Class of June 2014 Part 4
 

Last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-20.html

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Michaels- No need for an apology; I don't think you said anything wrong and this is a place we should talk about anything and everything.

Northern Girl- Welcome! I joined late too, so there's no initiation or late fee ;)

Hereandnow- I often share those thoughts of what happens after x amount of time. I've reached the conclusion the risk of drinking again isnt worth drinking. That said, my AV challenges that statement everyday.

Day 43 also happens to be my birthday. I'm blessed to have this much sobriety, but struggled hard yesterday. I think my caffeine intake has reached excessive levels and caused me to be quite irritable yesterday. So I'm planning to ween myself down to a more manageable level.

Anyways today is full of a lunch with my father and then dinner with my mother. I'm blessed to have an amazing family and need to continue to remind myself that the good in my life was never a product of my drinking. I still have the urge to want a celebratory drink on days like today. Life is about enjoying these moments, but for me a drink isn't an option. The risk or the trigger it can flip in my brain leads to excess and takes away any control I have of my life. So if that's the price I pay to enjoy every other great thing life has to offer, that's a fair trade. Be well everyone.

Birthday Present to my sober self:
http://i57.tinypic.com/a9qydz.jpg

I love the necklace! Michaels you didn't say anything offensive! I am also overly sensitive!

I appreciate the words of encouragement from everyone. Every word helped. It's just a bad couple of days, for me.

I had a pretty rough panic attack today. So, I've been feeling on edge. Also, my withdrawals have been a long process. It's hard to get in to details, right now, but I'll talk about it eventually. Basically, what took "forever" to get like this, will take a while to get out. It's just the price of getting better.

I just want to thank you, again, for your words. When I can see others experience, it gives me so much hope. I'm living on hope these days.

Stay well, everyone.

Michaels, that's what I have to keep telling myself too. My partying didn't hits it's excess overnight and my sober life will not an overnight process either. This is the area I really feel the one day at a time thing comes in for me.

I'm all over the long running withdrawal issues. Some days I feel like crawling in a corner by the end of the day. It's a fight for real. I think it's getting better some for me. I hope it does for you guys.

I'm still having trouble forming coherent sentences at times! Some days I feel like I've been drugged I'm so tired! Getting close to 2 months I thought it would be better but I'm being patient and enjoying getting up early with no handover!

I know better days are ahead guys - have faith - stick with it :)

D

Hey All, day14!!!!!!! This breaks my previous streak and I'm soooo excited. I had a very busy social weekend, I've been to a lounge,a bar, and a couple other events.... I was not tempted at all and was able to have as good as a time that I had while drinking just with a lot less mistakes. I'm so happy that I can live, thrive and still be social without that dark cloud over my head. There was a bit of temptation but this was in a more intimate setting at a friends,,.. Now the problem I have is my mother, with whom I am vet close with, bringing up alcohol everytime I talk about being social. How do you communicate with someone that their worry and comments may be you biggest trigger? It really upsets me. She's very passive aggressive and looks for anyway to make a conversation centered around my past use and it drives me absolutely insane!

EJM- Congrats on 2 weeks and hanging out in those settings! It's nice to know you can and not feel overly compelled to drink in those settings. I'd only caution not too get too comfortable this early on. Maybe it was just me, but I let my previous successes in those environments give me over confidence that led to a slip. Not to say you'll suffer the same fate, but just sharing.

As for dealing with your parent; I too have a mother that often worries and questions when I place myself in those environments. Sometimes it feels warranted and other times it just reminds me the past and feels like a shot at my self worth. In my case, I know she doesn't mean to bring out feelings like that in me and she's just trying to keep me in check. Except in doing so, it triggers me to not forget and feel like I'll never be free of my past. I just try to remind myself that 42 days sober doesn't erase my past and try to use that frustration as motivation to keep me in check. The more sober success I achieve should lead to more trust and less doubt. If not, I'll address it with her down the road.

Day 44.

Like woah, for some reason that number looks big. ;) Had a great sober birthday and caught up with my father and grandfather over lunch. Followed that with a really great dinner with my mother and then just a movie and early bedtime. I did happen to recall my previous birthdays the last two years. Both ended in embarrassing black outs and waking up the next day with me thinking I needed to address my drinking. Obviously I thought moderation was something I'd grow into and I didn't think at 27 I'd be forced into a life of sobriety. I say forced, because right now it still does feel forced, because all I've ever known as an adult involves drinking. This sober life is still uncharted waters; until I start discovering the sober person I am, I think I'll still want to cling to my previous identity. Letting go of that identity has been the hardest part in a lot of ways. Also is truly exciting in a lot of ways. Alcohol and drugs up till this point have been the central focus of my life. Everything else has been second chair to this point. Our futures are bright; so lets not lament on the past. Life is too short. Here's to another 24 guys!

I just needed to check in, here. Things are better, today. My anxiety attacks have calmed down. I've been able to get some work done.

The only thing hindering me today, is this nasty weather we're having. There's nothing like monsoon season in the desert. We have 40 mph winds and flash flood warnings.

Other than that, I'm just grateful for a more peaceful day. I'll take that when I can. Actually, any day above the "influence", is a good one. That, I can live with.

I hope everyone is well. I try to send up a prayer every day for that. Keep me in yours, as well.

peace.

Good morning everyone and welcome Northern Girl,

I made it through another weekend sober. It sure feels good to start the week with no hangover and more energy. I stayed pretty busy between gardening and cleaning out the basement. I'm on day 7 since my slip and can't believe how fast the time has passed.

Wishing everyone a great day and hope you made it through the weekend.

Scottydog

Hello. day 30 and one more weekend down. It's tough and I get tired but I'm determined and I think its getting better. Noolan says, "The good in my life never came from my drinking". How true that is. Remember that and good luck to all of you this week.

Somewhere at 47-48 days. Had to goto doctor today. Tried to come off an antidepressant that caused me horrible side effects. Got off of it, and now that I'm sober, maybe this new medicine will help. Exhausted, hopeless, futureless, worthless, craps what I'm dealing with- straight depression. At least I can identify it now , right. Got a wife and 2 little boys counting on me, so I've got to get every resource I can, on my side to try to beat this. Depression is terrible. My inlaws family health drama has brought it out, but I'm sure I've drowned many episodes in vodka over the past 10 yrs. Getting better is no cakewalk apparently.

Congrats everyone on your milestones, no matter what day it is :)

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JL,

It's good that you got family. That's what helps me too. I just wanted you to know, that I'm on your side, brother. You got prayers coming your way.

You were right, that this deal is tough. It's, by far, the hardest thing I've ever fought. I just try to keep doing what's in front of me, every day.

I come here, like you, because I know that everyone here, would do anything they could to help me. That's for real.

Stay strong, man.

Day 45.

Going to keep it brief everyone, as I just had seven fillings at the dentist. So happy to be sober another day. On the way I was thinking of specifically asking the dentist for some nitrous as a reward for my sobriety. Luckily, I realized this was my addictive voice and dismissed the silly idea. Anyways, I can't feel my face, so I'm signing off.

Hi June class - haven't been here for a while but I'm still sober and supporting y'all from a far. Be well, kitty