gone all day. Drinking has been far from my mind. I feel really comfortable in my sobriety, and very happy with life generally, even with the feeling that I should be directing myself into something... some profession or field. I'm toying with the idea of taking a class or two to see if nursing is something I want to pursue, but I'm really not sure I have it in me to change professions. I currently hate my job... my good coworker just gave her resignation, and it feels like a sort of last straw for me. Nothing about work gives me satisfaction and I really dislike my new boss. I have trouble with just sticking it out right now, even though it's a good gig with the pay and flexibility in hours. It just doesn't feel meaningful.
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Old 08-14-2014, 01:24 AM
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Hi Bebetter,
I can really relate to the job dissatisfaction. My job ticks a lot of boxes - flexible, pays well, kid friendly, I can do it in my native language etc. But it's just not interesting or fulfilling. Of course I love my kids, but I also feel I need something that's just for ME, not either for the family or for work which I don't like. Something meaningful. I've been thinking maybe I don't need to change jobs, but can find something outside of work hours that gets me excited somehow. The search for meaning is incredibly important.
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Old 08-14-2014, 06:19 AM
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Hi ladies,

Haven't checked in in awhile, but not a whole lot going on here. Just getting bigger and more overwhelmed Things just never seem to get done and the weeks just keep flying by. Kind of sad summer is almost over, but excited for the fall. It is always been my favorite season.

BeBetter & chickster - I can relate to the whole jib dissatisfaction. It is one of the reasons I quit working when my daughter was 9 months. I have no idea what I want to do when I go back. I, like you BeBetter, have thought of going back to school for nursing. However, my brother did this a few years ago and has given me some pros and cons (more cons) about it. Just not sure I want to put us into debt. Nursing jobs around here are a dime a dozen and you aren't even guaranteed a decent position. My brother graduated top of his nursing class and had a hard time getting in somewhere. Who knows ....lots to think about. I do think it would be a very rewarding career.

Hope you are all doing well today. 21reeves - hope you got through your craving. I also struggle when my husband goes away. Coming here helps as well as eating/drinking something (NA, of course ) during the craving.
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Old 08-14-2014, 07:02 AM
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Hi moms,

21reeves, being alone is a big trigger for me too. Here are some things that have helped me:

Make a list of all the bad things that have happened as a result of drinking. Hangovers, accidents, fights, embarrassing moments, etc. Keep that list somewhere safe and review it when you get a craving.

Make a journal/log about your cravings. Note what time you start having a craving and when it ends. See how long they really last. Also, note what you were doing/ thinking at the time. Is there a pattern? If so, you can give yourself a "heads up" before they come on. This really helped me because I realized that the cravings don't really last as long as I thought they did.

Write in a journal.

Keep yourself occupied to keep your mind off it.

Read through some other posts on this website. They can be a huge wakeup call and offer some good advice. I would also read the "friend and family" forums to remind me how my drinking can affect others.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head.

Well, baby is having his first day at the babysitter today. Me and my husband were a little nervous last night, but I think everything will be fine. I'm enjoying some true free time right now and I needed it. He threw a HUGE tantrum last night. I put him to bed at 6:30pm as usual and he woke up at about 7:30pm and would NOT go back to bed. We finally ended up driving him around because we couldn't get him to calm down and he finally went to sleep around 10. Is this normal for a 1 year old? I mean, he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was out of control. I don't know what caused him to get so upset. This isn't the first time he has done it either. He's usually such a little sweetheart but this tantrum is like a terror.

Anyway, going to read a book now. Take care ladies.
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Old 08-14-2014, 07:56 AM
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I wonder, since a few of us feel the same about our jobs, if meaning is just hard to come by professionally. What I do actually is pretty meaningful - providing free information to the public through librarianship. I mean, it's a do-gooder kind of job. I just feel in such a rut with it. I manage the webpage, and it feels very distant and small.

Took a walk this morning, made yogurt and am canning garlic and hot peppers right now. I do find satisfaction in all the housework and cooking/canning/gardening I do, but it also feels kind of small in the grand scheme of things.

I think one of my problems is that I grew up as a middle child, and while my parents were very devoted and present in my life, I always sought out attention from them because both my sister and brother seemed to get more. They both had problems in school, my brother had problems with friends/drugs, and I was the "good girl," sort of flying under the radar with good grades and behavior. I think that desire to have someone always patting me on the back has followed me through adulthood. College was glorious for me because professors always fawned over my work, and I was a near 4.0 student. When I entered the job world, it wasn't so much like that anymore, and I craved it. Obviously, having kids is a largely thankless job in the sense of overt praise, and I think I still need outside assurance that I'm succeeding. I'm not sure how to build that assurance from within, you know?
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Old 08-15-2014, 04:14 AM
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Lulu- Thanks for the strategies. I love the idea of tracking my cravings. I appreciate the thoughts.

BeBetter- I truly believe being able to look at yourself and honestly evaluate who you are and what you need is huge. I wish I had an answer for you, but I do think you are closer than you think.

I had my first drunk dream the other night. Those stink! What a confusing/scary way to wake up. My husband and kids come home today. I'm super excited about that.
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Old 08-15-2014, 07:36 AM
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Good Morning Everyone -

It's been an up and down week here. My best friend from childhood was here, I posted a picture on facebook and a girl from high school posted a terrible comment about him being gay. I took it down and confronted her. She's the one I posted to you all about a few months ago about getting in a wreck, while drunk with her kids in the car. She proceeded to message me on facebook more belligerent messages calling me names, being generally bigoted and racist. So, I wasn't the better person and told her to get help. That I hoped she would seek out support when she's sober but that I wouldn't communicate with someone who was clearly belligerent and told her to get off Facebook, considering her state of mind. This sent her into a tirade. I shouldn't have said anythign about her alcoholism. It was below the belt. Pot calling the kettle black much? I did say that if she ever wanted to talk seriously about her problem, I'd be more inclined if she was sober. Her nasty comments have stuck with me, somehow finding a way to make me doubt myself and feel bad about myself. She basically said stuff about my family and how messed up my sister and brother are. Anyway, its been hard to shake. I feel like there's been a lot of aggression/negativity around me this week, I'm trying to rise above it. Going to burn some sage in the house this weekend.

No plans this weekend. Other than family time and working out. Which makes me happy.

I was going to ask you all the same thing about cravings... I still have some drunk dreams and still find some moments in time where I just want to be sitting on the patio buzzed, smoking cigarettes, with no one home. Things that have worked for me:
-Reading stories about other moms in recovery
-Going on a run (I visualize sweating out the nasty thoughts and old booze and nicotine)
-Distracting myself with housework or errands or projects (my new project: getting the house ready for a 'Friendraiser' brunch I'm hosting for a charity board I'm on. It's not for a month but I've had more cravings lately... looks like I'm going to be doing some gardening and getting a new headboard for our bedroom.)
-Eat something especially delicious- Go to TCBY and get a Froyo with chocolate syrup and nuts, get chicken fingers or pizza, things I love but refrain form.

I went to my Obgyn on Tuesday and got my checkup and plan to try for baby #2. Going to take my IUD out in December. My Dr. knows all about my drinking and I told her I was a bit scared to get pregnant again, what if I 'F' up my sobriety? She doesn't think I'm an alcoholic, she said 'its all emotions'. It's not but I have to be aware....

Anyway, I hope everyone is ready for a good weekend! I'm focused on turning it around, mentally.

Have a pretty empty day today, I'll be checking in.

XO
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