SnoozyQ

Totally agree with Dee Leshar .

The July group is perfect , we are all around the same time and have all had similar feelings ( paws) etc . I had NEVER even heard of PAWS in the real world , do they even know it exists . It's a very real fact .

It was wonderful for me to come to the understanding that was what i had around the 7 month mark ..hopelessness , sadness , a blasé attitude to everything . Didn't care if i lived or died , cried a lot .

Good grief ! It was horrendous. That's why i have such empathy for you , cos feeling a way no one other than an alcoholic understands is unbearable .

I seriously was feeling I'd throw in the towel , what's the point, I'm always gonna feel like this , Ls this all there is ??? Seriously ??? Why bother living at all ? .

I am so , so glad i hung in there . You will be too . We are all different and we all have different time frames with this disease. It will get better , you WILL get better .

Just keep posting and share with us every day . I would have been beside myself if not for SR . the real world doesn't ' get us' doctors don't ' get us'

But WE get us . That's the most important thing . We get you .

Push through this like you did before love .

I still think you need ADS , i would literally be on a permanent downer if not for mine . They were a godsend .

It wasn't til i realised mine were not working and asked my doc to bump up the dosage. He did and within 6 weeks i was BACK .

If our mental state isn't right , we cant move forward . I would still be stuck there , i know it .

Life is good . There is an answer .

I also hate that feeling of being rushed out of the docs after they had made you wait an hour .

I got to a docs appointment 20 mins late once and they said i would have to reschedule . I said well that's a bit unfair considering i have NEVER gone in within 20 minutes and i would normally be sitting here an hour , so theoretically I'm not late .
They let me keep my appointment . I didn't rant or rave , just smiled and was polite .

I hope today is a better day for you.

resolute50

Morning everybody,well for those in the U.S. anyways.
Night for my Aussie friends.

Speaking of night,it was a rough one last night. I need to put the AC in this weekend. It was very hot and humid last night and hard to sleep. Thunder storms today.
I hope to hear from everybody today.
FWIW, I reached the 11 month mark today.
I'm an end of the month benchmark classmate.

Dee74

Congratulations Bob

D

Croissant

Snoozy...your post above is so true.

I'm not myself, but ok today. PAWS for me...don't know. I felt pure rage from nowhere earlier this week a few times. I lost my chops and threw my new job in.

I know.... I can't even begin to understand it myself.

Not once, in all of it, did I think of drinking...at all. I'm going to my Doctor tomorrow.

This was some reading I found tonight. Nothing profound...ignore the red print at the front if the article...it's not a bad read on PAWS.
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) | What…Me Sober?

SnoozyQ

Bob , congrats on 11 months love xxxx 4 more weeks til the BIG one wooohooooooo .

You are such an inspiration , my dear friend , hugz xxx


Crois , I'm so glad you chucked that job in ...and be at peace with it. It wasn't for you , those people weren't right for you .

When you get the one that's right , you will just know.

You have got by thus far and i have learnt that money isn't everything , we get by somehow .
Don't be too proud , you have paid your taxes all your working life and supported the unemployed . It's time to get something back from all your giving.

There is NO SHAME in this . It will lessen your stress and give you time to pick and choose .
Do it hun , it's your right !


Xxx :-) xxxxx

Croissant

Thanks for your kind words, Snoozy.

Yeah...look understand what you are saying, about Centrelink, for sure.

Just not really in a place to express myself about all this specifically at the moment.

SnoozyQ

That's ok sweetheart .

Whenever you like or not at all

Always here for you .

Thanks for the virtual choccie ....yummmmm, looks similar to what i had with Bek and Holly at our favourite dessert cafe tonight ...;-)

Ladybug2

Hi friends,

Congrats, Bob, on 11 months!!!! You'll have a lot to celebrate this weekend Enjoy!!

Croissant, I agree with Snoozy - doesn't sound like you were happy with your new job and something better will come along. Just take care of yourself right now. I'm sorry you are in a low place, but we're here for you when/if you want to talk it out. Hugs!!

We went to a Phillies baseball game last night and didn't get home until 11:30pm (over an hour drive). We had fun, even though they lost, and ate like pigs. Let's see, we had cheesesteaks, crab fries, peanuts, and ice cream lol. Feeking a little tired this morning and I have so much to do today. Why can't I just get up and do it? I sometimes feel like I may have a little PAWS going on. It's only been 95 days since my last slip so is it too soon for PAWS? I have days where I feel really great and positive and others where I feel down, overwhelmed and irritable. Who knows, maybe it's all pregnancy hormones, but I don't think so.... Anyway, going to try snd have a good day and hope you all do the same

Croissant

I'd never considered Fruchocs in a brownie...but God, it's all I can think about since I saw those devils I posted tonight!

Thanks Ladybug, just saw your message after I posted.xx Yes...Words and emotions all mixed up and thrown into a bucket at the moment. It will pass. :/

Leshar

Bob, congratulations on 11 months. You seem steady and calm. I'm sure your family is proud of you.

Snoozy, thanks. I'm not sure what to do about whether or not I ought to be on another anti depressant. The way you described how you felt at about 7 months is exactly how I'm feeling at present. It's very frustrating how my psychiatrist deals with me. I alternate between accepting what is and absolute rage at how things are at almost a year. I wake up depressed and don't want to wake up and just go through the motions. I can't seem to find joy in anything. Being outside makes me feel a bit overwhelmed, panicky even, like I'm desperate to get into my wee house and close the door.

Reading here of others relapses is sobering indeed. I never want to go there again, but this life at present is devoid of meaning. Well, I won't go on.

Croissant, I'm so glad to see you posted. I'm sorry about how you're feeling. I don't know how you manage, I don't think you have much real life support? Whatever happened with your job, perhaps it just needed to be this way. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
I must have missed the pic? I didn't see anything. And what is Centrelink?
I wish you well with your Doctor's appointment.
Thanks for your link about PAWS. It is a very real phenomenon.

The other actors talk a lot about drinking, being drunk and being hungover. Yesterday, one actor even said that if a role called for him to drink whiskey, he'd drink the real thing on stage, as water with food colouring didn't have "legs" and wouldn't look real. Doesn't seem right to me, as if audiences would even notice that!
On Monday, the actors are getting together for drinks. I'm nervous, as I believe I'm already perceived as "not fun" because I'm quiet and reserved. I can't get into the supposed hilarity about drinking fests and being hungover etc. I will go, however, and take it as it comes. Someone on here said about protecting their sobriety like a dog might protect a bone. That will be me!

Ladybug, I'm glad you enjoyed your outing. Don't be too hard on yourself. Lack of motivation is a big issue in sobriety, and you're pregnant too!

Oh, that reminds me. My character says she lost a child, and my scene partner comforts me. She told me in the washroom beforehand yesterday that she was feeling emotional and that she may find that scene difficult. I said, oh no, did you lose a baby, and she said yes, but that it was her choice, I assume she meant she had a termination.
When we did the scene, I got emotional thinking of her, and forgot my lines.
Now, I'm getting all mixed up and paranoid. Why did she choose yesterday after weeks of rehearsals to tell me this? Was it some sick joke to get me to better "emote" in the scene?
See, I'm totally f'd up, paranoid. This is so difficult. I don't know howto sort out these bizarre emotions.

Well sorry for the ramble.

resolute50

Leshar,

I'm just steering the boat, why worry about rocks up stream when I'm not even approaching them yet? My life is far from stress free,but, I'm not going to sweat the little things.
Try not to over think things. Sometimes circumstances can look like they're planned. But in reality it just ended up that way.

"Reading here of others relapses is sobering indeed."

Those things happen.
It has nothing really to do with your or my sobriety.
I look at the glass half full. Those that have relapsed could have just disappeared.
Instead they came forward about it and are still here.And that gives me great hope.

Leshar

Thank you, Bob. You are a good person.

SnoozyQ

Leshar , honey . She is not plotting against you . She probably genuinely found the scene sad . I know i would if it were me as i lost a baby ( through miscarriage) .
I have a friend who had an abortion and has never really got over it as it was her choice .

She feel she made the wrong one after all these years , so yes this poor woman would find it extremely difficult , but as an actor she may be drawing on her pain to get into the role .

Leave her to it , they are the things actors do. Stop over analysing

Don't sweat the small stuff as Bob said ;-) xxx

Love ya xx

Leshar

It's no use folks, I feel as if I'm just about done. I cannot go on like this. Life is not worth living. I've looked at this for almost a year and I feel just as bad, if not worse than when I started. It's like now what? At least I could escape now and then before. I can't relate to anyone.
I'm done complaining. I'll likely just drink again, there's little point to living. I'm done with being good, it's no reward, I'm suffocating, that's all.

PurePoison

Leshar

At the end of April 2013 I had 7 months sober. Life didn’t seem any better and I didn’t feel any happier for not drinking. I felt that I needed to drink to cope with stress, lighten my mood or numb my feelings...so I did.

The first night I drank after 7 months of sobriety I continued drinking long after my partner had gone to bed. I got so drunk and felt so sorry for myself I took all paracetamol that we had in the house and waited to pass out.

Fortunately I was found and taken to A&E. As I sobered up in hospital I was terrified that the drugs I’d taken would have done irreversible damage to my liver and that I would die. Suddenly I didn’t want to die after all. I was lucky the prompt treatment I was given saved me. It still took me another two months to stop drinking again.

On Tuesday I will have a year sober. It hasn’t been easy but it’s sure better than the alternative.

However difficult life seems, a drink is not going to solve any problems.

Look after yourself. xo

Dee74

I hope you read PurePoisons post, Leshar. It's terrific. Thanks PP.

To me you were really getting somewhere...then you weren't.

I don't know if it's meds, or fear, or something else...but I really hope you talk to your Dr...

there's a note of despair and hopelessness in your post I haven't heard from you in a long time. I'm worried for you, Leshar.

Please get some help

D

Croissant

I think you should call a suicide hotline near you and speak to someone, Leshar.
Suicide Prevention – Find A Crisis Centre

You of all people know the most dangerous thing is to continually feed destructive and suicidal thoughts. They grow and fester if they aren't addressed.

In the midst of your post, you say you will likely just drink again....so is it the AV pushing you along to this state, where you feel compelled to drink? Please call a hotline iRL if you are suicidal.

Leshar

Thank you, PP, Dee and Croissant.

resolute50

Well, I just sat here scratching my head trying to figure out what to say.
And I still don't really know what to say.

I just hope that you'll talk to somebody, Leshar.
Perhaps you have something that is not just mentally bringing you down, but physical.

I mean think about it. Just a month ago you were traveling and challenging your sister to take a hard look at her life. And just like that you're down to the bottom again.
It must be extremely difficult to go through such mood swings.
Perhaps there's something that can even you out more. Get you through this rough road your on right now.

SnoozyQ

Well said Purepoison xxx