Class of April 2014 Part 12
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Thanks, freein. It's also fresh in my brain that you mentioned that the spiritual side of you has awakened on this journey. I think I'm seeking some revelations and if not anything major, at least some deep thoughts. I cruise through so much of my day immersed in play-doh, Dr. Seuss, and referee between two tiny tots, that sometimes I feel I've lost my academic edge. My thinking ability. Hubby and I sat down to watch Jeopardy recently, something we did together 'long ago' and I swear, it was scarily silent in our living room. Now, I'm not saying I yearn to remember the details of the Civil War right now, but I need to exercise my mind to some degree. And that can include or start with, quiet, self-reflection and awareness. At least remember who I AM. Instead of immediately reaching for the vino after the kids are in bed (or gulp, before, as it was), to KEEP my mind almost shut down.
Well, that was a lot of rambling. But I am generally so SURFACE, and "get-through" this day, that even stepping off into our office to "ramble" is at least a (sober) moment to myself.
I've also been doing a lot of internet surfing for motivational tid-bits. This is one I found on dear google this morning:
"Impatient? Try Levitation.
We react more strongly to frustrations than normal people.
Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that’s what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God’s point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by me–bug eyed and red of face–who had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God’s angle of vision can be very relaxing."
Well, that was a lot of rambling. But I am generally so SURFACE, and "get-through" this day, that even stepping off into our office to "ramble" is at least a (sober) moment to myself.
I've also been doing a lot of internet surfing for motivational tid-bits. This is one I found on dear google this morning:
"Impatient? Try Levitation.
We react more strongly to frustrations than normal people.
Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that’s what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God’s point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by me–bug eyed and red of face–who had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God’s angle of vision can be very relaxing."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by Applekat 
I'm sorry Sol. To be completely honest I doubt I would be able to stay sober initially in your situation, this early on. But you're back, and I think Dee offers some great insight into sober grieving. Hugs, Sol. ST - great pieces! That's so fun. I showed my kids the old school pac-man game and they totally didn't get it. LOL! Pan - I've been off the fitness bus for the past couple of days but I guess it's more important that I'm on the Fool's bus. We'll see what today brings. Maybe it will bring me to my treadmill. Chick - Summer colds are so bizarre. I used to use my couple of colds/year as an 'excuse' for hubby to pick up some whiskey - you know, good for the cough... 
Hope you're feeling better!
Chick - Summer colds are so bizarre. I used to use my couple of colds/year as an 'excuse' for hubby to pick up some whiskey - you know, good for the cough... Hope you're feeling better!Thank you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by izzy8
So cute ST, love it! Congrats chick on 10 days and luc on was that 20? Awesome! Rock- hang in there with us! I agree w ST- you being conscientious like this at your age is a great sign of your strength of character. Freein- that's SO GOOD! I'm going to employ those this weekend. Are you a counselor by profession? You always have such great ideas! ST- love your positive thoughts. Your words remind me of earlier when we were admiring a beautiful sunset out here. Mrs. Bee- so happy for you and your job- you sound fantastic! So do you DD Obo- great story! So scary that I totally would say something like that. Am I that much of a Pollyanna?! Pan- I wish I could be as motivated to run as you are! I have enjoyed that before... Maybe someday... Applekat- we have a craft to complete in the morning and hopefully get in the mail in time... You'll have to let us know how yours goes. Adna- everything ok? Sounds like a challenging situation to be sure... Top- I love your high energy role in obos tale- so you! Stormi, Kittenme, everyone else- thinking of you Ok so, I realized tonite very clearly what probably my biggest trigger is. It's a continual challenge I face that I have to learn to deal with more healthfully. It's something that frankly just wears me out and breaks my heart, continually. So, ST- you and you all who let us see your hearts in this journey have been such inspiration for me to face my stuff! Even when it's highly uncomfortable and I'm not sure how... One day at a time, right?! Gnite
and luc on was that 20? Awesome! Rock- hang in there with us! I agree w ST- you being conscientious like this at your age is a great sign of your strength of character. Freein- that's SO GOOD! I'm going to employ those this weekend. Are you a counselor by profession? You always have such great ideas! ST- love your positive thoughts. Your words remind me of earlier when we were admiring a beautiful sunset out here. Mrs. Bee- so happy for you and your job- you sound fantastic! So do you DD Obo- great story! So scary that I totally would say something like that. Am I that much of a Pollyanna?! Pan- I wish I could be as motivated to run as you are! I have enjoyed that before... Maybe someday... Applekat- we have a craft to complete in the morning and hopefully get in the mail in time... You'll have to let us know how yours goes. Adna- everything ok? Sounds like a challenging situation to be sure... Top- I love your high energy role in obos tale- so you! Stormi, Kittenme, everyone else- thinking of you Ok so, I realized tonite very clearly what probably my biggest trigger is. It's a continual challenge I face that I have to learn to deal with more healthfully. It's something that frankly just wears me out and breaks my heart, continually. So, ST- you and you all who let us see your hearts in this journey have been such inspiration for me to face my stuff! Even when it's highly uncomfortable and I'm not sure how... One day at a time, right?! Gnite <3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Another mellow day for me here, I really think I have been able to sort some stuff out and find a slightly more peaceful place in my head without a doubt. I don't know if I can really say it's one particular moment, I think it was a large combo of a bunch. Perspective changes, as well as some acceptance of stuff, and just more and more reading you know? I went from not reading at all to so so much every day but I'm not even complaining, it's a good thing.
At a farmers market in my area of the city, and gonna make a nice lunch before getting washed up for work, hang in there everyone <3
At a farmers market in my area of the city, and gonna make a nice lunch before getting washed up for work, hang in there everyone <3
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
The world does not become a happier place by itself, it takes effort from those who inhabit it to make all of the wonders come to life. Without the people in our lives to make our world happy, we would do nothing more than exist in a barren land. No matter how fed up we may get with people in general, the fact is that we need people and interaction to have a meaningful life.
Who we include in our lives and how we interact with them will often determine the outcome of our days, weeks, months, and years. If we get the same outcome and we are not happy with our lives, then we must change something which we are doing. Our lives do not, and will not, fix themselves.
We must be the person to take action in our lives, we must set the standards for which we will live, and we must decide the morals which we will stand by. We control very little in our lives, in the grande scheme of things, and we must learn to take control of that which we can.
Change the things in your life which do not make you happy, embrace those that do, and live first for yourself.....then for others. You will become the foundation for those who look to you as an example, just as we have all had someone in our lives which we have looked to for the same reason.
Who we include in our lives and how we interact with them will often determine the outcome of our days, weeks, months, and years. If we get the same outcome and we are not happy with our lives, then we must change something which we are doing. Our lives do not, and will not, fix themselves.
We must be the person to take action in our lives, we must set the standards for which we will live, and we must decide the morals which we will stand by. We control very little in our lives, in the grande scheme of things, and we must learn to take control of that which we can.
Change the things in your life which do not make you happy, embrace those that do, and live first for yourself.....then for others. You will become the foundation for those who look to you as an example, just as we have all had someone in our lives which we have looked to for the same reason.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by ScrewdUpInDe
The world does not become a happier place by itself, it takes effort from those who inhabit it to make all of the wonders come to life. Without the people in our lives to make our world happy, we would do nothing more than exist in a barren land. No matter how fed up we may get with people in general, the fact is that we need people and interaction to have a meaningful life. Who we include in our lives and how we interact with them will often determine the outcome of our days, weeks, months, and years. If we get the same outcome and we are not happy with our lives, then we must change something which we are doing. Our lives do not, and will not, fix themselves. We must be the person to take action in our lives, we must set the standards for which we will live, and we must decide the morals which we will stand by. We control very little in our lives, in the grande scheme of things, and we must learn to take control of that which we can. Change the things in your life which do not make you happy, embrace those that do, and live first for yourself.....then for others. You will become the foundation for those who look to you as an example, just as we have all had someone in our lives which we have looked to for the same reason.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Thanks UP, for those wise words. Hope all's OK with you.
ST, your talk of Pacman has brought back many happy memories, of playing it at the local leisure centre when I was but a girl. Those were the days! Thank you for the memory.
Kat, your post made me think about the challenges of "living in the present moment".
Have you read Eckhart Tolle "the power of now"? Or have you come across the practice of mindfulness?. I've found both to helpful when trying to live as authentically as possible when demands of others or of situations are high. Unfortunately I don't have children, but I would imagine being with them would be a great way to practice "being present" (plenty of challenges to stretch you!)
I think there's often a link between spirituality and addiction, there certainly has been for me.
I'm off to bed now, have a great rest of the day everyone, see you tomorrow.
ST, your talk of Pacman has brought back many happy memories, of playing it at the local leisure centre when I was but a girl. Those were the days! Thank you for the memory.
Kat, your post made me think about the challenges of "living in the present moment".
Have you read Eckhart Tolle "the power of now"? Or have you come across the practice of mindfulness?. I've found both to helpful when trying to live as authentically as possible when demands of others or of situations are high. Unfortunately I don't have children, but I would imagine being with them would be a great way to practice "being present" (plenty of challenges to stretch you!)
I think there's often a link between spirituality and addiction, there certainly has been for me.
I'm off to bed now, have a great rest of the day everyone, see you tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by freein14
Thanks UP, for those wise words. Hope all's OK with you. ST, your talk of Pacman has brought back many happy memories, of playing it at the local leisure centre when I was but a girl. Those were the days! Thank you for the memory. Kat, your post made me think about the challenges of "living in the present moment". Have you read Eckhart Tolle "the power of now"? Or have you come across the practice of mindfulness?. I've found both to helpful when trying to live as authentically as possible when demands of others or of situations are high. Unfortunately I don't have children, but I would imagine being with them would be a great way to practice "being present" (plenty of challenges to stretch you!) I think there's often a link between spirituality and addiction, there certainly has been for me. I'm off to bed now, have a great rest of the day everyone, see you tomorrow.
That's an awesome memory, I wish I was born a bit earlier, It would have been awesome to be in the arcades as they blew up. My first gaming memories were from Atari and the NES from Nintendo, the begining of the home console explosion. Super Mario is my best friend hahaha, I have Mario tattooed on my leg!
Glad my words bought a nice memory in
I'm gonna read "alchemist" tonight I think you were the one that said you read it right? I got lost in the posts...
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
6.52am in Hong Kong
Day 47.
Rockstonic: If your Dad id working in that field, I would ask him to refer you to someone. In my opinion sometimes it's not the best thing to come completely clean with your parents. They love you, but they never forget some of the things you tell them and in the end I hurt my Father with my 'truth' at the time, which wasn't what I really thought at all.
Sol: My grief for my Father was the most profound thing I've experienced. I was sober through the dying and the funeral and then for the next two years I got smashed almost everyday. It's such a personal journey. IT GETS BETTER WITH TIME......
Had a job interview yesterday for a new position teaching English in a HK local high school. Went well, meet the Principal on Friday. I think it suits me, basketball courts, swimming pool, gym. Fingers crossed.
Hope all the fools are well.
Love the Fools Rules, a great idea.
stay tuned..............
Day 47.
Rockstonic: If your Dad id working in that field, I would ask him to refer you to someone. In my opinion sometimes it's not the best thing to come completely clean with your parents. They love you, but they never forget some of the things you tell them and in the end I hurt my Father with my 'truth' at the time, which wasn't what I really thought at all.
Sol: My grief for my Father was the most profound thing I've experienced. I was sober through the dying and the funeral and then for the next two years I got smashed almost everyday. It's such a personal journey. IT GETS BETTER WITH TIME......
Had a job interview yesterday for a new position teaching English in a HK local high school. Went well, meet the Principal on Friday. I think it suits me, basketball courts, swimming pool, gym. Fingers crossed.
Hope all the fools are well.
Love the Fools Rules, a great idea.
stay tuned..............
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Up - I love it! My fav movie is wizard of oz. Thanks for that.
Obo - the referral idea is also great.
ST - i remember Atari, and I so miss my NES. We went to sega genesis after that and a bit of Super Nintendo. I grew out of video gaming when they turned into 3D type ones - my brothers always had the 64, etc etc. hubby brought an xbox to college. Oh all fun times. I take my kids to a museum of play and on the second level is the actual "museum" part - the nostalgia....my kids of course don't get it. Gaming consoles, Ataris, pacmans, donkey kong, old school barbies, old monopoly boards, light brights, potato heads, everything - I'm really blanking right now but it's so fun to look at.
Obo - the referral idea is also great.
ST - i remember Atari, and I so miss my NES. We went to sega genesis after that and a bit of Super Nintendo. I grew out of video gaming when they turned into 3D type ones - my brothers always had the 64, etc etc. hubby brought an xbox to college. Oh all fun times. I take my kids to a museum of play and on the second level is the actual "museum" part - the nostalgia....my kids of course don't get it. Gaming consoles, Ataris, pacmans, donkey kong, old school barbies, old monopoly boards, light brights, potato heads, everything - I'm really blanking right now but it's so fun to look at.
Blood Countess
Join Date: May 2014
Location: A castle
Posts: 340
Just checking in I guess. Had my appointment today. We were supposed to be filling out an assessment (or a couple of them) for addictions stuff, but it turned into most of it being just therapy session....which is very, very good. This guy is great. It felt like such a relief, or release....
My regular therapist is gone for almost a month. Even though within this time, it will be my 30 days sober coming up, and I have never gone longer than that... that's usually the time when the REAL cravings start up. So I'm worried about how I will do this time. So this might be the hardest month, and she will be away. Ok fine.
BUT, she said if I talked to a different counselour she would refuse to see me. I know she mostly means on a regular basis, which makes sense I guess. But, I suggested that while she was away, I talk to this guy (because it's part of the program to talk to the counselour atleast once anyway, to fill out paperwork).... but she said the same thing.
But f*** it. I know what I need... and this guy actually freakin understands me, and hears me, and it was GREAT. So, because we only got a tiny bit of the assessments filled out, he said we'd have a few more sessions. To fill out the paperwork. And talk. So. That covers the time my therapist will be gone. And that is GREAT. Super super great. Especially since this guy used to be an addict himself and is now trained in substance abuse and addiction recovery stuff. He understands. And the metaphors and ideas he uses really resonate with me. I really "get" stuff when he explains it. And he doesn't go over and over and over something in simple terms, over and over... and talks over me... But he explains something, and I get it. And uses "long" technical words, haha. And trusts that I understand, or that I will ask what it means and then remember it. And he trusts that I get it.
And the things I try to tell my other therapist sometimes get kinda blown off...or like...she doesn't really pay attention to some things I say...they're important to me, but then she'll just quickly move on to something else. But this guy, the two things I said, he doesn't think of them as tiny little insignificant things but he talked to me about them, and said they mattered. Which they do. This is great.
Anyway, sorry I guess I really needed to get that off my chest!!!
I was greatly worried about the next few weeks, and now... I feel a bit better about it. Because I have someone to talk to. My therapist seems to think my skills will be enough, but, this month, in my early recovery (and other issues going on too!) is NOT the time to be testing that out!!
So anyway. Um..... sorry I didn't respond to other people. Oh but ST I love the stuff you made! Was that pacman, and.... DDR or something??
Sol, I am so sorry for things and I wish you some kind of comfort through all of this. *hugs*
Rocks - I hope you can get the help you need. Coming here is a great start, but for most people, it's just not enough for complete recovery. But, it is a good start! It is great here!
Applekat - did you watch any more OITNB? It's funny, because I've gotten into this series more easily than the last one! Hmm. I'm already on episode 10. Only 3 more, I guess? Aaaahhhh!! Also, hope you are doing ok.
I hope everyone is doing ok!! And sorry I know I probably should have written that stuff in my blog or something.
My regular therapist is gone for almost a month. Even though within this time, it will be my 30 days sober coming up, and I have never gone longer than that... that's usually the time when the REAL cravings start up. So I'm worried about how I will do this time. So this might be the hardest month, and she will be away. Ok fine.
BUT, she said if I talked to a different counselour she would refuse to see me. I know she mostly means on a regular basis, which makes sense I guess. But, I suggested that while she was away, I talk to this guy (because it's part of the program to talk to the counselour atleast once anyway, to fill out paperwork).... but she said the same thing.
But f*** it. I know what I need... and this guy actually freakin understands me, and hears me, and it was GREAT. So, because we only got a tiny bit of the assessments filled out, he said we'd have a few more sessions. To fill out the paperwork. And talk. So. That covers the time my therapist will be gone. And that is GREAT. Super super great. Especially since this guy used to be an addict himself and is now trained in substance abuse and addiction recovery stuff. He understands. And the metaphors and ideas he uses really resonate with me. I really "get" stuff when he explains it. And he doesn't go over and over and over something in simple terms, over and over... and talks over me... But he explains something, and I get it. And uses "long" technical words, haha. And trusts that I understand, or that I will ask what it means and then remember it. And he trusts that I get it.
And the things I try to tell my other therapist sometimes get kinda blown off...or like...she doesn't really pay attention to some things I say...they're important to me, but then she'll just quickly move on to something else. But this guy, the two things I said, he doesn't think of them as tiny little insignificant things but he talked to me about them, and said they mattered. Which they do. This is great.
Anyway, sorry I guess I really needed to get that off my chest!!!
I was greatly worried about the next few weeks, and now... I feel a bit better about it. Because I have someone to talk to. My therapist seems to think my skills will be enough, but, this month, in my early recovery (and other issues going on too!) is NOT the time to be testing that out!!
So anyway. Um..... sorry I didn't respond to other people. Oh but ST I love the stuff you made! Was that pacman, and.... DDR or something??
Sol, I am so sorry for things and I wish you some kind of comfort through all of this. *hugs*
Rocks - I hope you can get the help you need. Coming here is a great start, but for most people, it's just not enough for complete recovery. But, it is a good start! It is great here!
Applekat - did you watch any more OITNB? It's funny, because I've gotten into this series more easily than the last one! Hmm. I'm already on episode 10. Only 3 more, I guess? Aaaahhhh!! Also, hope you are doing ok.
I hope everyone is doing ok!! And sorry I know I probably should have written that stuff in my blog or something.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
I'm on my way home from Texas, my 2 hour layover has turned into a six hour layover, but now I'm getting home from here on one flight instead of two, and I'm only getting in 2 hours later than scheduled, so it's not that big a deal. Given the option I would prefer to spend more time in the airport than in the air, and I was probably going to miss my third flight and get stuck overnight, so this is better. 2 little girls dressed as fairies are playing peek a boo with me. They're awfully cute...
My trip was mostly good, but it was challenging to feel like I couldn't really talk about the changes I've made recently, except for one night with my cousin. They feel like such a big deal, like my entire life has been changed by making a few different choices, and it's hard not to feel resentful about having to keep them to myself.
I'm not totally caught up here, but I've read the last few pages-
Soliloquy, please don't be too hard on yourself right now, every day is a new day, I'm glad you came back here, and hope it marks the beginning of a new day in your effort to be sober. I'm sorry your Mom is gone, but her love for you will always be with you.
Freein, I love the fools rules, but can we call them the fools bargain instead? I really like the sound of that.
Lucrezia, a good counselor would have referred you to someone to work with in her absence, the fact that yours required you to do without in her absence does not speak well for her. Your therapy is not supposed to be about her. You are better off with the guy you spoke with today. I'm glad it was so productive.
Izzy, thank you for your note. I appreciate it and tried to respond, but your PM box is full.
Up, thanks for the reminder to stay off my broom if I've had a few. I'm not likely to have any though, so I guess I'm free to fly at will now.
Obosob, I hope you get the new job, and thanks for part 4. I can't wait to see who I'm sleeping with...
ChickChick, I really hope you're feeling better soon.
Solitary, you sound so good right now, keep doing what you're doing, it's working for you. And thanks for posting your beaded pieces. Beads are my first true love, I've been collecting them since I was 5.
AppleKat, there were a couple of years when my daughter was little that I was genuinely afraid I'd lost all ability to form full sentences. Your intellect is still there, I promise. Thank you for your levitation quote. It's a wonderful approach.
Rocks, I'm sorry this process has been so challenging for you, but I'm glad you're here, I think it says a lot about what you want for yourself, and I hope you can find the tools and support you need to get there. We're all rooting for you.
As for the rest of you Fools, I'm thinking of you, too, and will get caught up on part 11 soon. Right now it seems that I have some little fairies competing with this screen for my attention, and I think it's their turn now.
My trip was mostly good, but it was challenging to feel like I couldn't really talk about the changes I've made recently, except for one night with my cousin. They feel like such a big deal, like my entire life has been changed by making a few different choices, and it's hard not to feel resentful about having to keep them to myself.
I'm not totally caught up here, but I've read the last few pages-
Soliloquy, please don't be too hard on yourself right now, every day is a new day, I'm glad you came back here, and hope it marks the beginning of a new day in your effort to be sober. I'm sorry your Mom is gone, but her love for you will always be with you.
Freein, I love the fools rules, but can we call them the fools bargain instead? I really like the sound of that.
Lucrezia, a good counselor would have referred you to someone to work with in her absence, the fact that yours required you to do without in her absence does not speak well for her. Your therapy is not supposed to be about her. You are better off with the guy you spoke with today. I'm glad it was so productive.
Izzy, thank you for your note. I appreciate it and tried to respond, but your PM box is full.
Up, thanks for the reminder to stay off my broom if I've had a few. I'm not likely to have any though, so I guess I'm free to fly at will now.
Obosob, I hope you get the new job, and thanks for part 4. I can't wait to see who I'm sleeping with...
ChickChick, I really hope you're feeling better soon.
Solitary, you sound so good right now, keep doing what you're doing, it's working for you. And thanks for posting your beaded pieces. Beads are my first true love, I've been collecting them since I was 5.
AppleKat, there were a couple of years when my daughter was little that I was genuinely afraid I'd lost all ability to form full sentences. Your intellect is still there, I promise. Thank you for your levitation quote. It's a wonderful approach.
Rocks, I'm sorry this process has been so challenging for you, but I'm glad you're here, I think it says a lot about what you want for yourself, and I hope you can find the tools and support you need to get there. We're all rooting for you.
As for the rest of you Fools, I'm thinking of you, too, and will get caught up on part 11 soon. Right now it seems that I have some little fairies competing with this screen for my attention, and I think it's their turn now.
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