Jenny - you ex's behavior baffles the mind; sorry that you have to deal with the fallout; it is inexcusable.

Stay strong, Jenny; we are here for you.

DiggingIn - Trust your intuition. If you sense that your former friend is trying to get a rise out of you by changing her parking location, then you're probably right. I hate for you to inconvenience yourself because she changed garages. Or worse, to become engaged in some kind of musical garages game. Follow your instincts on this one.

Jenny - You sound like a compassionate, ethical person. I am sorry about the misery your ex is stirring up. Over the years my family has wreaked all sorts of havoc and pain. The best thing I ever did was mentally detach myself from what they say and do. This pain is your ex's and his tenants'. While you are stuck being the bearer of bad news, try not to take on their burden. You don't have to take on the burden of all the lousy things he does. :)

Dear Febbies - I have fantastic news. I have a brand new grandson, born just yesterday. He is thousands of miles away but I will see him soon and will be able to spend an extended period of time with him, his amazing big sister, and Mom and Dad. Life is good, very good. Grandchildren are the best.

Love you guys.

Thanks SL and congratulations!! Love to you as well. Thank you for all your support!!

Glee thank you again. I guess my problem is I have dated 3 men in my life. My son's Father from 19-27, Ex husband from 27-39 and ex fiance from 39-41. In the past 11 months the ex fiancee gave me PTSD, my son's father stopped child support and called my son and I going off on us (because he recently had a new baby with some trick he met on Craig's List) and the ex husband ran up line of credit, tried to sell the house, foreclosed on the house, remortgaged the house, wouldn't let me have his SS# for QDRO- all against court decrees. I am exhausted. Mentally, spiritually physically. And you are right- I was always too nice, didn't listen to warning signs, didn't make people clean up their own messes and do it for them even after relationship older, never stuck up for myself. Co-dependency at its finest. I just think everyone will be mature, be accountable not hold grudges. hell I could be holding a lot of grudges and I am not. This is the first time I have stuck up for myself and made them all accountable for their actions. They aren't happy so this petty things they are doing is shooting them in the foot. My son will not talk to his father or stepfather so they are missing out on a great kid. My ex husband will have lawsuits up his butt and can be held in contempt of court and have to pay my legal fees. Life and people shouldn't be like this.

I do know now that I can't have any of these people in my life. No contact. It does make me sad but I have to protect myself. Reading co dependent no more and the AA Big Book I see my story a lot. Different names but the too trusting, put up with too much, feel guilt and shame if someone chides them, someone that doesn't fight back. The people in the stories survived and I guess I will as well. Maybe their was an outside force that realized I needed to get them out of my life and forced my hand so I can get on with my life without guilt.

The most classic thing was that in the mail today I got a letter from the Archdiocese that my annulment was granted. The annulment that postponed me moving in and marrying the ex fiancee that made him so mad that I saw his other side. The annulment that I felt guilty about because I left my exhusband and he tried to shame me because he didn't want me to leave, but he didn't want to treat me more than a pet not a human being. Funny how it works.

Went to a meeting tonight with a girl I met in IOP. NO DRINKING!!

DiggingIn - Urgh, that sounds INFURIATING. I can imagine exactly the type of person you're describing, they think they're so clever and sneaky when really they're just being utterly juvenile. In their minds they have some sort of machivelian plan but all they do is just make life frustrating and difficult. The best way to deal with that type of person is do your best to avoid and ignore them, if you starve them of attention they find someone else to get it from eventually. Stay strong and with a little grace she'll eventually disappear.

Jenny - That must weigh very heavily in your mind and in your heart. You're very strong to have suffered through those very difficult times and come through the other side stronger for it. It's terrible just how much these people can affect our lives and emotions, it's especially difficult when you're trying so hard to put the past behind you but he just keeps dragging you backwards into his chaos. What's that quote from Magnolia:

"We may be done with the past, but the past certainly isn't done with us"

Sooner or later though the past will leave you alone, if you keep taking steps forward eventually you'll be so far away from the past that it won't trouble you any more. Keep it up, your strength is an inspiration.

SoberLeigh - CONGRATULATIONS! That's wonderful news.

SoberLeigh - Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful grandchild!!

Jenny - It's a long and challenging path to cut through the thicket of other people's needs and demands, to find our what you need to thrive, when you're so used to putting other people ahead of you. I'm so glad you focused on what YOU needed to do to stay sober last night. That is a step in a healthy direction. Continue to act upon those truths, and you'll watch in amazement how your life becomes about what you love, not about what other people have done to you.

SL, congratulations! I know you will be loving that baby time. I know I would. It's healing to the spirit, isn't it? Another reason to be thankful for sobriety.

DI, she sounds like she just wants to torment you. Completely frustrating! Darn those security cameras! I'd want to take it out on her car. But I have to remember that's not taking the high road. ;)

So sorry, Jenny! That sounds like a difficult situation. I hope things get resolved soon.

Went to my IOP meeting tonight. Keeping the faith that justice will prevail and truth will come out.

Jenny, good for you! Making the right choices for you to become happier and healthier has to give you a sense of pride. Nobody can take that away - no matter what the outcome. Take care of you and your son. He's lucky he has a strong momma!

hey all,

SL congrats on the new grandson. Just found out Im gonna be an uncle again. Its always magic to see a new life in the family.

Jenny I read your story with amazement life is so unfair sometimes. You sound strong its a pity you had to deal with all that crap. Its just so unecessary.

Im alright made my 100 days. I have no craving to drink which is good. But my sobriety is not very strong either. Losing my relationship and friendships is an unwelcome aspect of getting sober. I know I could say they werent proper friends or relationships but they were its just that alcohol was heavily involved in them, they still had good points to them.

I pick my stbx? up in a couple of days to find out whats gonna happen. The not knowing is unpleasant, but Im not looking forward to seeing her again, its become awkward really. I just wish it was over I think. I feel Ive been treated unfairly, but Ive also been unfair in other ways. Sick people start sick relationships I guess.

Im gonna stay sober but it has become a decision rather than fighting cravings. I find I need faith and hope more now, faith that my life will be better in the long run once I get well and this losing of things process ends.

thanks for reading.
G

Gazza, mate, I applaud you. I have the upmost respect for absolutly everything you wrote there. You got this mate and we're all behind you. Hope and faith, that's key. No matter how bad things get just hold on to the knowledge that sooner or later the pain WILL subside, and something amazing will take it's place.

My heartiest congratulations SoberLeigh and Gazza :)

D

Gazza - congratulations on 100 days; that is a great accomplishment. Progressing from a point of fighting cravings to the point of consciously choosing/deciding upon sobriety may well be an even greater accomplishment.

Hope things turn out for the best with your maybe stbx; whatever happens, I know you will move forward in a positive way.

Gazza - Congratulations on 100 days! And on being a new uncle. I can relate to how you're feeling, and the friction of choosing to live differently Knowing that the changes are guided by peace and serenity keeps me on path in spite of my discomfort.

Man it's quiet in here!

Went to counselling and then to an AA meeting. Counselling was good got some good strategies for the airport pickup and helped me define what I want from a relationship that Im not just a passive participant in this.

The thing is I tend to be quite cowardly in a way: I dont mind a fight but Im passive until I snap. Not assertive just passive until snapping into agressive. Its one of things I would use alcohol to cope with. Im gonna do this calmly, assertively, but most importantly soberly.

Heard a saying at the meeting tonight
"the more action we take the more progress we make"
pretty sound.

I noticed on SR theres a section of peoples stories, how they got sober what it was like before. Theres a lot of them gonna try read one a day.

thanks for your support and encouragement.

I recommend it Gazza - and not just cos I'm in there lol :)

D

It is quiet! Gazza, congrats! We are close on days. I'll have 4 months on the 9th. It's easier for me to count that way now. For some reason, it sounds longer than counting days. Do they always count days in AA during the first year? I still haven't tried a meeting. I'm a little passive aggressive myself. My family has always said I don't show emotion much. I don't know why it's so hard for me.

I'm not sure how much progress I've made. I know I'm not drinking, but I'm not really working on myself. I just know I don't want to be 50, or 60 and wondering if I have enough wine in the house, wondering how much time my ticking time bomb of a liver has left. I may be like some people I know who seem fine into their 70's still drinking away. But do I want to find out?

For now, I'm just concentrating on my family and pursuing other interests and activities. I don't know if it will be enough but it is for now.

Take care, everyone!

It will be enough if it is enough.

Im not one of those AA is the only way people. I dont fully buy into it, I heard today a lady talk about how Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a waste of time and AA is the only way. She was only two weeks sober. Thats sick talk to me but the whole group nodded their agreement.

CBT is a proven approach with impressive stats as far as some problems go. Addiction relapse rates are poor for all forms of treatment. Its because of their attitudes that I will always float on the edge of AA and will leave sooner or later. I doubt it was always like that when AA was new the book itself recomends sticking with your doctor and psychiatrist and using AA as well.

For now I go for the company and to get out of the house.

I reckon both AA and CBT have saved many lives :)

D

We are early on this journey. As my sober days add up, it has become clear to me that recovery is not one size fits all. My recovery is physical, psychological, intellectual, spiritual, and emotional.

I go to AA for the sober companionship and a spiritual lift. I am working the steps independently. I contemplate then write in a journal about the daily reflection from the 24 hour book and the language of letting go. I post my psychic struggles and real life dilemmas here on SR. I give advice and support when I can. I exercise and eat healthfully. I take the time to be tender towards myself. I nudge myself outside of my comfort zone to try new things.

I am jumbled and raw, and I do those things because they help me sort out my feelings. I am no farther from a drink than anyone else is.

Have a good day/night, Febbies.