Class of June 2014 Part 2
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 361
I totally understand. I was unemployed for six months last year and it was the worst. You don't realize how much people define themselves by their job until you suddenly don't have one. Or have any spending money. Hope that some luck comes your way!
I've been trying to take words like stupid out of the way I react to binges. Although I was using the word failure a lot this morning. I've just realized that "I feel stressed" is probably my most used phrase. And maybe if I'm not talking about feeling stressed all the time then all be less stressed? Not sure. A little loopy right now. I keep hearing music playing where there is none. I'm sure that will go away, but it's distracting.
I've been trying to take words like stupid out of the way I react to binges. Although I was using the word failure a lot this morning. I've just realized that "I feel stressed" is probably my most used phrase. And maybe if I'm not talking about feeling stressed all the time then all be less stressed? Not sure. A little loopy right now. I keep hearing music playing where there is none. I'm sure that will go away, but it's distracting.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
I came extremely close to talking myself into drinking today. A bunch of friends were going out to watch the game at 4:00 here. I had class at 6:00, but rationalized that I'd been good and not missed any classes and could watch the class recording over the weekend.
I know that starting at 4:00 would have let to a solid buzz by 6:00 and then either a night out at bars with friends, or a beeline to the liquor store and pot dealer and getting massively messed up at my apartment.
I just kept asking myself: "are you going to be happier tomorrow if you go to class and watch the heat game sober, or happier if you start getting drunk at 4:00, and watch the heat game in a drunken stupor, waking up with a massive hangover to start the weekend?"
It worked this time, but I'm just so nervous that 11 sober days doesn't mean much since it's too easy for me to rationalize drinking again, even just after having a horrible three night stretch of binges followed by a pretty drunk day and very stoned Sunday evening that led me to calling in sick that Monday.
Ugh, well, at least I'm moving on to Day 12 tomorrow and will be with family this weekend (nobody in my immediate family drinks much at all, so a good place for me to be)
I know that starting at 4:00 would have let to a solid buzz by 6:00 and then either a night out at bars with friends, or a beeline to the liquor store and pot dealer and getting massively messed up at my apartment.
I just kept asking myself: "are you going to be happier tomorrow if you go to class and watch the heat game sober, or happier if you start getting drunk at 4:00, and watch the heat game in a drunken stupor, waking up with a massive hangover to start the weekend?"
It worked this time, but I'm just so nervous that 11 sober days doesn't mean much since it's too easy for me to rationalize drinking again, even just after having a horrible three night stretch of binges followed by a pretty drunk day and very stoned Sunday evening that led me to calling in sick that Monday.
Ugh, well, at least I'm moving on to Day 12 tomorrow and will be with family this weekend (nobody in my immediate family drinks much at all, so a good place for me to be)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
You did good NYMets. You stopped and thought about. You played the tape forward! You can also log in here to post. Sounds like a good place to be this weekend but check in if the cravings strike bad. Have some NA drink choices ready.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Originally Posted by Cowgirlie 
Tactics very much the same, just spending a lot of time on here (ermm, almost addicted LOL) 
and now I feel like I am past the worst... like going for a long-distance run, the first mile or two is reeeeeally tough and you think there is no way you can do it, then power through the pain barrier and feel quite comfortable and able to keep going for miles! I feel like Sun/Mon was my pain barrier as I badly did want to drink, but now I'm clear and just cruising along nicely! Snapped that annoying voice/habit out of my head!
I haven't had wine much this year as trying to cut calories, so had been sticking to vodka or gin. It's ridiculously cheap where I live so extra hard to resist when in the throes of bingeing behaviour! But that Sunday we had run out of mixers and I just can't drink spirits neat, sooo after I got past the twitching, irritated feeling and almost driving to the shop especially, I made it as my 'push' to go without that night. Which I needed, as I had been drinking everynight for 2 weeks straight. Although we have since got mixers in the house, I am enjoying them 'virgin' LOL! Tho drink them just as fast as if they contained alcohol...
I was supposed to be upping my exercise and taking advantage of the reduced calories I'm now consuming, but I must admit my appetite has upped a notch and I'm eating more, plus feeling tired (kids!! Teething!!)... but no weight gain so it's all good. Hopefully feel ready to start a healthy eating regime soon but just rolling with the alcohol diet first! How old are your kids? Mine are 2.5yrs & 15m x
and now I feel like I am past the worst... like going for a long-distance run, the first mile or two is reeeeeally tough and you think there is no way you can do it, then power through the pain barrier and feel quite comfortable and able to keep going for miles! I feel like Sun/Mon was my pain barrier as I badly did want to drink, but now I'm clear and just cruising along nicely! Snapped that annoying voice/habit out of my head! I haven't had wine much this year as trying to cut calories, so had been sticking to vodka or gin. It's ridiculously cheap where I live so extra hard to resist when in the throes of bingeing behaviour! But that Sunday we had run out of mixers and I just can't drink spirits neat, sooo after I got past the twitching, irritated feeling and almost driving to the shop especially, I made it as my 'push' to go without that night. Which I needed, as I had been drinking everynight for 2 weeks straight. Although we have since got mixers in the house, I am enjoying them 'virgin' LOL! Tho drink them just as fast as if they contained alcohol...
I was supposed to be upping my exercise and taking advantage of the reduced calories I'm now consuming, but I must admit my appetite has upped a notch and I'm eating more, plus feeling tired (kids!! Teething!!)... but no weight gain so it's all good. Hopefully feel ready to start a healthy eating regime soon but just rolling with the alcohol diet first! How old are your kids? Mine are 2.5yrs & 15m x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 81
Thanks for the book recommendations everyone, especially FacingFuture for The Easy Way to Quit Drinking... is that the one that talks a lot about what alcohol does to your brain biochemically? I was trying to remember the name of a book I heard about on SR, I think that might be it but not sure.
Also Future thanks for posting your detox story. If there's any proof that alcoholism is a sickness it's that we still go back to drinking even AFTER going through all that. Special thanks for posting what helped you get through it... One area I know I've really been slacking is on the exercise, I'm sure that's part of my low energy now that most of the initial withdrawal is better. I got off the train a stop early tonight so I could walk home about 1 mile and definitely felt a little better, so it's a start!
Congrats cowgirl and welcome to vicky and CuteNGayYay - your user name makes me smile.
I'm on day 14, two weeks sober! (I technically started May 30th but joined this group.) This weekend I have one social event that will be sober, meeting some friends in the park, and another that is a BBQ where most people will be drinking that I may or may not attend, I guess I'll just see how strong I feel and whether my bf wants to come with me (he'll help me not drink). I'm leaning towards not attending, I think. Oh and I'm planning on going to another AA meeting tomorrow night! Yay sober weekends!
Also Future thanks for posting your detox story. If there's any proof that alcoholism is a sickness it's that we still go back to drinking even AFTER going through all that. Special thanks for posting what helped you get through it... One area I know I've really been slacking is on the exercise, I'm sure that's part of my low energy now that most of the initial withdrawal is better. I got off the train a stop early tonight so I could walk home about 1 mile and definitely felt a little better, so it's a start!
Congrats cowgirl and welcome to vicky and CuteNGayYay - your user name makes me smile.
I'm on day 14, two weeks sober! (I technically started May 30th but joined this group.) This weekend I have one social event that will be sober, meeting some friends in the park, and another that is a BBQ where most people will be drinking that I may or may not attend, I guess I'll just see how strong I feel and whether my bf wants to come with me (he'll help me not drink). I'm leaning towards not attending, I think. Oh and I'm planning on going to another AA meeting tomorrow night! Yay sober weekends!
Last edited by gracette; 06-12-2014 at 07:59 PM. Reason: improper use of you're/your!
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Originally Posted by Applekat
You did good NYMets. You stopped and thought about. You played the tape forward! You can also log in here to post. Sounds like a good place to be this weekend but check in if the cravings strike bad. Have some NA drink choices ready.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 397
I hear ya
Originally Posted by CuteNGayYay
Ya well I was laid off and its been like a year.. so that is depressing in itself. There actually was one good job I probably missed that called me while on a binge.. I always tell myself just one night.. and a lot of the time ending up drinking the next day to feel "better". Its so stupid how I can be stupid.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 81
Way to hang in there nymets. It seems like you've faced and conquered a lot of challenging situations so far... I've mostly been hiding out in my apartment. If you can do it now, at the hardest stage, then it should keep getting easier.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 462
Cutengay glad your here! I find so much support here and just discovered this site 4 days ago! I also struggle with the rationalizations. I think maybe I could just have a couple! On day 11 now and am wondering when my mouth will stop watering when thinking about or seeing alcohol?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 60
I just want to than everyone for sharing their experience here, and hope you all continue to post, through the good and the bad. It helps so much to know that we're never alone here.
I'm up very early doing some work, and don't have to go into the office later, which normally would be great since I never felt quite as guilty drinking when it's dark out (but hey, close the curtains and you can pretend it's not daylight too). Now I find I'm not really craving a drink, and I've never heard of black cherry sparkling water getting anyone into trouble
I started working out again a few days ago, nothing quite as intense as django's insanity workouts, but for someone that spends 14+ hours a day in front of a computer, any exercise is good exercise. I actually enjoy getting out of bed and feeling the sore muscles, it's a reminder that this is my new life, and I'm slowly getting to be the person that I want to be.
Hope you all had a good night, a great friday, and continue to fight the good fight.
I'm up very early doing some work, and don't have to go into the office later, which normally would be great since I never felt quite as guilty drinking when it's dark out (but hey, close the curtains and you can pretend it's not daylight too). Now I find I'm not really craving a drink, and I've never heard of black cherry sparkling water getting anyone into trouble
I started working out again a few days ago, nothing quite as intense as django's insanity workouts, but for someone that spends 14+ hours a day in front of a computer, any exercise is good exercise. I actually enjoy getting out of bed and feeling the sore muscles, it's a reminder that this is my new life, and I'm slowly getting to be the person that I want to be.
Hope you all had a good night, a great friday, and continue to fight the good fight.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 462
Good morning everyone! Will get to spend time at the pool with my kids today in the sunshine! Looking forward to it. The last time I was at this pool I drank all day and grove home with my kids drunk. It's sick to put my kids at risk, selfish! That is what got me on this journey! I will commit to no drinking and may have to post on here for support!
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Well, AV not kicking in, but 2nd night in a row I've had vivid dreams about drinking. I don't really remember the dream well, but I woke up first at 5:30 AM and thought for some reason I was hungover and felt guilty about drinking. Took me a minute to realize it was just a dream, then went back to bed and woke up at 7:30. Great waking up on a Friday not hungover!!
I have a feeling this is being caused by the Benadryl I have to take at night because of my seasonal allergies. I usually HATE summers here in Manhattan cuz of how hot it is (and to some extent how that makes my hangovers worse, especially the scorching hot subway stations), but now just want allergy season over so I can get down to taking as little medication as possible. I suppose not shockingly, I haven't needed to take my Prilosec much in the last two weeks I haven't been drinking.
I have a feeling this is being caused by the Benadryl I have to take at night because of my seasonal allergies. I usually HATE summers here in Manhattan cuz of how hot it is (and to some extent how that makes my hangovers worse, especially the scorching hot subway stations), but now just want allergy season over so I can get down to taking as little medication as possible. I suppose not shockingly, I haven't needed to take my Prilosec much in the last two weeks I haven't been drinking.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
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Originally Posted by jazzfish
Quietly sliding in here. Good to be back. That is all.
Wishing you the same.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by gracette
... is that the one that talks a lot about what alcohol does to your brain biochemically? I was trying to remember the name of a book I heard about on SR, I think that might be it but not sure.
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