One Year & Under Club Part 34
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Good morning, all.
Drake, I'm glad Olive has you. Hugs!
DG, an attitude adjustment about work is what I'm about! Since my days went completely unstructured, I can procrastinate and avoid and live with all the resulting tension and anxiety to my heart's content. OR, I can decide I like what I do, I'm good at it, and I'm going to accomplish something, one day at a time. Which wolf wins?
BoozeFree, I understand about your decision to stay at your same work place, but what are you giving yourself to look forward to in sobriety?
Gleefan, your energy continues to amaze me. If an early morning crossfit workout is rewarding to you, I've got to give you a big hand!
Gilmer, taking that class sounds like a great idea. I love it that you find rewards in mental challenges!
Today seems to be all about motivation. The big difference for me between this year and last year is that I'm finding things to desire and aim for that don't involve drinking. I'm taking a short trip this week to see my son. I have a plan for when I'm there that may add the little kick to things -- will let you know more later.
Hugs to all!
Drake, I'm glad Olive has you. Hugs!
DG, an attitude adjustment about work is what I'm about! Since my days went completely unstructured, I can procrastinate and avoid and live with all the resulting tension and anxiety to my heart's content. OR, I can decide I like what I do, I'm good at it, and I'm going to accomplish something, one day at a time. Which wolf wins?
BoozeFree, I understand about your decision to stay at your same work place, but what are you giving yourself to look forward to in sobriety?
Gleefan, your energy continues to amaze me. If an early morning crossfit workout is rewarding to you, I've got to give you a big hand!
Gilmer, taking that class sounds like a great idea. I love it that you find rewards in mental challenges!
Today seems to be all about motivation. The big difference for me between this year and last year is that I'm finding things to desire and aim for that don't involve drinking. I'm taking a short trip this week to see my son. I have a plan for when I'm there that may add the little kick to things -- will let you know more later.
Hugs to all!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Gilmer - when the workout is over, all those endorphins feel like pampering!
BFree - maybe try DG's approach to ward off your case of the Mondays?
DG - let us know whether your affirmations improved your experience of Monday. I bet they did.
I returned Needy's key, in an envelope in her mailbox, accompanied by a text that I don't need mine back. As I drove by her house, I felt a sense of sadness and loss, but my head cleared quickly as I drove home.
A little while later she texted me. It was full of anger, drama and resentments (plural, her list is long) that she is holding against me. A few things initially struck me. I felt uncomfortable by the intensity of her anger. She's trying to coax me back into the codependent dynamic of me taking care of her, and meeting her needs. Some of her resentments were things I did, but others were things I didn't do - and I didn't do them because my priority was drinking. My alcoholism hurt someone.
Well I'm off for a not so glamorous afternoon taking my mom to the hospital for a procedure. My relationship with my mother is complicated, and hospitals are a huge anxiety trigger for me - which I've noticed tends to illicit codependency behaviors. I'll be working hard at zen-ing out this afternoon!!
BFree - maybe try DG's approach to ward off your case of the Mondays?
DG - let us know whether your affirmations improved your experience of Monday. I bet they did.
I returned Needy's key, in an envelope in her mailbox, accompanied by a text that I don't need mine back. As I drove by her house, I felt a sense of sadness and loss, but my head cleared quickly as I drove home.
A little while later she texted me. It was full of anger, drama and resentments (plural, her list is long) that she is holding against me. A few things initially struck me. I felt uncomfortable by the intensity of her anger. She's trying to coax me back into the codependent dynamic of me taking care of her, and meeting her needs. Some of her resentments were things I did, but others were things I didn't do - and I didn't do them because my priority was drinking. My alcoholism hurt someone.
Well I'm off for a not so glamorous afternoon taking my mom to the hospital for a procedure. My relationship with my mother is complicated, and hospitals are a huge anxiety trigger for me - which I've noticed tends to illicit codependency behaviors. I'll be working hard at zen-ing out this afternoon!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
For my 2 cents.
I doubt that she is capable of dropping the rock. Any type of returned text will just open to additional communication, which, at least for the present, will not be pleasant.
I would let sleeping dogs lie.
ps: If I did return a text, I agree with Gilmer's words and thoughts though.
I doubt that she is capable of dropping the rock. Any type of returned text will just open to additional communication, which, at least for the present, will not be pleasant.
I would let sleeping dogs lie.
ps: If I did return a text, I agree with Gilmer's words and thoughts though.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Thanks. 
I'm opting out of communicating with her any further, at least for now. I agree that going tit for tat isn't going to get me anywhere. I was kind of mad at her for throwing all that negativity my way. The intensity in her texts was off the charts. She's extremely angry, and I imagine she's been pretty obsessed with her anger at me. My thoughts have turned toward what the lesson is for me in all of this. It's important for me to find a healthy and productive outlet for my focus, rather than churn and cycle over my resentments.
In some ways she's an exaggerated version of my deepest insecurities about myself - that I'm clumsy, frumpy, socially inept, self centered, demanding, and unlikable. I find that interesting. I wonder what Jung would think. I don't see myself solely through the lens of my insecurities anymore, though, thanks to recovery.
I'm opting out of communicating with her any further, at least for now. I agree that going tit for tat isn't going to get me anywhere. I was kind of mad at her for throwing all that negativity my way. The intensity in her texts was off the charts. She's extremely angry, and I imagine she's been pretty obsessed with her anger at me. My thoughts have turned toward what the lesson is for me in all of this. It's important for me to find a healthy and productive outlet for my focus, rather than churn and cycle over my resentments.
In some ways she's an exaggerated version of my deepest insecurities about myself - that I'm clumsy, frumpy, socially inept, self centered, demanding, and unlikable. I find that interesting. I wonder what Jung would think. I don't see myself solely through the lens of my insecurities anymore, though, thanks to recovery.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Gleefan, true friends don't tally up what they have or haven't done to or for each other, friendship shouldn't be about that. Aso funny she neve had any problems with these issues until you stopped allowing her drama. Let her go, let the drama go and enjoy the peace in your life.
Gilmer, I love how you alway look for the best in life. I have begun that course Aaryckha tools us about, it is fascinating. Now I am being inundated with lots of other courses, all of which I want to take, I could study full time if I wanted! I hope your dad is not getting too distressed with his confusion.
Courage, DG, BeFree, I used to hate Mondays, for what they represented, but like anything, it's how you look at it. I used to view the weekend as my time to drink, obviously my weekends started earlier, sok when I quit drinking, Monday became the beginning of a new sober week, a beginning of new opportunities to see the world through clear eyes with a clear head. A fresh start. Of course, now if am temporarily a lady of leisure, Monday is just an extension of Sunday now!!
Gracette, congratulations! 30 days is a mega step forward, and as Courage says ( and your namesake Grace2 always said "baby steps" )
Talking of Grace, she is still doing fine, but still busy with her dad.
Carlos, I do like the sound of that meal, but I think I need to hit DG up for some skinny menus considering I still have several pounds to loose and hubby is taking over the bed!
Big love Undies, happy New week!!
Gilmer, I love how you alway look for the best in life. I have begun that course Aaryckha tools us about, it is fascinating. Now I am being inundated with lots of other courses, all of which I want to take, I could study full time if I wanted! I hope your dad is not getting too distressed with his confusion.
Courage, DG, BeFree, I used to hate Mondays, for what they represented, but like anything, it's how you look at it. I used to view the weekend as my time to drink, obviously my weekends started earlier, sok when I quit drinking, Monday became the beginning of a new sober week, a beginning of new opportunities to see the world through clear eyes with a clear head. A fresh start. Of course, now if am temporarily a lady of leisure, Monday is just an extension of Sunday now!!
Gracette, congratulations! 30 days is a mega step forward, and as Courage says ( and your namesake Grace2 always said "baby steps" )
Talking of Grace, she is still doing fine, but still busy with her dad.
Carlos, I do like the sound of that meal, but I think I need to hit DG up for some skinny menus considering I still have several pounds to loose and hubby is taking over the bed!
Big love Undies, happy New week!!
Trachemys, pleased to meetcha as well!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Welcome trachemys!
GF I agree with the others. I would ignore. Your situation with needy is very inspiring for me during this time of dealing with my friend issue who I ignored yesterday with his phone calls. How did your moms procedure go?
Courage I'm still trying to focus on getting healthy and loosing all the weight I put on drinking beer for so long.
Gracette way to go on 30 days. That's great!
My sisters most recent ex bf called yesterday late. His older sister OD'd on heroin and was found on a sidewalk here in town with a needle in her arm dead. She had been on the streets for a few years now off and on with 2 little ones that their parents have been raising. Very sad. That is the 3rd person I've heard of now in 2 weeks to die from heroin. It's crazy how much heroin has been going around in my city the past few years, it's really blown up around here and super cheap.
Work ended up being ok. That lovely time of the month for us ladies made it a little uncomfortable. The new girl and I talked more about sobriety and stuff. She's super into punk music too so actually planning to go to a punk show in like 2 weeks. Will be weird/ or just new experience to hang out with a friend and be sober. But I think it will be good for me to get out and have some fun. Ended up talking about my recent relapse. She said she knew something was up with me that next day at work bc I wasn't my usual loud happy self. Glad I came back here so soon. Grateful for my sobriety today and having someone in addition to SR to talk with.
GF I agree with the others. I would ignore. Your situation with needy is very inspiring for me during this time of dealing with my friend issue who I ignored yesterday with his phone calls. How did your moms procedure go?
Courage I'm still trying to focus on getting healthy and loosing all the weight I put on drinking beer for so long.
Gracette way to go on 30 days. That's great!
My sisters most recent ex bf called yesterday late. His older sister OD'd on heroin and was found on a sidewalk here in town with a needle in her arm dead. She had been on the streets for a few years now off and on with 2 little ones that their parents have been raising. Very sad. That is the 3rd person I've heard of now in 2 weeks to die from heroin. It's crazy how much heroin has been going around in my city the past few years, it's really blown up around here and super cheap.
Work ended up being ok. That lovely time of the month for us ladies made it a little uncomfortable. The new girl and I talked more about sobriety and stuff. She's super into punk music too so actually planning to go to a punk show in like 2 weeks. Will be weird/ or just new experience to hang out with a friend and be sober. But I think it will be good for me to get out and have some fun. Ended up talking about my recent relapse. She said she knew something was up with me that next day at work bc I wasn't my usual loud happy self. Glad I came back here so soon. Grateful for my sobriety today and having someone in addition to SR to talk with.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
BF, I am so glad that you've got a real, face-to-face comrade who shares common interests--work and music (does she like metal, too?). What a bonus that you are even able to hang with her outside of work!
CONGRATS ON 4 MONTHS AARRY!! Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Welcome Trachemys!
Happy 4 month Soberversary, Aary!! Way to go!!
BFree - I'm happy you found the courage to open up to your NA coworker. What a gift! How did that happen? Recovery can open us up to the things we love, if we do the work. For me, it hasn't been so much about closing the door on Needy (although that needed to happen, at least for now - as it does with the friend who texts you, imo) as it has been about doing the things I love to do, instead of drinking (and care taking and worrying about my image, and the other non substance unhealthy activities that filled my time). I opened up about my alcoholism to a small group of my friends. The very first fun thing I did in recovery was when two of my friends scooped me up for a non boozy afternoon of lunch, shopping and the movies. That's when my perspective started to change, from what I was missing out on in recovery, to what I was gaining. Slowly, over the course of the past few months, I've found myself doing more and more of the things I love to do. It's sweet to see that happening to you, BFree. I'm excited for you.
Happy 4 month Soberversary, Aary!! Way to go!!
BFree - I'm happy you found the courage to open up to your NA coworker. What a gift! How did that happen? Recovery can open us up to the things we love, if we do the work. For me, it hasn't been so much about closing the door on Needy (although that needed to happen, at least for now - as it does with the friend who texts you, imo) as it has been about doing the things I love to do, instead of drinking (and care taking and worrying about my image, and the other non substance unhealthy activities that filled my time). I opened up about my alcoholism to a small group of my friends. The very first fun thing I did in recovery was when two of my friends scooped me up for a non boozy afternoon of lunch, shopping and the movies. That's when my perspective started to change, from what I was missing out on in recovery, to what I was gaining. Slowly, over the course of the past few months, I've found myself doing more and more of the things I love to do. It's sweet to see that happening to you, BFree. I'm excited for you.
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