SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/)
-   Newcomer's Daily Support Threads (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-daily-support-threads/)
-   -   Class of June 2014 Part 4 (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-daily-support-threads/340115-class-june-2014-part-4-a.html)

Dee74 07-26-2014 05:59 AM

Class of June 2014 Part 4
 
Last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-20.html

D

Noolan 07-26-2014 07:06 AM

Michaels- No need for an apology; I don't think you said anything wrong and this is a place we should talk about anything and everything.

Northern Girl- Welcome! I joined late too, so there's no initiation or late fee ;)

Hereandnow- I often share those thoughts of what happens after x amount of time. I've reached the conclusion the risk of drinking again isnt worth drinking. That said, my AV challenges that statement everyday.

Day 43 also happens to be my birthday. I'm blessed to have this much sobriety, but struggled hard yesterday. I think my caffeine intake has reached excessive levels and caused me to be quite irritable yesterday. So I'm planning to ween myself down to a more manageable level.

Anyways today is full of a lunch with my father and then dinner with my mother. I'm blessed to have an amazing family and need to continue to remind myself that the good in my life was never a product of my drinking. I still have the urge to want a celebratory drink on days like today. Life is about enjoying these moments, but for me a drink isn't an option. The risk or the trigger it can flip in my brain leads to excess and takes away any control I have of my life. So if that's the price I pay to enjoy every other great thing life has to offer, that's a fair trade. Be well everyone.

Noolan 07-26-2014 08:20 AM

Birthday Present to my sober self:
http://i57.tinypic.com/a9qydz.jpg

Hereandnow2 07-26-2014 09:08 AM

I love the necklace! Michaels you didn't say anything offensive! I am also overly sensitive!

michaels_w 07-26-2014 10:43 AM

I appreciate the words of encouragement from everyone. Every word helped. It's just a bad couple of days, for me.

I had a pretty rough panic attack today. So, I've been feeling on edge. Also, my withdrawals have been a long process. It's hard to get in to details, right now, but I'll talk about it eventually. Basically, what took "forever" to get like this, will take a while to get out. It's just the price of getting better.

I just want to thank you, again, for your words. When I can see others experience, it gives me so much hope. I'm living on hope these days.

Stay well, everyone.

Noolan 07-26-2014 12:46 PM

Michaels, that's what I have to keep telling myself too. My partying didn't hits it's excess overnight and my sober life will not an overnight process either. This is the area I really feel the one day at a time thing comes in for me.

JL2014 07-26-2014 07:38 PM

I'm all over the long running withdrawal issues. Some days I feel like crawling in a corner by the end of the day. It's a fight for real. I think it's getting better some for me. I hope it does for you guys.

Hereandnow2 07-26-2014 08:49 PM

I'm still having trouble forming coherent sentences at times! Some days I feel like I've been drugged I'm so tired! Getting close to 2 months I thought it would be better but I'm being patient and enjoying getting up early with no handover!

Dee74 07-26-2014 09:42 PM

I know better days are ahead guys - have faith - stick with it :)

D

FaithfulAndFree 07-27-2014 07:39 AM

Hey All, day14!!!!!!! This breaks my previous streak and I'm soooo excited. I had a very busy social weekend, I've been to a lounge,a bar, and a couple other events.... I was not tempted at all and was able to have as good as a time that I had while drinking just with a lot less mistakes. I'm so happy that I can live, thrive and still be social without that dark cloud over my head. There was a bit of temptation but this was in a more intimate setting at a friends,,.. Now the problem I have is my mother, with whom I am vet close with, bringing up alcohol everytime I talk about being social. How do you communicate with someone that their worry and comments may be you biggest trigger? It really upsets me. She's very passive aggressive and looks for anyway to make a conversation centered around my past use and it drives me absolutely insane!

Noolan 07-27-2014 10:14 AM

EJM- Congrats on 2 weeks and hanging out in those settings! It's nice to know you can and not feel overly compelled to drink in those settings. I'd only caution not too get too comfortable this early on. Maybe it was just me, but I let my previous successes in those environments give me over confidence that led to a slip. Not to say you'll suffer the same fate, but just sharing.

As for dealing with your parent; I too have a mother that often worries and questions when I place myself in those environments. Sometimes it feels warranted and other times it just reminds me the past and feels like a shot at my self worth. In my case, I know she doesn't mean to bring out feelings like that in me and she's just trying to keep me in check. Except in doing so, it triggers me to not forget and feel like I'll never be free of my past. I just try to remind myself that 42 days sober doesn't erase my past and try to use that frustration as motivation to keep me in check. The more sober success I achieve should lead to more trust and less doubt. If not, I'll address it with her down the road.

Noolan 07-27-2014 10:27 AM

Day 44.

Like woah, for some reason that number looks big. ;) Had a great sober birthday and caught up with my father and grandfather over lunch. Followed that with a really great dinner with my mother and then just a movie and early bedtime. I did happen to recall my previous birthdays the last two years. Both ended in embarrassing black outs and waking up the next day with me thinking I needed to address my drinking. Obviously I thought moderation was something I'd grow into and I didn't think at 27 I'd be forced into a life of sobriety. I say forced, because right now it still does feel forced, because all I've ever known as an adult involves drinking. This sober life is still uncharted waters; until I start discovering the sober person I am, I think I'll still want to cling to my previous identity. Letting go of that identity has been the hardest part in a lot of ways. Also is truly exciting in a lot of ways. Alcohol and drugs up till this point have been the central focus of my life. Everything else has been second chair to this point. Our futures are bright; so lets not lament on the past. Life is too short. Here's to another 24 guys!

michaels_w 07-27-2014 04:48 PM

I just needed to check in, here. Things are better, today. My anxiety attacks have calmed down. I've been able to get some work done.

The only thing hindering me today, is this nasty weather we're having. There's nothing like monsoon season in the desert. We have 40 mph winds and flash flood warnings.

Other than that, I'm just grateful for a more peaceful day. I'll take that when I can. Actually, any day above the "influence", is a good one. That, I can live with.

I hope everyone is well. I try to send up a prayer every day for that. Keep me in yours, as well.

peace.

Scottydog 07-28-2014 05:55 AM

Good morning everyone and welcome Northern Girl,

I made it through another weekend sober. It sure feels good to start the week with no hangover and more energy. I stayed pretty busy between gardening and cleaning out the basement. I'm on day 7 since my slip and can't believe how fast the time has passed.

Wishing everyone a great day and hope you made it through the weekend.

Scottydog

mrpete 07-28-2014 09:20 AM

Hello. day 30 and one more weekend down. It's tough and I get tired but I'm determined and I think its getting better. Noolan says, "The good in my life never came from my drinking". How true that is. Remember that and good luck to all of you this week.

JL2014 07-28-2014 04:53 PM

Somewhere at 47-48 days. Had to goto doctor today. Tried to come off an antidepressant that caused me horrible side effects. Got off of it, and now that I'm sober, maybe this new medicine will help. Exhausted, hopeless, futureless, worthless, craps what I'm dealing with- straight depression. At least I can identify it now , right. Got a wife and 2 little boys counting on me, so I've got to get every resource I can, on my side to try to beat this. Depression is terrible. My inlaws family health drama has brought it out, but I'm sure I've drowned many episodes in vodka over the past 10 yrs. Getting better is no cakewalk apparently.

Dee74 07-28-2014 04:58 PM

Congrats everyone on your milestones, no matter what day it is :)

D

michaels_w 07-28-2014 05:46 PM


Originally Posted by JL2014 (Post 4807019)
I've got to get every resource I can, on my side to try to beat this.

JL,

It's good that you got family. That's what helps me too. I just wanted you to know, that I'm on your side, brother. You got prayers coming your way.

You were right, that this deal is tough. It's, by far, the hardest thing I've ever fought. I just try to keep doing what's in front of me, every day.

I come here, like you, because I know that everyone here, would do anything they could to help me. That's for real.

Stay strong, man.

Noolan 07-28-2014 05:53 PM

Day 45.

Going to keep it brief everyone, as I just had seven fillings at the dentist. So happy to be sober another day. On the way I was thinking of specifically asking the dentist for some nitrous as a reward for my sobriety. Luckily, I realized this was my addictive voice and dismissed the silly idea. Anyways, I can't feel my face, so I'm signing off.

kittycat3 07-28-2014 06:37 PM

Hi June class - haven't been here for a while but I'm still sober and supporting y'all from a far. Be well, kitty

melki 07-29-2014 07:04 AM

Hi everyone! Day 34. Still here, struggling with emotions.

rachaelle77, every time I check this thread I hope to see a note from you! Please check in how you're doing. Hang in there! :hug:

walkbeformakrun 07-29-2014 07:54 AM

My day one was in mid June but I did not join SR until July. I just now figured out the "Class of" idea and what this daily thread is for. I thought I should come by at least once and say hello, mark my place as a Class of June 2014 person.

Hi! :)

Scottydog 07-29-2014 11:31 AM

Hey everyone, trying to hang in there one day at a time.

JL, I hope now that you're sober the depression will ease up. I know alcohol and depression don't mix. I know my mood has been better since I have been sober.

We can all beat this. I feel tired keeping up the fight everyday, but must push through it. I won't drink tonight.

Scottydog

Noolan 07-29-2014 04:47 PM

Welcome walk!

Day 46 has been a pretty average day. No cravings today and a smooth day at work. In fact, I even had to double check my count because 46 seemed too high. I've noticed in the mornings, I'm often slightly irritable till the day gets started. Not sure if that's a lack of caffeine or what. Anyways, stay active on SR and sober :)

kittycat3 07-29-2014 06:33 PM

Noolan I bet it's lack of caffeine!
I'm enjoying the clarity tonight. I just mean I'm not craving and glad I'm sober. Not wishing for even the mythical "just one drink".... Wouldn't trade this feeling for anything right now! Feeling content and peaceful :)

Hereandnow2 07-29-2014 08:39 PM

I stupidly bought NyQuil pm to help me sleep. Last night I saw the alcohol content! 10%!!! I threw it away and my sponsor said it's ok to keep up with my count but I'm feeling guilty. No more sleep aides for me. I took it 3 nights. I realized I was looking forward to that NyQuil and that can't be good so now I'm doing a guided meditation before bed.
Jn sorry about your depression. I feel so bad for you. I also have two boys and have struggled with depression since I quit. I am at 57 days now and I feel like it's getting better. Maybe that will give you some hope?

Noolan 07-30-2014 03:59 AM

Day 47.

Early morning post because I just had a serious battle with my addictive voice. I've found actually thinking through those desires helps me realize how insane my AV is and its desire to use is. Anyways, in college I always talked about moving away from Omaha after graduation. Well I graduated in 2011 when the economy was still shaky, so I took decent paying job I hated and spent two years there. During this time my drinking greatly increased and my drug use became an every weekend event. Fast forward to now and I find myself at I job I can stand maybe even like. It's an insurance company and I have many options to relocate, so that's been something I've been thinking about in the next 6-9 months.

Well back to this morning, I awoke and wasn't able to fall back asleep so I just laid in bed and thought about life. My AV all the sudden gave me the idea "once I move, it will be a fresh start... Another chance to drink". This is where it's hard to know the difference between what I want and what my addiction wants. Maybe my desire to move is trying to escape my problems and have no consequences or people to disappoint in a new city. Or maybe it's really what I wanted all along. I don't know, but I do know I'm 27 and I've spent the last 7 years blacking out and progressively becoming more of an addict. The last 47 days has given me tangible benefits from not using: normal sleeping patterns, not blowing all my money on nights I can't remember, no anxiety of things I maybe have done under the influence I can't recall, or not feeling like I need a drink to calm my nerves or take away the pain of a hang over. All the above are immediate benefits from not using. Now that doesn't mean sobriety has been all gum drops and rose pedals. It's been like learning to walk again; the crutches of my past vices are right behind me. It'd be so easy to turn around and pick them up. Also it'd feel fine, because I have that addictive voice telling me, "it's ok".

Well, I've been down that road on those crutches too many times. It all leads to the same place. So the cliche of "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results", that's my addictions plan. That's not my plan. I'll take the good with the bad or the happy with the sad. I drink my coffee black and that's how I'm going to take my life. Straight up with no chaser. Ironically much like I enjoyed my bourbon. Stay strong kids!

Hereandnow2 07-30-2014 05:21 AM

Noolan I love your post! I like what your doing when your av starts up! I'm thinking if writing down everything it tells me. Sometimes seeing it in black and white helps me to see it's ridiculous! Moving somewhere would not get you away from you're addiction because it is apart of you!

Noolan 07-30-2014 05:52 AM


Originally Posted by Hereandnow2 (Post 4809820)
Noolan I love your post! I like what your doing when your av starts up! I'm thinking if writing down everything it tells me. Sometimes seeing it in black and white helps me to see it's ridiculous! Moving somewhere would not get you away from you're addiction because it is apart of you!

It's so strange you say that, I was just thinking about going through my bank account from inception and just seeing how much I've spent at bars. I'm sure the number will make me cry, but will also be a black and white term I use to motivate me to stay right.

Scottydog 07-30-2014 06:23 AM

Noolan- I too really liked your post. I've heard that definition of insanity many times but never thought about it in terms of drinking. You are right. Everytime I gave in to drinking after a sober spell I expect it would be different. That I could control my consumption and limit my drinks to weekends, or just Friday night, or maybe just beer and wine, no hard stuff. Each and every time, I was wrong. Maybe I would last a week or two and it was back to the same where I'm drinking every day. This is when my guilt and depression would kick in and I would promise to quit. A vicious cycle. This time I'm determined to make it stick.

Walk- welcome to the June group.
Kitty- nice to hear from you.
H&N- I've been there, but not with Nyquil. With Benadryl or some other OTC sleep aid. This has been a hard part for me because drinking always knocked me out every evening. Although, it was probably not good REM sleep. I've been turning off the TV an hour earlier and reading. This seems to help. My best nights are the weekends because I can stay up until I'm tired knowing I don't have to get to work the next day. I have to admit, I need to watch the coffee consumption. It has grown since I went sober, if I overdue it and drink into the afternoon, it will definately keep me up.

Everyone have a great sober day, lets finish the week strong.

Scottydog


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:57 AM.