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Class of April 2014 Part 10

Old 05-28-2014, 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted by 3777 View Post
"Ingrained in regular life" is right on. That's why I know I'm an alcoholic. Hearing peoples stories and being able to relate so well, seeing that It only gets worse, never better... It was like "a Christmas carol" when Scrooge gets a glimpse of the future and has a.chance to change. Very powerful group here!
its awesome that you can project your mind in the future like that, it's a skill that many just don't have in their mind. There is nothing there but sadness, I know for a fact!
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Old 05-28-2014, 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted by freein14 View Post
Just wanted to check in to say Hi before I get some sleep. ST, your meal looks very impressive. I'm glad to hear you're eating a bit better. That's got to be good for your body and mind. 3777, I definitely relate to your previous relationship with wine, that was me exactly. I'm finding the association's I had with wine are slowly being worn down, it feels really good. I didn't even look at the drinks isles at the supermarket today, just went straight to the fruit juice. Yea! I'm really tired for some reason, so I'm off to bed. Take care everyone, See you tomorrow.
thanks freen, def can't hurt the situation that's for sure, and it's different for me!
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Old 05-28-2014, 02:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Applekat View Post
ST - I wish that was my dinner! Looks amazing!
thanks it's was actually not brutally hard to make honestly, the most tedious part is getting all those veggis neatly stacked on a stick without falling off! I may have the wrong position at my job, I'm always on the phone dealing wth loony people, I should be behind the grill
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Old 05-28-2014, 03:00 PM
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ST-Maybe addiction want us to believe there is nothing but sadness in the future so we "need" the addiction. Maybe it's one of the many of the addictions survival skills to keep us hooked? Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. It just seems like these addictions are so sleuthing and crafty. They try and trick us into "needing" them, but it's all empty promises. I see happiness without wine, but not without a struggle. I think I have a lot of painful growing ahead of me. Codependency book is on my list.
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Old 05-28-2014, 03:18 PM
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Originally Posted by SolitaryThinker View Post
i hear ya, sugars do effect people in all sorts of ways too to different extremes as well. My sugar level actually drops if I don't eat or am running around like crazy, so a candy bar or something sweet is necessary or I'll collapse, but I'm also really thin so it would really be me commenting on something I kinda can't relate to...I was at 20 beers a day so ANYTHING seems better to me other then more drugs and booze...hang in there tho! It's a tough battle I def know that
ST- I'm hypoglycemic too(not the pre- diabetic type). Was diagnosed years ago. Yeah- everytime I try a "high protien" diet it's like I get slower and slower... Can't think straight. Can do wo refined sugar if I combine whole grains and carbs just right. Such a tricky balance...

Adna- thx for the image. I saw another quote from her today that I think you'd all like,

Phenomenal Woman
BY MAYA ANGELOU
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

..."
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Old 05-28-2014, 03:42 PM
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Freein - yes! I get so happy when I can walk by the wine and not have cravings. I literally said out loud "I'm free from that!" As I walked by the wine the other day. Felt so good! So empowering! Didn't even let my AV get a word in edgewise
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Old 05-28-2014, 04:41 PM
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Just don't become complacent 3777. That is what the AV is waiting for.
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Old 05-28-2014, 04:46 PM
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Ok I'm not even doing this to complain, but literally to get a better understanding. My day was fine, nothing really happened or went wrong, my girl came by and made a nice lunch, and now I'm full of immense sadness, and on the path of self hatrid again. It did start before work tho, but I don't hate my job THAT badly. I was fine this morning/afternoon, and back in that place. I'm trying to replace the negative thoughts and feelings with better ones but it's not working. I really really dislike who I am I guess. I really tried to start last night to just flip stuff in my head, and it worked for a few measly hours which I was sleeping for most of them. I didn't do anything wrong today or hurt anybody or make any bad choices or anything, yet I feel so down and angry with myself still and that immense hatrid towards myself. I am even smiling with my coworkers and having semi present conversations, but as soon as I'm alone, it's all there. I'm faking it cause I deal with the public. This makes staying sober hard cause nothing is actually taking place here.
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Old 05-28-2014, 04:48 PM
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I just wanna go home and crawl into bed
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Old 05-28-2014, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by 3777 View Post
Freein - yes! I get so happy when I can walk by the wine and not have cravings. I literally said out loud "I'm free from that!" As I walked by the wine the other day. Felt so good! So empowering! Didn't even let my AV get a word in edgewise
I love this !!! ^

No more white knuckling , ... complete freedom.

swe...eeeet.
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Old 05-28-2014, 04:50 PM
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I agree ! It loves to be sneaky and use tricks. This site keeps me committed to not drinking or by now I would have decided I don't really have a reason to be saying no to a glass of wine. AV has many tools. Some I haven't had to face yet, I'm sure!
There is a you tube video of a boy reading him poem "counting backwards from 21" and it's so sad. His dad went to AA and cleaned up when he was a toddler and stayed sober for 10 years. Super Bowl Sunday, the Dad's team was playing, he was at a party, and decided to have a beer. The kid was 13. His dad was suddenly a drinking alcoholic. His dad was dead from drinking by the time the kid turned 21. It's stories like that that shine a light on how tricky the AV can be. Even after 10 years!
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Old 05-28-2014, 04:51 PM
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I was talking with someone that is close to me that works in the medical field for a LONG time, and by the end she said "I really don't know if there is a medical way to get past this"
It's so discouraging...I know the books say differently but I'm almost 100% positive I'm just not wired to enjoy life anymore, I do what I need to do and that's that
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Old 05-28-2014, 04:54 PM
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ST - staying sober IS hard. But I think something IS taking place. Healing.
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Old 05-28-2014, 04:59 PM
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I'm almost 100% positive I'm just not wired to enjoy life anymore,
There's no way you could know that ST. You may feel it's so, but you can't know it.

Like I've said before it took several months for me to feel my perspective shift.

I think it's important to have a little faith, and hope

D
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Old 05-28-2014, 05:01 PM
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Yea I know, I'm not giving up or giving in, but still...just a big old inconvience for everyone lately...ungh I had such a nice morning too it's like wtf
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Old 05-28-2014, 05:03 PM
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Not giving up yes, faith and hope dosent exist in my universe
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Old 05-28-2014, 05:56 PM
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Solitary, I really think you would benefit from avoiding aspartame, aka nutrasweet. That stuff is poison, and has been shown repeatedly to have significant psychological effects on a small part of the population. Maybe try to avoid all diet drinks for a few days, like the red bull you mentioned drinking earlier today, and just see if it makes a difference in how stable you feel. You may not be one of the people effected by it that way, but I suspect you are.
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Old 05-28-2014, 05:58 PM
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Well, my interview went extremely well....I'm trying not to get my hopes up because I thought my last interview went well and then I didn't get the job. As a side note, I didn't mention this before but the only reason I know I didn't get it is because the position isn't listed as open anymore on their website. Yes, that's right....nobody ever had the decency to tell me, despite the fact that I requested feedback from my interview twice in the weeks that passed afterwards. The recruiter kept telling me he didn't know. And maybe he didn't get feedback from the hiring manager, but that's just bad business for me to have to find out on my own that the position was filled. No phone call, email, or even a rejection letter or anything!

Anyways end that rant. Today at my interview, I really felt confident. I know what I'm talking about when it comes to management in retail as I did it for six years. So I was able to chat with the hiring manager about payroll, training and coaching, business acumen, sales levers, annual volume, merchandising, etc. at the same time, it way very easy-going in the sense that there were no awkward pauses or moments where I felt at all nervous. There was a role-playing portion which I think went well, too. The interview lasted over an hour, since myself and the hiring manager found ourselves chatting away about retail about a million times. So man, I'm REALLY hoping this works out! I've been unemployed since December and actively applying and interviewing since March. I know people have gone longer without finding work, but my student loan payments start in July, and right now with only my husband's income, we are stretched very thin. Paying bills is a constant worry, and we have had to borrow from family members more than once because until recently, we were BOTH unemployed. Now we are both sober, hubs has a job, and now if I can get one, that will alleviate some serious stress.

I don't know how many of you watch Shameless (American version, not UK) but I always think of the character Fiona when she says, "I just want normal people problems" and goes on a rant about only having to worry about what a catty friend said, or looking fat in a dress, etc. I totally feel like that sometimes. I don't want for much in life at all...I don't need expensive clothes, lavish vacations, or a busy social agenda. I just want to pay my bills, eat every day, and be able to go to the doctor with decent insurance...and even those basics are a struggle.

Anyway, I was told I would hear about the job by or on Friday, so I will be praying and practicing positive thinking! Xoxoxo
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Old 05-28-2014, 05:58 PM
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Izzy, thanks for the poem. I got to see her do a reading when I was in high school, and it was an almost transformative experience. She was astonishingly beautiful and powerful.
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Old 05-28-2014, 06:04 PM
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MrsBee, it's entirely possible that the first position is closed because they've stopped taking applicants, not because it's been filled already.
I'm so glad today's interview went so well for you, and I really hope you get the job, but the first one could still be a possibility. Either way, my fingers are crossed.
I love shameless, by the way. It's one of my favorite things on TV.
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