Notices

Class of September 2013 - Part 31

Old 06-16-2014, 03:26 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
PeanutButterCup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Kane, can you do both? My dh owns a company, and he also works for one. He doesn't need to put in more than probably 15 hours in the one he owns each week, so it works well. And that way he's got income every week, no matter how his company is doing at the time.
PeanutButterCup is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 03:35 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
PeanutButterCup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Hey! Today is my 9 month birthday!!!! Woot woot!!!!!!!!!!

<--- these are my fly boys! ha ha!
PeanutButterCup is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 06:42 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Perpetual Optimist
 
Br00ksie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by PeanutButterCup View Post
Hey! Today is my 9 month birthday!!!! Woot woot!!!!!!!!!!

<--- these are my fly boys! ha ha!
Awwwww yeahhhhh! Go PBC!!!
Br00ksie is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 06:56 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Perpetual Optimist
 
Br00ksie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
This weekend was a bust for me. Being broke with no clean clothes and unable to do a wash, I reverted back to isolating behaviors...

I didn't go to a meeting on Saturday, I missed an opportunity to go to the Met (my 2nd fav museum) with my aunt and a cousin who was in town whom I haven't seen in 5 years, I got NO writing done, and I slept most of the weekend, like I literally might have slept 19/24 hours on Saturday!

But I chaired my MA meeting on Sunday. Thank goodness for service! It got me out of the house and subsequently out of my funk. I hand washed some essentials and a sober friend put $15 on my laundry card so that I can do a couple of loads for the week.

I clearly still have a way to go in terms of processing "life on life's terms" situations in ways that don't overwhelm me. Money issues are a big trigger for me. I'm just not used to being poor and it SUCKS!!

But I'm feeling a lot better today, I feel rejuvenated from all that sleep and I have a plan of action for the week. I'm speaking at my home group tonight so I'm looking forward to that!
Br00ksie is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 08:50 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
~~Food For Thought ~ Marvelous Monday Edition~
~~Rituals for Success Part 1~~

~Note~
Here is part one of the twelve daily rituals for long-term happiness and success following up on the weekend's agenda:

1. Exercise your integrity.

Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you are capable of. Communicating clearly and asking for what you want and need from people. Speaking your truth, even when others judge you for it. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your morals and values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe. And, of course, always doing the right thing, even when it’s hard, and even when nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.

2. Steer clear of drama and those who create it.

There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the needless drama and the people who create it. Staying out of other people’s drama is an incredibly effective way to stress less and smile more. A good rule of thumb: If you can’t say it to their face, you shouldn’t say it behind their back. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people.” Life is much too short to waste time talking about people, gossiping, and stirring up drama that has no substance. If you don’t know, ask. If you don’t agree, say so. If you don’t like it, speak up. But never judge people behind their back.

3. Replace judgment with encouragement.

No one truly knows what they will do in a certain situation until they are actually in it. Yes, it’s very easy to judge someone else’s actions by what you assume your own actions would be if you were in their shoes. But you only know what you THINK you would do, not what you WOULD do.
The truth is, we tend to judge others by their actions and ourselves by our ideals. So do your best to catch yourself when this happens. Remember that when we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person, and everything about our own need to be critical.
Bottom line: We have enough critics in this world. Be an encourager. You’ll see why.

4. Be positive and spend time with positive people.

Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Raise your awareness to your own inner strength and positivity. You are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life, or you can choose to be positive instead by focusing on the great things that are truly important. So talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every great success requires some kind of worthy struggle to get there.
In addition, do your best to spend more time with positive people and less time with negative ones. People that deliberately doubt, judge and disrespect you are not worth your long-term time and attention.

5. Make new choices as needed, rather than letting old ones make you.

You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who and what hurts you. After all, who we ultimately become depends, in part, on who and what we let into our lives. So don’t just settle for relationships and situations that have proven to be unworthy. Exercise your right to choose differently.
Be the hero of your life, not the victim. You may not control all the circumstances that happen to you, but you can decide not to be continuously reduced by the same ones.

6. Simplify whatever you can, whenever you can.

As E.F. Schumacher once said, “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.”
Simplifying is not seeing how little you can get by with – that’s poverty – but how efficiently you can put first things first, and use your time accordingly to pursue the things that make a lasting difference in your life. Less really is more. Instead of adding, improve your life by subtracting. Get rid of unnecessary clutter, negative influences and toxic relationships. There is a big difference between what you want and what you need and also between what’s excessive and what’s essential.
BLKDIESEL is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 08:53 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
Originally Posted by PeanutButterCup View Post
I found this photo on the web and it really spoke to me. I remember feeling so completely out of it, and I know I was completely useless at times to my family, just like this dear man. I hope I can figure out how to attach it right ...
That picture speaks volumes PBC...
BLKDIESEL is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 09:04 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
~~~Father's Day Review~~
~~~#OpenAndHonest~~~

Hope all of you had a great Father's Day, I had a very challenging one being that my dad passed away a little over a week ago and having a tough time with the grieving process thus far. I must be honest and admit I was in a funk yesterday and I did indulge in a couple of beers with my uncles to soothe my pain. I had 3 lite beers with them, I contemplated on the decision all morning and gave into the calling to enjoy the Father's Day and celebrate my dad's journey here. I know I could of chose a better way to do it folks but it it done now and it is a blip on my sobriety radar.

Be aware that this is not a return to the old norm for me, I had a lapse in judgement for the day and wanted to be honest and share but its back to the "New Normal" for me. I must say this grieving process is tough in the onset and I hope you guys will bear with me as I post throughout the coming days and weeks...I will need your support.

#OpenandHonest
BLKDIESEL is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 11:23 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
Nightswimming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Hi BLK,

Sounds like yesterday was a tough day for you and great that you have shared so quickly about what happened.

I guess there will always be unexpected hurdles in the way of our sobriety and I guess it's as much about how we run after getting over them as it is about the jump itself. Sorry, fairly labouring a metaphor here Seems like you've seen it for what it was quite quickly. I'm glad that in spite of drinking you got to spend some quality time with your family. We're all here for you.
Nightswimming is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 11:29 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
Nightswimming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
I haven't posted in a few days because I seem to be having an angry/feeling sorry for myself week and it is definitely proving counter productive. Can't seem to pull myself out of the funk and feel quite detached.

I'm pleased to have kept at least a few of my activities/good habits going over the past few days but I'm not doing them in the way I'd like to be if that makes sense. Kinna just going through the motions.

I'm angry at not being able to drink like a normal person in a beer garden, I'm angry I'm not working, I'm angry at the people at my last job, I'm angry at people that get on the train in front of me, I'm angry at noisy kids, I'm angry at cats in my path and I'm angry at happy people.

Really I'm frustrated and angry at myself. Realised that this afternoon and I know I just need to give myself a break, sit back read a book, have a coffee and chill the **** out.

Ranting over. And breathe!
Nightswimming is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 11:30 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Nightswimming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Oooh and congrats PBC!! Feels good doesn't it? Mine was a couple of weeks ago. Still can't quite believe it
Nightswimming is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 12:16 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
Originally Posted by Nightswimming View Post
I haven't posted in a few days because I seem to be having an angry/feeling sorry for myself week and it is definitely proving counter productive. Can't seem to pull myself out of the funk and feel quite detached.

I'm pleased to have kept at least a few of my activities/good habits going over the past few days but I'm not doing them in the way I'd like to be if that makes sense. Kinna just going through the motions.

I'm angry at not being able to drink like a normal person in a beer garden, I'm angry I'm not working, I'm angry at the people at my last job, I'm angry at people that get on the train in front of me, I'm angry at noisy kids, I'm angry at cats in my path and I'm angry at happy people.

Really I'm frustrated and angry at myself. Realised that this afternoon and I know I just need to give myself a break, sit back read a book, have a coffee and chill the **** out.

Ranting over. And breathe!
Sorry to hear that you have all of that anger and frustration with your journey right now, but sometimes its best to let it all out and then reach for a different perspective on it all. A good read and coffee could be the start of something greater for you...have faith and reach for the positive.
BLKDIESEL is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 12:22 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
workoholic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Soberspace
Posts: 591
Congratulations PBC!11
Br00ksie and Nightswimming, I've also been in my funk this weekend but did visit my parents yesterday and went to a meeting today.
Trying to get through step 3 with a passing grade, Almost there I think. It's tricky to think in a spiritual way after over 15 years of struggling for fame and fortune.
Serenity, wow..
workoholic is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 12:28 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
PeanutButterCup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Originally Posted by BLKDIESEL View Post
~~~Father's Day Review~~
~~~#OpenAndHonest~~~

Hope all of you had a great Father's Day, I had a very challenging one being that my dad passed away a little over a week ago and having a tough time with the grieving process thus far. I must be honest and admit I was in a funk yesterday and I did indulge in a couple of beers with my uncles to soothe my pain. I had 3 lite beers with them, I contemplated on the decision all morning and gave into the calling to enjoy the Father's Day and celebrate my dad's journey here. I know I could of chose a better way to do it folks but it it done now and it is a blip on my sobriety radar.

Be aware that this is not a return to the old norm for me, I had a lapse in judgement for the day and wanted to be honest and share but its back to the "New Normal" for me. I must say this grieving process is tough in the onset and I hope you guys will bear with me as I post throughout the coming days and weeks...I will need your support.

#OpenandHonest
We had a guy who was very new in his sobriety lose his father last week, too, and he asked us to discuss grief and sobriety at one of our meetings. I wrote out what I shared, so I'll share it with you, too. Maybe it will help you as you move forward?

Here you go:
A young man who is very new to the program asked us to discuss loss, because he lost his dad this weekend. There was incredible information and understanding shared, and I was the last person in the circle to get to speak. I didn't want to simply reiterate all their thoughts, so I went a different direction.
I considered the 3 biggest reasons, if I were dealing with grief, a drink might seem appealing. Here they are, with my thoughts on each:

1. To numb out. The problem with this is that alcohol is a depressant and tends to intensify emotions. So, while we'll be numb once we pass out, the pain will most likely be WORSE until then AND after then. And grief is unique in that there is no way to healing except through it. You can't go under it or over it or around it .... and if you avoid it, you'll just be stuck on the other side, without healing.

2. A case of the "who cares". We focused an entire meeting around this young man, which is proof that people DO care. I encouraged him to connect with another guy in the room and be accountable by text or phone daily for the next month. He did.

3. Fatigue. Do you know the prophet Elijah in the Old Testament? There's a great story about when he was running from Jezabel and her armies. Most of the prophets had been slaughtered, and she was after him. And he got depressed. Very depressed. He prayed for God to take his life. Instead, God took him to a cave, put him into a deep sleep, and when he woke up, fed him (by sending ravens with food). God didn't tell him to suck it up. He didn't condemn him for his feelings. He made him sleep and eat. My thoughts are that we need to be extra diligent about getting sleep and food during times of emotional crisis. A tired, hungry person doesn't tend to make great choices.

Anyway ... that's my book for the day.
PeanutButterCup is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 12:29 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
PeanutButterCup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
BLK, you are in my prayers, my friend.
PeanutButterCup is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 03:25 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Perpetual Optimist
 
Br00ksie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by workoholic View Post
Congratulations PBC!11
Br00ksie and Nightswimming, I've also been in my funk this weekend but did visit my parents yesterday and went to a meeting today.
Trying to get through step 3 with a passing grade, Almost there I think. It's tricky to think in a spiritual way after over 15 years of struggling for fame and fortune.
Serenity, wow..
I think I'm in a step 3 funk too! This is my second go at turning my will over and it is NOT easy! It isn't easy putting one foot in front of the other, trusting that there will be solid ground when I step, trusting that I will be taken care of.

They we have to do step one every day, I also have to do step 3 every day! I edited my morning prayer today to help me remember to do just that!
Br00ksie is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 03:36 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,040
glad you're back BLK
the addictive part of us will use anything to get its way - even grief. It has no scruples.

PBC's post about the young guy was magnificent and I don't think I could do better than that except to add - keep fighting the good fight BLK.

Sorry you're a bit troubled at the moment nightswimming - if you want to talk about it some more, I know there are no end of willing ears here

I'm glad you got out of the funk brOOksie

Good to see you Renarde
good luck with your start up Kane!

hey rochele, kellbell, workoholic, GG
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 04:17 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
 
PeanutButterCup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Wow, Dee! I'm humbled! Thank you.
PeanutButterCup is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 07:41 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Member
 
GotGrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Hi Everyone,

NS, I am dealing with anger lately too. It's tough. PBC's advice about rest is golden. Also, please don't try to talk yourself out of it or minimize it. I was once told that anger is our psyche's way of saying, "Hey! Pay attention! Something here is not right!" So think about what is not right, what is missing, what it is that you want.

PBC and NS, congratulations on your Sobriety Babies!!!

BLK, I can understand why you drank yesterday. I am glad that you aren't beating yourself up about it or allowing it to throw you off your mission. You are a smart man and you will succeed!

Kane, I really admire your optimism and energy. I know something good is going to happen for you. I hope it will happen soon!

Brooksie, I love that your friend put money on your laundry card. That's a friend! Continue to work to get out of that funk. It's not easy, for sure, but you know it's the only way to reach your goals.

Love to everyone, mentioned and unmentioned!
GotGrace is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 07:52 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Member
 
GotGrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
We are back from our beach vacation 4 days early. We spent yesterday in the ER with our 17-year-old daughter and she was diagnosed with diabetes. It is a complete shock and we are reeling. No family history, very healthy lifestyle, very active and fit.

We have a day of doctor appointments tomorrow to begin to learn about this disease and how she will manage it. We are very aware of our many blessings in the midst of this, but there is still sadness and anger to contend with. Learning more will help with that.

One thing I am thankful for is that I am sober. As we drove home from the airport today I could think of nothing other than how good a beer would taste, how good it would feel. But I know that it wouldn't last and it would only lead to disappointment and more sadness. I am glad to be sober and clear-headed so I can be the best mom to her (and my other kids) that I can be.

It was funny, I really was not enjoying our time at the beach; a weird family vibe this year had me feeling alienated and sorry for myself and craving. Saturday night I was wishing we didn't have to be there. Well, Grace, be careful what you wish for!
GotGrace is offline  
Old 06-16-2014, 07:56 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
Originally Posted by PeanutButterCup View Post
We had a guy who was very new in his sobriety lose his father last week, too, and he asked us to discuss grief and sobriety at one of our meetings. I wrote out what I shared, so I'll share it with you, too. Maybe it will help you as you move forward?

Here you go:
A young man who is very new to the program asked us to discuss loss, because he lost his dad this weekend. There was incredible information and understanding shared, and I was the last person in the circle to get to speak. I didn't want to simply reiterate all their thoughts, so I went a different direction.
I considered the 3 biggest reasons, if I were dealing with grief, a drink might seem appealing. Here they are, with my thoughts on each:

1. To numb out. The problem with this is that alcohol is a depressant and tends to intensify emotions. So, while we'll be numb once we pass out, the pain will most likely be WORSE until then AND after then. And grief is unique in that there is no way to healing except through it. You can't go under it or over it or around it .... and if you avoid it, you'll just be stuck on the other side, without healing.

2. A case of the "who cares". We focused an entire meeting around this young man, which is proof that people DO care. I encouraged him to connect with another guy in the room and be accountable by text or phone daily for the next month. He did.

3. Fatigue. Do you know the prophet Elijah in the Old Testament? There's a great story about when he was running from Jezabel and her armies. Most of the prophets had been slaughtered, and she was after him. And he got depressed. Very depressed. He prayed for God to take his life. Instead, God took him to a cave, put him into a deep sleep, and when he woke up, fed him (by sending ravens with food). God didn't tell him to suck it up. He didn't condemn him for his feelings. He made him sleep and eat. My thoughts are that we need to be extra diligent about getting sleep and food during times of emotional crisis. A tired, hungry person doesn't tend to make great choices.

Anyway ... that's my book for the day.
PBC, thank you for this post, it really resonated with me. I've have been on a spiritual transformation over the past year or so and you seem to be pretty grounded in your faith as well. Did you always have this dedication to your faith or has it been a product of your sobriety?
BLKDIESEL is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:58 AM.