Yaaaah Noolan and jl!!! Sooooo happy for you both! Be proud!

Grrrr. So I should be thankful because things are screwed totally up at work, so we gotta work into tonight, earning OT. Were pretty poor and in debt so I should be thankful, but I'm having a hard time. Somebody slap me!

Hey Guys,

I'm so ashamed that I keep relapsing :( . I'm trying to stay positive... Back at day 1, I am hopeful that this will be my last day 1.

Ejm, there is no shame in relapsing. I beat myself up something terrible say I quit, gave up the fight,ect-- every time I'd drink. It's a fight to be sure, but never ever feel like you're alone cause you're not. All these ppl on here are right in there with you, me included. Dust yourself off and be thankful you've got a mind and a will to live sober and do it again. You can do it. I'm living proof you can. Never thought I'd be looking at 60 days sober. Never. I'm not proud. I'm thankful. You'll get it. Not easy but you'll get it.

EJM-- please keep trying to stay sober! I go to AA meetings, and while I know they aren't for everyone, they have helped me in some ways. A topic this week was on self-forgiveness. It is so very important that we learn how to forgive ourselves so we can move forward in a healthy life of sobriety. I'm not mentioning these meetings to tell you to go, only you can decide that for yourself; rather, I just wanted to share some of what I've heard/learned in meetings. I've also read plenty of great things here on SR! When people relapse, I've read plenty of suggestions about adding something new to your recovery toolbox. Maybe easing up on yourself and the guilt feelings would be helpful. Maybe trying out something new would be helpful. One thing I do know is that feeling guilty is not a helpful emotion, so I hope you can learn to forgive yourself. You are totally worth it and can reach the sobriety you so desire. Keep posting, it helps!

Thank you guys for the encouraging words. I was doing so well and then I got comfortable. I know I can do this, I really want to do this, but it will require a major life change. The majority of my friends, hang out spots, activities all to some extent promote drinking. I want to leave the drinking alone but I'm afraid to lose the people. It's hard when there are two kinds of people in your life, the vast majority think I have no problem and the few minority are worried sick about me. I don't know where I stand.... I know that I want and need to quit.... But i get weak minded and convinced that "it's not that bad" when around friends.

EJM- I've been there. I've been trying to get sober since roughly March. So relapses are nothing to feel be bad about. Yet, you do. I know I do. The fact I almost gave in on Sunday rocked my confidence and instilled doubt if I can really do this, if I want to do this, maybe finally this time will be different. All those thoughts have been riddling my brain the last few days. Hang in there.


Day 62.

First off, thanks for all the support and congrats for 60 days! I was throwing myself a pity and doubt party, so I was too busy to celebrate. :gaah

Good news is, I'm feeling back to where I was, prior to nearly giving in. I truly felt shameful after nearly drinking. Like being caught with my hand in the cookie jar or something. That shame just sucked the life out of my sails and really replaced hope, with doubt. But alas, here I am on the eve of 9 weeks; that's ******* crazy, lol.

I've had to remind myself this is not an overnight process; the immediate gratification that is drinking isn't how building this new sober life works. I think in part not being able to drive limits some of my ability to find my sober groove and develop new habits. I get to drive again at the end of September, so I'll hang tight till then.

In other news, I met with my psychiatrist and convinced him I think it would be best to get off my anti-depressant. It's largely because I was only 30 days sober in January and rushed into it hoping a pill could cure all my problems. Typical addict, right? Well both drugs I've been on seem to make me a zombie. Without copious amounts of caffeine, I have very little interest in anything. Not sad, not really happy, just here. I'm hoping I didn't need the pills to feel normal, like I didn't need my sleeping pills to sleep, once I was off them.

Reports I've read online advocate tapering off of Pristiq or I'll have severe psychological issues and withdrawal. My shrink tells me that's crazy and I'll be fine based on my low dose and only have been on it for 3 months. So, I took half a pill today, and don't plan to take one tomorrow. So hopefully this weekend doesn't involve a slip or anything crazy... Stay strong kids.

Noolan good luck with weaning . My dr told me if I uncomfortable going off cold turkey to take half for a few days then half every other day for a few days. That has always helped me bc I get awful withdraws.

I'd follow your Drs advice Noolan - you can always call them if you're not happy with things :)

D

H&N/Dee- Thanks for the advice. He did state I didn't need to ween at all, but I could take half a pill as neeeded to ween myself off if I was concerned. I did take one half Thursday just in case to see if I had any withdrawal symptoms. Oh and to make sure I didn't lose it at work, if that in fact was going to happen. Well, I'm happy to report, so far everything has been quite mild. I did have some trouble falling and staying asleep last night, but nothing like when coming off the booze or benzo based sleeping pills.

I feel pretty normal as to when I was taking them, but I'm well aware the effects on my serotonin and norepinephrine production may not be felt till later this week. All and all I think I will be ok. No horrible psychotic breaks as reported by others to this point. :react ;)

Noolan so glad your feeling ok. I hope your symptoms don't return and you don't have to go through this anymore. I'm on effexor and have been in some kind of ssri since I was 23, soooo about 13 years now! Wow I'm hoping when I'm a year sober I may try to get off my meds. I've tried it in past and it was unsuccessful but I was always drinking, taking small zanex or something so I wonder how I'll feel when my brain is more functional? It would be cool to be of of meds as I hate some if the side effects.

Bumping this thread...

Hope everyone is doing well! I'm starting to feel some of the effects of the lack of SSNRI. Nothing like the horror stories I've read online, but I had minor "zaps" started last night, and I've had a few today. Work went pretty well, but I definitely lost all steam and processing power around the last hour of my shift. Good news is I'm not feeling depressed, but not 100%. So I'll leave ya'll for now.

Stay strong.

I hope it works out good for you noolan

Day 68.

Hope you are all doing well; I know today is much better than yesterday. It felt like my brain was operating in minimum maintenance mode while posting last night. I can also tell I wasn't myself by my horrible composition of the past post.

Anyways, no major crash today mid-afternoon like yesterday. I did have some serious brain lapses this morning. I intended to type "awfully" early, but instead created the word "offley". Then on my next email, typed out rest instead of request. All and all, pretty minor. There have been no "zaps" today and my mood and sociability have been baseline through all this, so I'm hopeful that continues.

Glad to hear your feeling better today Noolan! Doing well here. Went to a meeting tonight. I made it my home group and really like it. Consumed with all this ferguson stuff bc I live about 15 miles from there.

H&N- Ever since I got sober, I've read more and more current events and will probably think of you now when I read about that.. Anyways, glad you've found a home meeting!

Day 68, again.

Turns out I can't count very well this week, as I got a day ahead of myself. Happy to report today has been even better. Not feeling manic or too up, but back to "normal". I got some really fantastic news that work has approved my request for tuition reimbursement, so I will be talking a graduate class starting in two weeks.

Stay strong and maybe post more, class!

Noolan I'm taking graduate classes for salary reimbursement right now too! We have to turn in transcripts by Oct and I have three more to complete. Sooooo I'm really busy and getting sick of doing it!

Hey all! Glad you two are still posting and moving forward in your sobriety. That's so great!

And all of this talk of school... Inspiring me to maybe go back and finish my last two classes to, finally, get my BA. I mean, why not, I have an enourmous amount of free time sans drinking, or so it feels.

I'm closing out day 24 tonight and feeling pretty good. Congrats you guys on all your days sober! So inspired by y'all!

Congrats on 24 !!

81 days today and kind of wanted a happy hour beer but it passed. I must remember these cravings do pass and I just bed to get through it and not pick up that first drink! So far so good. It's just funny u have these times that I feel like I'll never have a craving again and then wham it hits me!