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Class of June 2014 Part 4

Old 07-29-2014, 08:04 AM
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Hi everyone! Day 34. Still here, struggling with emotions.

rachaelle77, every time I check this thread I hope to see a note from you! Please check in how you're doing. Hang in there!
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Old 07-29-2014, 08:54 AM
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My day one was in mid June but I did not join SR until July. I just now figured out the "Class of" idea and what this daily thread is for. I thought I should come by at least once and say hello, mark my place as a Class of June 2014 person.

Hi!
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Old 07-29-2014, 12:31 PM
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Hey everyone, trying to hang in there one day at a time.

JL, I hope now that you're sober the depression will ease up. I know alcohol and depression don't mix. I know my mood has been better since I have been sober.

We can all beat this. I feel tired keeping up the fight everyday, but must push through it. I won't drink tonight.

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Old 07-29-2014, 05:47 PM
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Welcome walk!

Day 46 has been a pretty average day. No cravings today and a smooth day at work. In fact, I even had to double check my count because 46 seemed too high. I've noticed in the mornings, I'm often slightly irritable till the day gets started. Not sure if that's a lack of caffeine or what. Anyways, stay active on SR and sober
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Old 07-29-2014, 07:33 PM
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Noolan I bet it's lack of caffeine!
I'm enjoying the clarity tonight. I just mean I'm not craving and glad I'm sober. Not wishing for even the mythical "just one drink".... Wouldn't trade this feeling for anything right now! Feeling content and peaceful
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Old 07-29-2014, 09:39 PM
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I stupidly bought NyQuil pm to help me sleep. Last night I saw the alcohol content! 10%!!! I threw it away and my sponsor said it's ok to keep up with my count but I'm feeling guilty. No more sleep aides for me. I took it 3 nights. I realized I was looking forward to that NyQuil and that can't be good so now I'm doing a guided meditation before bed.
Jn sorry about your depression. I feel so bad for you. I also have two boys and have struggled with depression since I quit. I am at 57 days now and I feel like it's getting better. Maybe that will give you some hope?
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Old 07-30-2014, 04:59 AM
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Day 47.

Early morning post because I just had a serious battle with my addictive voice. I've found actually thinking through those desires helps me realize how insane my AV is and its desire to use is. Anyways, in college I always talked about moving away from Omaha after graduation. Well I graduated in 2011 when the economy was still shaky, so I took decent paying job I hated and spent two years there. During this time my drinking greatly increased and my drug use became an every weekend event. Fast forward to now and I find myself at I job I can stand maybe even like. It's an insurance company and I have many options to relocate, so that's been something I've been thinking about in the next 6-9 months.

Well back to this morning, I awoke and wasn't able to fall back asleep so I just laid in bed and thought about life. My AV all the sudden gave me the idea "once I move, it will be a fresh start... Another chance to drink". This is where it's hard to know the difference between what I want and what my addiction wants. Maybe my desire to move is trying to escape my problems and have no consequences or people to disappoint in a new city. Or maybe it's really what I wanted all along. I don't know, but I do know I'm 27 and I've spent the last 7 years blacking out and progressively becoming more of an addict. The last 47 days has given me tangible benefits from not using: normal sleeping patterns, not blowing all my money on nights I can't remember, no anxiety of things I maybe have done under the influence I can't recall, or not feeling like I need a drink to calm my nerves or take away the pain of a hang over. All the above are immediate benefits from not using. Now that doesn't mean sobriety has been all gum drops and rose pedals. It's been like learning to walk again; the crutches of my past vices are right behind me. It'd be so easy to turn around and pick them up. Also it'd feel fine, because I have that addictive voice telling me, "it's ok".

Well, I've been down that road on those crutches too many times. It all leads to the same place. So the cliche of "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results", that's my addictions plan. That's not my plan. I'll take the good with the bad or the happy with the sad. I drink my coffee black and that's how I'm going to take my life. Straight up with no chaser. Ironically much like I enjoyed my bourbon. Stay strong kids!
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Old 07-30-2014, 06:21 AM
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Noolan I love your post! I like what your doing when your av starts up! I'm thinking if writing down everything it tells me. Sometimes seeing it in black and white helps me to see it's ridiculous! Moving somewhere would not get you away from you're addiction because it is apart of you!
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Old 07-30-2014, 06:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Hereandnow2 View Post
Noolan I love your post! I like what your doing when your av starts up! I'm thinking if writing down everything it tells me. Sometimes seeing it in black and white helps me to see it's ridiculous! Moving somewhere would not get you away from you're addiction because it is apart of you!
It's so strange you say that, I was just thinking about going through my bank account from inception and just seeing how much I've spent at bars. I'm sure the number will make me cry, but will also be a black and white term I use to motivate me to stay right.
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Old 07-30-2014, 07:23 AM
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Noolan- I too really liked your post. I've heard that definition of insanity many times but never thought about it in terms of drinking. You are right. Everytime I gave in to drinking after a sober spell I expect it would be different. That I could control my consumption and limit my drinks to weekends, or just Friday night, or maybe just beer and wine, no hard stuff. Each and every time, I was wrong. Maybe I would last a week or two and it was back to the same where I'm drinking every day. This is when my guilt and depression would kick in and I would promise to quit. A vicious cycle. This time I'm determined to make it stick.

Walk- welcome to the June group.
Kitty- nice to hear from you.
H&N- I've been there, but not with Nyquil. With Benadryl or some other OTC sleep aid. This has been a hard part for me because drinking always knocked me out every evening. Although, it was probably not good REM sleep. I've been turning off the TV an hour earlier and reading. This seems to help. My best nights are the weekends because I can stay up until I'm tired knowing I don't have to get to work the next day. I have to admit, I need to watch the coffee consumption. It has grown since I went sober, if I overdue it and drink into the afternoon, it will definately keep me up.

Everyone have a great sober day, lets finish the week strong.

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Old 07-30-2014, 09:12 AM
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Day 32 and still fighting, the weird thing is I have dreams about drinking and wake up feeling drunk until I realize I'm not. Anyways, I have a question for Noolan or whoever and I'll sound stupid but when you say your 'count' is 46 what does that mean? Thanks and good luck to everyone.
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Old 07-30-2014, 09:34 AM
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When I said count, I just meant counting the days. This is the longest I've been sober since 18 or 19.
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Old 07-30-2014, 05:05 PM
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48 days. Fighting depression but sober !!!!
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Old 07-30-2014, 06:40 PM
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JL, I too battle depression. Didn't realize till trying to get sober how hard I was self medicating. My shrink first had me on Lexapro, which just kind of made me numb to everything. I switched to pristiq about two months ago and it's been a godsend. Stay strong.
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Old 07-30-2014, 06:46 PM
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Way to go JL. Now that you are detoxed from alcohol you should be able to get a better handle on your depression. Stay strong in the meantime, it's just temporary remember.
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Old 07-30-2014, 07:09 PM
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It's really scary not knowing if medicines gonna work, but each day without a meltdown is a blessing. Praying hard to get better. Sober is better I hope !
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:03 AM
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JL- 48 days is great, way to stay strong and sober. I hope the depression starts to clear. If you were like me, drinking only made the depression worse. Sure, the night I'm drinking I might feel better but the day after would be a terrible depressive crash.

I'm on Cymbalta that wasn't prescribed for depression but chronic back pain. I found that after being sober and on the meds my mood really started to improve after being sober. Less pain meant I could start working out. It took a few weeks to really start working and now that I've been trying to get sober I'm thinking of weaning off the meds. This may seem silly, but when I get up in the morning I would do a "mood" check and lately, I've been feeling good. When I can wake up without a hangover and have energy it feels great. The hard part if fighting off the AV in the evening or other trigger events.

Everyone hang in there and have a sober day. We can do this.
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Old 07-31-2014, 05:02 PM
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Thank you guys ! I hope tomorrow finds us all sober one more day !
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Old 07-31-2014, 05:25 PM
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Day 48.

Oh lord, I was busy at work today. I'm covering for a co-worker, so it means double the work volumes! Slightly stressed all day, but it's nothing I can't handle. Debating if I should workout tonight or just rest.

I actually went out to dinner with a friend and after dinner, we went and had a cigar at a cigar bar. It was my suggestion, as I like cigars and slowly want to acclimate myself to settings with booze. He drank and I ordered a soda water with lime. It was meh, but we did enjoy each others' company and then went home with no issues around 6pm.

I have a big day/night ahead of me tomorrow, but I'll save that for tomorrow. Crazy tomorrow is 7 weeks; I wouldn't trade these 49 days for anything. Stay strong kids!
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Old 07-31-2014, 10:27 PM
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Hi guys! In 35 minutes I'll be on day 60!! Woohoo! I remember going to my first meeting and met someone who had 60 days. I said while crying" I can't imagine being 60 days sober? I don't know how I'm going to live without it?" . I'm really proud but still have soooo much to work on. I'm feeling optimistic. Thanks to all you juners who helped me along the way!
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