ManInTheArena

1StepUp, all of us here are just one little slip from being in your same shoes. In some ways, when one of us slips we all slip. I think your coming here to post is your first move back towards a better life. You made a great decision by posting, now you just need to follow through a little bit by going one day without drinking. We know you can do it, and we are rooting for you!

AF66, welcome to May 2014 - we are happy to have you!

Congrats to everyone else who is plugging along.

- MITA

TheBigC

73 days here. Have to be honest with everybody I haven't felt that well the past 10 days. I didn't drink but I felt like I was on a 10 day bender. Very odd. Hang In there everybody

AlcoholFree66

That's no good BigC - I hope you pick up soon - maybe some low grade bug that hasn't quite knocked you down? Be gentle with yourself - lots of sleep and good food.

RecoveringMay

Hi everyone, yesterday was day 80. Was at the museum with my daughter. I felt such a sense of peace and contentment and just pure, non chemically induced, happiness. I'm so happy with my new lifestyle, I can't see myself ever going back to how I was.

Hope you are all well and enjoyed the weekend.

Jupiters

still hanging in too. my lower back is killing me, finally made a dr's appt for friday. some week off -the weather sucks and everyday is an appt of some kind. Not much of a holiday! that being said - it's the first time in forever that I am NOT spending it drunk or hungover and that feels GREAT!!!!! I may have appts and ****, but I'm sober.

1stepup

Finally off it now, its been hard and still in panic mode but had two good friends call me tonight and its helped me. Looking back at the binge is frightening and confusing, the insanity of it all.

From my point of view the anxiety the next day is the biggest enemy of alcoholics- that and the first drink, blackouts cause me so much fear and shame the next day and the alcohol numbs this fear thus keeping the binge going, this is how Ive been drinking over the last few years.

Back in the saddle but badly shaken and weak, got the inevitable sleepless night tonight and then the realistic nightmares- oh what joy alcohol brings me!A

Amester

I'm still here. Not doing well though. Don't really want to talk about it yet but I need to soon. I am still drug free but just barely, and only because I don't have any drug connects left and because I'm not in the city anymore. And let's not even talk about alcohol, Im already back to the blacking out level and spent all day throwing up. Not good. Sorry I haven't been around or more supportive, when I'm not doing well I isolate and shut people out. So I made myself at least post something here tonight to try to stay a little connected to you guys. Hang in there everyone.

AlcoholFree66

Hi Amester - good thing you posted - hope you can put down the grog soon.
I am not thinking in days but the 8/8 will be 3 months sober and my life has improved enormously. I really am enjoying life sober - being honest with myself and others.

RecoveringMay

I'm glad you're back 1step, you're absolutely right to talk about the first drink, that is what sets up the binge which brings the anxiety, which extends the binge. ALCOHOL is the problem not the solution. I'm sure you'll be feeling better soon, just be kind to yourself.

Good to hear from you too Amstar but I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. I too am a great one for isolating when things aren't great, it's so much easier to reach out when you are positive. I watched a TED talk called 'the power of vulnerability' about that subject, it's very interesting and very relevant. I think you know that the decline in how you are doing has stemmed from your decision to try drinking in moderation. Is there anywhere near you when you can get some help with that? I hope you can stay away from the harder stuff too. It's not a failure, just maybe a sign that you're not getting the support that you need right now.

Cahabr

Hey all. I made it back from vacation without tripping. Day 81.
When I showed up Friday they had over 20 cases of a variety of beer and 20 bottles of wine stocked up for the reunion. While everyone was drinking I just made sure to always have a non-alcoholic drink in my hand (usually water). I would never spend much time with adults before going to my room or doing something with my kids. I'm very socially awkward in these situations and before I would drink. I really don't think the alcohol helped my awkwardness at all, just caused me to think about it less.
Anyways, glad I made it through and I'm still with the class of May 14 here.

TheBigC

I'm still here guys on 78 days. How is everyone? My current issue is this...did I just need a dry out period?? I'm asking myself that the past few days? Anyway stay strong.

Cahabr

What do you mean by a dry out period? Thinking of drinking again? I do think that any time without alcohol is beneficial. Personally I don't see any good reasons to starting again.

RecoveringMay

Well done on the holiday Cabhar, not easy but every experience that you successfully come through makes you stronger. I hear you on the social anxiety/awkwardness though. If you find the answer to that one if love to hear it.

BigC it sounds like your addictive voice has started talking to you again. It gets sneaker and harder to recognise over time. It's when things are getting better that it can convince us that things weren't that bad/we just went through a bad time/ all we needed a drying out period/ it would be different this time/ we can control it now and so on. My opinion, and it is just and opinion, is that you'll be right back where you started if you drink again now. It might take a while but drinking problems are something that get worse not better.

TheBigC

@RecoveringMay you could not be more right! That damn beast is squirming today! That's why I posted - just needed so positive thoughts I guess!!

ManInTheArena

90 days for me today

Sometimes, BigC, I wonder almost the exact same thing. But I know I am just choosing to forget how bad things were and ignore how good things are now. Many days I wake up and wonder "Is today the day I can have a drink?" Each day I say I no is one more day I've made the right decision.

I can really relate to that whole "One day at a time" thing.

Have a great weekend everyone!

- MITA

Dee74

Don't confuse abstinence with control Big C.

You're doing well because you stopped drinking, not because you somehow learnt control over the last 78 days.

No amount of sober time could 'reset' me to 'normal drinker'.

I'll guarantee you're the same.

Congrats on 90 days MITA

Wishes

Day 76 and hanging in there. Actually I have had a really great couple of weeks!

BigC I'm so glad you posted. I quit drinking for 18 months in 2011. I drank a little champagne one night for a celebration. A week later I had another drink. I then decided I could have a drink on the weekends. I had more and more and rather quickly I was drinking every day. Then it was a bottle every day. Then, fast forward, I showed up again to SR in May....

If you had trouble before with it then it will be a problem again I know first hand.

RecoveringMay

You did the right thing BigC, those thoughts are normal and you can't ignore them but you need to talk about them and tease them out with people who understand the nature of addiction. I'm sure we've all had similar thoughts at one stage or another, it's how we deal with them that counts.

Congrats on 90 days MITA! Fantastic.

Minion09

Hey everybody! So sorry I haven't posted in a few days. Work has been beyond crazy and by the time I got home each night I was to pooped to deal with the puter. I am doing well, 85 days today. Havent really thought about drinking a whole lot, but tonight it crept back in a little. Had a good weekend last weekend, was truly blessed, got baptized and my best friend who I rarely see came to spend the day. He to is a recovering addict, so how excited he was to know that I am heading in a more positive direction. Sorry to hear some of u are having tough times, but glad u are posting here and please know u r loved. Glad to hear others are doing well and loving sober life...every day is a blessing to me, keep on working it. I will try to be better this week keeping up... getting ready to host 1500 athletes in a week long olympic style athletic event, so my work will continue to be crazy...if im quiet, its just cause I am pooped...lol. I love u all!

Cahabr

That sounds pretty awesome Minion, what's the event? Congrats on the baptism too! I hear you, every day is a blessing, that's something that is impossible to appreciate without sobriety.