Class of October 2013 - Part 12
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
JL, we are here for you. The only big thing that I have achieved is not drinking for a year, which is only now uncovering for me all of the crap that I had been drinking about. LOL. I am very much still at the starting gate, my friend and I really think we all need each other to move out of the starting line. My strength doesn't work in a vacuum.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: South East US
Posts: 426
Jeff,
As a dude who's been out of this loop for months, but is so readily accepted back into the clan, I can say from experience that WE are a team. Come one, come all. Everyone here is rooting for you, garbage and all. Honestly, I'm so glad to see that you are still here. You're still trying bud, and that's all that matters.
Everyone, I'd really like to know all sobriety dates. I do think it's important that we celebrate these for each other.
I'm going to do my best to try checking in. I know we all have stuff. Mine is a bit overwhelming right now. Im not gonna throw it all out there. Most, not quite all, is actually good stuff; just ultra busy. Ultimately it comes down to a battle for sleep.
Enough.
For now, I promise that by this weekend I will post a picture of Pickle and Big with some update baby commentary.
WhoDey, you are awesome; truly. Always enjoy your commentary.
Big hugs to LittleS and Rino!
As a dude who's been out of this loop for months, but is so readily accepted back into the clan, I can say from experience that WE are a team. Come one, come all. Everyone here is rooting for you, garbage and all. Honestly, I'm so glad to see that you are still here. You're still trying bud, and that's all that matters.
Everyone, I'd really like to know all sobriety dates. I do think it's important that we celebrate these for each other.
I'm going to do my best to try checking in. I know we all have stuff. Mine is a bit overwhelming right now. Im not gonna throw it all out there. Most, not quite all, is actually good stuff; just ultra busy. Ultimately it comes down to a battle for sleep.
Enough.
For now, I promise that by this weekend I will post a picture of Pickle and Big with some update baby commentary.
WhoDey, you are awesome; truly. Always enjoy your commentary.
Big hugs to LittleS and Rino!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Sorry guys, still here, still sober...just trying to get back to Costa Rica! HATE IT HERE....HOUSE IS A WRECK....DAUGHTER IS NOW A WRECK...IT IS ALL CRAZY! But, I am haning in by my fingernails.......love to you all!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Originally Posted by JL2014 
Y'all don't deserve to have to hear about my garbage, when you've achieved good in your life !
The fact is our sober anniversaries are just dates ... and quite arbitrary. I've always been a fan of how Aborigines handle birthdays. The person having the birthday picks when they celebrate the day. They announce to the tribe when they think they have hit a significant milestone worthy of celebration. They can go for years without celebrating an actual birthday.
It pains me that you don't feel like you can share your "garbage". Listen. If there is a group of people who know about garbage, this is it! Bring it on, brother. We're in this together.
Once a Tober always a Tober.
POTD:
An expert farmer is outstanding in his field.
Have a great day!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
Driver - can't wait to hear about the babies!!
WD - I vote we change our birthdays to what the Aborigines do. I could be perpetually 35! Very wise post from you. As always, love it - thanks for the insight!
Trudging - glad you are hanging in there. Sorry to hear things are crazy with your daughter. Hugs!
DD - I am shaking my head "yes" as I read your post above. This is truly still the beginning. Looking forward to knowing all of you as we do this thing together!
Fishy - still wondering what your goals are, pal! (Since you mentioned they were different than ours) Where ya hiding?!
So have to just say GO ROYALS!!! KC is in the playoffs YAY!!
WD - I vote we change our birthdays to what the Aborigines do. I could be perpetually 35! Very wise post from you. As always, love it - thanks for the insight!
Trudging - glad you are hanging in there. Sorry to hear things are crazy with your daughter. Hugs!
DD - I am shaking my head "yes" as I read your post above. This is truly still the beginning. Looking forward to knowing all of you as we do this thing together!
Fishy - still wondering what your goals are, pal! (Since you mentioned they were different than ours) Where ya hiding?!
So have to just say GO ROYALS!!! KC is in the playoffs YAY!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Originally Posted by Cynderino
So have to just say GO ROYALS!!! KC is in the playoffs YAY!!
If there's room on the KC band wagon, I'll jump on!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by WhoDey
I was going to say something to you Cindy, but I forgot! Out of the playoffs since 1985 ... what a great feeling it must be for the fans.
If there's room on the KC band wagon, I'll jump on!
If there's room on the KC band wagon, I'll jump on!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 429
Even as we celebrate some milestones, you're welcome to put your "garbage" here! It's important to vent as needed so that we can keep moving forward. We've all been there (otherwise we wouldn't be here in the first place). You're not wrecking anything by talking about what's going on. If anything, it helps us remember the ups and downs we go through. Plus, we're all here to help each other, and that's what makes the Tobers so great. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
I'm so sorry !! I was trying to text a message during a bad bad time and I had already taken an ambien to put me to sleep. I'm actually just too mentally and physically exhausted from trying to function long hrs at work following a dramatic bull---- weekend. Other peoples crap invaded our lives. Too tired. Just wanted to thank you all for the kind words, and I'm proud to know some ppl who are "making it". Hope is a valuable emotion. Typing on sleep meds is kind of dumb ! Haha
I'll tell later.
Trudging you hang on ! I was down to a thread, and still swinging back forth right now.
Hugs !!
I'll tell later.
Trudging you hang on ! I was down to a thread, and still swinging back forth right now.
Hugs !!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
This is my second day at home with my daughter who has this respiratory crud that is going around. My husband was on a work trip most of this week. He got back last night and was loving beyond belief. It felt like back in our college days when he was "chasing" me. I think I got through to him about the need for emotional intimacy. It felt really good to see how much he still really cares. I hope we can make it last.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
DD, what you posted about waking up to things in our lives, is spot on. I just kind of overloaded or something, on seeing more and more of what I hid from by being drunk. What I'm noticing now is that although I wake up at night still wondering how I'm gonna do better for my family, it's never "that" bad, the next day. It's just me doing it.
Ok, last Saturday night about 9pm, kids in the bed I get a call from ex wife's phone. They are "throwing out" my 16 yr old and " taking him to the police dept" and dropping him off. Her and her husband both yelling into the phone. We pack the kids up and drive 50 miles to see stepdad out in the driveway w 2 big bags packed. Short story is he talks to me, crying, every so often melodramatically saying "he's my son !!" In a singing voice
Ex wife is loudly talking super fast to my wife, and didn't catch most of it.
Apparently my 16 yr old is stealing things, disobeying, failing school, and finally told them to f-off, while refusing to return a cellphone that he got out off their underwear(?) drawer, where it was impounded due to possibly being stolen.
Mind you he doesn't do any off this or it's at a minimum when he's at our house. He's not there much-. Anyway my wife tells him twice to give them the phone, he huffs and puts it down. They are just all mouths hanging open.dumbfounded.
The dialogue continues revealing that in the time it's taken for us to drive there, mom has decided that the "invitation" is still open for him to stay, while step dad is emphatically saying " you don't know what you're getting into !!"
Wife and I are obviously sick of it by now, so I ask son, are you ready to go, and remind him that all this Mickey Mouse crap doesn't go on at our house, in the past or future and he knows it. He says " I think I'll just stay here, dad"
We drop the bags out of the minivan, everyone starts hugging(?) and get the hello-dolly out of there. Get home in the wee hrs, and stay exhausted for the next 3-4 days.
Now from this I've learned that my ex wife has always lied about if, when, and how my son is on his ADHD medicine (not even on it).
We also see clearly that these ppl are bonkers, and once again I'm reminded that my sons life is not in my control, so neither are his problems and the fact that I believe he's circling the proverbial drain. My wife who is not an alcoholic, bought a bottle some kind of wine ( not a wine drinker), Sunday after church and drank 2 glasses, to which I, also frazzled and exhausted, took the bottle and turned up what was left.
She laughed and so did I , because to a hardened drinker that's a splash , but for her I actually relaxed her.
Ok story's done, and I really really apologize, because the stuff I've posted should never never be seen as downplaying a yrs worth of sobriety in any way. Hell I don't know if I'll ever see it myself, because I'm zooming from one type of crazy scene , back to " oh yeah- we owe money that is not able to be covered in the foreseeable future". That's unfortunately been a routine thing over the recent past. Waking up to a lot I didn't even realize I was hiding from to start with, maybe?
Not drinking, not drinking, not drinking
Ok, last Saturday night about 9pm, kids in the bed I get a call from ex wife's phone. They are "throwing out" my 16 yr old and " taking him to the police dept" and dropping him off. Her and her husband both yelling into the phone. We pack the kids up and drive 50 miles to see stepdad out in the driveway w 2 big bags packed. Short story is he talks to me, crying, every so often melodramatically saying "he's my son !!" In a singing voice
Ex wife is loudly talking super fast to my wife, and didn't catch most of it.
Apparently my 16 yr old is stealing things, disobeying, failing school, and finally told them to f-off, while refusing to return a cellphone that he got out off their underwear(?) drawer, where it was impounded due to possibly being stolen.
Mind you he doesn't do any off this or it's at a minimum when he's at our house. He's not there much-. Anyway my wife tells him twice to give them the phone, he huffs and puts it down. They are just all mouths hanging open.dumbfounded.
The dialogue continues revealing that in the time it's taken for us to drive there, mom has decided that the "invitation" is still open for him to stay, while step dad is emphatically saying " you don't know what you're getting into !!"
Wife and I are obviously sick of it by now, so I ask son, are you ready to go, and remind him that all this Mickey Mouse crap doesn't go on at our house, in the past or future and he knows it. He says " I think I'll just stay here, dad"
We drop the bags out of the minivan, everyone starts hugging(?) and get the hello-dolly out of there. Get home in the wee hrs, and stay exhausted for the next 3-4 days.
Now from this I've learned that my ex wife has always lied about if, when, and how my son is on his ADHD medicine (not even on it).
We also see clearly that these ppl are bonkers, and once again I'm reminded that my sons life is not in my control, so neither are his problems and the fact that I believe he's circling the proverbial drain. My wife who is not an alcoholic, bought a bottle some kind of wine ( not a wine drinker), Sunday after church and drank 2 glasses, to which I, also frazzled and exhausted, took the bottle and turned up what was left.
She laughed and so did I , because to a hardened drinker that's a splash , but for her I actually relaxed her.
Ok story's done, and I really really apologize, because the stuff I've posted should never never be seen as downplaying a yrs worth of sobriety in any way. Hell I don't know if I'll ever see it myself, because I'm zooming from one type of crazy scene , back to " oh yeah- we owe money that is not able to be covered in the foreseeable future". That's unfortunately been a routine thing over the recent past. Waking up to a lot I didn't even realize I was hiding from to start with, maybe?
Not drinking, not drinking, not drinking
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
JL, there is no heart string more vulnerable than the ones we have connected to our children. My 16 year old son is full of himself right now, too, as was his brother when he was 16. It is a tough age. I think the blessing in your fiasco is that your son sees that there are four adults that still care very, very much for him. You will get through this and so will he. Honestly, we try to protect our kids from "bad experiences" but it is these experiences that we learn the most from and often times bring out our best traits. You have got to stop dancing with the alcohol though. I know you are looking for relief but it doesn't come from a bottle. Jeff, I think you have to picture all of your worries, your financial concerns, your son's issues, your wife's health, etc. etc in a big red box. That box is too heavy, man. You are of no use to yourself or anybody with your hands and heart full of that box. Drop the box at the feet of God. Give it to Him and don't take it back and then just get through this day, one day at a time. Surrender will help you if you really make yourself do it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Howdy Tobers.
Wet cool day in Who-ville, but it's a nice change of pace so it ain't all bad.
Whether we are on the cusp of celebrating sobriety birthdays, dealing with relationship issues, or trying to fix the minivan (you're in my prayers JL), it's easy to loose long term perspective and, instead, limit our focus to whatever urgent matters are staring us in the face. The truth is that this sobriety business is for the rest of our lives. Take a deep breath ... address matters at hand (whether that's celebration or rolling up sleeves type of work) ... but don't forget to place your gaze every so often on the distant horizon.
My daughter will be getting her driving permit in three weeks (prayers are appreciated!). When driving, one doesn't focus ten feet in front of the car ... you look farther down the road don't you? Yes, sometimes you have to focus close in order to avoid hitting that pesky mailbox that refuses to get out of the way, but to avoid swerving back and forth, our gaze is mostly down the road a bit. We learn to anticipate obstacles.
Lifelong sobriety is my longterm view. I drop my gaze as needed to address immediate issues, but I'm careful to lift my eyes and focus once again on the larger goal. I remind myself of this as one year sober quickly approaches. A let down is probably inevitable, so I'm preparing myself now. Excitement. Let down. Refocus. It will be okay.
Keep the faith, Tobers. Life is good and candy corn has returned to the household candy dish!!!!
Wet cool day in Who-ville, but it's a nice change of pace so it ain't all bad.
Whether we are on the cusp of celebrating sobriety birthdays, dealing with relationship issues, or trying to fix the minivan (you're in my prayers JL), it's easy to loose long term perspective and, instead, limit our focus to whatever urgent matters are staring us in the face. The truth is that this sobriety business is for the rest of our lives. Take a deep breath ... address matters at hand (whether that's celebration or rolling up sleeves type of work) ... but don't forget to place your gaze every so often on the distant horizon.
My daughter will be getting her driving permit in three weeks (prayers are appreciated!). When driving, one doesn't focus ten feet in front of the car ... you look farther down the road don't you? Yes, sometimes you have to focus close in order to avoid hitting that pesky mailbox that refuses to get out of the way, but to avoid swerving back and forth, our gaze is mostly down the road a bit. We learn to anticipate obstacles.
Lifelong sobriety is my longterm view. I drop my gaze as needed to address immediate issues, but I'm careful to lift my eyes and focus once again on the larger goal. I remind myself of this as one year sober quickly approaches. A let down is probably inevitable, so I'm preparing myself now. Excitement. Let down. Refocus. It will be okay.
Keep the faith, Tobers. Life is good and candy corn has returned to the household candy dish!!!!
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